Comments
1 - 20 of 48 Comments Last updated Sep 23, 2009
First Prev
of 3
Next Last

Since: Jan 08

Indonesia

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#1
Sep 4, 2009
 
>Malaysia

A recent conspiracy theory created by PM Najis Tong Rosak to further screw you non-malay. 1Malaysia means that only one race is considered to be Malaysian, other race can either go back China or India.

>Ethnic composition

Population structure of Malaysia in 2009 are: Malays (60%), Chinese (23%), Indians (10%), Orang Asli (5%), Caucasians (1%). The rest are Pakistanis, Burmese, Nepalese, Indonesians, Arabs and some Aliens and rapists. Black people are not welcomed. Being black in Malaysia carries a mandatory death penalty and every black entering the country will get arrested and hanged within 3 hours.
Ibans are so technologically advanced race that they stay deep inside the jungle. They gave name to IBAN number in banking (Iban number is the number of Iban workers working in a bank). Malaysians do not speak of Ibans anymore because have changed they name from Iban to Kelabit (pronounced Club IT). This is to show their devotion the technology.
Kadazans/Dusuns consisting only 3% of total population are slowly being known to have great talents with participations in more than half of available reality tv singing competitions. They however will never get any record deals and continue performing in low-paying cultural shows.
Hypocrisy is the most important part of national culture and any person who is not a hypocrite is labeled as terrorists. Terrorists supposedly make up 2% of country's population, although their existence has yet to be confirmed.
Ethnicity is such a big issue in Bolehland that it is the only countries is the world that require information about your "race" when you sit for a national exam. The Minister of Education of course denies any favouring towards the Malays but everyone knows that if you are non-Malay, the job of marking your paper will be outsourced to another country, usually Zaire, Chile, Guatemala, Imaginationland, and Krakozhia(The place where Tom Hanks came from in the movie "The Terminal").
Still, the Malays are generous enough to do extra badly in the exams and thus end up with marks lower than the Chinese or Indians. However, most Malays regret neglecting their education and not being able to make good money and so they usually take on jobs that allow them to feel the money in their hands for a little while. Examples are toll booth attendants, fast food restaurant cashiers, and those people that sit in front of public toilets to collect 20 cents per toilet entry, plus another 20 cents for toilet paper.

Since: Jan 08

Indonesia

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#2
Sep 4, 2009
 
>National Culture Facts

NATIONAL EXCUSE for HAIR LOSS: Maggi Mee.
NATIONAL EXCUSE for being LATE: Traffic Jam.
NATIONAL CONDOM: None. Most Malaysians still feel embarrassed buying condoms. So they rush into a 7-11, hurriedly grab the nearest pack, any pack, pay and leave before the cashier can even blink an eye.
NATIONAL FRUIT for inducing MENSTRUATION: Pineapple and Cu-cum-ber (Cucumber)
NATIONAL APHRODISIAC DRINK: Air Bandung. Many swear by it. But after a few pints they start swearing at everything...
NATIONAL FAKE ILLNESS for GETTING MC(MEN): Food poisoning.
NATIONAL FAKE ILLNESS for GETTING MC(WOMEN): Menstrual Pain
NATIONAL EXCUSES GIVEN by WOMEN when REFUSING SEX: Headache, kids not asleep, maid not asleep, mother-in-law around, early appointment, period, haven't removed make-up, haven't had a shower, no water supply, going to watch "Desperate Housewives", depressed, no mood, etc...
NATIONAL EXCUSES GIVEN by MEN when REFUSING SEX: None. Malaysian men never refuse sex.
NATIONAL CURE for HEADACHES: Panadol. The "cure for all." If it fails we have another secret weapon; Tiger Balm.
NATIONAL CURE for DIZZINESS: Minyak Angin Nyonyong
NATIONAL CAUSE for DIZZINESS (for YUPPIES): Happy Hours.
NATIONAL INSTANT CURE for DIZZINESS (Dedicated for YUPPIES): The sight of a police roadblock.
NATIONAL WORKING HOURS: 10.30am - 12.30am, 3pm-5pm (go see government office to see for yourself)
NATIONAL RUBBISH DUMP: Anywhere, as long as it is not your house.
NATIONAL most MIS-PRONOUNCED NAME: Carrefour. Sometimes even pronounced as Carry 4! On second thought, why bother pronouncing silly French names like Peugeot, Renault or Citroen correctly. I think it sounds better when the local mechanics say "Pew Jeot." When I was in school, Milo was always 'MeeLo.' Now that I'm sophisticated, I say "My Lo." So don't be embarrassed saying "Carry 4" when the Mat Sallehs shamelessly pronounce orang utan as "orangootan."
NATIONAL ROADSIDE DISTRACTION: The Bra-less Tourist. See how heads turn and traffic slows down when a bra-less Mat Salleh backpacker goes "bouncing" about on the streets.
NATIONAL Favorite Day : Holiday & Pay Day
NATIONAL SPORT : DOTA , SKODENG, TIKAM
NATIONAL Football Team : Pasukan Harimau Tua Tidak Bergigi
NATIONAL Cars : Plotonk, PERADUA( Perusahaan Automobilsilalurosak Dua Roda)
NATIONAL movies : Kehidupan Seorang Pramugara yang suka Melampau , KL Menangis ,Rempit mati dilanggar apek Cina
NATIONAL searches on Yahoo and Google : Sex Melayu, Melayu tudung bogel, skodeng amoi, Melayu tembam, kongkek cikgu

