Differences Between Japanese And Western Women
Posted in the Japan Forum
Discussion Taken From "How To Talk Japanese Women" ( http://www.topix.com/forum/world/japan/TD2LCE... ), as the cultural difference are very relevant and deserve its own topic.
Quoted from Engelbert
"Hmm I don't think anybody made out that western women are perfect ,but exactly what are the pluses with Japanese women.
Lets see minuses.
No concept of right or wrong(the western right or wrong)
Cold to the point of lacking any empathy(which is a part of Japanese culture).
Discouraged from educating or advancing themselves as intelligence is not feminine(hence the high proportion of airheads).
Encouraged to be (or at least act)immature (I think that might explain the weird high pitched voices)
The intense materialism (japan spends. the most on designer goods a year of any country)most of the women won't be seen dead without a LV or Prada or Guicci or whatever handbag.
The ah "free spirited" attitude of the younger generation of women to sex(I'm not saying western women are angels far from it but enjoi kosai is gross and attitude it only counts as cheating if my boyfriend finds out is just wrong).
Apart from the cultural dived to overcome with things like humor and attitude to different things in life.
I'm not saying there all like this and I know I've asked this before exactly what is the pluses of being in a relationship with a Japanese(apart from wanting a submissive housewife like some on this thread)"
Remember, this is simply my personal opinion.
Good Points of Japanese Women:
1. Many Japanese women can be very determined to please their man and be his number 1.
That his woman is willing to go out for him, is very refreshing to many Western men. However, they should understand that often the Japanese women are attracted to the idea or situation of being with him, more than him. That is, he is a good looking banker of high social value. As long as that remains constant, she will do what she perceives is necessary to maintain her position with him. If say he losses his job or some better option comes in, she may give some lame excuses and split. The transition between the 2 extremes can appear seamless. He can be amazed at how good she treated him and then how badly/coldly she did him too.
This can give the appearance of submissiveness. But actually many Japanese are often masochistic and their submissiveness an illusion (will explain in another post).
In contrast, many Western women can have a lazier attitude or seemingly indifferent attitude. It can be like you never got her best, but then again maybe not her worse either.
2. Many Japanese women are very trainable, especially early in the relationship. However, many of them can be become set in their ways later (months and years later) and lack adaptability.
In contrast, many Western women have a more defiant and confrontational attitude.
"Trainability", can make a crucial difference in the satisfaction of entering a long term relationship with a particular woman.
This can relate to sex, cooking, taking care of the home, behavior, etc...
Can give the appearance of submissiveness
3. Exotic attraction
There is no getting around that contrast and differences can be attractive. Some men prefer something different, as opposed to the ordinary, usual, or boring. Interracial or international relationships can provide extra excitement, mystery, or interest.
4. Ambition and motivation to get ahead in life. Respect for the value of education.
This can be attractive in the sense that the Japanese wife helps maintain a certain desired standard of living. She may help uphold a certain public image, lifestyle in the home, or sacrifice to meet some particular goal.
Often will want/push the children to go to college or be successful. Many Japanese women are college educated.
5. Maintenance of looks, body, and health.
Many Japanese women age very well. Less likely to get fat, even after having 2 kids, and less likely to get wrinkles. There are Japanese women that are 40 and look almost 25.
Oddly, at least for the older generation, all bets are off after many Japanese women reach 60. Though 50 can be that cracking point to. Often the cuteness factor seems to fail after that point.
In contrast there are various Western women that all bets are off after they reach 30 (can depend on race) or turn blimp after the 1st child. Obviously it depends on the Western woman, as some can age very well and keep their looks into the 40s, 50s...
6. Many Japanese women are very comfortable with their femininity.
Many Japanese women are fine with being a woman and enjoy it. This can reflect in how she dresses, her mannerism, posture, actions, and/or thinking.
While in contrast, many Western women can give the impression they don't want to be women, dress and/or act mannish, or are not comfortable with being feminine.
