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Marriages destroyed by SSRI's/SNRIs

I do understand Btt, i also have noticed that i jump around from different thoughts and things. Its very hard to concentrate on anything steady. I will start on one thing and end with nothing of too much sense. Thank you for your knowledge and heart.  (Nov 9, 2012 | post #7447)

Marriages destroyed by SSRI's/SNRIs

Dear Btt, I wrote a answer to your one post that asked about my weaning off Effexor and i don't know if it posted or not. But what i said is that i have been on Effexor since 96 and i was on 225mgs per day and i was also on Morphine and other drugs at the time. The Morphine lasted about 3 to 4 years and then they put me on Methadone because of the tolerance i was building up. I had a druggist ask me who takes this and i told him that i did and he said in all honesty you take enough to put down a elephant. The Doc's put me on the meds because i was diagnosed with chronic pain due to a back injury. I have been trying to get off the Effexor because of my daughter she was on it when she was told she was pregnant and she called me because she knew the dose i was on and she was having the "brain zaps" and all kind of things. And she was scared for me after she found out what could happen. My side effects have been numerous from sweats to constipation and weight gain and cravings etc. So i decided to get off of it and to try and do it with time. I started reducing the doseage to 150mgs for about 3 to 5 months and didn't feel nothing and then i went to 75mgs and i have been on that for about the same, with sometimes missing a dose. I am now thinking about cutting them down in half and take it from there. I will continue to let people know on here because if i can help someone i will. I hate when some people get on here when they start talking alot of nothing about something they don't know about in the first place. Everybody is different and will act differently also. We are all individuals who sometime don't realize that we need help and don't know it when it is offered. I really understand when marriages fail. I have been there and went thru it and i know i don't know everything there is. When it comes to relationships some of us will do anything to get our partner back even if it means that we live thru hell sometimes. I was a codependent when i let my ex control my feelings. I rather her be happy then myself, i was going thru alot of guilt and knew that i had screwed up our marriage so i swallowed my pride and took it. She was on Prozac and our marriage was in dire need of professional help in the begining. But i realized my mistakes and forgave myself and moved on. And that is what some of the people on here need to do. Realize that they had problems in the begining and understand that they just wasn't meant to be and try and let it go. I know it is not as easy as it sounds but it takes time. Guilt is the worse thing in a marriage because it eats at a person until it blows it all out of shape. I commend you for your help and all that you have tried to show the way. God Bless  (Nov 9, 2012 | post #7443)

Marriages destroyed by SSRI's/SNRIs

I went thru the talk and i did the walk also. And i stayed and took the abuse and i also gave some earlier on in the relationship. (not physical) I went thru hell and did it for the wrong reason. Yes my ex was on Prozac and she wanted a better life with her drinking friends. She told our kids that she was tired of taking care of them. Now she wants to be happy. The kids at the time were 16,14 and 12. She also told them that they were old enough to take care of themselves. At the time we were separated and she was out at the bar and where ever and sometimes didn't come home until the next day. But our relationship had alot of problems before also. It wasn't all Prozac's fault. But now that i have remarried and now i am on a AD i have become more aware of how things go. Like i said, everybody is different and reacts differently when they are on meds. And people also don't see what is wrong or they just ignore it because it feels better not to think about it. And some put on a Front and try and deal with Break-ups and divorce's their own way. So not one person should be critizied for how they handle the hurt or pain. Some are doing it the only way they know how. And then others don't know how to use the tools that they have to work on the problem. As it has been said many times before "The drugs are not the problem all the time." Some of us are not that smart when it comes to real relationships. Some of us learn as we go and then some just don't ever know "True Love". There is too many that have relied on the use of AD to make things better because they were told that the drugs will help. The ones that finally relize that the drugs are the real problems find out too late and don't get the chance to change things when we can. And then some get a second chance and end up starting over and finding that there is better days ahead.  (Nov 3, 2012 | post #7338)

Marriages destroyed by SSRI's/SNRIs

As they say "To each their own" on opinions. Yes people here want to find comfort and such. Some of these people have gone thru hell and want to find out how to deal with the hurt. And yet some others just like to critize others on the way they handle things. To me it don't matter if you spell corectly or what other mistakes there is when a person is telling their story. It just helps sometimes to voice themselves how ever they can. We are not on here to judge or point fingers at anybody. We are here to lend a shoulder if needed or just to give a past experience that might help. Too many people don't have respect for others anymore. It's always easy to be someone who likes to blame others for what they do, but when it comes to them then they don't like to be told or even listen to reason. Everybody deals with things different and should not be made to feel like a fool on how they do it. And sometimes people don't open up to friends or to professional counselors they just feel more at ease being just a made up name. So try and take into consideration that everybody isn't as smart as others and then some are also a " Legend in their own mind".  (Nov 2, 2012 | post #7318)

