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Polynesian

Auckland, New Zealand

#1 May 20, 2013
THINK LIKE A SAMOAN

THERE IS THIS GOOD OLD BARBER IN AUCKLAND ....

ONE DAY A FLORIST GOES TO HIM FOR A HAIRCUT.
AFTER THE CUT, HE GOES TO PAY THE BARBER AND THE BARBER REPLIES:

"I AM SORRY I CAN NOT ACCEPT MONEY FROM YOU, I AM DOING THE COMMUNITY SERVICE."
THE FLORIST IS HAPPY AND LEAVES THE SHOP. THE NEXT MORNING WHEN THE BARBER GOES TO OPEN HIS SHOP, THERE IS A "THANK YOU" CARD AND A DOZEN ROSES WAITING AT HIS DOOR .

A POLICEMAN GOES FOR A HAIRCUT AND HE ALSO GOES TO PAY THE BARBER AFTER THE CUT BUT THE BARBER REPLIES:

"I AM SORRY I CAN NOT ACCEPT MONEY FROM YOU, I AM DOING THE COMMUNITY SERVICE''

THE COP IS HAPPY AND LEAVES THE SHOP... THE NEXT MORNING THE BARBER GOES TO OPEN HIS SHOP, THERE IS A "THANK YOU" CARD AND A DOZEN DOUGHNUTS WAITING AT HIS DOOR.

A SAMOAN CAR SALES REP GOES FOR A HAIRCUT AND HE ALSO GOES TO PAY THE BARBER AFTER THE CUT BUT THE BARBER REPLIES:

I AM SORRY I CAN NOT ACCEPT MONEY FROM YOU, I AM DOING THE COMMUNITY SERVICE. "

THE SAMOAN CAR SALES REP IS HAPPY AND LEAVES THE SHOP.

THE NEXT MORNING WHEN THE BARBER GOES TO OPEN HIS SHOP, GUESS WHAT HE FINDS THERE...

CAN YOU GUESS ?(Scroll down)

Scroll down

Come on, think like a Samoan!

A DOZEN OTHER SAMOAN'S WAITING FOR A FREE HAIRCUT !
684renegade

Columbus, GA

#2 May 20, 2013
Polynesian wrote:
THINK LIKE A SAMOAN
THERE IS THIS GOOD OLD BARBER IN AUCKLAND ....
ONE DAY A FLORIST GOES TO HIM FOR A HAIRCUT.
AFTER THE CUT, HE GOES TO PAY THE BARBER AND THE BARBER REPLIES:
"I AM SORRY I CAN NOT ACCEPT MONEY FROM YOU, I AM DOING THE COMMUNITY SERVICE."
THE FLORIST IS HAPPY AND LEAVES THE SHOP. THE NEXT MORNING WHEN THE BARBER GOES TO OPEN HIS SHOP, THERE IS A "THANK YOU" CARD AND A DOZEN ROSES WAITING AT HIS DOOR .
A POLICEMAN GOES FOR A HAIRCUT AND HE ALSO GOES TO PAY THE BARBER AFTER THE CUT BUT THE BARBER REPLIES:
"I AM SORRY I CAN NOT ACCEPT MONEY FROM YOU, I AM DOING THE COMMUNITY SERVICE''
THE COP IS HAPPY AND LEAVES THE SHOP... THE NEXT MORNING THE BARBER GOES TO OPEN HIS SHOP, THERE IS A "THANK YOU" CARD AND A DOZEN DOUGHNUTS WAITING AT HIS DOOR.
A SAMOAN CAR SALES REP GOES FOR A HAIRCUT AND HE ALSO GOES TO PAY THE BARBER AFTER THE CUT BUT THE BARBER REPLIES:
I AM SORRY I CAN NOT ACCEPT MONEY FROM YOU, I AM DOING THE COMMUNITY SERVICE. "
THE SAMOAN CAR SALES REP IS HAPPY AND LEAVES THE SHOP.
THE NEXT MORNING WHEN THE BARBER GOES TO OPEN HIS SHOP, GUESS WHAT HE FINDS THERE...
CAN YOU GUESS ?(Scroll down)
Scroll down
Come on, think like a Samoan!
A DOZEN OTHER SAMOAN'S WAITING FOR A FREE HAIRCUT !
Helll naww...too funny, Poly. Steretypical but still funny. fanx.
Polynesians

Auckland, New Zealand

#4 May 21, 2013
For My Samoan Brother this is too funny

Samoan words of the day (just say this outloud when your reading it, it makes more sense that way)

1.*Cheese*
The teacher told Semisi to use the word cheese in a sentence. Semisi
replies: Malia like me, but cheese fat.

2.*Mushroom*
When all my family get in the car, there's not mushroom.

3.*Shoulder*
My fren wanted 2 become a citizen but she didn't know how to read so I shoulder.

