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Feb 24, 2013

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I feel a lot guilty, I committed a big mistake

I had a very difficuly childhood. I was born in a poor family and had two younger sisters. My father used to drink a lot and hardly brought any money to home. Mother used to work in others houses for livelihood. When I was 15 or 16, I decided to run away from home. Through some acquaintance, I arranged to make passport overstating my age and go overseas for work. I came to Gulf and worked very hard. Starting as a labourer, I learnt english & computers and grew to be Admin officer in a good construction company. During this entire time, I never thought about my family back home, I just lived for myself. Two years ago, I started visiting a bar. I was attracted to a waitress(Roshni) over there. Initially, I started chatting with her & taking her out. Later, I started having physical relationship with her. She never told me about her as it was physical relationship in exchange of money, just business. Until last month it was all fine, as I did not know who she was. Last month, due to our long association & being bit emotional, she told me everything about her. I came to know that she is my own sister. I didn't have the courage to tell her the truth. I feel a lot guilty that I have kept physical relation with her for so many months. I started avoiding her. She keeps calling me for physical relationship and talking to me emotionally to attract me. Truth is, even I am attracted to her due to so many months relationship. I am controlling myself as I know its wrong. But I always feel that I will go to her again. I know, I cannot tell her the truth, but neither can I run away from her so abruptly. I really don't know what to do. I want to help her & my family back home now. I feel I was so selfish. I don' know, I am totally confused.  (Feb 24, 2013 | post #1)