Since: Jan 08

Indonesia

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#3
Sep 4, 2009
 
>Language : Rojak

The official and most widely spoken language of Malaysians is Rojak Language, also known as Bahasa Rojak. Rojak language often regarded as the World's 2nd International Language by experts for its diversity and uniqueness by combining various languages. It consists of Malay, Chinese, Tamil, English, Japanese, Spanish, French, Hokkien, Thai, Elven, Orc, Pokemon, Digimon, Mars, Venus, and many more. With that, everyone can communicate without the need to know more than 1 language. This is very useful in foreign nations as messages can be conveyed effectively using only Rojak. Rojak is also the simplest language ever constructed, just follow the following rules.
Law:

* Add "Lah" in the end of every sentence. Bob your head when doing that.
* Use "maybe", "can", "dunno" extensively.
* Each sentence must consist of more than 3 dialects/languages.
* If you dont know what to do next just say "OK" and nod your head.

Sentence Examples:

* "I wan eat Coke."
* "All your base are belong to us lah brother"
* "Orang tu kawaii lai de"

Useful and Common Phrases
for example:
* Hello/Hi - WASSUP BRUDDER LONG TIEM NU SEE
* GoodBye - Aiyah no time talk liao baibai
* Where's the toilet?- Oi kawan, where jamban?
* Let's have sex - I wan rape you can ah?
* Are you a hooker?- Satu malam berapa?
* Why did you kill my cow?- BODOH! Ay Fookin ke you Lemak!
* I will have your daughter's hand in marriage.- Tandas! Tandas! Tandas!
* One Cheeseburger and a large coke - Oi TAUKEH, burger and cola kasi satu!

Malay chatspeak has become a language of its own.
Eamples:
"i x tau cam mne nk ckp cam tuh :3" -
Saya tak tahu macam mana nak cakap macam itu *cute smiley*.

"lor ko x tau cite ker..
ary sabtu ary tu..
kiteorg ade lawan bola antare bilik..
time maen bola die okey jer..
abis maen jer tibe2 die ckp die sesak napas..
ingatkn semput biase jer
urut2 la dada die..
pasti die ckp die x tahan da..
on the way g hospital die da x der..
soday gak ar.." -
/lor/ kau tak tau cerita ke
hari sabtu hari itu
kita orang ada lawan bola antara bilik
time(english, duh) main bola dia okay saja
habis main saja tiba tiba dia cakap dia sesak nafas
ingatkan semput(out of breath) biasa saja
urut urut la dada dia
pasti dia cakap dia tak tahan dah
on the way pergi hospital dia dah tak ada
sedih juga ah"

Credits to a friend for translating the 2nd part of it.

It is a mixture or Malay, English, and many abbreviations, in other words... incomprehensible.

