Polygamy ---Ignorance, Cruelty or just plain Selfishness..

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Since: Mar 10

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#1 Jul 1, 2010
What are your thoughts on Polygamy…I am aware that the Qur’an gives Muslim men the right to marry up to four women providing they follow a certain rule…i.e treat each wife equally in all aspects ( financially, physically, mentally, emotionally etc) it went on further to state that it is impossible for a man to do so…what does that mean? In my opinion, it means that since it is impossible for one to do do it then it should not be done….
Muslim men are not following the Qur’an .They marry numerous wives that they can’t afford to care of financially and emotionally and expects some to pay for others…some should work and others shouldn’t etc…This is going contrary to what the Quran stipulates….why is this so?
Women don’t like Polygamy, whether they are vocal about it or not…even if they are born into Muslim and grow up among polygamist…we have seen an example of it here with Betty and Habibi…No woman wants to share a husband just like no man would want to share his wife…if it is not good for men to share why should women share….where is the equality?
lets discuss/ debate this topic in depth..what are the disadvantages and advantages, if any?

“Successful is the believer”

Since: Jul 10

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#2 Jul 1, 2010
Very interesting in deed, but mind you Queen, not all women hate polygamy, i have a neighbor who used to beg the husband to marry a second one until she finally convinced him. Do you know why?

Will get back to you later, I'm extremely busy right now.

Since: Mar 10

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#3 Jul 1, 2010
cool, when you get the time please get back and let me know the reason why she would want that....thanks
Al-Muminoon wrote:
Very interesting in deed, but mind you Queen, not all women hate polygamy, i have a neighbor who used to beg the husband to marry a second one until she finally convinced him. Do you know why?
Will get back to you later, I'm extremely busy right now.

Since: Mar 10

Location hidden

#4 Jul 1, 2010
I can think of many reasons why a woman might want that including not really, truly loving the husband...or being married to a very wealthy man and knows that by being married to him all her expenses and other need would be met, maybe an older lady who just want the comfort and or status of being married...I've heard that for many African women it is like a curse to not be married and you are look down upon if you are not ....I won't say that she can't have kids because even if she can't have kids , in this era their are so much options available for married people wanting kids so this might not be a valid reason anymore...
lamino

Middlesbrough, UK

#5 Jul 1, 2010
Almigthy creator Allah be merciful and forgiven to all those who obey and respect your rigth upon every muslim man and muslim woman.All those who respect the prophet are not trouble maker.My brothers and sisters in Islam obey What Allah said to your messenger as truth beliver even if you cannot defend it as is defended by almigthy creator Allah.Do you know how many wifies i have ? I dont want my grandfather to have more wifies than me.Gambia who am i? NO mother wish your child any harm. Please jealouse can make you sick or you do bad things by lying no knowing the truth. too much complex to have more than one wife.Because is not just you want another wife you have the money.No Allah one is widow, is orphan,save one, virgine.Some times is better for me to be quite.HOw many wifes king Solomon has.I respect all my fathers and their wifes they all are my mom they all miss me.The almigthy creator Allah is the greatest.

Since: Mar 10

Location hidden

#6 Jul 1, 2010
Lamino, God should have mercy on every human be them mulim or otherwise, right?...in your father time , maybe they didn't know or understand what Allah meant about polygamy....but today , most can read and understand what is wriiten in the Qu'ran...So there is no excuse for having multiple wives for greed and or selfishness...As you rightly stated....too much complexity in having more than one wife and one have to also have the money to afford to do that....King Soloman was a prophet, a wealthy man and therefore cannot be compared to many who have multiple wives that they can't afford...God/ Allah himself is a jealous god, that is why he wants us to worship him only so being jealous is not necessarily a bad thing until one uses it to do evil...hence we there should be one husband to a woman...
lamino

Middlesbrough, UK

#7 Jul 1, 2010
Muslims who are cirucmsie. Respect the rules.Dont be aproblem. Gambia respect my culture or go some were you want to be a problem.Queen bee without honey.Do you know about bee keeping?Let talk about bee keeping.Be cause i respect all my elder with truth.sorry for any spelling mistake. If you want to insult be very careful what said the head of you topic.I overstand why some act this way by not blessing joy happiness.Dont kill yourself because jealousy.they will come with all kind of attack to defer you from truth islam about all religion.

