Why don't Ethiopian women date African-American men (for the most part)?

[Cizzle]

I live in DC, and many Ethiopian women sometimes give me more welcoming, flirtatious, and intense looks than African-American women. They even tell me that I look Ethiopian. However, when I approach them and talk to them, they find out that I am in fact, African-American. They then seem to back off and always refuse when asked if I can call them, etc., however, in a polite way. It seems as if they like my look, everything, but when my culture is identified, 'it's curtains' as they say. There's no chance then. I don't get it, but assume the answer is about cultural differences. I would like to hear from everyone, especially any Ethiopian women themselves. I live in DC, and we have the second-largest population of Ethiopians outside of Ethiopia. So, many of my fellow DC brothers [and beyond] always can relate to me on this and share even more of this type of situation, and even worse, since most don't resemble Ethiopians, as they say I do.

[Nazret]

Cizzle wrote:

I live in DC, and many Ethiopian women sometimes give me more welcoming, flirtatious, and intense looks than African-American women. They even tell me that I look Ethiopian. However, when I approach them and talk to them, they find out that I am in fact, African-American. They then seem to back off and always refuse when asked if I can call them, etc., however, in a polite way. It seems as if they like my look, everything, but when my culture is identified,'it's curtains' as they say. There's no chance then. I don't get it, but assume the answer is about cultural differences. I would like to hear from everyone, especially any Ethiopian women themselves. I live in DC, and we have the second-largest population of Ethiopians outside of Ethiopia. So, many of my fellow DC brothers [and beyond] always can relate to me on this and share even more of this type of situation, and even worse, since most don't resemble Ethiopians, as they say I do.

Well it mostly has to do with the parents, Ethiopian parents dont like it when one maries or sees some one other then ethiopians, the mostly wont mind if they are East Africans like Eritreans, Djibuti, Somalians,or sudanese, since the culture is some what the same. Dont get it confused with discrimination thou, I am not a female but I do have sisters, who date so I know whats going on.

[Cizzle]

Nazret wrote:

<quoted text>
Well it mostly has to do with the parents, Ethiopian parents dont like it when one maries or sees some one other then ethiopians, the mostly wont mind if they are East Africans like Eritreans, Djibuti, Somalians,or sudanese, since the culture is some what the same. Dont get it confused with discrimination thou, I am not a female but I do have sisters, who date so I know whats going on.

Oh, I see. This was one of the more helpful replies to my post. I've never been told it was more about the parents. That's a new one on me. I usually here it's the media image of the Black male, fear of African-American males, difference in culture, etc. So, this shed more light on the situation for me. Plus, the fact that you have sisters gives you a good reference point.

Thanks for the post

Ron

[Hilina]

Well, I am an Ethiopian woman. For the most part the reply the brother gave you is our (Ethiopian sisters) fear not to expand our dating arena. Neither our parents nor us (the women) mean to discriminate anyone. We all are God's creature, and we all are great under His eyes. The background we all come from, though, has a tremendous impact on who we are and how we relate to one another. Because of that reason, we all (Ethiopians or any other nationality) prefer to associate ourselves with the people of our own. As I see it, it is a preference. Prefering your own people and background shows how much you love and respect yourself. Loving and respecting yourselves shows how much you are willing to love and respect others. We do love everyone, but we are not willing to jeopardize our sense of self love or others, companionship, and family for the sake of dating people from other culture. When we get into relationship, most of us get in to it for the long haul. Unfortunately, most (not all) people from here are not ready for what we are willing to give. Either they get freaked out of the love and the loyality we are willing to give, or they have no idea how to recieve it. I am not talking for everyone, but from the experience I just had with an African American man, what I can say is, there is a huge gap of how we perceive love, family, children, and comitment. If your core value have that big gap, it is better to consider either to do some work to narrow it or to stick with those who you well relate with. It takes hard work, and those who are willing to do that work, for sure be sucessful of having the woman of their dream, regardless of her nationality. Keep trying and be a friend before you jump into asking her out or anything. This works for every woman. We like being friends before we go any further.

