A Greek and a Macedonian (Humor)

A Greek and a Macedonian (Humor)

Posted in the Macedonia Forum

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HELL -ASS and BUL- GUSS

Thornbury, Australia

#1 Sep 26, 2008
A Greek and a Macedonian
> >>
> >> A Greek and a Macedonian are sitting next to each other on a
> >> long flight. The Greek is thinking that Macedonians are so dumb that he
> >> could get over on them easy...So the Greek asks if the Macedonian would
> >> like to play a fun game.
> >>
> >> The Macedonian is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he
> >> politely declines and tries to catch a few winks. The Greek persists,
> >> and says that the game is a lot of fun.
> >>
> >> 'I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer,
> >> you pay me only $5; you ask me one, and if I don't know the
> >> answer, I will pay you $500, he says. This catches the Macedonian's
> >> attention and to keep the Greek quiet, he agrees to play the game.
> >>
> >> The Greek asks the first question.'What's the distance
> >> from The Earth to the Moon?' The Macedonian doesn't say a word, reaches
> >> in his pocket pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the Greek.
> >>
> >> Now, it's the Macedonian's turn. He asks the Greek,'What
> >> goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?' The lawyer
> >> uses his laptop and searches all references he could find on the Net. He
> >> sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows, all to no avail.
> >>
> >> After one hour of searching he finally gives up. He wakes
> >> up the Macedonian and hands him $500. The Macedonian pockets the $500
> >> and
> >> goes right back to sleep.
> >>
> >> The Greek is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes
> >> the Macedonian up and asks,'Well, so what goes up a hill with three
> >> legs
> >> and comes down with four?'
> >>
> >> The Macedonian reaches in his pocket, hands the Greek $5 and
> >> goes back to sleep.
> >>
> >>
> >> DON'T MESS WITH MACEDONIAN'S.
> >>
> >>
Srbomakedonac

Claremont, Canada

#2 Sep 26, 2008
HELL -ASS and BUL- GUSS wrote:
A Greek and a Macedonian
> >>
> >> A Greek and a Macedonian are sitting next to each other on a
> >> long flight. The Greek is thinking that Macedonians are so dumb that he
> >> could get over on them easy...So the Greek asks if the Macedonian would
> >> like to play a fun game.
> >>
> >> The Macedonian is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he
> >> politely declines and tries to catch a few winks. The Greek persists,
> >> and says that the game is a lot of fun.
> >>
> >> 'I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer,
> >> you pay me only $5; you ask me one, and if I don't know the
> >> answer, I will pay you $500, he says. This catches the Macedonian's
> >> attention and to keep the Greek quiet, he agrees to play the game.
> >>
> >> The Greek asks the first question.'What's the distance
> >> from The Earth to the Moon?' The Macedonian doesn't say a word, reaches
> >> in his pocket pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the Greek.
> >>
> >> Now, it's the Macedonian's turn. He asks the Greek,'What
> >> goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?' The lawyer
> >> uses his laptop and searches all references he could find on the Net. He
> >> sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows, all to no avail.
> >>
> >> After one hour of searching he finally gives up. He wakes
> >> up the Macedonian and hands him $500. The Macedonian pockets the $500
> >> and
> >> goes right back to sleep.
> >>
> >> The Greek is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes
> >> the Macedonian up and asks,'Well, so what goes up a hill with three
> >> legs
> >> and comes down with four?'
> >>
> >> The Macedonian reaches in his pocket, hands the Greek $5 and
> >> goes back to sleep.
> >>
> >>
> >> DON'T MESS WITH MACEDONIAN'S.
> >>
> >>
Ubo me nasmea!
Pozdrav od Kanada,
P.S.Ako ne si chital za "iGENEA" ,pobaraj vo vesnikot "VECER" za da uzivash!
Grkomanite gi nema vecer,ne im e do raspravi poveke!
HELL -ASS and BUL- GUSS

Thornbury, Australia

#3 Sep 26, 2008
ONLY A MACEDONIAN MAN CAN MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE A WOMAN...
On a recent international flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning.
One woman in particular loses it and becomes extremely hysterical. Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane and yells "I'm too young to die". She then yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?"
For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril. They all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.
Then a Macedonian man named Alex stands up in the rear of the plane. He is gorgeous, tall, well built, with Fare hair and green eyes.
He starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt... one button at a time! No one moves. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest.
She gasps...
He whispers...."Woman, iron this, and get me something to eat...."
HELL -ASS and BUL- GUSS

Thornbury, Australia

#4 Sep 26, 2008
A Greek woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
> She is not happy with what she sees and says to her Greek husband,
> 'I feel horrible;
> l Look old, fat , ugly and Hairy, I really need you to pay me a
> compliment.'
>
>
> The Greek husband replies,'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
>
Moral of the story?
> The First time Truth comes out of a GREEK .....
PhilHellene