Marriages destroyed by SSRI's/SNRIs

So confused. It's is just like terri was saying about the process. It's like someone died and you have to go thru the different stages and it does take time. Memories are the hardest thing to overcome, but it is another one of lifes experiences. I went thru the codepend. thing. I let my ex control all my feelings just so it was peaceful. I did everything to make her happy but forgot that i also am a person and once i got my self back in order then things changed. I was also trying to keep my kids from going thru what i went thru when my parents divorced. It don't work out for nobody that way. You have to take care of yourself is the first thing and then and only then you can start to feel that there is a brighter future ahead. I hope that you realize that you are worth alot more than you give yourself credit for. You also have to like yourself before anyone else can. I have told my one daughter that "sick attracts sick" when i say that it's just when people are not happy with their life then others that think that things are never going to get better and your unattractive and you start sending out the vibes to others that are also going thru unhealthy living. I was taught that we have the tools to get healthy but some of us just don't know how to use them without help. It will get better and once you understand that time does heal then you will start trying to be a better person so you can be happy and feel alive again. God Bless and i hope only the best for you. There is also alot of self help books out there on Co-dependecy.  (Oct 4, 2012 | post #6647)

Memory Concentration problems due to SSRI use

I have also gone thru pych. tests and others for a lawsuit with Workers Comp and the Docs have found out that my chronic pain or what ever is causing me to have alot of concentration problems. I would read stuff and they would ask me questions 5 minutes later and i couldn't remember what i had read previously was about. Math problems also i could not do because of the lack of concent.. My sleep is horrible and i get the hellious sweats and all. I used to see things out the corner of my eye but that has tamed down. Things come and go as you know also BTT. I also want to thank you for your help and also letting others know your pain and what have you. I do know it is tough to bring up the past at times. But others learn from it and also it shows that you have progressed and overcomed certain things that was bringing you down. Thanks again  (Sep 29, 2012 | post #6)

Marriages destroyed by SSRI's/SNRIs

The only thing is what does a person do when they are diagnosed as a "manic depressant" or other mental health problems. Marriages cannot survive on Love alone. There is some people that need something to help them also while others are suffering thru loss of marriages and loved ones due to AD. Like i said before i have been on both sides of the "fence" so to say. My ex was on Prozac and now i am on Effexor. I have been trying to wean myself off and i was on 225mg and now i am down to 75mg. So far nothing seems to be going on that i can see. But i am also on Methadone for chronic pain. And also my present wife is on zoloft and she loves me dearly and i have been on mine since around 96 and in my previous post i wrote that i feel dead inside and also impotent and my wife craves for affection and i do try and comfprt her and we communicate and we do have our other problems but so far no talk of divorce or such. We have been married for going on 19 years. But one thing that is fantastic is these forum for people that need to try and help and understand the what goes on.  (Sep 29, 2012 | post #6573)

Marriages destroyed by SSRI's/SNRIs

Nancy, You need to take care of yourself and stay strong and healthy for you. Your husband is at the point that he is going to live his life the way he wants and there is nothing you can do. You are wasting away too much of your energy and you are wearing yourself down. All you are going to do is end up sick or worse in the hospital. And all they are going to do is put you on Anti-depress. and then you are going to be really messed up. I went thru the co-depend. thing and i ended up in the hospital so i could get myself together. That was the best thing that i could have done for myself. This was probably 20 years ago and Co-depend. was not much of a issue. When i went in the Hosp. tried to have me work the AAA steps into codep. and i finally had to really cause a problem for them to realize what it is all about. I told them to send a Alcholic to a Coda meeting and tell him to get better. Because when i went to AA meetings sick livers and everything wasn't helping me a bit. But, i did alot of reading and talking and getting stronger and when i came out i filed for divorce and my ex couldn't believe that i did. I had to do something for myself and that was the first time i did. I was always trying to make my ex happy that way we would not fight in front of the kids. So that may be what you need to do is get strong for yourself and get mentally healthy. God Bless  (Sep 20, 2012 | post #6461)