Since: Jan 08

Indonesia

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#4
Sep 4, 2009
 
>Intellectual Jobs in Malaysia
* Datuk - Becoming a Datuk in Malaysia promise bright future. You can easily take big contract from government and give it to some chinese contractor. They will buy you some house and Mercedes. Not to mention, this also opens more opportunity for extra side income from bribes which is TAX FREE!
* Traffic Police - Only Malays can apply. Their job is simple - ask a driver to pull over, tell him that he has offended many traffic laws (invent one if they couldn't find any) and tell him that they can 'settle' for the expensive fines by a small token of good gesture. Simply ask the drivers to pass some money under their driver's license, and then bid him farewell with the words like "you senang, saya pun senang" and "Ingat, saya anti rasuah!"
* Bandaraya Officer - Also known as city council officer. It's a form of legalized gangsterism. Only Malays can apply. Job scope includes legal extortion, confiscating mamak stall tables and chairs, confiscating tables, red cloth and VCD from illegal VCD peddlers and so on. Must be a good auctioneer as well as all confiscated items will be auctioned off."
* Toll Money Collector - Sparta requires all males to be fit and healthy, and the same goes to Malaysia's toll collectors. They must have perfect limbs - the left hand must be well developed for it is essential to operate the ticket machine and the cash register. The right hand must be well-built to move non-stop from 8 to 10 daily, and the legs are vital because occasionally they need to abandon their boxes to avoid vehicle crashes to the toll booth. If any of the candidates for the job do not fulfill the required requirements, His Anal Majesty Anwar himself will see to it that the failed candidates will be sodomized and thrown down into the blissful mountains the Chinese call 'Nirvana', the (M)ush-lims 'Bukit Tinggi', the Indians 'N/A'(as the national motto goes, "It's not our problem anyway").
* Ah Long - Interested applicants must be Chinese, be fluent in Cantonese, Hokkien, Hakka (being able to curse proficiently is a bonus), have blond hair, killer, liar, have one pierced ear and drive a used Proton Wira with windows tinted as black as Booker T, complete with spoiler so big the car dwarfs an A380, and a muffler the size of Neptune. Also must regularly to kill, kurung people in the sangkar. Must be literate and able to write on small notebooks call buku 555 (so called for the numbers '555' on the cover). An essential skill is the ability to sneak into the homes of people that can't repay their loans (mostly gamblers, other Ah Longs, old Aunties addicted to DaMaCai, or just lazy school kids that want to buy Ragnarok Online characters off eBay) and paint threatening Chinese words (must be in red paint) on their walls. Must also have an affinity with techno music.

Since: Jan 08

Indonesia

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#5
Sep 4, 2009
 
* Chettiar - The Indian equivalent to Ah Longs. Applicant must be Indian (duh), pot-bellied, have curly moustaches, carry huge black umbrella and carry a huge suitcase in one hand. Also must be able to pull off a Bollywood fight scene in case a client refuses to pay his loans.
* Mat Rempit - Pseudo-professional motocycle stuntmen, soon to be dead. Only Malays can apply. Becoming a Mat Rempit is a guarantor of a good future, with the backup support from the government agency call Putera Tak Senonoh Umno. You only need to do stupid motorcycle stunts on your motorbike on a public road to attract more tourists for Year Visit Malaysia 2007. If you don't have money to spend, become a part-time snatch thief or robber. Getting arrested is a definite occupational hazard, but don't worry - just use bribe the Police and everything will be settled.
* Mat Skodeng - Only available to Muslims. Also known as government sanctioned Peeping Toms, these are some of the best jobs EVAR!!!!!(if you're a pervert, which is everybody). Basically you find Muslim couples having sex, film them and then report them! AWESOME! You can hand it over to the government to gain commission or sell these films at the "pasar malam" with titles such as 'Seks di tepi Sungai Besi' and 'Perdana Menteri yang Terlampau'.
* VCD/DVD Seller - An easy job that just needs you to sell VCDs in the Pasar Malam or around the food court. The fixed price for one VCD is RM5(less than US$2 - important to remember when selling to gwai los). The price for one DVD ranges from RM8-RM10. Selling porn carries the highest profit. This job is better than becoming Multi Level Marketing salesman, because you can get an average salary of RM100 per night. However hawkers must always be aware of undercover police that might be nearby.
* Ladyboys - A amusingly high status job for the desperate ones. It's only available at night at certain places such as Mentari Court, Chow Kit, and some back alleys along SS15. Job requirements include (but are not limited to) the ability to pleasure both sexes, having split sex (as in can be a male and a female), the ability to seduce men, women, and other ladyboys. Might have to prepare for police raids and unoccasional GANG BANG rape. According to the current market, a ladyboy can earn RM2,000 to RM 3,000 a night depending on the skills and ability of the ladyboy. Worst comes to worst - Thailand is always open to you.

