if my albanian boyfriend leaves his albanian fiance there will be war, help!

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Since: Feb 13

Sheffield, UK

#1 Feb 4, 2013
He doesn't love her he loves me, she is back in Albania waiting for him , he hasn't seen her for 2 years, he has asked me to come on here and ask for advise , he wants to leave her but is scared her family will hurt his if he leaves her . Is there any way he can leave her with out causing a war? He wants to marry me and not her , please help

Since: Feb 13

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#2 Feb 15, 2013
I think it s up to him really. If he really cares about you there should be no excuses or questions about it. You either are attracted to the significant other, or you re not. See reality for what it is.
Personally, I ve tried everything and reached bottom with all my exes so I ve had no doubts moving on.
It s a free world, as long as they re not married yet, you have a chance to claim him your territory.
See, that s why, we always say in Albania, at least my grandmother does, that physical separations of the couple should be avoided, bc they bring the actual end of the relationship. Hang on to your man wherever he goes now that you 2 are a couple. If you decide to move to another city in the uk let s say, do it together.
Albanians also dislike it, when about to walk out of the house, 1 partner get s out of the door and waits outside while the other is getting ready, it s a bad omen.
Take your man by the hand and walk out as a decent couple, both ready at the same time together.

Since: Feb 13

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#3 Feb 15, 2013
You seem like a very nice girl, he is a lucky fella to have you. Good luck!

Since: Feb 13

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#4 Feb 15, 2013
P.S. he really shouldn't be dreaming of polygamy and dragging 2 hearts, you know karma

Since: Feb 13

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#5 Feb 15, 2013

Since: Feb 13

Derby, UK

#6 Feb 16, 2013
Fushateinjorimi wrote:
I think it s up to him really. If he really cares about you there should be no excuses or questions about it. You either are attracted to the significant other, or you re not. See reality for what it is.
Personally, I ve tried everything and reached bottom with all my exes so I ve had no doubts moving on.
It s a free world, as long as they re not married yet, you have a chance to claim him your territory.
See, that s why, we always say in Albania, at least my grandmother does, that physical separations of the couple should be avoided, bc they bring the actual end of the relationship. Hang on to your man wherever he goes now that you 2 are a couple. If you decide to move to another city in the uk let s say, do it together.
Albanians also dislike it, when about to walk out of the house, 1 partner get s out of the door and waits outside while the other is getting ready, it s a bad omen.
Take your man by the hand and walk out as a decent couple, both ready at the same time together.
thank you so much for answering me, we have been talking, he says he loves me and hrs not interested in the other girl at all, but he still says he has to marry her because her family will hurt his if he doesn't , they haven't seen eachother for 2 years , she has been waiting for him and he says because she has been waiting so long that the only way he can leave her is if she cheats on him which he says she won't do. So guess I'm the one that's going to be alone at the end if this

Since: Feb 13

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#7 Feb 16, 2013
vikstar88 wrote:
<quoted text> thank you so much for answering me, we have been talking, he says he loves me and hrs not interested in the other girl at all, but he still says he has to marry her because her family will hurt his if he doesn't , they haven't seen eachother for 2 years , she has been waiting for him and he says because she has been waiting so long that the only way he can leave her is if she cheats on him which he says she won't do. So guess I'm the one that's going to be alone at the end if this
So sorry to hear this. But look at reality maybe he loves her you know...so painful. Men when they re in love will travel at any time, any distance for a woman

Since: Feb 13

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#8 Feb 16, 2013
vikstar88 wrote:
<quoted text> thank you so much for answering me, we have been talking, he says he loves me and hrs not interested in the other girl at all, but he still says he has to marry her because her family will hurt his if he doesn't , they haven't seen eachother for 2 years , she has been waiting for him and he says because she has been waiting so long that the only way he can leave her is if she cheats on him which he says she won't do. So guess I'm the one that's going to be alone at the end if this
I feel your pain, I m in a similar situation

Since: Feb 13

Derby, UK

#9 Feb 16, 2013
Fushateinjorimi wrote:
<quoted text>
I feel your pain, I m in a similar situation
I don't no if he loves her or not, he says he's only met her 3 times and that he really doesn't love her or have any feelings for her and that its both of their families that introduced them to get engaged. I don't no what's going off. He says he wants to be with me and not her but that because they are engaged and he says also because he's from kukesand so is she that in that area when you get engaged you can't break it off without good reason like if she cheats. He said that in that area once your engaged that's it. I don't no if he's lying to me or not but its a horrible situation to be in because I really do love him.

Since: Feb 13

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#10 Feb 16, 2013
vikstar88 wrote:
<quoted text> I don't no if he loves her or not, he says he's only met her 3 times and that he really doesn't love her or have any feelings for her and that its both of their families that introduced them to get engaged. I don't no what's going off. He says he wants to be with me and not her but that because they are engaged and he says also because he's from kukesand so is she that in that area when you get engaged you can't break it off without good reason like if she cheats. He said that in that area once your engaged that's it. I don't no if he's lying to me or not but its a horrible situation to be in because I really do love him.
Sounds like he s using you for sex/female attention company. Player. Emotionally unavailable. He s bulls hitting you.

" He says he wants to be with me and not her but that because they are engaged"
'But' statements, mean that the part before the 'but' eraser is not true.

I would demand a clear answer from him, about about your female moral ? Doesn't he care about you that way, tha much, your honor and such?