Marriages destroyed by SSRI's/SNRIs

So confused, From what i have gone thru and read, the ones on the AD don't realize what is happening to them. Even when they read it for them it's hard to take in that they are actually changing into a complete different person. All alot of them feel is that they are tired of living in a slump and now with this new found feeling all they want is to live happy regardless of who they are hurting. They only feel that there is only happiness ahead and that they are going to reach that goal. My ex said that "I want to be happy" and we had around 18 years together with 3 kids. She told them that they are old enough to take care of themselves and that she was going to be happy. This was after she was release from the hospital for "manic depression" It's very hard to turn away from a relationship once you have been in it for many years. But like we all know that not all marriages were great before the drugs. Mine had alot of problems and the AD topped it off. But your wife may feel that you are holding her back and she sees "greener grass" ahead and nothing else. I had enough and i put myself in the hospital for major depression. I needed to get away and get my self back together. When i got out i filed for divorce and my ex was surprised, she thought i would never do that to her. I told her that i had enough and we just had a bad marriage. Except for the three kids that we had. My kids all came with me to live so their mother could go on her "Happy" way. I am just saying that sometimes we need a break from things so we can recoup and think things out to see what is the best thing to do. Your wife might or might not see what is going on but that is for her to decide. You cannot control her or her feelings and she is the only one that can. You need to help yourself and stay healthy and strong. God Bless and you are in my prayers.  (Sep 20, 2012 | post #6460)

Marriages destroyed by SSRI's/SNRIs

That is the thing with A.D. they will give you no choice on how things are going to go. They go whatever way they want. See my marriage is like a roller coaster anyway. When i was married before the ex was on Prozac and she was Manic depressant and that was fun. She did the same as alot of others on here, she wanted to live her life to the fullest. She told me that "She would like everything to stay the same" (we had 3 kids) except without me in the picture. She told the kids that she was tired of taking care of them and that she was going to be happy. The kids were 16,14 and 11 at the time. Well when we divorced the kids came with me and everything was going good for awhile. I met a woman and got remarried and worked at a Steel Mill and then i injured my back and the Doctors said that i had chronic pain so they put me on Effexor ER and that screwed my life up and now i am the one on the drugs. Then present wife ends up being put on Zoloft and now both of us on A.D.s. I noticed me with my feelings of NIL inside and other things didn't help either. So with her i have not noticed really any thing different with her. I told her how things were going with me and it was hard for her to understand for a while but then she started to realize what i was saying. I just didn't have any real feelings that i could say. I was on Morphine and now i am on Methadone and effexor and i have been trying to wean myself off the Eff. but it's a long drawed out thing so far. I was on the 225mg per day and i cut back to 175mg a day. So i don't know what to tell anybody about two spouses on AD, she seems like she loves me to death. She is always telling me that she loves me more each day. I have more or less overlooked her on the zoloft because of not noticing any difference. Yes we have our "ups & downs" as alot of others, but i wonder how it would be just me on the Eff. This site has helped me alot with others telling their stories and side effects so Thank all of you for sharing your feelings and thoughts. God Bless  (Sep 19, 2012 | post #6419)

Marriages destroyed by SSRI's/SNRIs

Dear Anon., She probably had the sex with you because she feels guilty and she knows that you are "SAFE" from any STD. Don't take it to mean anything. You really need to start working on yourself. It can be a rough road but with help from friends and family you will pull thru. Don't isolate yourself and it hurts but you will become strong and overcome. I do hope for only the best for you and please stay with the people on this forum and may God Bless.  (Sep 9, 2012 | post #6288)

Marriages destroyed by SSRI's/SNRIs

I hate to say but i would guess that 97% don't go back to being the way it was. There is too much said and done and some of the people involved has too much pain or guilt to let it go. There is some that has come to terms and sought help and counsling and got to try it again at a relationship. My own relationship had problems before she got into the AD thing. I worked at three jobs to make ends meet and one of them was bartending and that was rough being that i worked late nites and also i was very imature and i didn't take the responsibility of parenthood seriously. In the meantime she was diagnosed as a "manic depressant" and they put her on Prozac. Well that ended up in divorce and i felt so guilty and then i grew up and realized that i didn't want to put my kids thru what i went thru when i was young so i went thru a major change and got my act together. Well she saw that i was a different person and that i accepted the responsibility of our kids. So we got remarried and that didn't last long. She went into the hospital for nerves and when she came out she wanted to be happy and here they "up" her Prozac while she was in the hospital. So she wanted to go out more and started drinking and taking the meds, that didn't make it any better. And then when i was on "night turn" she would wait until i went to work and she would go out to the bar and drink. Then i realized that it wasn't doing the kids any good with all the fighting and whatever else was going on. That's when i filed for divorce and thru the divorce the kids came with me to live. So sometimes things work out and sometimes they don't. It also might depend if there was a strong relationship in the first place.  (Sep 2, 2012 | post #6273)

