I've decided to take one firm policy stand since It concerns the only real thing I know how to do.
Please disregard the dozen or so promises I've made to do "on day one". We always knew they were lies anyway but figured you dummies would buy it all and they would be good for a few weeks of polling! I know huh, it worked, even I didn't believe I could be this close in the polls!
Anyway, the new policy I will stand by and do my first year? I'm going to lay off the whole of the US Government and outsource everything to Costa Rica.
Here's how it works:
C/R call center message:
Please listen to all options as the menu changes constantly, on the half hour. Please make a special note, if what you're calling about isn't connected to a computer, we cannot help you. Also, the call center doesn't handle complaints, for those please call Swiss Mitt's hotline or Carly Fiorini personally.
If you are having pain with your trash barrels. Please note, the bottomless barrels are a feature and not a bug, since your garbage no longer actually goes anywhere, Mitt figured you could let it pile up on your property. Additionally, since we ourselves live in mountainous heaps of garbage slums as our US outsourcing only pay 35 cents an hour, we don't GAS about your garbage so please don't ask for sympathy.
If you would still like to purchase a China manufactured fancy "Made In USA" bumper sticker for your barrel.
If you're stuck in a massive sinkhole (not a swiss Mitt cash-hole, they are different) on the highway. Please note, tuff sh*t.
If you would like to delete all avenues for Women's healthcare in the US.
Option 5: If option 4 is chosen first.
This is to purchase China made Bayer Aspirin for your Girlfren to put between her legs for Contraception.
This is to purchase China made Clothes Hangers for when your Girlfren's first Contraception choice fails and she is at risk of dying because she cannot physically deliver your baby for you.
Use this option to purchase your new Costa Rican Wife after options 4, 5 and 6 have been exhausted and your Girlfren is dead.
Please use this option to dump any unwanted cash into any one of my off-shore bank accounts, you're too uneducated to do anything with it so you might as well give it all to me, hahahahahahahahahaha, just kidding, no I'm serious!
As mentioned please check back on the half hour as the menu options are a moving target and will never be the same twice.
Have a great day idiot Swiss Mitt suckers!!!!