Relief is daughter's response to demanding mother's death
That was my gut-reaction, too. I suspect that she's got a tendency to try to 'plan' other people's events, even when not asked to. That IS a problem. And given the way she wrote the letter, I think someone told her that, and she decided to get Abby to declare that no, she doesn't have a problem, after all. (Monday Jun 23 | post #36)
Student having trouble steering clear of drugs, booze on campus
P Says you--I wore a kilt, and the groomsmen wore sashes made from the tartan fabric. And I wore a cravat instead of a tieActually, you're close there. I suggest that people who dislike a particular tradition are perfectly free to ignore and or modify that tradition at their own weddings, to their heart's content, up to and including having everyone say their parts through hand-puppets. At anyone else's wedding, they are perfectly free to shut the %$@# about it and tell the bride how beautiful she looks. (Jun 12, 2008 | post #58)
Miss Manners: Listen to veterans
I'm an anti-Iraq, bleeding-heart liberal. But if I hear someone insulting or disrespecting the service of the troops, they and I are going to have a little chat in a dark alleyway about the honor my father (Army; WWII, German Theater), my brother (Marine Corps; Iraq I) and my niece (Army; Afghanistan & Iraq II) all brought to the family name. Don't give 'em grief; give 'em respect and honor. And as MM says, let them speak if they want to, and don't pester them otherwise. (Jun 10, 2008 | post #25)
Teen's visit to grandparents comes under their protest
Ugh. This (and some of the similar sentiments) is some of the worst advice I've seen from other readers. Telling the kids to "suck it up" is just going to teach them to equate visiting their grandparents with a "job". Challenging them to turn it into a positive experience is good; telling them to get used to it... not so much. (Jun 5, 2008 | post #36)
Teen's visit to grandparents comes under their protest
This is one of those times when I wish the letter had been written by one of the other parties--in this case, the parents of the two girls. If the teens are really being brought along like showpieces, then ignored for the duration of the trip, then of course they're bored. What's needed is a bit of proactive management by the parents. 1: There's a few hundred parlor and board games out there, from Scrabble to Monopoly to Pictionary. Find one the girls like, and bring that along. Shared experiences breed better feelings and more empathy. You've even got two possible set-ups for teams, here--either two teams, with one from each generation (good for Trivial Pursuit) or three teams, Gkids vs. Parents vs. Gparents (works well for games like Pictionary). 2: Card games are another option. Some of my favorite memories from childhood are of my late grandmother whuppin' the tar out of a table of her children and children's children at Hearts. She'd sit there, meek and mild and smiling, and when the game was over, we'd all find out she'd managed to get a negative score in the course of a 150-pt game! 3: If the G-parents are in poor health, they may not have the energy for much outdoor activity, unfortunately. However, some options might include renting a pontoon boat on a nearby lake, or otherwise having the parents and g-parents relax and watch the teens burn off some of that energy. 4: If the g-parents aren't up for even that much activity (ie, they're basically housebound), then rent some of the old classic movies and watch them together, as a family. I recommend some of the comedies, including It Happened One Night, Some Like It Hot and The Trouble With Harry. Favorites of the g-parents from when they were growing up would be especially good choices--it can serve as a kick-off for them to reminisce. (Jun 5, 2008 | post #35)
Plenty of 'For Sale' signs but actual sales lagging
mom, you're both a civil and reasonable poster. Truth, sadly, is neither. I certainly agree that, if you're planning on buying for the long term, and the house you really want is on the market right now, buying might very well make sense. If, OTOH, there's a bunch of acceptable houses in your area, but no stand-outs, and the market isn't currently starting to tick upward, then there's no sense in being hasty. (Jun 4, 2008 | post #131)
Daughter gains both weight and guilt after mother's death -- Re...
Rational: Thanks for the kind words from this Obama supporter who DOES recognize the value of civility in politics, especially among casual acquaintances and friends. And I'm still holding out for Richardson for VP. He could give the ticket both experience AND ideological balance--and would have the not-inconsiderable bonus effect of shoring up support in Hispanic quarters for those disappointed at Hillary's loss. (Jun 4, 2008 | post #92)
Plenty of 'For Sale' signs but actual sales lagging
As I noted, it was the simplest because it focused on the largest issues. Other factors (interest paid on a bank loan, investment of money not spent on buying a home, tax breaks and so on) can get fairly complex, but just shouting "TAX BREAKS" over and over again doesn't mean that you're going to get enough to overcome the loss on the house priceThen, obviously, the best time to buy is near the nadir of the market--if prices drop 10%, then climb 10%, the best time to buy a house is when the market is near the bottom. You then have a lower mortgage to pay off than you would otherwise, and a better situation. If we were to map Jan 2008-Dec 2009, and there was a straight 10% down, 10% up, then the best time to buy would be Dec 2008 or Jan 2009. And likely, anytime between Oct 08 and Feb 09 would be a decent point to buyThis works WHEN THE HOME IS APPRECIATING value. If it is depreciating--beca use the market is shrinking--then you're losing money on that $300K loan (Jun 4, 2008 | post #110)
Ex-coach gets life for sexually abusing students -- Elementary ...