Kanata, Canada

#5 Sep 26, 2008
Your humor is dis-tasteful and quite tact. Before 1912 you were nothing but Bulgarians.
HELL -ASS and BUL- GUSS

Thornbury, Australia

#6 Sep 26, 2008
A Greek Man went to the Social Security office to
> apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked him for his
> driver's license to verify his age. The Greek Man looked in his pockets and realized he
> had left his wallet at home.
>
> He told the woman that he was very sorry, but would
> go home and come back later.
>
> The woman said,'Unbutton your shirt'.
>
> So the Greek Man opened his shirt revealing his curly silver hair.
> She said,'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she
> processed his Social Security application.
>
> When the Greek Man got home, excitedly told His wife about his
> experience at the Social Security office.
>
> She said,'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too'
>
Moral of the Story
Greeks and their and Lies to get something for nothing
HELL -ASS and BUL- GUSS

Thornbury, Australia

#7 Sep 26, 2008
DEDO’S CORRESPONDENCE WITH ATHENS

There was a Macedonian Dedo who was fed up with the treatment he and other Macedonians were receiving in Northern Greece.“Dosta de!”, he said to his friends.

He decided to write the President of Greece. In a shaky script, almost illiterate, he told the President that he and his friends were declaring war on Athens and that they had better prepare themselves.

After investigating, the President wanting to appear diplomatic, wrote back on impressive official stationary warning the old man that such action was ‘treasonable’ and he was subject to ‘severe consequences’ He also pointed out that Greece had a large army that was well prepared to defend the country.

The old man replied that he and his friend Yane who had a wagon were ready to go ahead and an attack could come at any time.

The President growing exasperated wrote back saying that the Greek army was well equipped with tanks and armoured vehicles and could defeat the rebellion in less time than it would take to drink a cup of coffee.

The Dedo replied telling the President to take care because in the next village he had friend with a donkey, two shovels and a pitchfork and another friend had a couple of axes.

The President thinking to really frighten him wrote Dedo to say that Greece had the support of NATO, an impressive Air Force, attack planes and bombers, and it would only take seconds to wipe out Dedo’s ‘forces’.

Dedo wrote back saying that after thinking about it he was withdrawing his Declaration of War!

He said he had talked to some Non Governmental Humanitarian Agencies and found out that he could not get the 500,000 blue tents needed to house all the prisoners he intended to take. He said he knew he could feed them (because Macedonians had been doing that for 80 years) but to also provide them with shelter was too much.
STORI

Göteborg, Sweden

#8 Sep 26, 2008
Man, I was laughing so hard I almost fell of my chair.
STORI

Göteborg, Sweden

#9 Sep 26, 2008
... now I did fall off my chair.
HELL -ASS and BUL- GUSS

Thornbury, Australia

#10 Sep 26, 2008
The Grkoman prayer



OUR FATHER WHO ART IN SOUTHERN GREECE



HALLOWED BE THY NAME



THY SOUTHERN GREEK KINGDOM COME



THY WILL BE DONE IN MACEDONIA



AS IT IS IN SOUTHERN GREECE



GIVE US OUR DAILY DOSE



OF GREEK PROPAGANDA



FORGIVE US FOR BEING MACEDONIANS



AS WE FORGIVE THE GREEKS



WHO TRESPASS AGAINST US



LEAD US NOT INTO FREEDOM



BUT DELIVER US



FROM OUR MACEDONIAN ROOTS



FOR THINE IS



THE SOUTHERN GREEK KINGDOM



THE POWER AND OCCUPATION



FOREVER AND EVER AMEN
HELL -ASS and BUL- GUSS

Thornbury, Australia

#11 Sep 26, 2008
WHO ARE THE BEST INVENTORS IN THE WORLD TODAY?
.
Why the modern Greeks of course! Hey come on today's Modern Greeks even "invented" themselves. That's pretty impressive, wouldn’t you say?
HELL -ASS and BUL- GUSS

Thornbury, Australia

#12 Sep 26, 2008
GREEK MAGIC AND THE HEALING OF A SICK MAN

Once upon a time there was a sick man. He was so sick that all the doctors of the world could not cure him. Then came a Doctor, a healer above all healers and started to treat him in a radical way: performing all sorts of plastic surgery. He cut, sewed, grafted, stitched from one place to another, used traditional medicine, witchcraft and many other healing techniques which not many people possess in this world, and finally in a miraculous way the sick man recovered and was reborn.

QUESTION 1: Who was the sick man?

QUESTION 2: Who was this exceptional Doctor?

After the entire class failed the test, one student named Kostas put his hand up.

"Kirie daskale"(Sir), called Kostas.

"Ne pedy mu”(Yes, my boy), replied the teacher

"O arostos itane i ELLADA!”(The sick man was ELLADA!), replied the boy.

"Bravo, vre pedy mu",(good on you, my boy) replied the teacher.

And now, for a perfect score, continued the teacher.

“Pios ine avtos o axios giatros?”(Who was this capable doctor?) Asked the teacher.