7. Many Japanese women prefer to solve disputes amicably or without violence.
This can have the downside of her all of the sudden disappearing or leaving without telling you why. She may hide how she feels or not say how she feel.
However the upside of this way is you can get less arguments or physical confrontations. Many Western women are of the bad habit of even provoking fights, being loud, argumentative, rude, or will even drag it down to the level of a fist fight (including in front of kids).
Relationships with Japanese women can, on average but not always, be a bit more peaceful and tranquil.
Quoted from Jon:
I dont see how a westerner would get a submissive j wife (I didnt), because to a large extent the ones who are interested in being with a westerner are more assertive and going against the grain, or fighting against the negative comments about that. See the latest crap movie "My Darling is a foreigner" in which the mother and father are dead against the woman marrying the "Foreigner" (ie white guy), even though he speaks Japanese, acts Japanese and lives in Japan! They re damn lucky to be getting that, in my opinion. But gaijin is forever a gaijin, regardless.
The (so so looking, although of course people say she is "Kawaii", so do us a favor and marry her, gaijin) chick has to fight to marry the guy in the movie. She only speaks Japanese.
So, you re going to get an assertive chick who speaks English or an assertive chick who expects you to speak Japanese, or BE Japanese.
Or, you ll get one who will act passive/submissive in the early stages, and then suddenly explode. Or disappear.
This happens at my office all the time. Some quiet secretary uncomplainingly takes all the work from another, more assertive secretary. She is annoyingly passive, even to the point of "excuse me, may I eat/live now?" politeness.
Then finally, she cannot silently "gaman" anymore and quits.
And so, the illusion of submissiveness is shattered in a day.
I d say the only really submissive ones are those with an SM fetish (and even then it might be reverse roleplay from what they re really like in their daily lives).
Basically Japan proves post modernist theories on how modern (capitalist, ie money based) relationships are between IMAGES, not PEOPLE. Debord, Marx and Baudrillard would no doubt be interested.
I ve been said I look like Tom Cruise, Al Pacino, Keanu Reeves and any number of movie stars, even the Chinese one, John Lone.
Similarly, westerners are often attracted to the IMAGE of Japan and are in denial for a long time when what they thought and what seems to be the reality do not match up.
In the west there is=I hope-more of a search for a "partner", a love match who "loves me for the person I am". These ideas arent so deep routed in more tradtional Asian cultures, and Japan is actually one of the most traditional, despite its western toys and trappings.
For those interested in theories (I really think of a J chick and her Louis Vuitton bag whenever I read "Comodity fetish"):
He (Debord) rejected as the twin faces of the same problem both capitalism of the West and the statism of the Eastern bloc. Alienation, Debord postulated, could be accounted for by the invasive forces of the 'spectacle'- "a social relation between people that is mediated by images".
Debord's analysis developed the notions of "reification" and "fetishism of the commodity" pioneered by Karl Marx and Georg Lukács. This analysis probed the historical, economic and psychological roots of 'the media'.
Central to this school of thought was the claim that alienation is more than an emotive description or an aspect of individual psychology: rather, it is a consequence of the mercantile form of social organization which has reached its climax in capitalism.
Quoted From engelbert:
Well 1s. seems iffy to me as fakeness(as you yourself pointed)It is inherent in the culture ,as is subservience to men I would argue western women are a more real (if indifferent and lazier)kind of women.I've heard a lot of men say their wife changed drastically after marriage
2."Trainabilty" makes you sound like your talking about a dog
i think I'd want someone confrontational(not argumentative thats not good either)over someone who does as their told , cause they have been brainwashed by their culture.Which is I suppose my personal opinion.
3.fair enough everyone to their own.
4.Also not sure about as many if not most still want to be housewifes and as for many are college educated same goes for western women particularly american women.
5.Yes they do age well ,what you said about western women goes for men too ,my mom spent about a long ,long time trying to get him to lose weight in the end she gave up.