4.* Texas *
My fren always Texas me when I'm not home to aks where I'm gone!

5.*Herpes*
Me and my fren order pizza. I got mine piece and she got herpes.

6.*July*
Ju told me ju was goin to da store and July to me! Julyer!

7.*Rectum*
I had 2 cars but my wife rectum!

8.*Chicken*
I was going to go to the store with my wife but chicken go herself.

9.*Wheelchair*
We only have one piece left, but don't wolly, wheelchair.

10.*Chicken**wing*
My wife plays the lottery so chicken wing.

11.*Harassment*
My wife caught me in bed with another women and I told her honey har-ass-ment nothing to me.

12.*Bishop*
My wife fell down the stair so I had to pick the bishop.

13.*Bodywash*
I want to go to the club but no bodywash my kids.

14.*Budweiser*
That women over there has a nice body, budweiser face so ugly?



Polynesians

Auckland, New Zealand

#5 May 21, 2013


Maria is a beautiful Samoan girl fell in love with Sione. She planned to marry very soon. She was so happy about her wedding plans, she decided to tell her papa. Papa told her, "Maria, you'll have to find another.Your Mother does not know this, but Sione is your half-brother, my son to another woman". So Maria forgot about her Sione, and soon planned to marry Manu .But after telling papa again, he said, "Maria there's trouble still. You cannot marry Manu, my darling. Please don't tell your mother, but Manu is your half-brother too, my other son to another woman..." Maria had no choice but to go to her mama. Mama already knew and said "Don't worry darling, do what makes you happy. Marry Manu or marry Sione, because you are not related to Papa."
Polynesians

Auckland, New Zealand

#6 May 21, 2013
This is a good read!!!!!



To ma dear suka pie,

I was woke up dis morning in da 2pm, and I was fink of you
piutiful face. So I fiiiiinks and fiiiiinks a very lot to maself and I...then a lyt like a bulb pop on in ma mind and I fought to rite a ledder to you...Paaart, is veli hard to say wat you means to ma lyf, so I have ma breakfast in 2:30pm in the morning...Then I fiiiiinks again to rite you are poems from ma heart even tho I steals some words from da lyrics.

You are da flowa of ma eye, you da pird in da sky.
When you tela to me you luff me, you makes ma hart wanna fly.
You reminds me of da santa claus everydime you makes ma day,issss like chingle bells, chingle bells, chiiiingle all da way.

Like UB40 say, da way you steal ma heart you are a crook,
Da way you fink so smaaaarts, you cud luk lyk a book,
Da way you dooze da fings you do.
I likes day way you do da fings you dooze.

Like Lauryn Hill say, da sigght of you makes me weak,
Paaaart ma Auntee was tell to me, ma eye are sore cos of no sleep.
Paaart, you are just too good to be tru,
So I just cant takes me eyesight away from you.

I'm lyk Uncle Bob, is dis luff,is dis luff dat I'm feeling?
Or maybe I fink da raindrop from da hole in ma ceiling?
You are ma COCONUT QUEEN, the gurl of ma dreams.
You remind me of ma alarm, you makes me dinga linga ling.

So to you ma suka pie, I was gant biliv ma eye.
How are person like yourself, is luff me big like da sky.

LuffLongOtime, all da time and full time,
from your sweet bork pie,
Kokanati Fast-Time...LOL...
Polynesians

Auckland, New Zealand

#7 May 21, 2013
"Why Samoans can't be Terrorists"
 8:45 is too early for us to be up
 We are always late, we would have missed all 4 flights
 Pretty people on the plane distract us
 We would talk loudly and bring attention to ourselves
 With food and drinks on the plane, we would forget why we're there
 We talk with our hands, therefore we would have to put our weapons down
 We would ALL want to fly the plane
 We can't keep a secret, we would have told everyone a week before doing it
 We would NOT wanna Commit Suicide For No One
Polynesians

Auckland, New Zealand

#8 May 21, 2013
Samoan Lawyer

Latu grew up in Faleapuna, a village in Samoa and then moved away to NZ
to do his law degree in order to fill up the Samoan Law degree quota.
He decided to come back to Faleapuna because he could be a big man and
really wanted to impress everyone. So he returned and opened his new law office.

