Speaking the Language of Bon Jovi
Posted in the Bon Jovi Forum
#1 Jan 25, 2013
Over the years, fans have come up with many creative ways with which to refer to various aspects of their favorite band.
Since: Apr 10
#2 Jan 26, 2013
Articles like this make me ashamed to be a Bon Jovi fan. For most fans it's all about the music and their live performances and your "translation" of the "Jovi language" is not only embarrasing but also incorrect. It's obviously written by a JoviHo who according to you are "..often delirious."
#3 Jan 27, 2013
I am sorry I clicked on this article. Glenn, that is degrading, disgraceful and offensive not only to fans, but to the band as well. You get an "F" from me for that article. Not worth reading.
#4 Jan 28, 2013
Love it !
#5 Jan 28, 2013
First things first. In BonJersey's absense, here is the article so you don't have to click on the link thereby helping Glenn earn money for this nonsensical drivel.
The New Jersey rock legends Bon Jovi have been defying music industry irrelevance by continuing to put out good music and tour on a regular basis.
With over thirty years of experience tucked under their belts, an adoring fan base that spans the globe has come up with their very own unique code---a Jovi Lingo---with which to describe various characteristics of their adoration.
For the uninitiated, navigating Jovilinguistics can be a frustrating and daunting task. That’s why with their new single “Because We Can” out, a new world tour waiting in the wings and their new record “What About Now” set for release March 26, it’s a good idea to brush up on some basic fan survival language.
Here then without further adieu is the Language of Jovi:
BonJovism: the unique language spoken by fans around the world.
OBWanBonJovi: A take on Star Wars Jedi Knight OB1Kinobe, this refers to Jon Bon Jovi’s prowess wielding his legendary white mic stand.
Rain or shine the blue-eyed bandmaster can be seen pointing it at guitarist Richie Sambora like a light saber, or holding it a lot towards the crowd like some mythic extension of his munchable unmentionables.
Jovigasm: this term describes the shameless lust that washes over any female fan sitting within the first 15 rows at a concert, or those glued to photos and videos on the Internet, deliriously shivering like a cold Chihuahua or erupting like Mount Saint Helens at the sight of their favorite (band) member.
BonJoviPalooza: term that describes the convergence of female fans on a city or town where the band is playing and making a weekend of it.
Often associated with JBJ Backstage Fan Club VIP Travel Excursions it includes heavy drinking, staking out the hotel bar where the band is rumored to be staying, and much crying when the hotel mini-bar is empty and credit cards denied.
Commando: a term that is known to keep women up at night and reduce the global inventory of “AA” batteries, it is slang for when JBJ comes out on stage in skin tight pants that flaunt what his Mama gave him.
Stinkeye: the dreaded look that Richie or his fellow bandmates fear; usually in response to a musical faux pas like Richie muffing the guitar solo on “Wanted Dead Or Alive”; also directed at interviewers asking questions that are stupid as spit.
HRH: a Twitter nickname that refers to Jon Bon as His Royal Highness , an acronym that refers to his regal countenance, impressive ego and ceaseless authority as Keeper of the Jovi.
Kool Aid Drinker: refers to the kind of Bon Jovi fan who thinks no one in the band can ever do anything wrong and will make you pay for saying anything negative about them on social media or JBJ Backstage discussion boards.
Many are applying to the U.N. for admission as their own country.
BonJoviPottamus: they’re quietly observant but always ready to pounce.
Known to barge the line at the lobby merchandise table selling Bon Jovi knickknacks, memorabilia and t-shirts, their mouths are loud and their elbows painful.
Often charge from beyond the fifteenth row, taking a poor unsuspecting soul’s seat in the VIP section.
BonJoviBaJesus: refers to the whispered or guttural sound emitted by female fans when they see Jon first appear onstage, or see a photo of him sunning his buns in St. Bart’s, as in,“Oh my bejesus!”
Fan Fictionistas: the legion of lady fans who write erotica around characters strongly resembling band members.
Talented and imaginative, their specialty is writing scenarios in which they make band members engage in every tryst from “50 Shades of Gray”.
BonJersey: the re-naming of the state of New Jersey to reflect the true fan’s sense of geography while promoting rock tourism.
JoviHolic: an insidious addiction that is a permanent disease and takes more than a shot and still has no remedy.
#6 Jan 28, 2013
Often involves downloading every Bon Jovi pic found in a Google search, and selling all valuables to attend shows across the globe.
