First Hand Knowledge

Rat, Boy, I've noticed there sure are alot of contentious people from Newtown,CT! What's the deal with that?! I also noticed that we most likely know each other, based on some of your other accusations which I find a little disconcerting. So, although I think you probably already have an idea of the answers, I will reiterate for you as well as for the sake of others who may not know. In response to some of your questions... in the 1990 I got married, moved to another state and took a new job. In 1992 I had a baby. In 1994 I moved again and had a 2nd baby. From 1995 to 1996 I had an uncle that was dying of cancer, sold another house and moved once again! The early 90's were quite busy for me as you can see. It wasn't until 1996 and 1997 that I began contacting some old friends from the gym...It was then that I became aware that Steven was continuing to have sexual relationships with his gymnasts (It seemed to be public knowledge within our little gym community). It was then that I started thinking about how unethical it all was and how much emotional control he had had in my life as well as everyone else's on my team. I worried about other girls he might be coaching and decided that it at least needed to be addressed. There were 3 of us that explored different options and the only one that seemed to fit (The police told us there was nothing they could do... because of the laws, criminal charges could not be filed) was to file a complaint with USAG. We did that in the spring of 1997...10 years ago. USAG's protocol for this situation was to investigate in order to determine if the complaints filed about the accused coach were true. At the conclusion of this investigation in January of 1998, USAG found that our accounts were credible and terminated his membership from USAG. Shortly after this, a Newstimes reporter got a hold of us because he felt this was pretty big news that others in the community needed to be made aware of. We agreed! The article ran on the front page of the sports section on Sunday, July 26,1998. It was all there for anyone who needed or wanted to know!! (Hopefully, the Newstimes will put it into their archives soon, since it contains alot of information for the public.) As seems to be the case this time around as well, many questioned why would we do this now. Based on the article, many even continued to support Steven Infante just as parents seem to be doing with Stephen Ditulio. (Dec 5, 2007 | post #121)

As stated in that article, our purpose in coming forward at that time had nothing to do with us, but was driven by concern for current and future gymnasts under the authority of Steven Infante. And although I wish I had seen the truth of the situation earlier (or avoided it totally!), it simply had not presented itself fully yet. Now, however, it seems the time is ripe... and may we all be a little wiser. We need to continue to look at what broke down over the last ten years. There are many areas that could use some improvement so that things like this do not slip through the "system" so easily...the parental, criminal justice, and sports governing systems should all learn from this. As unfortunate as it is, sometimes it takes things like this to execute change! PS ... I may get kicked off this site and told to start my own blog paige since I just can't seem to write a short answer! (Dec 5, 2007 | post #120)

Rat, Boy, I've noticed there sure are alot of contentious people from Newtown,CT! What's the deal with that?! I also noticed that we most likely know each other, based on some of your other accusations which I find a little disconcerting. So, although I think you probably already have an idea of the answers I will reiterate for you as well as for the sake of others who may not know. In response to some of your questions... in the 1990 I got married, moved to another state and took a new job. In 1992 I had a baby. In 1994 I moved again and had a 2nd baby. From 1995 to 1996 I had an uncle that was dying of cancer, sold another house and moved once again! The early 90's were quite busy for me as you can see. It wasn't until 1996 and 1997 that I began contacting some old friends from the gym...It was then that I became aware that Steven was continuing to have sexual relationships with his gymnasts (It seemed to be public knowledge within our little gym community). It was then that I started thinking about how unethical it all was and how much emotional control he had had in my life as well as everyone else's on my team. I worried about other girls he might be coaching and decided that it at least needed to be addressed. There were 3 of us that explored different options and the only one that seemed to fit (The police told us there was nothing they could do... because of the laws, criminal charges could not be filed) was to file a complaint with USAG. We did that in the spring of 1997...10 years ago. USAG's protocol for this situation was to investigate in order to determine if the complaints filed about the accused coach were true. At the conclusion of this investigation in January of 1998, USAG found that our accounts were credible and terminated his membership from USAG. Shortly after this, a Newstimes reporter got a hold of us because he felt this was pretty big news that others in the community needed to be made aware of. We agreed! The article ran on the front page of the sports section on Sunday, July 26,1998. It was all there for anyone who needed or wanted to know!! (Hopefully, the Newstimes will put it into their archives soon, since it contains alot of information for the public.) As seems to be the case this time around as well, many questioned why would we do this now. Based on the article, many even continued to support Steven Infante just as parents seem to be doing with Stephen Ditulio. (Dec 5, 2007 | post #119)

Police: More victims possible

Sam, Don't waste your energy and thoughts on 'gymrat' and 'concerned psychologist'. Their concern is for themself alone! Most likely it is the same person trying to taunt you and anyone else involved in this case for having compassion for the past, present, and future victims. They don't understand, nor do they want to! Maybe they are trying to play devil's advocate, which is fine... because in the end the truth will be made known. Taunting and twisting it won't change it. The DA in this case is quite astute and accomplished. He has plenty of information now that points toward the guilt of the accused and a fair trial will be given so that both sides can be heard before a final judgment is made. And although our justice system may not be perfect, it is better than most and should prevail. Most people find the actions of the accused reprehensible no matter when the victims came forward, but this person (Gymrat & 'Concerned' Psychologist seems to have a personal vandetta against anyone who has been willing to corroborate the circumstances that have unfortunately led to the current situation. And, yes, parental involvement is always paramount to the protection of our children and yet it is not foolproof! Nothing really is...but it is important to work together towards as many safeguards as possible. So, let's stay focused and not be sidetracked by those who wish to twist the facts and events surrounding this case! (Dec 4, 2007 | post #87)