Since: Jan 08

Indonesia

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#6
Sep 4, 2009
 
* TehTarikCrew - This is one of the most promising intellectual jobs you can do in glorious country of Malaysia, where all you need to do is dress up all in blue, wear funky leather shoes, and don officer hats. Their job is to ride on the cool lorry trucks (as seen on the MTV hit show "Jihad My Ride") and go on tehtarik raids, scheduled between Malaysian Time 10.00PM to 2.00AM. The raid will consist of 10-20 Level 1 Rogues, as seen in their obvious outfits of leather shoes. To be one of the TehTarikCrew members, one must have at least level 1 Pilfering skills, as required by Arcadia.
* CALL CENTER MANIA - The most famous job now days lor..open to all un-educated malaysians..especially the dumb malays..and rempit can join delivery service.. McDonalds delivery(the most lousy delivery service ever) it took them 45 min to one hour to deliver my freeking food? call now..!! any call center number available to your eyes..just to end up with a dumb malay at the end of line.. "yess sir" "no sirr" the only word the know how to pronounce properly. and when they cant take it anymore, "I tak tau lar sir" "YOu boleh speaking with my supervisor" "I nih bodoh sirr"
* TMnerd SHITmyx technical assistance - The easiest job in the world. Just have to pick up the phone, ask for user verification, then ask the caller to unplug the phone line and plug-in again, then restart the computer. You have to memorise the speech and repeat it 500million times a day, because apparently Terrorkom wants to save money.
* UMNO Activist - Threaten Malaysians with Keris and degrade non-Malays as immigrants and slaves. Sick and racist, but very good pay. Only rich half-Malays and Malay pretenders can apply - genuine Malays are advised to remain in their kampung and mind their own business.
* MCA/MIC Activist - Good choice for non-Malays who still wish to get the money and power benefits that UMNO activists have.
* Mamak Stall Worker - Majority taken up by Indian Muslims. Must be able to tolerate racist remarks and flip Roti Canais 24/7. Poor salary, but they don't really care. Must be able to prepare for raids from Bandaraya at any given time.
Note: The truth is, most of the brightest minds have migrated away and now the government is trying to woo them back with pay which is much less than half of what they earn overseas. However they're given benefits like free prostitute access, and lifetime supply of Bak Kut Teh.
malingsia impoten

Indonesia

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#7
Sep 4, 2009
 
tak da satupun malon yang membantah
sahih,,,sah,,faham awak neh
kah kah kah@@@@

Since: Jan 08

Indonesia

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#8
Sep 4, 2009
 
>Mat Rempits
Mat Rempit were formerly Malay retards and idiots. However they evolved into sub-intelligent primates somewhere in 1971 and joined the circus as clowns. In 1982 they stopped growing tails, and moved on to 70cc motorbikes because they no longer have tails that might get burnt accidentally by the exhaust pipe.
Although they were considered retards during that time, they somehow managed to perform Hollywood stunts in real life. Through their understanding of air resistance, they created a super-low-cost-and-fuel-effici ent method of riding the motorbikes. The Mat Rempit is Malaysia's super-low-cost-pastime for Malay retards to show-off their biking skills on the traffic-ridden streets of Kuala Lumpur.
These kids are so desperate, they must do zig zag like a monkey, look backwards at full speed (very important tactic) and suddenly stop at roadside smoking, phone calling, etc. The crazier they drive, the sexier they look, it seems.
Mat Rempits also have been influenced by the western art and media culture, taking up terms such as Superman , Spiderman, Ironman, Cicakman and also Deadman. They start from young, when their dads give them their very first "kapcais" (100cc motorbikes).
However, they are also very patriotic too by waving Malaysian flags all around during Independence Day shouting "Merdeka!", and then ending up under a van.
They are also main contributors to Malaysia's Vision 2020 goal to have a 70 million population through mass rape of gullible Malay teenagers and their fellow Minah Rempits. Their role is absolutely crucial because the population growth of the Malays are grinding to a halt - both due to migration and improved family planning. The government hopes someday to populate the entire streets with crazy-ass Mat Rempits and show the entire world just how responsible Malaysian bikers are.