For males, what constitutes attraction is that the female has choices. He is worrying/jealous that the girl is cheating on him. You can do the same thing, be lighthearted and start smiling back at guys when out together with him, then pretend it was nothing happened and smile at him again.
If he really hurts you, at the end you can get at him by sending dated pictures of the 2 of you preferably in bed to her and her family. Get the contact info while he is showering or not at home or something. And your legitimate excuse is that he broke your honor.

Since: Feb 13

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#11 Feb 16, 2013
"if my albanian boyfriend leaves his albanian fiance there will be war, help!"
Threaten him back jokingly.
Tell him you re a bloody British and that not only your eye doesn't flick at Albanian Kukes who?wars, but that you can easily invade the whole world, you already have, English is the language of the world, and that the sun rises and sets on the rule of the British Empire.

Since: Feb 13

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#12 Feb 16, 2013
I think the fact he s not even married or had any children with her is an advantage for both of you

Since: Feb 13

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#13 Feb 16, 2013
If you get pregnant it s done

Since: Feb 13

Derby, UK

#14 Feb 16, 2013
Fushateinjorimi wrote:
If you get pregnant it s done
I can't get pregnant at the moment I have been steralized although I am getting it reversed this year. The woman waiting for him in Albania he says is a virgin and that she won't cheat on him. He says anyway that if I got pregnant he'd have to leave me because if his fiances family found out it would get very violent. He says he has got to bring her to England in the next couple of months. I'm lost , I don't no what to do. Bad things always happen to good people as the saying goes and I guess its true. I will try talking to him but, iv spoke to him about this so many times now and it always ends up him saying there is no way out of it and then I'm in tears. Maybe he is playing me I don't no.

Since: Feb 13

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#15 Feb 16, 2013
:'( so sorry to hear this

Since: Feb 13

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#16 Feb 16, 2013
Masochistic type peasant Albanian men are aroused by an "innocent virgin". It could be a sign of a pervert/serial cheater. The peasant girls statistically lose their virginity in their early teens, 4-5 years earlier than city girls, which means there s a lot of cover up going on. This girl might have some lover in the mountains right now and she might be equally devastated. You never know the truth.

Since: Feb 13

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#17 Feb 16, 2013
vikstar88 wrote:
<quoted text> I can't get pregnant at the moment I have been steralized although I am getting it reversed this year. The woman waiting for him in Albania he says is a virgin and that she won't cheat on him. He says anyway that if I got pregnant he'd have to leave me because if his fiances family found out it would get very violent. He says he has got to bring her to England in the next couple of months. I'm lost , I don't no what to do. Bad things always happen to good people as the saying goes and I guess its true. I will try talking to him but, iv spoke to him about this so many times now and it always ends up him saying there is no way out of it and then I'm in tears. Maybe he is playing me I don't no.
That s where. I don't like the arrogance and his greediness. Why should she keep her gig nitty nice and warm for him abstain for years and he instead sleeping around enjoying himself. It s not fair for women.

Since: Feb 13

Derby, UK

#18 Feb 16, 2013
Fushateinjorimi wrote:
Masochistic type peasant Albanian men are aroused by an "innocent virgin". It could be a sign of a pervert/serial cheater. The peasant girls statistically lose their virginity in their early teens, 4-5 years earlier than city girls, which means there s a lot of cover up going on. This girl might have some lover in the mountains right now and she might be equally devastated. You never know the truth.
where are you originally from? I told him a few of the things you said and he said that unless you are Albanian you won't know how it works there. What nationality are you? I'm guessing that because you said "us Albanians have a saying" that you are an Albanian? He says he thinks your either English or Serb? I don't want to offend you I'm just repeating what he said. Either way I think that because of what's happening between me and him that I'm probably gonna have to break up with him at some point, its a shame if he is lying because iv always been genuin with him and I do really love him. I really appreciate your input on this matter though. I just wish I knew more about the culture myself so then I'd know if he was lying or not

Since: Feb 13

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#19 Feb 16, 2013
The question is: Do you really want him? Do you see yourself spending your life with him?
Men have emotions and doubts too, just like women. You be strong and take care of yourself more than ever. Sometimes you biggest enemy can be your insecurity. if both you and him are on shaky grounds and the girl is resolute, then there s a problem. Right now you re there beside him. Be strong in bed, flirtatious the rest of the day, no drama. Freaking out makes women less attractive ....relationships are hard work. The girl has even a utilitarian reason to keep him hooked, she sees the uk as an opportunity for herself. In eastern countries bc of survival difficulties love=usefulness, more so the officially poorest area of Europe, Kukes. It s very popular for Albanian men to marry polish or black girls in the west for visa/passport documentation. Then the lady has kids and they get stuck with them. In the West they marry the person, bc the way the partners looks, feels, behaves etc., is pleasant=useful to the senses. Men want a woman they can make happy with less effort. Say "I m so happy" very often.
Don't feel sorry about the other girl though, feel sorry only about yourself and look out for yourself. The girl grew up in those conditions, so she s already accustomed to that type of life. And Albania is the best country in the world, right?
This is my personal opinion, I don't see all this migration as negative for Albania, 30% of the population has migrated since 1990. Now foreign marriages are very common. We were isolated and mixed well for so long. I have my family tree and discovered that my parents sides 2 mountain ranges apart, had intermarried before, unknowingly until the tree was compiled, bc they lived on the other side of the mountain.

Since: Feb 13

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#20 Feb 16, 2013
In my opinion, Albanian men abroad should marry foreign women to infuse more variety to the mix. Albanians are patriarchal, if you marry him, you get his last name, we gain you. It s a gain for us. When an Albanian girl leaves Albania it s a loss for us.

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