How Long Did It Take Before You Realised He Was Really A Bumster in Disguise?.

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Lisa

London, UK

#1 Jan 28, 2013
Looking back I think I sensed it in the first week. He had that look of determination in his eyes that goes with being a short man.

In the case of my friend it took a year!. If they were handing out Oscars for charm, or Golden Globes for b.s. her bloke would win both.

She schmoozed up to her and handed her a note telling her she was beautiful and could she call him next day he wanted too cook dinner for her.

Handsome, well dressed she was intrigued. He spouted every romantic cliche/borrowed lyrics from Beres Hammond..'You're One In A Million" to Jah Cure's 'From The Heart". This guy was a smooth operator, a seasoned Bumster.

I told her to inquire about the ingredients of the meal he wanted to cook, did he expect her to buy them?, he could be a hustler looking to be fed. No he assured her he would be taking care of everything, he would buy the food in the market cook dinner and collect her from our hotel where we were chilling on the beach for a few days before flying home, following two weeks of volunteering.

He told her he was 'different' and warned her to be wary of the bumsters. Alarm bells should have rung then, as it's a classic bumster line. He told her he was raised on a small farm in the provinces where he helped out his pool widowed mother, he had us almost in tears. What an actor this guy was!.

He emailed texted and skyped her for a year, always asking when she would be returning, he had found her a great place where' they' could stay, only 500 Dalasi a night. I warned her that he would be expecting to be fed and accomodated for the duration of her stay and no doubt was on a commission as those were toubab prices, and if he really 'loved' her as he claimed to, why had he not found her a local place to stay at a Gambian rate?.

Another red flag was when he mentioned he knew of some great 'seafood places' he did not like the local Gambian cafes which he thought were 'unhygenic'. Now that would spell Bumster to me, but by now she was smitten.

I also warned her to test him by not taking an expensive gift, she should have a look in the local charity shop for a Man U shirt, they all seem to be enraptured with Man U for some reason.

She took my advise, found her own place by the beach at half the rate he quoted her. Told him she would not be able to accommodate him as guests were not allowed. In other words she was not prepared to allow him to bumster her for a fortnight. She said his face fell when he opened the bag to find a Man shirt. What had been expecting? a laptop? an iPhone?.

The tone of the texts and emails took a more formal tone after he realised he would be able to ponce off her for two weeks.

All of his over the top prose.. "My Empress''My Princess" 'My African Queen' was dropped. In fact he showed his true colours, was soon dropped, he became decidely formal, distant.He had not been in touch bcause his mother had malaria, was receeiving 'private treatment" why? he would "spend a Million" on his mother.

When he saw she had change her phone to a Galaxy Y (hardly high teech) she told him she would give her old phone to a single mum she had met last time. "What about me"? he asked. It was then the penny dropped. This guy was a bumster who begrudged a poor single mother getting a 5 year old phone.

Realising she had him sussed he bragged about meeting a lovely Swedish couple, who had treated him to lovely dinners every night. Of course he had 'guided' them. Next day she saw that he had added the Swedish woman and her daughter to his Facebook page.

She did not contact him again. It had taken a year for her to realisee she had been dealing with a Bumster in disguise.

She had a lucky escape though. She had not been led like a lamb to the slaughter to the Registry Office!.
Anonymous

UK

#2 Jan 28, 2013
It tuck me a month,to find out.With a guy I met in December.Back in the Uk,I phoned him up.It was a different time to when I would normally call.The phone went on,and all I could hear was him and a Gambian girl having sex.PLEASE LADIES OUT THERE ,DON'T TRUST THEM.

Since: Mar 12

Birmingham, UK

#3 Jan 28, 2013
it is hard to tell the good guys from the bad and as far as we are concerned you have a good guy. sites like these help you to realise you have to work out quickly who are the good guys and who are the bad guys before it costs you an arm and and a leg and then there is the marriage and family to contend with and working out the good and bad within the family.

its good (lisa) that your friend found out without it costing her a fortune and it can be interesting what they expect to get from you again the impression is we have money to burn.