Since: Jan 08

Indonesia

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#9
Sep 4, 2009
 
* Mat Rempit poem

Mat Rempit is damn guai lan,
he modifies a small kenderaan,
drive his awek to see cendawan,
and she will ask,”What do you want??”

“Your buah dada is so menggodakan.”
“And I don’t want to be your kawan.”
“I want to be your special one.”
“And fuck you everyday like no kawalan.”

The awek has got no pilihan,
she has to take off all her pakaian,
and start the adult mia permainan,
that is how she lost her kesucian.

First time she feels a little kesakitan,
and screams out loud for pertolongan,
later she asks for mau tambahan,
hopes that Mat Rempit will teruskan.

Mat Rempit says got perubahan,
he goes and gets a peralatan,
and calls all his kawan-kawan,
says this will be a lot more fun
Gandring celeng

Kulai, Malaysia

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#10
Sep 4, 2009
 
gandring wrote:
>Malaysia
A recent conspiracy theory created by PM Najis Tong Rosak to further screw you non-malay. 1Malaysia means that only one race is considered to be Malaysian, other race can either go back China or India.
>Ethnic composition
Population structure of Malaysia in 2009 are: Malays (60%), Chinese (23%), Indians (10%), Orang Asli (5%), Caucasians (1%). The rest are Pakistanis, Burmese, Nepalese, Indonesians, Arabs and some Aliens and rapists. Black people are not welcomed. Being black in Malaysia carries a mandatory death penalty and every black entering the country will get arrested and hanged within 3 hours.
Ibans are so technologically advanced race that they stay deep inside the jungle. They gave name to IBAN number in banking (Iban number is the number of Iban workers working in a bank). Malaysians do not speak of Ibans anymore because have changed they name from Iban to Kelabit (pronounced Club IT). This is to show their devotion the technology.
Kadazans/Dusuns consisting only 3% of total population are slowly being known to have great talents with participations in more than half of available reality tv singing competitions. They however will never get any record deals and continue performing in low-paying cultural shows.
Hypocrisy is the most important part of national culture and any person who is not a hypocrite is labeled as terrorists. Terrorists supposedly make up 2% of country's population, although their existence has yet to be confirmed.
Ethnicity is such a big issue in Bolehland that it is the only countries is the world that require information about your "race" when you sit for a national exam. The Minister of Education of course denies any favouring towards the Malays but everyone knows that if you are non-Malay, the job of marking your paper will be outsourced to another country, usually Zaire, Chile, Guatemala, Imaginationland, and Krakozhia(The place where Tom Hanks came from in the movie "The Terminal").
Still, the Malays are generous enough to do extra badly in the exams and thus end up with marks lower than the Chinese or Indians. However, most Malays regret neglecting their education and not being able to make good money and so they usually take on jobs that allow them to feel the money in their hands for a little while. Examples are toll booth attendants, fast food restaurant cashiers, and those people that sit in front of public toilets to collect 20 cents per toilet entry, plus another 20 cents for toilet paper.
Provocation you do not have results.

you're just lying to the people of Indonesia

Since: Jan 08

Indonesia

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#11
Sep 4, 2009
 
>Wonders of Malaysia

1. The Happy Penis Palace: Known in Malay as Istana Zakaria. The only building built with no approval and unpaid assessment fees that is not demolished and sealed. The owner is the first bankrupt to be able to own a palace.