Lowell Sun

Mr & Mrs. Rubin, What are you thinking?!! Ditullio is just as guilty as Infante! Can't you see the pattern of behavior that has been set in motion for decades by both of these coaches who knew what the other was up to!! My parents didn't have the benefit of all this information that you have, nor did many of the other early victims! But we went out on a limb, exposing things about ourselves that weren't so pleasant ten years ago so parents like you would be able to make informed choices and prevent your daughters from being in an unhealthy environment with a coach who shouldn't be allowed to coach young girls. However, even after the original story broke regarding Infante and the USAG ban for sexual misconduct with students, many decided, like you, that maybe it wasn't that big of a deal. And so they let him coach at a gym in Connecticut and be the director of an overnight camp. The only way these guys can stay in the business is if parents will still pay to send their children there. Now that you know...DON'T TAKE THE CHANCE!! Have you read the accounts on the DA's website?! And that is just two accounts....and yet there are many more that you havn't heard about yet. And do you really think someone who would perjure himself in a court of law would tell you the truth! He has his own skeletons to hide. Open up your eyes and don't give either of them any opportunity to create new victims!! (Nov 30, 2007 | post #3)

Former coach from New Milford accused of raping student

Love the handle, sister-sister! ...and the support (Nov 29, 2007 | post #52)

Yes, I was in the CT gym from about 1979 until 1984 when I graduated. I thought I had found an ideal gym that offered a balance of fun and solid training, so that I would not have to totally sacrifice my teen years and social life. Little did I know that was exactly what would happen....just for different reasons! And nobody saw it coming at the time...We were just a group of girls having fun with a coach whom we loved and admired. Our parents felt the same way... entrusting us to his care for many hours every week. To all the parents out there that are appalled: Although this situation is not common, (and it can happen anywhere, not just in sports)it is more prevalent than most people think. I would warn parents to always teach your children to set safe boundaries for themselves and be weary any time someone begins to make those boundaries seem blurry. Because, although the "grooming " took place out in the open (Note: camp photo's found on internet-video story at WHDH-TV), the improprieties were always in private and kept secret. When others questioned, there was always a ready excuse! One important rule: Coaches or Teachers should never be alone with a student. If another adult or student is around, it becomes a safeguard for both parties and there is always someone who can verify that things are above board. And it decreases the likelyhood and opportunity for any impropriety to occur. And... stay involved in your teenagers life and be sure they can always talk to you about anything...teenage rs do not like to disappoint their parents so they have to keep being reminded that you love and accept them no matter what! PS...As far as the MA gym and others involved, I don't know as much, but I do know Ditulio has many skeletons as well. Not sure whether they will come back to get him or not!! (Nov 28, 2007 | post #38)

Well said and so true!! Obviously, the voice of first hand experience as well (Nov 27, 2007 | post #31)

Thank you for your support! I know it means alot to everyone of the girls who have or are currently going through the emotional distress that something like this has on your life. I know that in the long-run this will have a healing effect, but it will be tough for all involved! By the way, I am sure we know each other since it sounds like you may have been in my "era"! I am assuming you were a JB student since that is where Infante was coaching in the late eighties. Your initials don't happen to be KW? Just a guess (Nov 26, 2007 | post #23)

Former coach from New Milford accused of raping student

What do you know?! Based on your ignorent response I would say nothing! So let me inform you... There were only 3 of us in 1997 who were originally willing to come forward to expose ourselves upon the realization that what had happened to us was almost certainly happening to someone else... which we now have confirmation of! And although the accused coach, Infante was banned from coaching at that time (1998) for unethical behavior as a coach he was not found guilty of having "illegal **** " with a minor if only by the skin of his teeth! Because the hands of the authorities were tied at this time, the original three complainants (myself included)decided to tell their story to The Newstimes which appeared in the Sunday sports section on July 26th, 1998 so that others would be made aware of the nature of this coach and make informed decisions regarding their children, certainly not to "abstain my sins" (God has already done that!). At that time people basically fell into two camps, they either believed our accounts might be credible and pulled their children out of the gym or they supported Steven, feeling that he got a "raw deal". It is these people that basically kept him in the business...some of them even aware of the factual nature of the allegations, and one even knowing that the current "victim #1" was being used by the accused for **** and had been for sometime when all the original allegations were made. And yet, because the current victim was involved with the "accused " at that time, and was not from the Connecticut area, the "accused " managed to keep most of the details of the investigation from her. As for why it would take so long to report... because of the nature and length of the relationships, it is very hard to see things clearly when you are so close to it, but time and maturity shed light on many things! And YES... this adult definitely stole our adolescance and trust and if you want to call it "spurned " go right ahead... but the victims do feel angry and violated and deserve to express that to a man who continues to be involved in the lives of so many vulnerable girls as well as young men who like to model after him! And I have a feeling there are probably others out there who are more recent, but may not have the courage to come forward because of people like you. Deepen your horizens a little and realize that most women do not wish to have their **** lives dragged through the mud just because they are "spurned "! And if you read any of the actual information that the DA presented you would realize that there are many girls (not just one or two) that have been affected by the sexual tendencies of this "charisamtic " coach who has been talking his way out of trouble for many years!! If you believe his lies then you are one of his victims as well! If you want to see how he works just look at the transcripts on the DA's blog at www.middlesexda.co m. I can back up what Victem 1 says as being consistent as can several others that I know! It makes me sick to know what I do and still see this man coaching, even at "overnight camps. And yes, he will be innocent until proven guilty by the justice system, but to the victims, he is already guilty by "first hand knowledge"! I have faith that the TRUTH will win out, and that you do not know because you were not there to experience it first hand (Nov 26, 2007 | post #30)

Nevermind...I think I found it at time.com. Intersting (Nov 26, 2007 | post #18)

What is at the timemagazine website? It does not come up for me (Nov 26, 2007 | post #17)