[i can swim]

Hilina wrote:

Well, I am an Ethiopian woman. For the most part the reply the brother gave you is our (Ethiopian sisters) fear not to expand our dating arena. Neither our parents nor us (the women) mean to discriminate anyone. We all are God's creature, and we all are great under His eyes. The background we all come from, though, has a tremendous impact on who we are and how we relate to one another. Because of that reason, we all (Ethiopians or any other nationality) prefer to associate ourselves with the people of our own. As I see it, it is a preference. Prefering your own people and background shows how much you love and respect yourself. Loving and respecting yourselves shows how much you are willing to love and respect others. We do love everyone, but we are not willing to jeopardize our sense of self love or others, companionship, and family for the sake of dating people from other culture. When we get into relationship, most of us get in to it for the long haul. Unfortunately, most (not all) people from here are not ready for what we are willing to give. Either they get freaked out of the love and the loyality we are willing to give, or they have no idea how to recieve it. I am not talking for everyone, but from the experience I just had with an African American man, what I can say is, there is a huge gap of how we perceive love, family, children, and comitment. If your core value have that big gap, it is better to consider either to do some work to narrow it or to stick with those who you well relate with. It takes hard work, and those who are willing to do that work, for sure be sucessful of having the woman of their dream, regardless of her nationality. Keep trying and be a friend before you jump into asking her out or anything. This works for every woman. We like being friends before we go any further.

Good post!!!
I have dated an AA men before.I found out that they don't value love and relationshipe the way most Africans do.
The sad part is they think we are being racist,but we are not.
If i find AA that respect love and be father,i have no problem with him being AA.I would love to do it

[Mikael]

Nice to have a decent, intelligent discussion on this board for a change.

Great replys everyone.

[David]

Hilina -- or any other Ethiopian ladies who are able to reply -- what do Ethiopians feel about dating caucasian men (I'm a white Canadian)? Also, will they consider marriage to men older than themselves (I'm 49)?

I find your comments about the Ethiopian cultural beliefs to be exactly what I'm looking for in a partner. I want to marry and start a family, and don't want to get divorced (I realize that that's a risk in any culture, but I'm trying to improve my odds by looking for a partner from a culture that has more respect for commitment than my own).

[David]

I should mention that it's a given that,

A. they'd prefer to date/marry within their own culture for the reasons given to Ron; and

B. I have sufficient income/status/looks to date beautiful young women anywhere, I'm not some loser looking for women whose straightened circumstances make him seem like a viable alternative.

From my perspective, in choosing a wife, it's a question of whether the women see me as a good first husband (the beautiful young women in North America generally) or a lifetime partner (possibly women somewhere else).

[i change]

we have no probleme dating AA.If they are respectfull and seriouse about their r/ship.I know so many of them dating AA

[seble]

I am a caucasion female (American) and I have been dating an Ethiopian man for alomst two years. I love him deeply and he states that he also loves me very much. He has mentioned that many Ethiopians do prefer to marry only other Ethiopians and that may also end up being his choice. If Ethiopian women typically marry for deep love, is it the same for Ethiopian men? Is marriage for Ethiopians really based on deep love or ethnicity?

[Hilina]

"Hilina -- or any other Ethiopian ladies who are able to reply -- what do Ethiopians feel about dating caucasian men (I'm a white Canadian)? Also, will they consider marriage to men older than themselves (I'm 49)?
I find your comments about the Ethiopian cultural beliefs to be exactly what I'm looking for in a partner. I want to marry and start a family, and don't want to get divorced (I realize that that's a risk in any culture, but I'm trying to improve my odds by looking for a partner from a culture that has more respect for commitment than my own)."

David,

Our preference of dating is not any different for Whites or Blacks. For the reasons I mentioned in my previous post, we prefer our own men. But, once we open ourselves to options beyond our own, how much our compatablity level (in all aspect that makes relationship sustain) works for both of us is what we consider important than the skin of the man. Till we get exposed of other cultures, we are not much conscious of race or color. We are raised to see all men's creatures as one. It doesn't make any man any better because he has a certain kind of skin. If you go a little deeper, the measure of a man is found in his heart. What that heart is willing to give is what makes him have the reward he has rewarded. If you put your heart in the right place, and have intention of goodness, you don't necessarily need a woman from other culture. A woman from your own or other culture will meet you up to the level you are willing to go. Knowingly or unknowingly, we send out messages to the outside world. The transmition we send out from our heart is what, for the most part, makes us attract certain kind of people.
Your Age quesion--Most Ethiopian women don't have a problem to date older men. I am not saying it will be okay to date someone who can be her dad, but 8-12 years difference is mostly acceptable. What you have been doing with that 49 years is what matters the most rather than the number. Women naturally get matured quicker than men. The age gap, I believe will work as an advantage to narrow down the maturity gap. That is my personal opinion. I find some men who are in my age group (not all of them) being as not mature enough to carry a solid conversatin as the older ones. That is a turn off for most of us women.

[Hilina]

seble wrote:

I am a caucasion female (American) and I have been dating an Ethiopian man for alomst two years. I love him deeply and he states that he also loves me very much. He has mentioned that many Ethiopians do prefer to marry only other Ethiopians and that may also end up being his choice. If Ethiopian women typically marry for deep love, is it the same for Ethiopian men? Is marriage for Ethiopians really based on deep love or ethnicity?