2. The 'Bocor' Parliament: The unique feature is its ability to ‘leak’ away billions of taxpayers money while the guardians of the nation stood there all wet.

3. The 'Unhaunted' Kuching Prison: The only $600M prison in this world that is free of haunted stories and encounters. Reasons: No execution was done here before. In fact no prisoners were held in here. There are also no concrete walls with barbed wires to contain souls - both dead and alive. Maybe it can qualify as the first imaginary prison built with real money.

4. Paya Indah 'Wasted' Wetlands: The nation’s premier eco-tourism park holds the record in the category of attracting more lawyers with litigation than tourists with binoculars.

5. STUPID Tunnel: Uniquely design to alleviate floods. When completed, it does everything except alleviate floods.

6.‘Disconnected' Cyberjaya: The one and only high tech city in the world that offers limited or no internet connection to its residents.

7. Crooked 'Crooked' Bridge: The most crooked bridge in the world dreamt by the most crooked person in the world. Too bad it was abandoned; otherwise it will make it as one of the wonders.

8. Istana Khir Toyo: Discovered in mid-2009, instantly became a cultural and historical landmark, being the first RM24-Million palace to be built on a Dentist/Menteri Besar's salary and a RM3.5 million loan from HSBC bank. Amenities include swimming pools, jacuzzis and 16 bedrooms for BN sex parties.
Gandring celeng

Kulai, Malaysia

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#12
Sep 4, 2009
 
gandring wrote:
* Mat Rempit poem
Mat Rempit is damn guai lan,
he modifies a small kenderaan,
drive his awek to see cendawan,
and she will ask,”What do you want??”
“Your buah dada is so menggodakan.”
“And I don’t want to be your kawan.”
“I want to be your special one.”
“And fuck you everyday like no kawalan.”
The awek has got no pilihan,
she has to take off all her pakaian,
and start the adult mia permainan,
that is how she lost her kesucian.
First time she feels a little kesakitan,
and screams out loud for pertolongan,
later she asks for mau tambahan,
hopes that Mat Rempit will teruskan.
Mat Rempit says got perubahan,
he goes and gets a peralatan,
and calls all his kawan-kawan,
says this will be a lot more fun
Dispose of your hurt feelings
Gandring celeng

Kulai, Malaysia

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#13
Sep 4, 2009
 
malingsia impoten wrote:
tak da satupun malon yang membantah
sahih,,,sah,,faham awak neh
kah kah kah@@@@
we bring out those lazy stupid.

Since: Jan 08

Indonesia

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#14
Sep 4, 2009
 
hahah ada yang emosi tuh... dasar malon alien.. kalian sebaiknya tinggal di planet of apes.. tak cocok lah tinggal di bumi..

Since: Jan 08

Indonesia

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#18
Sep 4, 2009
 
malon bangang pada kabur yak?? hahaha

Since: Jan 08

Indonesia

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#19
Sep 4, 2009
 
>Education of Malaysia

Schools in Malaysia educate the children primarily about the smatijove, and also to become high achievers; eg. to be able to create the HIGHEST pile of pirated VCDs, the LONGEST line of cows, or even the BIGGEST Ramly burger. To achieve the best of the best results, school children are made to carry huge bags containing heavy books and other heavy items every day to school. This builds up their back muscles and backbone so that they will not only look great, but also have an excellent overall support of the body. If you disagree with this, you are not patriotic! Students have to wake up at 6am everyday, wear ONLY white uniforms to school like a funeral, carrying their hundred pound bag to school(especially those from chinese school, malay school are lazy they didn't need any book at all) If you do not tuck in your shirt, you will spend a lot of time running away from teachers to avoid getting caught. Your bag must be over 15 kilos, if not, you will be labelled as stupid and lazy. Oh, and carry it on one strap (a must). Name tags are used in school so the air-headed teachers don't acuatly have to memorize your name by heart.

