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Fort Lauderdale, FL

Dolphins fullback Reagan Mauia charged with simple battery

Mauia was last seen flipping burgers at the Tonga McDonald's.  (Jan 14, 2010 | post #113)

Arcadia, MI

Man, 90, injured in crash in Bear Lake Sunday

The problem with 90-year-olds driving in order to feel "alive" is that inevitably they kill themselves or others. At 90, he has neither the eyesight nor reflexes necessary to safely operate a motor vehicle. All seniors over age 70 should have to pass both an eye and a road test. They are a danger to the community.  (Mar 10, 2009 | post #3)

South Florida Sun-Sentinel

Hope is alive for investigator last seen off of Iran a ye...

Smugglers don't like people who ask questions. Unfortunately, he is most certainly dead. To bring him home will require a coffin.  (Mar 10, 2009 | post #20)

South Florida Sun-Sentinel

Lauderdale man, homeless battle in court -- Civil Rights

Yes, I was pa-trolling between Miami and Havana. I couldn't help myself, and thus indulged in a guilty pleasure.  (Apr 21, 2008 | post #226)

South Florida Sun-Sentinel

Investors postpone plans for water park

One of my friends in Georgia claims it's his cat. He says he was inspired by football season and a little too much tequila.  (Apr 21, 2008 | post #44)

South Florida Sun-Sentinel

Compensation phase starts in suit over canker cutting

It won't silently kill the trees. There are no trees left to kill. The state killed them already.  (Apr 21, 2008 | post #28)

South Florida Sun-Sentinel

NFL Draft preview: Team officials push prospects' buttons...

I'm inclined to agree.  (Apr 21, 2008 | post #45)

South Florida Sun-Sentinel

Iglesias says Kournikova keeps rebuffing marriage proposals

I hope you haven't spawned. The world has enough idiots already.  (Apr 21, 2008 | post #11)

South Florida Sun-Sentinel

Brian Cashman: Sorry Hank, Joba's staying in bullpen

I am not a Yankee fan, but I respect Cashman. He's a smart cookie. If Baby Hanky is stupid enough to fire him, Cashman will have no trouble finding another GM job. Plenty of teams would love to have him.  (Apr 21, 2008 | post #5)

South Florida Sun-Sentinel

Thousands of Florida smokers to split $600 million tobacc...

Maybe four packs.  (Apr 21, 2008 | post #91)

South Florida Sun-Sentinel

BankAtlantic lays off 115 employees

Why call them layoffs? Call them what they really are, terminations.  (Apr 21, 2008 | post #7)

South Florida Sun-Sentinel

Brian Cashman: Sorry Hank, Joba's staying in bullpen

It's better for the longevity of Joba's career to leave him in the pen. These flamethrowers don't last long in the starting rotation. To be a starter, he will also need to develop some offspeed stuff. Big League hitters will catch up to any fastball when there's nothing else to keep them honest. Cashman is right, and Baby Steinbrenner was probably drunk.  (Apr 21, 2008 | post #3)

South Florida Sun-Sentinel

Brian Cashman: Sorry Hank, Joba's staying in bullpen

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.  (Apr 21, 2008 | post #2)

South Florida Sun-Sentinel

Port Everglades fears losing new, large freighters

Just what we need... more crap from China!  (Apr 21, 2008 | post #42)

South Florida Sun-Sentinel

Fort Lauderdale: No exceptions to city ban on use of 'san...

Does this mean, if a deaf person is hungry and wants to order from a deli, that he can't make a sandwich sign?  (Apr 21, 2008 | post #9)

Q & A with Bob Greasy

When I'm Not on Topix:

I'm probably breaking some kind of rule.

Read My Forum Posts Because:

they will amuse you.

I'm Listening To:

Grateful Dead

Read This Book:

The one I haven't written yet.