Still not convinced of the appeal since the main one 1 is often fake or till they reel them in,anyhow as I'm not a man perhaps their appeal will always be lost on me.In my experience there largly shallow materialistic and sorry to say slutty airheads
6.Funny I know so many men who wont date "girly girls" because they say they come across as high maintainence or bimboish .
I suppose western women do dress manlier to Japanese women but there uniform is miniskirt high heels.
7. I think you mean drama addicts(not sure about the violence),well that be a problem with women I see it as a sign of immaturity
something they grow out off.
It is my opinion that overall, Japanese and Western women are DIFFERENT, but EQUAL.
If you will notice in my response, it is very "plus and minus". A person may score more points for either of the nationalities or for a particular woman. Depending on the preference of the guy, the Japanese or Western woman could win that particular point. Though obviously such things are very subjective.
Japanese are not truly submissive or subservient in the way in which many Western thinks. Japanese women may play a role in EXCHANGE for the man taking care of them (job, housewife, social status, etc...) or because they want something from that person (looks, sex, popularity, money, etc...).
Many Japanese women can just as easily go from smiling in your face or even "being on her knees" before you to a frown, cold shoulder, or tell you to "Frack off"(though perhaps politely and in a Japanese way).
Western Women are often not any more "real" in this context and can behave a certain way or be fake when they are after something.
The difference often being that Japanese women can do a much better acting job OR TRULY go all out to please at a much higher level on average than their Western counterparts.
Like any acting job, some actors are of poor skill, while others give a breathtaking and emotionally moving performance. Various Japanese women can break the line between acting to becoming what they are portraying. Like literally lose herself in the role she is playing or literally become what she choose to portray with nearly no indication of fakeness. And sometimes, the Japanese women is not acting, but IS or HAS BECOME what she portrays. You have to almost experience it, to understand it.
After Marriage And Masochistic, But Not Submissive
Many Japanese women change after marriage, because they have achieved their goal. They got their man AND ELIMINATED any COMPETITION from other women. This can be the point that many Western men realize that many Japanese women are NOT submissive or subservient. This is when she takes on a new role or exerts her power, which by the way, might be fine if its in a team orientated way (it depends). Japanese women are often instead, masochistic, and endured to achieve their goal or because of the difference in power in the relationship. Remember, that a WIFE, has more power than a girlfriend.
"Trainability", can reflect putting together a relationship in the way you wish it to be, thus it would be more desirable than having a relationship that is not the way you like. And in this, Japanese women might have an advantage, at the beginning of a relationship.
As I mentioned, this may go away in later years or Japanese women can have problems with adapting to new circumstances. I've seen many Japanese get set, as if they couldn't change their programming. Which is a bit odd, as in the beginning, they were very receptive to change and malleable.
The key about confrontation with Western women, is HOW she does it. Does she bring up issues calmly to be discussed or does she do in a negative argumentative, sarcastic, or bashing way?
Western women that politely and calmly bring up issues and addressing things DIRECTLY directly can be VERY beneficial to the TEAM versus the common Japanese style of HIDING things or forcing her man to DIG them out or try to read her mind.
Since: Sep 10
I'd still argue they are less fake than japanese women as our culture does not encourage it,nor as manipulative also encouraged as it is impolite to directly ask a man anything or anyone else for that matter (I'm not saying they can't be just not as much ,nor would they ever take it to the extreme level japanese women do i.e marrying for money then dumping him when money supple suddenly stops)At the very least if they are being fake you might catch on to what there doing,.As for subbmiseness I'd also still argue they are (more so than western women at least) it also goes deep in the culture while a lot of that might also be fake(tataemae) till they get what they want(i.e a husband),they are in the same way a lot of foreign women are there just not used to men helping around the house ,or voicing there opinions as strongly.God the japanese make my brain hurt...
USE THE OTHER THREAD TO REPLY
Differences Between Japanese And Western Women****
BECAUSE ITS FORMATTED BETTER AND MORE READABLE.
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