Since: Mar 10

Location hidden

#8 Jul 1, 2010
What are you talking about ? Why can't you form a complete sentence ? I'm sorry but I will not respond to you anymore because i can't figure out what you are saying...What does circumcision have to do with this topic ? How was i insulting by my topic? oops , forgot you can't right a proper sentence so i bet you can't even read one also...I am just interested in learning more and understanding the concept of polygamy better, I have not insulted anyone , I am not the only one who have told you about speaking clearly so that everyone can understand what you are trying to say...
lamino wrote:
Muslims who are cirucmsie. Respect the rules.Dont be aproblem. Gambia respect my culture or go some were you want to be a problem.Queen bee without honey.Do you know about bee keeping?Let talk about bee keeping.Be cause i respect all my elder with truth.sorry for any spelling mistake. If you want to insult be very careful what said the head of you topic.I overstand why some act this way by not blessing joy happiness.Dont kill yourself because jealousy.they will come with all kind of attack to defer you from truth islam about all religion.
MaryT

London, UK

#9 Jul 2, 2010
Hi Bee,.. The way the heading of this topic has been worded is biased against Polygamy before we even start..I think thats what Lamino is saying.. Which i agree it is , but then it is your view ?
I would be interested to know in the origins of Polygamy because , although its been adpopted by Muslims, i thought that it was a way of life anyway in the middle east before Muhummad /?(I may be wrong, my history is not good !)
On another thread,' Islam is your birthright', Nadia mentioned one of the principles of Islam as being equality.. But How can it be equality, when for example, Men can take three wives but not women three husbands.. When Men but not Women can attend the Mosque regularly, nor become Immmans (sp ?)... When circumsision is a very different prospect for men and women (womens sexuality being mutilated and denied)...
This is why I always think that Religions are man made because how coincidental that it always favours the man ! In answer to any logical question, the response for a Muslim will be ,'its written in the Qu'ran..' and so that makes it alright then.. And sometimes the interpretation is wrong.. If messages or wisdom are received 'from on high',, then they are 'interpreted' to favour men..
I know that Polygamy can work well for some people,for some women.. as you say, Bee, i would guess where the women have married for financial gain, security or status, or because their families have arranged it..where the woman does not have a strong emotional attatchment to the man..she may even form a stronger bond with her co wives ..
But some things are universal, and I would say that women the world over are united in not wanting to share the man they truly love with another woman.. Also the majority of men might like to have more than one partner 'on the go' in their dreams.. how convenient that this is 'allowed'..

“Successful is the believer”

