middle aged women and nigerian men in gambia

[Concerned for my mum]

Will people please give me their views on this as i am very concerned about my mum, she has recently left my father as she has set up home with a nigerian man in gambia after just three days with him. He has asked her for money to set up a business and she paid for everything for their living when she was out there. She is convinced he is genuine but the whole family is worried and wants her to stay here away from him.

[Lady uk]

I am newly divorced middle aged and met a young man in the Gambia whilst on a holiday with my daughter, he was very keen but we were merely friends then he pursued me by text, email and phone calls when I returned home and convinced me I was the love of his life (stupid I know). A friend of mine was going over there with her boyfriend so I introduced them and asked him to look after them and show them around. I booked a flight six weeks later but just 5 days before I was due to travel all communication stopped. I arrived at Banjul airport and no one was there to meet me as arranged. When I eventually got in touch with them she said he said not to bother picking me up because I would go on the hotel bus and they would meet me there. When I did meet up he was cool she was awkward and no sign of her boyfriend. She had seen all his text and emails and knew how he had pursued me so I left them to it and she returned home 3 days later. When I caught up with her at home a few weeks later and asked her if she was in touch with the Gambian she said no and there was no relationship, it was all in my imagination. Six weeks later she returned to Gambia and married him. I have known my friend for 20 years and feel betrayed by her and him. Be a long time before I trust anyone again and I will never return to Africa. You are so right to worry about your mum. She has been brainwashed.

[Princess]

a double betrayal - how awful for you - that is so bad.... i bet this won't last long tho but your friend was no friend, indeed. I have stopped being shocked about what i hear - just move on and find someone who deserves you...

Lady uk wrote:

I am newly divorced middle aged and met a young man in the Gambia whilst on a holiday with my daughter, he was very keen but we were merely friends then he pursued me by text, email and phone calls when I returned home and convinced me I was the love of his life (stupid I know). A friend of mine was going over there with her boyfriend so I introduced them and asked him to look after them and show them around. I booked a flight six weeks later but just 5 days before I was due to travel all communication stopped. I arrived at Banjul airport and no one was there to meet me as arranged. When I eventually got in touch with them she said he said not to bother picking me up because I would go on the hotel bus and they would meet me there. When I did meet up he was cool she was awkward and no sign of her boyfriend. She had seen all his text and emails and knew how he had pursued me so I left them to it and she returned home 3 days later. When I caught up with her at home a few weeks later and asked her if she was in touch with the Gambian she said no and there was no relationship, it was all in my imagination. Six weeks later she returned to Gambia and married him. I have known my friend for 20 years and feel betrayed by her and him. Be a long time before I trust anyone again and I will never return to Africa. You are so right to worry about your mum. She has been brainwashed.

[Princess]

He is NOT genuine but he is a genuine fake!!!! after 3 days - what was your mum thinking of? She will be broke before the year is out - how very sad - he must have put ju-ju on her or something - u must make her see sense before it's too late and she will lose everything.

Concerned for my mum wrote:

Will people please give me their views on this as i am very concerned about my mum, she has recently left my father as she has set up home with a nigerian man in gambia after just three days with him. He has asked her for money to set up a business and she paid for everything for their living when she was out there. She is convinced he is genuine but the whole family is worried and wants her to stay here away from him.

[Daddy Mac]

Concerned for my mum wrote:

Will people please give me their views on this as i am very concerned about my mum, she has recently left my father as she has set up home with a nigerian man in gambia after just three days with him. He has asked her for money to set up a business and she paid for everything for their living when she was out there. She is convinced he is genuine but the whole family is worried and wants her to stay here away from him.

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[Nigerian girl]

Concerned for my mum wrote:

Will people please give me their views on this as i am very concerned about my mum, she has recently left my father as she has set up home with a nigerian man in gambia after just three days with him. He has asked her for money to set up a business and she paid for everything for their living when she was out there. She is convinced he is genuine but the whole family is worried and wants her to stay here away from him.

OMG. I am really sorry to hear this. I understand why you must be very worried, I would be if I were in your shoes.
I don't mean to scare you, but it doesn't sound normal that your mum should make such a rash decision after 3 days of being in Gambia. You need to be very careful how you approach this; if you're too persistant, you might just push her away all together, and that would be awful.
What I suggest is that you try and go to Gambia yourself, if possible, or some other family member that she has a lot of love and respect for. The person going will have a better perspective of just how things are, and then maybe you can all decide as a family how to carry out the intervention.
Good luck.

[Annon]

I meet a Nigerian while on holiday in Spain. We kept in touch and to cut a long story short i went to live there with him. We got married last year in Spain, then he changed. I am now back in England trying to put my life back together. I went through hell this year with him he beat me so bad I could not walk for days he raped me, starved me and put me under mental torture. We were so happy the first year and half, I am not a fool but believe me he pulled the wool over my eyes. The conclusion must be he wanted his papers. I loved that man and for someone you love do that to you I can not explain how it as left me feeling.

