My Dearest god Assad. Just found out that the Patriotic Syrians are not giving up! Can't blame me! I had been trying my best with the lies and propaganda to help you out but the educated and those with higher IQ's are not buying it! I certainly hope this will not reflect in my next paychecks from you! I find myself gum flappin' at the mouth with repeated nonsense because it's all I can think of!! Things like, "CLINTON, MCCAIN, THE WEST, ISRAEL, ZIONISTS, THE U.N., THE ARAB LEAQUE NEED TO STAY THE HELL OUT OF SYRIAN ALTHOUGH I HAVE NO PROOF IF THEY ARE THERE OR NOT! I JUST LIKE MAKING UP FILTHY LITTLE LIES! The Russians are putting it right up despicable Zionist's rear ends even though they have not been involved IN ANY OF YOUR MURDERING ESCAPADES! Russia has stopped the West in its tracks! I really don't know what tracks I'm talking about but what the hell? Russians are true friends to you my god! So are murderous dictators in Venezuela, China and Iran as well. Zionists are behind all of your murdering escapades and blaming it all on you, my god Assad! THAT'S AN OUTRAGE!! McCain, Hillary and the West have sent American forces into Syria without anyone but you and I knowing about it. Those Syrian Patriots have been defeated for the millionth time! Or is that 2 million times?? I forgot! The USA, the West, The U.N., the Arab League, Zionists, Jews, Christians, Israel and Joe Bag Of Donuts down the street are forcing you, my god Assad, to murder 30,000 your own people. That's despicable!! Please understand that I am hiding out in Connecticut (THE WEST) as your faithful servant and lying propagandist so that the Real Syrians Patriots who don't like a Murderous Dictator can't find me. Yours Forever and EVER AND EVER!!
P.S.THANKS FOR THE PAYCHECKS!
Signed, THE SYRIAN ASSADOMITE!