Since: Jul 10

Location hidden

#10 Jul 2, 2010
1. Polygamy means a system of marriage whereby one person has more than one spouse. Polygamy can be of two types. One is polygyny where a man marries more than one woman, and the other is polyandry, where a woman marries more than one man. In Islam, limited polygyny is permitted; whereas polyandry is completely prohibited.
Now coming to the original question, why is a man allowed to have more than one wife?
2. The Qur’an is the only religious scripture in the world that says, "marry only one".
The Qur’an is the only religious book, on the face of this earth, that contains the phrase ‘marry only one’. There is no other religious book that instructs men to have only one wife. In none of the other religious scriptures, whether it be the Vedas, the Ramayan, the Mahabharat, the Geeta, the Talmud or the Bible does one find a restriction on the number of wives. According to these scriptures one can marry as many as one wishes. It was only later, that the Hindu priests and the Christian Church restricted the number of wives to one.
Many Hindu religious personalities, according to their scriptures, had multiple wives. King Dashrat, the father of Rama, had more than one wife. Krishna had several wives.
In earlier times, Christian men were permitted as many wives as they wished, since the Bible puts no restriction on the number of wives. It was only a few centuries ago that the Church restricted the number of wives to one.
Polygyny is permitted in Judaism. According to Talmudic law, Abraham had three wives, and Solomon had hundreds of wives. The practice of polygyny continued till Rabbi Gershom ben Yehudah (960 C.E to 1030 C.E) issued an edict against it. The Jewish Sephardic communities living in Muslim countries continued the practice till as late as 1950, until an Act of the Chief Rabbinate of Israel extended the ban on marrying more than one wife.
3. Hindus are more polygynous than Muslims
The report of the ‘Committee of The Status of Woman in Islam’, published in 1975 mentions on page numbers 66 and 67 that the percentage of polygamous marriages between the years 1951 and 1961 was 5.06% among the Hindus and only 4.31% among the Muslims. According to Indian law only Muslim men are permitted to have more than one wife. It is illegal for any non-Muslim in India to have more than one wife. Despite it being illegal, Hindus have more multiple wives as compared to Muslims. Earlier, there was no restriction even on Hindu men with respect to the number of wives allowed. It was only in 1954, when the Hindu Marriage Act was passed that it became illegal for a Hindu to have more than one wife. At present it is the Indian Law that restricts a Hindu man from having more than one wife and not the Hindu scriptures.
Let us now analyse why Islam allows a man to have more than one wife.
4. Qur’an permits limited polygyny
As I mentioned earlier, Qur’an is the only religious book on the face of the earth that says ‘marry only one’. The context of this phrase is the following verse from Surah Nisa of the Glorious Qur’an: "Marry women of your choice, two, or three, or four; but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one." [Al-Qur’an 4:3]
Before the Qur’an was revealed, there was no upper limit for polygyny and many men had scores of wives, some even hundreds. Islam put an upper limit of four wives. Islam gives a man permission to marry two, three or four women, only on the condition that he deals justly with them.
In the same chapter i.e. Surah Nisa verse 129 says: "Ye are never able to be fair and just as between women...." [Al-Qur’an 4:129]
Therefore polygyny is not a rule but an exception. Many people are under the misconception that it is compulsory for a Muslim man to have more than one wife.

“Successful is the believer”

Since: Jul 10

Location hidden

#11 Jul 2, 2010
Broadly, Islam has five categories of Do’s and Don’ts:
(i)‘Fard’ i.e. compulsory or obligatory
(ii)‘Mustahab’ i.e. recommended or encouraged
(iii)‘Mubah’ i.e. permissible or allowed
(iv)‘Makruh’ i.e. not recommended or discouraged
(v)‘Haraam’ i.e. prohibited or forbidden
Polygyny falls in the middle category of things that are permissible. It cannot be said that a Muslim who has two, three or four wives is a better Muslim as compared to a Muslim who has only one wife.
5. Average life span of females is more than that of males
By nature males and females are born in approximately the same ratio. A female child has more immunity than a male child. A female child can fight the germs and diseases better than the male child. For this reason, during the pediatric age itself there are more deaths among males as compared to the females.
During wars, there are more men killed as compared to women. More men die due to accidents and diseases than women. The average life span of females is more than that of males, and at any given time one finds more widows in the world than widowers.
6. India has more male population than female due to female foeticide and infanticide
India is one of the few countries, along with the other neighbouring countries, in which the female population is less than the male population. The reason lies in the high rate of female infanticide in India, and the fact that more than one million female foetuses are aborted every year in this country, after they are identified as females. If this evil practice is stopped, then India too will have more females as compared to males.
7. World female population is more than male population
In the USA, women outnumber men by 7.8 million. New York alone has one million more females as compared to the number of males, and of the male population of New York one-third are gays i.e sodomites. The U.S.A as a whole has more than twenty-five million gays. This means that these people do not wish to marry women. Great Britain has four million more females as compared to males. Germany has five million more females as compared to males. Russia has nine million more females than males. God alone knows how many million more females there are in the whole world as compared to males.
8. Restricting each and every man to have only one wife is not practical
Even if every man got married to one woman, there would still be more than thirty million females in U.S.A who would not be able to get husbands (considering that America has twenty five million gays). There would be more than four million females in Great Britain, 5 million females in Germany and nine million females in Russia alone who would not be able to find a husband.
Suppose my sister happens to be one of the unmarried women living in USA, or suppose your sister happens to be one of the unmarried women in USA. The only two options remaining for her are that she either marries a man who already has a wife or becomes public property. There is no other option besides remaining lonely. All those who are modest will opt for the first.
In Western society, it is common for a man to have mistresses and/or multiple extra-marital affairs, in which case, the woman leads a disgraceful, unprotected life. The same society, however, cannot accept a man having more than one wife, in which women retain their honorable, dignified position in society and lead a protected life.
Thus the only two options before a woman who cannot find a husband is to marry a married man or to become public property. Islam prefers giving women the honorable position by permitting the first option and disallowing the second.