"Avtos o axios giatros itan o Kirios Ioanis Metaxas!”(The capable doctor was Mr. Ioanis Metaxas!) triumphantly replied Kostas.

"Bravo, vre pedy mu",(Bravo my boy) Again answered the teacher, "you are a true follower of Aristotle the Philosopher."

Even to this day Greece is still portrayed as the sick man of Europe and the EU is pouring billions of dollars to keep the man who died 2,500 ago stay alive
HELL -ASS and BUL- GUSS

Thornbury, Australia

#13 Sep 27, 2008
GREEK DNA YOU SAY?

Greek DNA is different. It can change to be anything you want it to be. You can be born a Vlach like Karamanlis or an Albanian like Pangalos but then you can magically become a descendant of Alexander the Great or Demosthenes or Santa Claus. It's quite a miracle
HELL -ASS and BUL- GUSS

Thornbury, Australia

#14 Sep 27, 2008
Come on you guys let them be Greek. Being Greek has been established as a fiction so if they want to dream let them, that’s their nightmare.
HELL -ASS and BUL- GUSS

Thornbury, Australia

#15 Sep 27, 2008
FAMOUS GREEK QUOTATION

If you can't beat them, be them!
HELL -ASS and BUL- GUSS

Thornbury, Australia

#16 Sep 27, 2008
SPOKEN LIKE A TRUE GREEK!

When Greeks lie they are still telling the truth..

I really Love Greeks and Greece
HELL -ASS and BUL- GUSS

Thornbury, Australia

#17 Sep 27, 2008
AH THOSE PESKY GREEKS

I find it rather ironic that our Neo-Hellenic friends spend most of their time on forums making derogatory remarks about Turks and Albanians when the two major ethnic elements that make up the majority of today’s Neo-Hellenes are...you guessed it...Turks and Albanians.

Its even more ironic considering the fact that their white supremacist 'buddies' would simply not be able to tell which one is which if they were to stand next to one of today’s Neo-Hellenes or next to a Turk from Turkey.
HELL -ASS and BUL- GUSS

Thornbury, Australia

#18 Sep 27, 2008
GREEK TWIGHLIGHT ZONE

"Sheesh! What's wrong with you people? Don't you know that history stopped in the 4th century BC and started up again in 1913? And absolutely nothing happened in between -- it's all one big fat continuation -- with a teensy eensy little 2,300 year discontinuity.

Don't they teach you this in school?!!! It's called the Greek Twighlight Zone."

"Greek Twilight Zone"! Yes I was looking for the words to describe the absolute zero continuity between the ancient “Greek-Macedonia” and the “Greek-Macedonia” of today and that tiny little 2,300 year old void of nothingness in between"

Amnesia anyone?
HELL -ASS and BUL- GUSS

Thornbury, Australia

#19 Sep 27, 2008
One night I bumped into a nice, friendly, tall, attractive, blond, Anglo-Saxon Australian young lady at a bar. A few moments later, her loud, foul mouthed lady friend came from no where and rudely interrupted our conversation. I thought to my self, "Oh Sh*t". Her friend was short, stocky, with black curly hair and an olive complexion. She had a long crooked nose and face with a distinctive chin. Unbelievably, she also had a "moustache"! She happened to be a (so-called) "Greek". More appropriately she was "Hellenized" non-Greek. Disgusted by her attitude and intrusion, I turned my back on her and tried to continue speaking to her friend. Then, she tapped me on the shoulder and said: "Why do Macedonian men have Block-Heads"?!(I must stress here that my own head definitely does "NOT" fit that description!) "I BEG YOUR PARDON MADAM? if I were you, I'd look at my own 'nut' first before making comments about other people"! I said abruptly. Then continued: "Why do most (so-called) "Greek" women have long 'honkers'(noses) and 'moustaches' and look like 'witches'?!

Her jaw dropped! Her friend was dumbfounded. I guess I won the argument, but lost the girl!....They bolted!

And dare I say it, "Yes", I did have some "Grease" combed through my hair that evening! Hmmm?

PS. If Macedonians do indeed have so-called "block-Heads" (I can't see it) I guess it could be because they are "very ancient" people!(which has been proven mind you!) Notice that the Cave men/Neanderthals had "block-Heads" as well!
HELL -ASS and BUL- GUSS

Thornbury, Australia

#20 Sep 27, 2008
Talking about going out, not too long ago a Macedonian friend of mine introduced me to a Greek friend of his at a night club. As we were about to shake hands, I noticed that he had his shirt unbuttoned as to clearly show off the pendant he was wearing on his necklace, which was so tight around his neck that it nearly strangled him! It was the Macedonian Sun Symbol on a blue background! Realizing that I had noticed it, he clearly looked uncomfortable and there was a lack of eye contact on his part during the course of the handshake! As RISTO -THE GREAT put it; “the antiquity obsessed Modern Greeks can't even smile when they meet a real Macedonian!”

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