Let us talk woman to woman dear. If a man, regardless of his background, dates you for two years, and says he loves you, but is telling you he eventually will marry someone else, sister you need to wake up. He is telling you in a language men usually prefer to use, he is not intrested to commit with you, but doesn't want to break your heart by saying it out loud. May be not to break your heart; may also be not to be catagorized as a bad person, he doesn't want to say the truth. I know, it is difficult to say enough is enough and move on for us women. But, you will eventually to choose to walk out. I pray for you it won't be that long for you to make that choice. Don't waste your time nor let your self-esteme and beauty go down for a man who doesn't worth it. There are many who will gladly asks your hand for marriage.

Love is one aspect of marriage, but it is not the only one. Ask your self what will be left for us when this thing called love cool down. If your answer is none or little, make up your mind and focus your vision to your future, and tell the dude to get lost.

[Ethiopian women]

I am Ethiopian women. My first husband was African American. I was not racist, I loved him to death. However my parent never talked to me throughout my marriage. I ended my marriage not because of my parent, it is because. He cheated on me. I was very honest, loving and respectfull to him. I never cheated on him. Hilina is right.. when we love somone we give all we have. But American guys in general, they just do not know how to respect that. Since I divorced him. I never dated African American man. I decided to date white guys, which I was engaged twice and broke up. lol.. the white guys I was involved with. Both controle freaks, they used to drive me crazy. I just could stand it any more. Now I am in to europian any race. Ethiopian women are not racist, but honest and beautiful inside and out. When you have her, make sure to take care of her, then you will have the best marriage or lover in your life time. When it comes our parents.. oh well that is different story lol.. they do not care you are white or black. Ethopian parent do not want us to marry any race other than ETHIOPIAN.. that is the bottom point. Ethiopian Parent, they gave name for both race for Black and White . For Black they call BARIA.. which meanst slave for White Selato.. which meanst like gost somthing bad name lol hahaahah

Peace every one lol

[suhul]

why u wast ur time talking about marriege.love and out are different.the culture b/n ethiopian and the west is different we belive in family but they are individualists. i don't think love and family give them a value more than enjoyment. here in ethiopia couples live to gether even at the low point of the love for thiere family, children and for the culture too.and passing this point give them another chance to make up each other and start another good life ,that is why most ethiopians live to gether for years.it doesn't mean that there wsa not low point in ethiopian couples life. any way am male

[Ghostdawg]

You know not all African American men are sleeze bags who cheat on their women. I'll admit that a lot of our popular culture makes it easy for women to form that kind of opinion about us. Before getting involved with ANY American man look at his family. My folks were married for 46 years until death took my dad. I was taught the importance of family and marriage at a very early age. Trust me If I ever found a woman who'd love me unconditionally It would be a lifelong relationship.
There are a lot of decent brother out there. I don't think any race or culture automatically puts men into a "Safe" category. If it did ethiopian brothers would have all our women And I'd be one pissed off black man.

[Ethopian Women]

I am 100% sure, most of us.. Ethiopian women do not want to marry Afican American or White or any race. Because of our parents pressure and we have to respect our strict culture and parents. It is a SHAME to date or Marry any Race exccept Ethiopian. Even In Ethiopia, if you are habesha amhara race, which I am.. We are not allowed to date Aromo, Baria..shankla tribe..etc.. it does not matter. If I date or marry west africans.. my god I will be killed.. that is another story lol.. I mean it is just too complicated issues. I do not know how to define it lol . ETHIOPIAN PEOPLE PARENT AND ETHIOPIAN PEOPLE IN GENERAL. WE JUST DO NOT WANT TO MIX OURSELVES WITH ANY TYPE OF RACE. TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH, OLDER GENERATION OF EHTIOPIAN, THEY GAVE INSULTING NAME TO WHITE RACE AND BLACK RACE, (AA), INCLUDING ALL KIND OF OUT SIDE OF ETHIOPIAN HUMAN RACE. THEY CALL WHITE SELATO,WHICH MEANS GOST LOL.. SOMTHING BAD NAME AND, IT IS A SHAME TO MARRY AND HAVE KIDS FROM WHITE. THEY CALL BLACK BARIA, WHICH MEANS SLAVE WHICH IS SHAME TO MARRY AND HAVE KIDS . I MEAN THAT IS THE WAY IT GOES. I AM FROM ADDIS, BACK HOME ADDIS ABABA. WHEN WOMEN DATING WEST AFRICAN OR WHITE, BY THE WAY WHO ARE MOST OF THEM ARE DIPLOMAT WHO LIVES THERE. THOSE ETHIOPIAN WOMEN CONSIDERD PROSTITUTE LOW LIFE LOW CLASS FAMILY WHO BRING SHAME TO THERE CULTURE.BACK HOME MOST OF THIS WOMEN WHO FXX.. AROUND WITH THOSE KIND OF GUYS ARE FROM VERY POOR FAMILY WHO HAVE NOTHING, AND INEED OF SUPPORTING THEMSELVES.ONCE ETHIOPIAN MAN FOUND OUT, THEY ARE MESSING AROUND WITH THOSE KIND OF GUYS. NO ETHIOPIAN MAN WANT TO TOUCH THERE ASSSSS.. THEY CONSIDER THEM WHORES, NASTY LOW LIFE...EVEN THEY ARE PROSTITUTE, THEY RATHER WANT TO SEE THEM WITH THERE OWN ETHIOPIAN RACE.... HAHAHAH ..THAT IS JUST THE FACT.BECAUSE OF ALL SHAME REASON. ETHIOPIAN WOMEN HERE IN USA THEY FEEL,THEY RATHER STICK WITH THERE OWN AND MARRY ETHIOPIAN MAN.