source from: Polygamy - Definition and Guidelines
by Zakir Naik
MaryT

London, UK

#12 Jul 2, 2010
You are using all sorts of arguements and quotes to justify Polygamy, but I still say this is all very convenient for the men !

Since: Mar 10

Location hidden

#13 Jul 2, 2010
Hi Mary, Oh Okay I didn't understand what Lamino was trying to say...I know i am bias about the subject because that was what my Gambian experience was about...I wasn't scammed or conned but I just couldn't deal with having to share a husband with another woman...He too couldn't do anything about it because he had married long time in Gambia before coming to America...So it is a very sensitive subject for me...But i am open to and willing to learn more about the topic maybe someone can show me a way of understanding the concept more...I keep thinking of ways in which i might be able to do it and all i can come up with is....only if i marry a wealthy man that i don't necessarily love that much ...I would rather be a poor woman and have my 1 husband than to be wealthy and have to share a man... you are right, even in the bible there seem to be favoritism to men...I think many Muslim interpret the passage on Polygamy wrong...it gives rules and reason for marrying more than one wife but i know many Mislims who marry more than one and can't afford to care for them Financially and otherwise...I think also that if a man is allowed more than one wife , why can't women have more than one husband..it is only fair....
MaryT wrote:
Hi Bee,.. The way the heading of this topic has been worded is biased against Polygamy before we even start..I think thats what Lamino is saying.. Which i agree it is , but then it is your view ?
I would be interested to know in the origins of Polygamy because , although its been adpopted by Muslims, i thought that it was a way of life anyway in the middle east before Muhummad /?(I may be wrong, my history is not good !)
On another thread,' Islam is your birthright', Nadia mentioned one of the principles of Islam as being equality.. But How can it be equality, when for example, Men can take three wives but not women three husbands.. When Men but not Women can attend the Mosque regularly, nor become Immmans (sp ?)... When circumsision is a very different prospect for men and women (womens sexuality being mutilated and denied)...
This is why I always think that Religions are man made because how coincidental that it always favours the man ! In answer to any logical question, the response for a Muslim will be ,'its written in the Qu'ran..' and so that makes it alright then.. And sometimes the interpretation is wrong.. If messages or wisdom are received 'from on high',, then they are 'interpreted' to favour men..
I know that Polygamy can work well for some people,for some women.. as you say, Bee, i would guess where the women have married for financial gain, security or status, or because their families have arranged it..where the woman does not have a strong emotional attatchment to the man..she may even form a stronger bond with her co wives ..
But some things are universal, and I would say that women the world over are united in not wanting to share the man they truly love with another woman.. Also the majority of men might like to have more than one partner 'on the go' in their dreams.. how convenient that this is 'allowed'..