“I tell no lies. ”

Since: Nov 11

Location hidden

#4 Jan 29, 2013
I personally don't think you can tell if he's good one. My ex alex was one of the best a good one !! Compared to what I've read on here and seen with my own eyes. He never ever ever ask me for a thing ever. He did 4years later decide to chance his luck and ask for a large amount of money.which he was told to fcuk right off. End off. So the moral off the story is there is no time as they have plenty of it. Time that is!!! Its all about choice tho if a. Woman/man is happy to pay for everything marriage /wedding rings/visa/ rice/money for his family etc. Then its all good. But for me its a big no no no.

“just move to the left abit !!!”

Since: Jul 10

Location hidden

#5 Jan 29, 2013
Ebony lass wrote:
It tuck me a month,to find out.With a guy I met in December.Back in the Uk,I phoned him up.It was a different time to when I would normally call.The phone went on,and all I could hear was him and a Gambian girl having sex.PLEASE LADIES OUT THERE ,DON'T TRUST THEM.
sorry ebony but how did you know she gambian ? lol...

“I tell no lies. ”

Since: Nov 11

Location hidden

#6 Jan 29, 2013
Exactly cumupance how does ebony no she was gambian girl. That's so funny I nearly pms. Pprobly the gambian girl wasn't complaining about his love making. Where as a toubab would be heard telling him no you do it like this or do it there. That's the conclusion I can think of for her comment. But it is funny tho.
Justine

London, UK

#7 Jan 29, 2013
Ebony lass wrote:
It tuck me a month,to find out.With a guy I met in December.Back in the Uk,I phoned him up.It was a different time to when I would normally call.The phone went on,and all I could hear was him and a Gambian girl having sex.PLEASE LADIES OUT THERE ,DON'T TRUST THEM.
Hmmmm very interesting as the EXACT same thing happened to a girl I know a few weeks ago. If the girl was quite "vocal" it is easy to tell if she is a local rather than a tourist. Can I ask what are his initials - he probably makes a habit of being careless. Just curious now :)

“just move to the left abit !!!”

Since: Jul 10

Location hidden

#8 Jan 29, 2013
jacky p wrote:
Exactly cumupance how does ebony no she was gambian girl. That's so funny I nearly pms. Pprobly the gambian girl wasn't complaining about his love making. Where as a toubab would be heard telling him no you do it like this or do it there. That's the conclusion I can think of for her comment. But it is funny tho.
she was probably asking him what he wanted for dinner or for a new dress or money.... lol.....
Justine

London, UK

#9 Jan 29, 2013
No idea why people have put my post as spam. I was being serious but never mind. Maybe the person would like to state why my post is spam? No, didn't think so!!

“I tell no lies. ”

Since: Nov 11

Location hidden

#10 Jan 29, 2013
Justine. Take no notice of the judgements. Someone always judges wrongly on some posts and the one that needs spam /nuts. Gets brilliant. Pls don't take personally.
Justine

London, UK

#11 Jan 29, 2013
jacky p wrote:
Justine. Take no notice of the judgements. Someone always judges wrongly on some posts and the one that needs spam /nuts. Gets brilliant. Pls don't take personally.
Thank you Jacky as I was being serious and thought!!! OH!!!! That's not nice. Anyway, I shall ignore it then and carry on being curious as it seemed Such a coincidence. Have a nice day.
sandra B

Liverpool, UK

#12 Jan 29, 2013
Justine wrote:
<quoted text>
Hmmmm very interesting as the EXACT same thing happened to a girl I know a few weeks ago. If the girl was quite "vocal" it is easy to tell if she is a local rather than a tourist. Can I ask what are his initials - he probably makes a habit of being careless. Just curious now :)
Never mind the initials whats his name?
Lisa

London, UK

#13 Jan 29, 2013
Justine wrote:
<quoted text>
Thank you Jacky as I was being serious and thought!!! OH!!!! That's not nice. Anyway, I shall ignore it then and carry on being curious as it seemed Such a coincidence. Have a nice day.
Never mind the silly judgements Justine we all get them. What was his name, there are a few scammers who's pictures should be placed in a rogue's gallery at the top of the strip with the road block, so ladies can be warned.