The first day, he saw a man coming up the sidewalk. He decided to make a
big impression on this new client when he arrived.
As the man came to the door Latu picked up the phone. He motioned the man in, all the while
talking....'No apsalutely no. You teel dose kuys in Auglands that I won't
settle dis kase for less than one million Talas. Yess!. The Appeals
Court has akreed to hear that kase in da next week. I'll pe handling
da brimary arkument and da ada members of my team will profide subbort.
Ogay. Tell da state prosecutor dat I'll meet him next week do
discuss da dedails'

Latu went on for almost five minutes. All the while the man sat
patiently as Latu rattled instructions. Finally, Latu puts down the
phone and said to his vistor,'I'm sorry for da delay, but as you
can see I'm very pisi what can I do for you?'
The man replied,'I'm from Telecom, I've come to connect your phone line'.
Polynesians

Auckland, New Zealand

#9 May 21, 2013
684renegade wrote:
<quoted text>Helll naww...too funny, Poly. Steretypical but still funny. fanx.
all good ,lol, good laugh , no offense intented to my Samoan Brothers .
Polynesians

Auckland, New Zealand

#10 May 21, 2013
A student studying in Fiji sent his Father an ie fai taga from Fiji. He
didn't know that his father gained weight since he last saw him. The ie
was ornamented with Fijian Ball designs, so it was a nice ie. Every
Sunday, the man would tell his wife to iron his Fijian ie to wear to
church. The man happens to be a deacon, so some Sundays, he would sit
infront with the Pastor.

One particular sunday, his wife told him that his ie was too small, but
he insisted that he wants to wear it to Church anyway. So he did. In
church, he was invited to sit infront with the pastor. He was very
comfortable sitting with the pastor, and he didn't know that his front
side wasn't all covered. One older lady in the congregation saw it, so
she slowly tried to get his attention without the others looking. She
finally did, and she didn't want to make it too obvious, so she just
movd her lips saying, "Lou ie," the man smiled back at her thinking that
she was complimenting on his ie, he nodded in approval, and slowly moved
his lips with a big smile saying, "ole ie mai Fiki." The lady shook
her negatively and again said, "Lou ie." Again the man replied this
time with a bigger smile, he moved his lips saying, "Ioe, ole 'ie mai
Fiki." The lady was angry, so she clenched her teeth, rolled her eyes,
and silently whispered and moved her lips, telling the man what she was
looking at saying, "AU POLO," the man thought she was talking about the
Fijian Ball Designs on his ie, so he again smiled, nodded his head in
approval, and said, "Ioe, O POLO MAI FIKI....."
684renegade

Columbus, GA

#11 May 22, 2013
Ahahahahahahahahaha!Damn, Poly your sheit is hilarious. I wish I could entertain y'all the same, but I am lousy at telling jokes. ROFLMAO! FANX VELI VELI MUCH FOR THE LAUGHS! STILL LAUGHING! MY PEOPLE ARE CRAZY SOMETIMES, FOR REAL! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Polynesians

Auckland, New Zealand

#12 May 22, 2013
There was this Australian Man, English Man and Samoan Man and they all wanted to join the army so the general asks of them the Same Question

First he goes to the Australian , how much money do you have ? he replies one million dollars the general ask what are going to buy, he replies a Bazuka the general ask who are you going to be he repliesí Commando , the general says he can join the army .

The general then ask the English man , how much money do you have ? he replies two hundreds dollars , what are you going to buy? A machine gun, general ask who going to be ? he replies Rambo , general then say he can join the Army

Finally General then ask the Samoan Man , how much money do you have ? he replies I god 2 tala, what the hell, the general says, what can you buy with two tala? A bread the Samoan replies, the general astounded then says who the hell are you going to be with a loaf of bread? The Samoan man replies Breadator
Polynesians

Auckland, New Zealand

#13 May 22, 2013
There was this one afatasi girl who all the boys were attracted to but her father was an overprotective and intimidating fellow -(We know how Samoan fathers can get!) Anyway, whenever a guy was interested in her, she would tell them to climb up the tree next to her bedroom window and make an animal sound so she'd know they were there -then she'd come out to meet them.

One day, George, a palagi guy climbed the tree. The father heard a noise outside and came out with his shotgun. While loading his gun he shouted, "WHO'S THERE?" and George said, "WHOO! WHOO!" So the father says, "Oh, it's just an owl" so he went inside.

The next day, Tyrone, a Meauli guy climbed the tree. Again, the father heard a noise and ran outside with his shotgun and shouted, "WHO'S THERE?" Tyrone then said, "MEOW!" So the father went back into the house and said, "Oh, it's only a cat!"

The next day,Siaosi, a Samoan guy thought he could woo this girl better than any other guy so he climbed the tree. The father heard a noise outside so he came outside with his shotgun and shouted, "WHO'S THERE?" The samoan guy, remembering that he had to make an animal sound said, "MOOOOOO!"