Since: Mar 10

Location hidden

#14 Jul 2, 2010
Hi Al-Muminoon....Thanks for your imput, lots of great quotes and comparison with other religions that i was not aware of....But if we can get back to the quote --In the same chapter i.e. Surah Nisa verse 129 says: "Ye are never able to be fair and just as between women...." [Al-Qur’an 4:129]
--could you explain/ expand on that some more?...to me it is saying that one cannot be fair/equal when it comes to women so if that is the case then they should marry only one...right?

Since: Mar 10

Location hidden

#15 Jul 2, 2010
Additionally, as a woman..I don't want to share a husband period whether he married the woman or have an affair , makes no difference to me...The fact that my husband is married and sleeps with another woman -even if he married her also - makes no differnce to me...
Also why should we worry about population and the fact that there will be many women without husbands...Thats a part of life...Many people have jobs others don't ...Houses, cars, beauty, fame , money-etc and others don't so in my opinion one cannot justify Polygamy by that... by the way, is their a verse in the Qu'ran that give the justification of population that you mentioned above?
Tam

Manchester, UK

#16 Jul 3, 2010
Al-Muminoon wrote:
1. Polygamy means a system of marriage 2. The Qur’an is the only religious scripture in the world that says, "marry only one".
The Qur’an is the only religious book, on the face of this earth, that contains the phrase ‘marry only one’. There is no other religious book that instructs men to have only one wife.
So why have more than one? Also why did mohammad had 6?
Al-Muminoon wrote:
Let us now analyse why Islam allows a man to have more than one wife. 4. Qur’an permits limited polygyny
As I mentioned earlier, Qur’an is the only religious book on the face of the earth that says ‘marry only one’.
Yes we heard you the first time.
Al-Muminoon wrote:
The context of this phrase is the following verse from Surah Nisa of the Glorious Qur’an: "Marry women of your choice, two, or three, or four; but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one." [Al-Qur’an 4:3]
How can you deal justly with them? You cannot split your heart. Even using material as an example, if you were to split your wallet it would still have significant implication for the first wife and her off springs. They would have significantly less than what they used to have especially if the man has married 4 wives and have off springs with all of them. The only people who stood to gain are the man and his subsequent wives who knew about the family setting and yet colluded with him and decided to marry. I know there are first wives who actively encourage the men to marry a second wife, but that is very minute. It is usually the selfish muslim men who marry more than one in order to show off. I don’t know where you are from but in my culture, in the old before mass conversion to islam in the 19th century, a man would only be able to marry more than one if either of the following two conditions have been met:
1. The first approves it after the man has discussed it with her. Why would a woman give such consent? Couple of reasons: inability to bear children; to help with the house chores what in those days were considered women’s role; more children to help the man as well as the family unit rare livestock and work in the farm, or the man’s profession whatever it might be e.g. weaver etc.
2. The man state his intention to do so at the initial stages before the marriage is contracted in the presence of the wife to be, her family, his family and witnesses [the elders]. If he states his intention to marry more than one and the wife to be and her family agrees [which they would have had sufficient time to discuss among themselves], then that is a contract with witnesses and he would be within his right to marry another wife as it was a spoken contract and witnessed. If the woman and her family gave their consent before, she or her family cannot go back against their word, because they had ample opportunity to say no we are not entering into this marriage. Further, the woman or her family can also raise the question at the initial stages if they do not want this to happen in the future, because the man can be silent on the issue and if it is not raised by the woman or her family, too late, they should have raised it [but still the woman would have to give her consent even after the marriage].
Tam