Marriages destroyed by SSRI's/SNRIs

Dear Fearful, there is always hope if there is anything at all. For some of us that is all that is left. Emptiness is the feeling that most of us deal with also. At least it's a feeling, may not be much but at least it's there. Some of us have tougher times then others but you got to keep on trying to reach out on places like this or friends. Friends sometimes don't understand because we won't let them in. We close ourselves off to others when we shouldn't. I know that all friends are not going to do any good at all but a true friend will do their best to help even if they don't understand. I do know what it is like with kids in the picture. I have three and the woman i married has two and i can't get close to them and i have tried. I put on a show like i care but its also part of them. Their Dad is a real a@#hole and he used to have them when they were little all summer and then they would come back to live with us for the school year. They were hell to put up with when they did come back. He took them in the summer and let the babysitter enjoy them. She would take them everywhere and he worked. My own kids are a different story i know i love them with all my heart but the feeling is emptiness also . I would protect them from anything but its hard to feel anything. Sometimes i have more feeling for my one dog. Its unconditional love from him and he don't expect anything back from me. I am on AD and been fighting it for around 17 years. I wrote about more of my life earlier and i know some people has had it alot worse and that bothers me because i know how hard it is to go thru also. Especially when kids are involved. I don't want to take up all the space but please for your family go on and stay with the withdrawal, i am also trying to wean myself off. I have been going slow and i don't want to screw it up and go back on the full amount. I am on Effexor 225 and i cut it down to 75mg off and on. But stay with your feeling of hope or whatever. If its for your family and you had a good marriage and a loving husband then its worth it. God Bless  (Aug 30, 2012 | post #6249)

Marriages destroyed by SSRI's/SNRIs

I had to split this up,- I still don't have feelings or should i say that i have very little and it hurts me to put her thru what she has gone thru for me, yes we argue some and other things but we comunicate and i hold her and hold her hand and try and put on a good face for her. I know this isn't the kind of relationship that is healthy but it works for us and i do love her but it's hard to show at times. The thing is i went thru a relationship where i had the spouse on AD and now i am the one on the AD and except i realize what it does to you and i am trying to wean my self off to be a better husband and a person for me. I don't like what the Effexor has done to me and my relationship so i know the damage it does. We were really happy for the time before i got injured and we were living together, but now i feel like a empty shell of a man and not really totally a man. But i will keep on trying and push on. I have other issues that affects everything now, i have gained a 100lbs and i have chronic pain and since my weight gain my both knees are shot and i have had injections in them. Then the thing that does help me is i get these treatments on my back so i can function somewhat more then i could before so that is a plus for me. So i do feel for alot of these other couples and i feel blessed and i need to thank God more then i do. Because if not for him to give me the strenght to keep going i don't know where i would be. God Bless  (Aug 29, 2012 | post #6247)

Marriages destroyed by SSRI's/SNRIs

The thing with my relationship it' really different than alot of these. I had the same thing happen as i have explained before with the ex-wife on Prozac and wanting to be happy and we had three children. Well with my ex she went her way and i went mine and all the kids came with me. So i had met this woman while i was separated and her and i saw each other while my lawyer drug his feet with my divorce. Well after my divorce finally was done after 2years this woman and i moved in together and 6 months. Well we got married and we went on a short honeymoon and i went back to work three days later and ruptered a disc in my back. I was a heavy equip. mech. and about 6 months after that i had to have surgery on my lower back. Things went good for about 3 months and then i started to get alot of pain coming back. The Doc. said that i also had bulged disc above the one they removed. Then i started to get arthritus in my disc and a impingment on my nerves. So they put me on Morphine and steroids and Effexor ER 225 and other stuff. Well things started to go downhill with the meds i was on. I was having side effects and all. The Doc's was going to have me go with Morphine pump, but the trial runs they ruled that the pump would not work for me. And i was building up a tolerance to the Morphine so they switched me to Methadone. And i was on high doseage of all the meds i was on. Then i started to feel completely dead inside and my feeling were nil for my marriage and i tried to tell my wife and explain it to her but when you are not on the meds then it's hard for a person to understand. Meanwhile i also was diagnosed with Erectile Dys. and that didn't help at all either. So now my wife feels that it's her, looks and whatever. I kept telling her that it was not her and she still couldn't understand what i meant. Then i told her about some others with the side effects from here and other things that i had read about and she started to understand somewhat. The Doc's wanted me to have surgery for my ED and i told my wife that it still didn't matter that i still was dead and it was hard for me to show feelings and all. We have been together now going on 18 years and when it happened was back in 96 so i am lucky to have such a wonderful wife and she loves me with all her heart and she says that we will work thru it and i try and keep up with some things on the relationship.  (Aug 29, 2012 | post #6246)