x-wizard: Did the studies distinguish between incestual and non-incestual pederasts? I ask, because the former have considerably lower recidivism rates than the latter, from my own research. Incestuous pedophilia (which is more common) is typically tied to family dysfunction, and can be treated (and in any case, the molestor has no opportunity to re-offend once exposed, even if he's released); non-incestuous pedophilia is, as others have noted, more akin to a sexual preference, and thus virtually impossible to treat. (Jun 4, 2008 | post #49)
Plenty of 'For Sale' signs but actual sales lagging
I also left out the possibility of investing the money that I had left over after renting. Even at a mere 3.5%, a CD would return another $10K. And that rent likely includes some utilities, and would already factor in property taxes and maintenance costs. At worst, I'm probably breaking even on the "other factors". This is not to dispute, for instance, mom's comments about long-term home-ownership. Ultimately, yes, owning your house is the way to go. But right this second is, in much of the country, a lousy time to buy if you don't need to. (Jun 4, 2008 | post #99)
Plenty of 'For Sale' signs but actual sales lagging
Sorry, my error. I changed the base numbers a bit. $2.5K a month (which would get you a HUGE apartment/condo) will run $30K exactly. So that's break-even between buy and rent for a year. If you rent for less for a year, you end up in a better situation; same is true if the market dips more than 10% in a year. Apologies for any confusion. (Jun 3, 2008 | post #74)
Plenty of 'For Sale' signs but actual sales lagging
Okay, let's start with a hugely simplified situation. In January, you have $300,000 and two options: You can buy a home for that exact price, or you can rent a comparable space for, say, $2.5K a month. Now, let's say that the predictions of further slides are accurate, and go with a fairly straightforward 10% reduction. If I bought in January, at the end of the year, I have a house now valued at $270,000. If I rented, I have spend $24,000 of my original $300K, leaving me with $286,000. I could now buy that same home, and still have $16,000 leftover. Now, that's in the IDEAL buying situation, wherein I don't take a loan (and thus end up giving money to the bank). Interest is, in essence, renting from the bank--it MAY, under the right circumstances, be a better deal, but that doesn't seem to apply in a lot of the current housing markets right now. (Jun 3, 2008 | post #73)
Daughter gains both weight and guilt after mother's death -- Re...
Oddly, I've discovered that it's the summers I have trouble with, here. During the winter, I'm just invigorated, and I usually move about more--and faster--in order to stay warm. And walking through six inches of snow will burn more calories, I think, than the same distance on a clear day. During the humidity-laden summers, though? I hide in the one room in our apartment that has A/C, and pray for October and the coming of cool rains. Of course, I'm a native, and so the winters are just part of my upbringing (and my family roots go all the way back to Scotland, Germany and Norway). I can see how the situation would be different for a transplant from a more consistently warm clime. The Chicago diet, even beyond portion size, doesn't help, of course--my Cali-girl wife, when she first came out here, was astounded by the very notion of a pizza puff, not to mention gyros, polish sausage and bratwurst, etc. We're not quite as bad as the Deep South (Slogan: "We deep fry our bread."), but I think we rank second in terms of bad habitsHrm. I'm not sure I would feel comfortable at a gym with 'no fat people'. Really, that's what we need more of: "Beginner gyms", for folks who need to get out of those years of bad habits.... (Jun 3, 2008 | post #51)
Follow instinct on asking for cash gifts -- Family, Paul McCart...
Heh. Since you obviously disagree with me, I'm going to spell out my reasoning. People who actively ask what you want for a gift truly desire to ensure that their gift will be useful. Most traditional wedding gifts are of use only to a relatively new household. OTOH, I don't regard asking for cash to be any ruder than registering at a store or any other specification. On the scale of things, I consider a discrete word to the moms about a preference for cash to be vastly less rude than including a registry info-card in the invitations. (Jun 3, 2008 | post #24)
Follow instinct on asking for cash gifts -- Family, Paul McCart...
Yeah, Amy's answer to LW1 was... bizarre. "Flouting convention by cohabitating? " I'm sorry, but that's almost conventional these days, anyway. ANY specificity in gifts should be handled through a third party. The bride and groom should make their wishes (including a preference for cash, or the existence of a registry, or whatever) known to a couple of intimates--traditi onally the mothers of the betrothed parties, though best man/maid of honor can also be in the loop. These people should then be instructed to give this information out ONLY if asked directly--it should not be volunteered gratuitously. The happy couple should then accept any and all gifts (including the odd frog-lamp with a clock in its belly from wierd Aunt Agnes) with good grace and thank-you notes. Items which prove to be redundant with stuff already owned can either be used as an early replacement, or passed along directly to a deserving charity. (The frog-lamp should be placed into a closet until Aunt Agnes' first visit, where it should be brought out and placed in the guest bedroom. After that, or after one year in any case, it can be safely donated to Goodwill or included in your next garage sale, provided Aunt Agnes isn't going to come by either.) (Jun 3, 2008 | post #22)
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