JoviTopia: the idyllic fantasyland frozen in time where big hair, spandex and the smell of leather jackets sets the tone for hardcore Jovi Lovers wherein Jon and Richie are amusement park rides, Tico is the conductor of the Little Rock Band that could sky mover and keyboardist David Bryan serenades the strolling masses with his accordion while a trained monkey throws guitar pics at the maddening crowd.
LaFamigliaJovi: the name used to describe all of the wives and children that have seemingly sprung from the rocker’s well-toned loins on Twitter and Facebook.
From Mrs. DulceSambora to JonBonsBiatch all the way to TicosTemptress and Davids Diva, JoviNation is all about the family.
JoviNation: the all-encompassing term used to describe Bon Jovi fans worldwide. Once in, you’re a permanent card-carrying member, even IF you get better seats than your best friend. Like the Mafia, you’re in for life.
Bonjoviologist: modern day rock archaeologists specializing in the discovery and documentation of prized Bon Jovi artifacts.
Alone or in packs they seek prized memorabilia from gold records to guitar pics, hair spray cans to tasseled boots and even yellowed white spandex zebra pants.
Bonjovitinis: stadium-sized drinks pounded down by adoring fans in the hotel bar while scoping out the best elevator vantage points and lobby cubbyholes with which to spring out with camera and cleavage.
JoviHo: they number in the millions, are fiercely loyal and are often delirious.
Their passion tends to overpower their sense of reasoning which often results in wanton displays of their most recent Victoria Secret purchases in concert; and, they are responsible for recruiting and training several generations of sister fans.
Also known as Bon Jovi's secret weapon: without them the band would have hung it up long ago.
#7 Jan 28, 2013
And now on to specifics:
OBWanBonJovi: Personally I’ve never heard this name. Am I out of the loop or is Glenn pulling this sh*t out of his ass?
Commando: Yes, there is chatter among some fans as to when Jon is or isn’t in such a state, but it is certainly not a term coined, or exclusively used, by Bon Jovi fans.
BonJoviPottamus, BonJoviBaJesus, JoviTopia: see OBWanBonJovi
StinkEye: also directed at interviewers asking questions that are stupid as spit.
Or perhaps directed at computer screens when any member of the band reads articles like this one.
...and while I’m at it...
“like some mythic extension of his munchable unmentionables.”
“when JBJ comes out on stage in skin tight pants that flaunt what his Mama gave him.”
“sprung from the rocker’s well-toned loins”
Ummm, Glenn? I think you’ll find a whole lot more elbow room on the OUTSIDE of the closet. Seriously, just admit it and get it over with.
Since: Jan 09
#8 Jan 28, 2013
Thanks Lisa, been busy lately.
Of the 18 terms, 3 are not Bon Jovi terms: commando, Koolaid drinker, and Stinkeye. They are general terms.
Of the others I have heard BonJersey, JoviHo and JoviNation. I use BonJersey here only as a tribute to my love of Bon Jovi and my home state of NJ, it is not a term I use when speaking ever. I don't use JoviHo or JoviNation either because I think it is stupid and tacky. The others I have never heard or even seen being used anywhere.
Lisa...thank you for the great laugh...come out come out Wiz.
Is it just me or don't people see that his articles are not laughing with fans but at fans?
#9 Jan 28, 2013
In my opinion he comes off like a combination of 'I so desperately want to be their buddy' & 'I so desperately want to be viewed as the go-to authority on them'.
He achieves neither.
Since: Apr 10
#10 Jan 28, 2013
Exactly! Laughing AT fans…
I find it embarrassing, disrespectful and tacky not only to the fans but also to the band.
Since: Apr 10
#11 Jan 28, 2013
While we’re at it HRH does not mean "His Royal Highness" and it does not necessarily refer to Bon Jovi although I've seen it used to describe both Jon and Richie.
Most of these terms are completely fan fictional and if you want to waste 5 minutes on Google you will see that the ones that aren’t made up by this “journalist” are either common terms or “die harder” fans of ANY band/artist “slang”.
Not my cup of tea but for those who may enjoy this you need to be aware that most of these articles are in desperate need of a fact check...
This writer may be a fan but he is definitely not the Bon Jovi encyclopedia!
#12 Jan 31, 2013
Glenn, let's just get this out in the open. Why are you even wasting your time writing drivel about BJ? The truth please. Not just a lame "well because I don't like the band". That's not going to fly anymore. There are a lot of bands out there that you probably don't like but are you spending time writing about them? What did BJ do to you that you are on this anti-BJ campaign? Were you snubbed by them or someone in the band in the past? Are you a musician that for some reason didn't make it and jealousy and hate is seeping out? What is it? I find it hard to believe that you have nothing better to do or nothing more constructive to write about.
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