Let's just say, there isn't a happy ending to this one!
Polynesians

Auckland, New Zealand

#14 May 22, 2013
Colours are amaizing ,

There was 3 students, a black-Meauli, a white-Palagi and a Brown-Hamo. The teacher asked them to make a sentence with the colors, green, pink & yellow. The white-Palagi student said, my favorite colors are green, pink & yellow, and the black-Meauli student said, my favorite colors are green and pink but I don't like yellow. The Brown-Hamo student said, "One day I was sitting at home and I heard a green green and then I pink up the phone and I said "YELLOW!!!!!!"
Sasa

Melbourne, Australia

#15 May 22, 2013
hahaha.....too funny
684renegade

Columbus, GA

#16 May 22, 2013
Polynesians wrote:
Colours are amaizing ,
There was 3 students, a black-Meauli, a white-Palagi and a Brown-Hamo. The teacher asked them to make a sentence with the colors, green, pink & yellow. The white-Palagi student said, my favorite colors are green, pink & yellow, and the black-Meauli student said, my favorite colors are green and pink but I don't like yellow. The Brown-Hamo student said, "One day I was sitting at home and I heard a green green and then I pink up the phone and I said "YELLOW!!!!!!"
Ahahahahahahah!
GREEN GREEN! Ahahahahahahahahaha! YELLOW (In my best bass tone). Heo naww,...you crazy!
684renegade

Columbus, GA

#17 May 22, 2013
Polynesians wrote:
There was this Australian Man, English Man and Samoan Man and they all wanted to join the army so the general asks of them the Same Question
First he goes to the Australian , how much money do you have ? he replies one million dollars the general ask what are going to buy, he replies a Bazuka the general ask who are you going to be he repliesí Commando , the general says he can join the army .
The general then ask the English man , how much money do you have ? he replies two hundreds dollars , what are you going to buy? A machine gun, general ask who going to be ? he replies Rambo , general then say he can join the Army
Finally General then ask the Samoan Man , how much money do you have ? he replies I god 2 tala, what the hell, the general says, what can you buy with two tala? A bread the Samoan replies, the general astounded then says who the hell are you going to be with a loaf of bread? The Samoan man replies Breadator
"What the hell? roflmao!
684renegade

Columbus, GA

#18 May 22, 2013
Polynesians wrote:
For My Samoan Brother this is too funny
Samoan words of the day (just say this outloud when your reading it, it makes more sense that way)
1.*Cheese*
The teacher told Semisi to use the word cheese in a sentence. Semisi
replies: Malia like me, but cheese fat.
2.*Mushroom*
When all my family get in the car, there's not mushroom.
3.*Shoulder*
My fren wanted 2 become a citizen but she didn't know how to read so I shoulder.
4.* Texas *
My fren always Texas me when I'm not home to aks where I'm gone!
5.*Herpes*
Me and my fren order pizza. I got mine piece and she got herpes.
6.*July*
Ju told me ju was goin to da store and July to me! Julyer!
7.*Rectum*
I had 2 cars but my wife rectum!
8.*Chicken*
I was going to go to the store with my wife but chicken go herself.
9.*Wheelchair*
We only have one piece left, but don't wolly, wheelchair.
10.*Chicken**wing*
My wife plays the lottery so chicken wing.
11.*Harassment*
My wife caught me in bed with another women and I told her honey har-ass-ment nothing to me.
12.*Bishop*
My wife fell down the stair so I had to pick the bishop.
13.*Bodywash*
I want to go to the club but no bodywash my kids.
14.*Budweiser*
That women over there has a nice body, budweiser face so ugly?
Cheese not fat, she just ain't got mushroom in them jeans! Heo yea! I'm gon' have to steal some of this sheit!
Polynesian

Auckland, New Zealand

#19 May 22, 2013
Two guys, Tongan and Samoan, that are dog owners are
arguing about which dog is smarter....

Tongan guy:'My dog is so smart, every morning he waits for the paper boy to come around and then he takes the newspaper and brings it to me.

Samoan guy:'I know...'

Tongan guy:'How?'

Samoan guy:'My dog told me.'
Polynesians

Auckland, New Zealand

#20 May 22, 2013
three guys walk pass a strip bar, a palagi a maori and a hamo. the Palagi walks in, licks a 100 dollar bill and slaps it on the ladyz bum, the maori walks in licks 100 dollar bill and slaps it on the ladyz bum, the hamo walks in pulls out his eftpos card, swipes it through the ladys bum and takes Palagi and Maori 200 dollars on the ladyz bum, hahahahahha
Polynesians

Auckland, New Zealand

#21 May 22, 2013
Sione sitting in class, just wanting so desperately to be 'like the other kids'. The teacher asks, "who can give me a sentence with...Boy?" Sione was JUST about to put his hand up, but Peter beat him. "I.... am .... a ... boy". "Very good Peter! Well done! Who can give me a sentence with......Girl?" Once again, Sione was J..U..S..T about to put his hand up when up shot Vanessa's hand. "I.... am.... a ....girl!!" Well done Vanessa! that was excellent! Okay, the last word for the day..." Sione was not gonna let this one slide past THIS time! "Who can give me a sentence with.....'WAS'? Sione shot his hand up straight away and said, "I.... am .... a....was"

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