The teachers in High School have total control of you. They can whip, rotan, and smack you like there's no tomorrow when you did something stupid like forgetting to bring your name tag. No, you cannot sue a teacher because your parents will always support your teacher. The education system will at one point stream the children according to what theyre good at. Children who are weird or nerdy will be streamed towards science, while those who are not nerdy enough and are actually normal will be streamed to the arts. Those who are only good at sports... well, who cares about them. As you can see, the Malaysian education system is kind enough to dictate your future for you. Where else there will be some cases where you see non-bumi people getting 7A's for their SPM finally working as pirated vcd sellers & the so called bumi people getting their chances to go study overseas with their single A's.

Since: Jan 08

Indonesia

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#21
Sep 4, 2009
 
IPTA (Public University)

Malaysia is the only weird and Boleh country which the selection of entering these public or government university is based on race not on result. If you are Malay and get score 'C' don't worry you still able to enter the Public University easily, however if you are not Malay but score good result(B and above) then get lost. The quota for IPTA or the public/government university in Malaysia is based on race, Malay 70%(wtf but the population of Malay in Bolehland is just 60%!), Chinese 17%, Indian 8% and 5% for Orang Asli, Kadazan, Iban or Mangali. Another funny education system in Malaysia is the matriculation, here Malay will take 85% of place while Chinese and Indian will only take 15%. You won't and will never fail in the matriculation exam and comfirm you will enter the Public University at all cost(aiya malay mah...) However for those non-bumi which didn't selected for matriculation the only selection is go to Form 6 which will take 1 year longer than the matriculation and 10 times more harder than the matriculation.

Kolej (College)

Malaysia has private universities college such as Monash and Taylor's Kolej (College). The lecturers speak in half broken english and the mispronounciations are hilarious. They claim to have PHDs and Doctorates but, all these degrees are actually bought from diploma mills that have weirds names like irish international univerisity which ireland claims to have no knowledge of and to top it all of they can't teach properly. Any questions they don't know the answer to they'll answer with "cannot" + "lah" at the end. Directors scrutinize lecturers who keeps it real and in your "face" because Malaysia doesn't believe in that. Attendance is mandatory and it is recorded due to the backward style Malaysians like to use in controlling all people in the kingdom. Shorts and sandals are considered to be the uniform of most commoners. Shoes and proper clothings that you didn't sleep in are frowned upon. Kolej students spend their time in non-sexual relations such as mamak eating group massacres (ie: a group of 20+ malays to go eat at a local mamak) here they discuss their school work and watch wrestling. The girls think they all that cuz they go to Kolej and there for makes them the ultimate beings when they smoke their sempoernas.

Kolej in Malaysia is equivalent to a flea market in the hood, people are most likely would try to sell you something in between classes. They'll have excuses like it's for charity or some shit but we all know the money goes to the Chinese cook thats grinning behind the cafeteria booth. Everything costs extra money, your fees are not enough; for example in order to pass a certain theater class in Taylor's Kolej one must go see certain plays in a place far away, which the faggot lecturer expects you to pay for the transportation and pay for the play itself. Your grades depend on it, so it's like they won't let you take your final exam unless you pay them RM50. They claim it's the better education, yes it's true to some extent but like everything in Malaysia it is lost in translation.

DISCLAIMER: The chinky chong who wrote this article has no PhD himself, neither has he done any research or has any publications in his life, but reserves the right to criticize the rest of the country. What about his broken english you say? It's called "chinklish", which he thinks is proper. To justify himself, Chinky ass here carries a certificate from his chinky sharman that says he has the widespread Bodohland-CHINK slit eye disease called Syok sendiri aka head up own ass syndrome.

DISCLAIMER-DISCLAIMER: The above racist fascist pig has obviously no merit to his argument and thus you may now disregard it and retain your (obviously biased) view on local Unis in Malaysia. He is also probably Malay and therefore does not recognize 'Freedom of speech' for other people, though he obviously exercises his freedom of speech.

Since: Jan 08

Indonesia

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#22
Sep 4, 2009
 
Art Colleges

Art students in Malaysia are not allow to study human body drawing, it was banned some 20 years ago because the government see it as GATAL (erotic, dirty and lust), no no, you are not allow to see nude (that explain why the country is so desperate about BOGEL internet). If you go to art college in Malaysia, human body study session means drawing male models wearing football pants. The Malay-Muslim art students are also not allowed to draw women wearing the Malay traditional sarong, because that is also consider GATAL. So, art students in Malaysia MUST only draw clean things or else they will be in trouble. Today, there is a controversy going on. Malay-Muslim art student came up with a brilliant idea of drawing invisible woman dressed only in Victoria Secret panty and bra. Whether or not it is allowed or banned, we shall know in near future.