Since: May 12

Location hidden

#14 Jan 29, 2013
jacky p wrote:
I personally don't think you can tell if he's good one. My ex alex was one of the best a good one !! Compared to what I've read on here and seen with my own eyes. He never ever ever ask me for a thing ever. He did 4years later decide to chance his luck and ask for a large amount of money.which he was told to fcuk right off. End off. So the moral off the story is there is no time as they have plenty of it. Time that is!!! Its all about choice tho if a. Woman/man is happy to pay for everything marriage /wedding rings/visa/ rice/money for his family etc. Then its all good. But for me its a big no no no.
If my husband asked me for help with money, black or white, I would help as far as I COULD help. That is kind of a big thing in a relationship in my eyes; helping each other, when needed.
I do not know what he needed money for, but..maybe my husband will ask me for help one day, and I will.

As for the topic, first entrance here..if my husband came from Gambia with only a t-shirt as a gift, and told me he wanted to give his old phone to another person, and I might need it myself, well, I would be pretty hurt. Absolutely.

Some of the stories here seems..well, it seems like some of you are LOOKING for flaws and "bumster-attitudes", instead of actually looking at the man himself. Just my point of view..
Lisa

London, UK

#15 Jan 29, 2013
Binta Ba wrote:
<quoted text>
If my husband asked me for help with money, black or white, I would help as far as I COULD help. That is kind of a big thing in a relationship in my eyes; helping each other, when needed.
I do not know what he needed money for, but..maybe my husband will ask me for help one day, and I will.
As for the topic, first entrance here..if my husband came from Gambia with only a t-shirt as a gift, and told me he wanted to give his old phone to another person, and I might need it myself, well, I would be pretty hurt. Absolutely.
Some of the stories here seems..well, it seems like some of you are LOOKING for flaws and "bumster-attitudes", instead of actually looking at the man himself. Just my point of view..
If your husband found you accommodation at toubab prices instead of locating a cheaper local place what would that tell you about him?.

If he was angry about you giving your old phone to a poor woman with children to support, living on a pittance, what would you think?.

The guy in question was not her husband! but he showed his true colours by expecting the woman to accommodate and feed him.

She was not stupid enough to have bought him a compound or a taxi like some naive toubabs. But she saw him for the bumster that he was by his actions. Let's say some women are more in touch with reality than others.

Since: May 12

Location hidden

#16 Jan 29, 2013
Lisa wrote:
<quoted text>
If your husband found you accommodation at toubab prices instead of locating a cheaper local place what would that tell you about him?.
If he was angry about you giving your old phone to a poor woman with children to support, living on a pittance, what would you think?.
The guy in question was not her husband! but he showed his true colours by expecting the woman to accommodate and feed him.
She was not stupid enough to have bought him a compound or a taxi like some naive toubabs. But she saw him for the bumster that he was by his actions. Let's say some women are more in touch with reality than others.
1: Benefit of the doubt. My husband f.ex, when we were talking about having 3-4 nights in a hotel just me and him ( and let the kid be with his mother in our compound ) only knew of the most expensive ones. He knew the name of only two hotels, and had never used google in his life. So, of course, ten times more easy for me to find something cheap.

2: Like I said; If my husband came to me, and my phone was shit, and he gave a better phone to someone else..well, I would be sad, yes. So I can understand it.

I am not saying the men in yours or Jacky P story is NOT bumsters, I am saying that if you look for failure and wrongs in a person, you will always find it. And the best thing to do, is to put yourself in someone elses shoes before jumping to conclusions.

