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Apr 4, 2010

Buzz Killington IV Profile

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Weird

Sheriff Arpaio makes inmates pedal to watch TV

Perhaps this fitness initiative should be made a federal law for all Americans. Your frightenly expanding derrieres are most alarming to those of us in the Old World. Fortunately for us, your morbid obesity is not contagious. And while you are at it, give proper consideration to stopping your exportation of such gastronomical obscenities as McDonalds and KFC.  (Apr 5, 2010 | post #19)

Weird

April fools prank

I must say, the school administrators were most misguided in condoning such mischevious behaviour. You Americans are so tolerant of your children, including their matriculation. Tiss no wonder you are falling behind in academics. Not to worry, though, the world always will need manual labourers and unskilled call center workers.  (Apr 5, 2010 | post #2)

Weird

Equal time: Women hold topless march in Maine

This most "titillating " event appears to be a "Maine" issue. Oh, what jocularity! Forgive me everyone if you laugh aloud in response to my witty utterances.  (Apr 4, 2010 | post #5)

Weird

The Easter Bunny can't save you from Hell

I say, must we engage in such pejorative language? Ladies and gentlemen must serve as sterling examples of our social class, especially for the younger generation who look upon us for guidance in such activities as the World Wide Web. Or as the young men and women are prone to say in the vernacular, the "Information Superhighway. "  (Apr 4, 2010 | post #5)

Weird

Iowa police warn against peeping Toms

One might observe that such ne'er-do-wells engage in peeping tomfoolery. Oh how droll I can be! This is so amusing. I have not tittered since playing the part of Beth in the play, Little Women at Saint Bartholomew's Academy. What fun and merriment.  (Apr 4, 2010 | post #24)

Weird

Drunk man calls police to help him out of bar

Yes indeed. Neither did the miller when he left his house that morning. How waggish you gentlemen of the hippodrome can be. Jolly good, my man, jolly good.  (Apr 4, 2010 | post #20)

Weird

Oops! Errant text to cops leads to 3 drug arrests

A most errant communique' indeed. Every fellow must exercise utmost caution when engaging in activities of a criminal nature. Let us just conclude the gentlemen who used a cellular telephone will be in a cellular institution. Oh how droll I can be. Bully for me!  (Apr 4, 2010 | post #3)

Weird

Drunk man calls police to help him out of bar

I say this poor inebriated fellow imbibed in the devil's elixir to excess. Perchance I engage in libations and vituals, I shall hope my call for assistance from the local constabulary result in a more positive response. A capital idea for any fellow.  (Apr 4, 2010 | post #18)

Weird

Woman Crashes Into Hair Salon, Gets Hair Done

Well I must say that a well-coiffed person of the fairer sex is most appealling rather than one who is unkempt. Now that is not say it is acceptable to engage in an automobile collission just for the sake of meeting one's obligation to keep up appearances. Certainly not. Pardon my engaging in humour at the expense of this unfortunate soul. My headmaster at good old Saint Bartholomew's Academy was none too pleased when I strayed from the course of a scholastic endeavor. Bully for the woman, bully I say.  (Apr 4, 2010 | post #16)

Robin Williams claims Australians are 'English rednecks'

Pshaw, I say. Australia is a fine colony and has not as many ruffians as it once experienced.  (Apr 4, 2010 | post #127)

Top Stories

are you looking for used tires?

Oh pshaw my good man. Used tires are so ill-advised.  (Apr 4, 2010 | post #2)

Q & A with Buzz Killington IV

Headline:

Gentleman about town

Hometown:

Boredom, England

Neighborhood:

Lickbottom

I Belong To:

The Royal Boredome Men's Butterfly Collecting Club

When I'm Not on Topix:

I say, that quote a broad statement.