Manchester, UK

#17 Jul 3, 2010
Continuation:
If the woman or her family say they do not want the man to marry again whilst married to their daughter and the man agrees, then if the man marries again without the wife’s consent he would be breaking the vows of the marriage and would be expected to pay compensation to the wife and her family. The woman does not also have to return the ‘Jurr’[dowry]. The man looses out financially [goods such as gold, produce, ornaments etc – in those days before the advent of money]. He would also be ostracised by the elders. The elders would also ostracise the subsequent bride [second wife] as well as her family if they gave consent to a sham marriage. That was why the man’s family rarely gave consent to such marriages and washed their hands of their son because the humiliation in society was unbearable. The man and his new bride would almost always move far away because they were unaccepted in society and considered outcaste. However, when people began to convert to islam in masses and abandoned Animism, all this went out of the window and men are now free to marry as many wives they want most of the time without the first wives’ consent. In many cases where consent is given, one will find that it is the poorer man who has had consent from his first wife and not the wealthier man.
Al-Muminoon wrote:
Before the Qur’an was revealed, there was no upper limit for polygyny and many men had scores of wives, some even hundreds. Islam put an upper limit of four wives. Islam gives a man permission to marry two, three or four women, only on the condition that he deals justly with them.
The arabs [from whom islam came from] were having 100s of wives as part of their culture. In order for them to accept islam as their main religion, they were willing to limit their number of wives as part of their culture but they were not willing to compromise on having multiple wives.
Even mohammad, the man who created islam had six wives [and that is just from what we are told by the quran but there are other sources that said he married probably twelve]. In any case, he had 6 one of whom he married when she was six or seven years old and consummated the marriage when she was 9 years old [Aiyesha]. Still again, I refer you to my earlier post ‘you cannot split the heart’ etc and therefore, you cannot deal justly with them.
Al-Muminoon wrote:
In the same chapter i.e. Surah Nisa verse 129 says: "Ye are never able to be fair and just as between women...." [Al-Qur’an 4:129]
This is an insurance policy of muslim men [and the arabs in particular from whom islam came from] who engage in this practice without the consent of the first wife. By citing Surah Nisa, they try to rebut the argument I put forward earlier [can’t split the heart and the implications on the first wife and her children of the man having to split the his wealth]. One finds this kind of give and take in all verses of the quran. If all else fail, they blame the culture rather than looking in the doctrine of the quran itself which sets the foundation. Sorry, but the problem is not culture it is the doctrine. If islam really wanted muslim men to marry one wife, it should have made that a fundamental principle without exceptions. It is not as if it didn’t know arab culture before islam. Again, if that was what islam really wanted, it should have been a fundamental and mohammad as a prophet of the Muslims should have adhered to that rather than having six wives.
Al-Muminoon wrote:
Therefore polygyny is not a rule but an exception. Many people are under the misconception that it is compulsory for a Muslim man to have more than one wife.
Yes it is exception. Isn’t it? How convenient.
Omar Ngack

Tripoli, Libyan Arab Jamahiriya

#18 Jul 3, 2010
Polygamy is legalized fornication,nothing more nothing less.

Regards,
Tam

Manchester, UK

#19 Jul 3, 2010
Omar Ngack wrote:
Polygamy is legalized fornication,nothing more nothing less.
Regards,
You got that right expecially now. Personally, I couldn't careless if muslims want to practice this. The problem is they don't have the approval of the first wife and just do it to show off and making the first wife's life hell expecially when she has not agreed to it. Muslim men now just say since I am muslim and its permitted in the Quran I can have more. Not all muslims do this of course, because I know of lots of muslims who only have one wives but they mainly do it and most of the time without the consent of the awo. This behaviour is of course seen throughout the muslim world even worst in certain arab countries.
lamino

Middlesbrough, UK

#20 Jul 3, 2010
Omar Ngack wrote:
Polygamy is legalized fornication,nothing more nothing less.
Regards,
I will call you Ngack.If you are in Libya if their is any honest respect for any black africans you all know.You should be talking about the truth evil of that country call Libya.You taking aout your bussiness in Libya that yours.

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