[Hilina]

Ghostdawg wrote:

You know not all African American men are sleeze bags who cheat on their women. I'll admit that a lot of our popular culture makes it easy for women to form that kind of opinion about us. Before getting involved with ANY American man look at his family. My folks were married for 46 years until death took my dad. I was taught the importance of family and marriage at a very early age. Trust me If I ever found a woman who'd love me unconditionally It would be a lifelong relationship.
There are a lot of decent brother out there. I don't think any race or culture automatically puts men into a "Safe" category. If it did ethiopian brothers would have all our women And I'd be one pissed off black man.

Yeah, who we have become has a direct relation of of what we mostly see in our lives. It is unfortunate for most African Americans to lack having a good family role model as you had. But, having that back ground doesn't automatically make you immune of cheating. They are many A.A men who have become men of integrity with out having much positive influence in their family life. But, they chose to be dedicated decent men of thier word. It is a choice. Having stable family back ground will make it easy to choose the right path, but it still can be done, and is done with out the positive influence.

I have to agree with you all men are not cheaters, but above average are. Men are visual creatures, and.......... You can fill the blank after that.

The media has a huge influence to make us view certain people in a certain way. But, what you really see happenning in your own eyes is what stabs your heart deep. I have many female black friends who are so tired of being loyal for their men, men who have no no clue to man-up. But, as a forein woman, you hear the same male whining about their women. Good, beautiful black sisters are out there who is looking for good men. However, lack of trust and faith of eachother makes both genders to go out and look for other races, which makes things way complicated.

[Ethiopian Queen]

seble wrote:

I am a caucasion female (American) and I have been dating an Ethiopian man for alomst two years. I love him deeply and he states that he also loves me very much. He has mentioned that many Ethiopians do prefer to marry only other Ethiopians and that may also end up being his choice. If Ethiopian women typically marry for deep love, is it the same for Ethiopian men? Is marriage for Ethiopians really based on deep love or ethnicity?

Go fine your own.. later on he do not want your White asssss... for real marriage.

In Ethiopian White consider the same as African American Slave.. our parent call you guys.. Selato,, which means Gost.. week slave... African American we call them Baria.. shakala.. which means Slave as well..

So get a fxxx life and find your own kind.. You will never be happy, specially when you meet his mom and dad or any of his relatives.. that is the face!

Get your own White Asssss or Black asssss man out side Ethiopian race.
Peace.. do not hate me cos. I am telling you the trueh as Beautifule Ethiopian Women!!!

[Tade]

It seems like I am lost in between. I am of Ethiopian origin. I have been made aware of my looks when Ethiopian women confuse me for an african american until I speak amharic or they detect my accent when I happen to respond in english. Almost the same thing happens in the way African american women treat me in their curiousity to identify me. They also tend to change ther mind after discovering the fact that I am not their type, the intensity may differ. While it works both ways, I may be at a disadvantage more than any of you guys.

[Tade]

Ethiopian Queen wrote:

<quoted text>
Go fine your own.. later on he do not want your White asssss... for real marriage.
In Ethiopian White consider the same as African American Slave.. our parent call you guys.. Selato,, which means Gost.. week slave... African American we call them Baria.. shakala.. which means Slave as well..
So get a fxxx life and find your own kind.. You will never be happy, specially when you meet his mom and dad or any of his relatives.. that is the face!
Get your own White Asssss or Black asssss man out side Ethiopian race.
Peace.. do not hate me cos. I am telling you the trueh as Beautifule Ethiopian Women!!!

Trust me, I'm of Ethiopian origin and this is as unEthiopian as it can get. I don't understand people who spoil the name 'Ethiopian queen' by their utter idifference and ignorance. People like those whith no repect to others and no clue what they are talking about, do not represent Ethiopia.