Government Scholarship

Generally the Malaysian government loves their citizen so much so that they have many organizations providing scholarships to their future leaders. Despite the sheer amount of scholarships given, one would notice that among 9,999,999 government scholarship holders, 9,999,990 are babiputeras (Malays), 5 are local Chinese, 3 are local Indians and only 1 of them are from the REAL orang asli(natives) of this country. The main reason for this natural occurrence is unknown as even the government denies having knowledge of this seemingly random allocation of scholarships. But over the years there had been many speculations by the citizens over how Malaysia's mother nature pick their scholarship holders. Apparently one of the deciding factors is the length of the applicant's name. As long as you have a name with a 'bin' or 'binti' in your name which is followed by your father's full name (thus further boosting the length of your name), you will stand a 99% chance higher than the rest to secure yourself for a full expense paid study program of your choice. Another factor will be the skin color of the applicants. After 3 billion years of evolution, mother nature had decided that it is best to favor those witr scr scholarship holders. Apparently one of the deciding factors is the length of the applicant's name. As long as you have a name with a 'ship homedium colored skin. Too BLACK and you're screwed... Too white and you're screwed as well. Therefore the only most suitable candidates are obviously the babiputeras! MALAYSIA BODOH!!!

Below are the few different types of scholarship given to the grand citizens of Malaysia. FELDA - Only Malays can apply. Given to mainly poor Monkeys living in rural areas. JPA - Also known as Public Service Department. Prior to accepting this scholarship, you will be given a contract to give your soul up to the government for numerous years working as a slave dog with under Monkeys living in rural areas. JPA - Also known as Public Service Department. Prior to acceRM 5,000 pay even as a doctor. Petronas - Before the candidatesmine who is moers in order to determine who is most suitable to have the scholarship. But this is all just a cover up in Prior to accepting this scorder to waste more of the rakyat's money for the leisure of the trainers to peep at the poor female candidates while they're showering or fingering or fisting or dildoing or shaving their pubes in the bathroom.FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!!!!!!

Since: Jan 08

Indonesia

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#23
Sep 4, 2009
 
>Products Manufactured in Malaysia

Below are the products manufactured in Malaysia and the recognition it received from the World.

* Proton Cars - Recently won the "Best Toy Car Of The Year (BTCOTY)" and "The cheapest source of scrap metal for manhole covers" - Public Works Dept Singapore.
* TMNuts Streamyx - Recently gain 1 spot, from 100th to 99th in the recent 3rd World Country Semi-Broadband survey. Broadband speeds now up to 35Kbps as of 2005. Provide the safest internet service in Malaysia - as long as your PC is NOT connected to the internet, it is relatively safe.
* Prostitutes and trannies from Jalan Chow Kit and Lorong Haji Taib - Ranked 2nd cleanest in the Central Asia region after Borat's Kazakhstan.
* Pirate CDs and DVDs- the ONLY top quality product made here, its quality surpassing even China's. International recognition including: FBI, CIA, Interpol, KGB, STFU, O.K., and WTF.
* Kepala Sa-weed - yes, it literally meant "weed head". Malaysia have been ranked the top weed producing country in Asia. 47% of Americans prefered to smoke Malaysian weed than the Mexicans' due to their amazing aftertaste of Nasi Tandas.
malingsia impoten

Indonesia

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#24
Sep 4, 2009
 
sundul ah,,,up up up,,,,
kah kah kah!!!

tak da malon yg berani bantah

nice thread :D

Tell me when this thread is updated: (Registration is not required)

Add to my Tracker Send me an email

First Prev
of 3
Next Last

Add your comments below

Characters left: 4000

Please note by submitting this form you acknowledge that you have read the Terms of Service and the comment you are posting is in compliance with such terms. Be polite. Inappropriate posts may be removed by the moderator. Send us your feedback.

•••