Russian Jokes FUNNY! Muwahahahaha!

Russian Jokes FUNNY! Muwahahahaha!

Posted in the Russia Forum

The Jackal

Ottawa, Canada

#1 Mar 12, 2009
Stalin's ghost appears to Putin in a dream, and Putin asks for his help running the country. Stalin says, "Round up and shoot all the democrats, and then paint the inside of the Kremlin blue." "Why blue?" Putin asks. "Ha!" says Stalin. "I knew you wouldn't ask me about the first part."

Putin goes to a restaurant with Medvedev and orders a steak. The waiter asks, "And what about the vegetable?" Putin answers, "The vegetable will have steak too."

A Russian is strolling down the street in Moscow and kicks a bottle laying in the street. Suddenly out of the bottle comes a Genie. The Russian is stunned and the Genie says, "Hello master, I will grant you one wish, anything you want."
The Russian begins thinking, "Well, I really like drinking vodka." Finally the Russian says, "I wish to drink vodka whenever I want, so make me piss vodka."
The Genie grants him his wish. When the Russian gets home he gets a glass out of the cupboard and pisses in it. He looks and the glass and it's clear. Looks like vodka. Then he smells the liquid. Smells like vodka. So he takes a taste and it is the best vodka he has ever tasted.
The Russian yells to his wife, "Natasha, Natasha, come quickly!" She comes running down the hall and the Russian takes another glass out of the cupboard and pisses into it. He tells her to drink, it is vodka. Natasha is reluctant but goes ahead and takes a sip. It is the best vodka she has ever tasted. The two drink and party all night.
The next night the Russian comes home from work and tells his wife to get two glasses out of the cupboard. He proceeds to piss in the two glasses. The result is the same, the vodka is excellent and the couple drink until the sun comes up.
Finally Friday night comes and the Russian comes home and tells his wife, "Natasha grab one glass from the cupboard and we will drink vodka." His wife gets the glass from the cupboard and sets it on the table. The Russian begins to piss in the glass and when he fills it his wife asks him, "But Boris, why do we need only one glass?"
Boris raises the glass and says, "Because tonight my dear, you drink from the *bottle*."

MUWAHAHAHA!
The Jackal

Ottawa, Canada

#2 Mar 12, 2009
The year is 2010. In Moscow, a boy asks, "Grandpa, what is a line?"
"You see, some twenty years back, there was not enough meat in stores, so people had to form long queues at the stores' entrances and wait hoping some meat would appear on sale. That was called line. Did you get it?"
"Yes, Grandpa. And what is meat?"

Khrushchev visited a pig farm and was photographed there. In a newspaper's office, a discussion is under way what should be the caption under the picture.

"Comrade Khrushchev among pigs," "Comrade Khrushchev and pigs," "Pigs around comrade Khrushchev," -- all is rejected. Finally the editor makes the decision. The caption is "The third from left - comrade Khrushchev."

MUWAHAHAHA!
maria pienada

Carmichael, CA

#4 Dec 10, 2012
your jokes are gay and i hate you very much love always maria
maria pienada

Carmichael, CA

#5 Dec 10, 2012
i was just kidding about my post above i love your jokes
Pro Ukraine

UK

#6 Dec 10, 2012
I'll bet that Uther Pendragon isn't laughing at these jokes, the sensitive dimwit poofter only finds ethnic jokes funny, if they aren't about his fellow Russians. :-)
TheLox

Bound Brook, NJ

#7 Dec 10, 2012
*Reads the joke, and puts yet another cigarette out in water* Tssssss

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#8 Dec 15, 2012
The Jackal wrote:
The year is 2010. In Moscow, a boy asks, "Grandpa, what is a line?"
"You see, some twenty years back, there was not enough meat in stores, so people had to form long queues at the stores' entrances and wait hoping some meat would appear on sale. That was called line. Did you get it?"
"Yes, Grandpa. And what is meat?"
Khrushchev visited a pig farm and was photographed there. In a newspaper's office, a discussion is under way what should be the caption under the picture.
"Comrade Khrushchev among pigs," "Comrade Khrushchev and pigs," "Pigs around comrade Khrushchev," -- all is rejected. Finally the editor makes the decision. The caption is "The third from left - comrade Khrushchev."
MUWAHAHAHA!
Pata nahi kiya likha gadhy ne.
Nice joke MUWAHAHAHA
That guy

Lilburn, GA

#9 Jan 28, 2013
I am ruusian and I love vodka although I would never drink it from my junk
That guy

Lilburn, GA

#10 Jan 28, 2013
Wink
Avg Joe

Bedminster, NJ

#11 Jan 28, 2013
Pro Ukraine wrote:
I'll bet that Uther Pendragon isn't laughing at these jokes, the sensitive dimwit poofter only finds ethnic jokes funny, if they aren't about his fellow Russians.:-)
This is true.

“In the cockles of weirdness”

Since: Oct 12

Location hidden

#12 Jan 28, 2013
Here's something funny

http://www.topix.com/member/profile/polskahus...

LOL

How many is that now??

“In the cockles of weirdness”

Since: Oct 12

Location hidden

#13 Jan 28, 2013
Huge Kielbasa
that stupid vampire one
PolskaHusaria

His Hal profile still works...

I wonder how many times it takes to get IP banned?

“Been to Polakia...”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#14 Jan 29, 2013
-sunshine wrote:
Huge Kielbasa
that stupid vampire one
PolskaHusaria
His Hal profile still works...
I wonder how many times it takes to get IP banned?
not an answer you are looking for, I know, but I read, that the only way to eliminate such trolls is using a silver arrow in between eyes...

“In the cockles of weirdness”

Since: Oct 12

Location hidden

#15 Jan 29, 2013
Atasas wrote:
<quoted text>
not an answer you are looking for, I know, but I read, that the only way to eliminate such trolls is using a silver arrow in between eyes...
I would have poked Abe in the eye long ago if I wasn't afraid of damaging my computer monitor!

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