Like I have said before; Some women might buy their husbands taxis or compounds, yes. And for me, that is over the top. To ship in money with your partner? Yes, good. To pay everything yourself, even though your partner makes money too? Not good.
sandra B

Liverpool, UK

#17 Jan 29, 2013
Binta Ba wrote:
<quoted text>
If my husband asked me for help with money, black or white, I would help as far as I COULD help. That is kind of a big thing in a relationship in my eyes; helping each other, when needed.
I do not know what he needed money for, but..maybe my husband will ask me for help one day, and I will.
As for the topic, first entrance here..if my husband came from Gambia with only a t-shirt as a gift, and told me he wanted to give his old phone to another person, and I might need it myself, well, I would be pretty hurt. Absolutely.
Some of the stories here seems..well, it seems like some of you are LOOKING for flaws and "bumster-attitudes", instead of actually looking at the man himself. Just my point of view..
A big thing in a relationship in my eyes is pooling together both peoples resourses, both ppl working and contributing both ppl taking responsibility for their life together and both ppl having genuine love and respect for the other, I have no respect for any man who sits on his ass all day waiting for his toubab wife to feed him, this is not a real man, not a real husband, just a ponce, also it is when you looked at the man you saw the bumpster and the clever ones run a mile,

“I tell no lies. ”

Since: Nov 11

Location hidden

#18 Jan 29, 2013
Binta ba. I always put my cards on the table with any man I have /had. Out lining what I will do /give in a relationship especially regarding money. Doesn't matter if he's black or white man. I work damn hard for my money as do other ladies on here. So I can do as I please with it its mine I've worked for it I've not begged anyone for it. Everyone one of us as do's and donts and I won't give a man money its just my thing my choice. Alex my ex asked me for 3000 to buy a taxi the damn fool carnt evan drive.when I ask him where he thought I could get 3000 he informed me I could get a loan from the bank. I pmsl and then told him to fcuk right off. I've been a single parent for many many years I need a man to give me nothing. I don't need a man for me to give him money either.!! You do what ever suits you with your husband. And I will do what I choose with my money.
Lisa

London, UK

#19 Jan 29, 2013
sandra B wrote:
<quoted text>A big thing in a relationship in my eyes is pooling together both peoples resourses, both ppl working and contributing both ppl taking responsibility for their life together and both ppl having genuine love and respect for the other, I have no respect for any man who sits on his ass all day waiting for his toubab wife to feed him, this is not a real man, not a real husband, just a ponce, also it is when you looked at the man you saw the bumpster and the clever ones run a mile,
Sandra I agree with you and Jacky 100%. I believe a relationship should be 50/50, and we know that Gambians do not earn a lot. But there is a big difference between a man who works and a guy who sits around smoking and drinking Attaya and expecting a Toubab to be his ATM, a money bags to provide him with a taxi a laptop a compound.

Too many women have spoilt Gambian men, and they have become lazy, Why work when they can follow and prey on toubabs who will feed and clothe them. From childhood they have this notion that a white woman will provide for them and that is where the breakdown happens. Many women, me included could never begin to respect a man who ponces/leeches of a woman, regardless of his nationality. To me that equals prostitution.

If a child of 6 can stand in the heat of the midday sun selling peanuts to earn a few dalasi to feed her family why can't a man get off his lazy backside and do an honest day's work. Get his hands dirty, there is a lot of building going on and a man can always get a job in construction. But the fact is they would rather chat up a solvent Swede or Dutch, and ponce off her for a fortnight.

Since: May 12

Location hidden

#20 Jan 29, 2013
sandra B wrote:
<quoted text>A big thing in a relationship in my eyes is pooling together both peoples resourses, both ppl working and contributing both ppl taking responsibility for their life together and both ppl having genuine love and respect for the other, I have no respect for any man who sits on his ass all day waiting for his toubab wife to feed him, this is not a real man, not a real husband, just a ponce, also it is when you looked at the man you saw the bumpster and the clever ones run a mile,
If a man was sitting down all day, doing nothing, and not trying no change the situation, it would be different.
But things happen in life. You might loose your job, like my husband did, and then what? I should throw him out because I had to take care of the bills for some time..? Earlier, I was the one without a job, he paid the main-part. That is life. Sometimes you are up, sometimes you are down.

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