[Princess]

I am so sorry to hear this - obviously for some reason you couldn't escape or seek help or run away. I hope he got charged with what he did to you. Violence and abuse can happen in any relationship, it is world wide but no woman (or man) has to put up with it. I'm glad you made your escape eventually and hope that you are on the road to recovery and that you have support from your family and friends - if not, there are several organisations that you can turn to. I hope life is on the up for you and put this nightmare behind you. He will get his cumuppance for sure - cowards like him always do. Good luck.

Annon wrote:

I meet a Nigerian while on holiday in Spain. We kept in touch and to cut a long story short i went to live there with him. We got married last year in Spain, then he changed. I am now back in England trying to put my life back together. I went through hell this year with him he beat me so bad I could not walk for days he raped me, starved me and put me under mental torture. We were so happy the first year and half, I am not a fool but believe me he pulled the wool over my eyes. The conclusion must be he wanted his papers. I loved that man and for someone you love do that to you I can not explain how it as left me feeling.

[lady uk]

I cannot believe what I have just found out. Another friend of mine, American this time, has married a Gambian despite her showing me not very long ago evidence from scam warners that he is a known scammer. What has happened to these womens' common sense? These are uneducated men brainwashing, independant educated women. The mind boggles!

Hey Annon you keep strong, your ex is scum and when you are healed someone worthy of you will be there for you.x

[Princess]

Lady Uk - maybe these guys are not intellectually educated but they are very very smart....... education does not come into it - they are actors and good at what they do - if they can fool intelligent level-headed women they are nobody's fool - they can suss out a lonely, desperate-for--love-woman a mile away - it is their job.... do not under-estimate their power - all these stories are proof - however, not every man is like this but I dont understand why the women keep on following the same pattern - if they dont like gambian culture or mentality then find a different culture who suits better....

[Lamin]

Hey Lady,
sorry for what your friend of 20 years did to you.Your friend will sooner or later regret everything because at the end she will be used and thrown away.I do not like these bumsters but i think in your case it is fair to say that your British friend is a very selfish person. I think
even a bumster would not throw away a 20 years friendship in this way.
By the way, how are you doing now? Are you still angry with these people? Are you in a happy relationship?

[Shiloh London UK]

Hi, i married a gambian man, 24 years younger than me, met him april, came home he then txed, phoned and e.mail for months declaring his love and how God set us together. I fell for him deeply but there was always a nagging concern on my side for the age difference and long distance relationship, anyway we married within 6 months.first month we met he ask me to send him money end of month,i went back in june and paid for everything and took gifts, he still had the cheek to ask me for money to renew his driving licsense, his frens car got abit of damage by him when reversing, he ask me if i can give something to repair it, i never gave it. we married in october on our special day he was most of the time with friends down stairs at our party and very selfish towards me, no special words or affection,at nite he went off to sleep, i was left sitting alone. Came home 2 weeks after and now i have to get a full time job to send for him, he says he will come here and work and help me and wants to be with me forever. I am so deeply in love, with loyalty and devotion to him, but very tormented as to what to do next,i question some of his behaviour when i was there, is he worth all the effort i have to make to get him here and if hes really genuine. I'm open to all comments whether they hurt or not. thankyou.

[Princess]

Shiloh - u are making a huge mistake. The age gap is huge and typical of what guys will do to get here. My Gambian friend (male) did the very same thing to a woman and he said he avoided sleeping with her because he didnt find her attractive and did anything he could to avoid it (does that ring any bells concerning your wedding night????) I dont understand why, after all the money he has taken from you, that you are even CONSIDERING bringing him over??? I guarantee he will leave you as soon as he gets his papers. My "friend" has just done the same to his VISA wife after 2 years - he said it has killed him having to pretend for 2 years but will do anything to help his family. They are desperate and just laugh at older women who go to Gambia for holiday romances. Ask yourself what u have got out of this relationship and what he has taken and i bet you can't tell me one thing that he has done for you.Don't u want a man who can buy you a drink, take you to dinner, make you feel special??? Does this man make you feel special??? No..... how many times or how much time have you ever spent with him and what do you talk about? I bet you have nothing to say to eachother. Does he take an interest in your life, your problems? Would he be there for u the way u are for him??? No. I don't think so. WHY are u getting a full time job to fund someone who could not care less about you??? Why??? Read your post and you have the answers already and you know that you will be penniless by the time he's finished with you. My friend always said that nobody can buy his love and nobody will own him and if u are in england together, he will not be seen in public with you because of the age gap.... I have seen it time and time again - it is a waste of your time and money..... surely, u can find a decent man to care for you and not one that takes the lifeblood out of you....... in the end it is your choice but dont say you haven't been warned - read some of these posts and see how damaged some of these women are. He is NOT worth your love and he is feeding you the carrot with promises and lies which he will never fulfill and by the way, they use God's name to make you think they're religious when in fact they are worse than non-religious people to use religion to fool their pray .... you are just a Bank of England to him, nothing more..... sorry to be harsh but you need to wake up to this man..... you sound like a really nice person but with little self-esteem to let a man feed off you like this. You need to look at why you have such little expectations for yourself - dont u deserve the best? Let me know how u get on and I pray that you delete this guy for the New Year......... God Bless....