Leeds United Jokes
Posted in the Leeds, England Forum
#1 Feb 25, 2010
First off, I want to state for the record that I've been a supporter of the Peacocks since I first began following the Premiership. This thread isn't intended to bash the Whites, it's just to share some funny jokes about our beloved Leeds United. So please, keep any snide remarks to yourself. This is a fun thread. You wouldn't want me over on a Middlesbrough thread telling everyone what a lot of homo wankers you are ;)
Q. What's the difference between a Leeds fan and a coconut?
A. One's thick and hairy, and the other's a tropical fruit.
Q: What's the difference between a Pyromaniac and Leeds United?
A: A Pyromaniac wouldn't throw away all his matches!
Q: What has 70,000 arms and an IQ of 170?
A: Elland road every other Saturday.
Q: Why do normal people take an instant dislike to Leeds United?
A: It saves time.
Q: What do you call a Leeds fan in a 2 bedroomed Semi?
A: A burglar.
Q: How can you tell when Leeds are losing?
A: It's five past three.
Q: What do you call a Leeds fan with many girlfriends?
A: A Shepherd
Q: What did Lee Bowyer say when he took a girl out for the night?
A: Fancy an Indian?
Q: What do you call 20 Leeds fans sky-diving?
Q: What have General Pinochet and Leeds United have in common?
A: They both round people up into football stadiums and torture them.
Elland Road Boss Peter Risdale has sacked David Leary and employed a new Chinese manager.
His name: Win One Soon
Q: What do you say to a Leeds United fan with a job?
A: Yes, I would like fries with that order!
Richard Branson calls the Leeds United Commercial Manager to see if they are in need of some sponsorship. Richard is thanked for his offer but LUFC management consider it inappropriate to wear the Virgin logo when they are getting f***ed every Saturday afternoon!!!
Q: What's the difference between Paul Robinson and a taxi driver?
A: A taxi driver only lets in four at a time.
There was a group of people on a tour-bus. The guide on the bus asked if anyone on the bus could tell the rest a joke, whereupon a man got up and said that he could tell a Leeds joke. Suddenly a bloke in the back of the bus said, "No, don't do that. I'm a Leeds supporter." The guide looked at him and said, "That's okay. We'll explain it to you afterwards."
Did you hear that the British Post Office has just recalled their latest stamps?
Well, they had photos of Leeds United players on them and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.
Q. What would you call a pregnant Leeds United fan?
A: A dope carrier.
Q: What do Leeds fans use as birth control?
A: Their personalities.
Q: How many Leeds supporters does it take to stop a moving bus?
A: Never enough.
Q: What do you call a Leeds fan with no arms and legs?
Q: What's the difference between a Leeds fan and a vibrator?
A: A Leeds fan is a real d*ck.
#2 Feb 25, 2010
Q: Why can't you get a cup of tea at Elland Road?
A: All the mugs are on the field and all the cups are at Highbury, Old Trafford and The Riverside.
Q: If you see a Leeds fan on a bicycle, why should you never swerve and hit him?
A: You don't want to damage your bike, do you?
It's with great sadness that I report that Elland Road was broken into last night. The entire contents of the trophy room were stolen. West Yorkshire police are looking for a man believed to be trying to sell a green carpet.
An old man hands over 50 quid to the turnstyle operator at Elland Road.
Man: Two please.
Turnstyle Operator: Sir, will that be Defenders or Strikers?
Q: How many Leeds fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Don't matter,'cos they're all condemned to eternal darkness anyway.
Q: How is a pint of milk different then from Leeds United?
A: If you leave the milk out for a week it develops a culture!
Q: What's the difference between a Leeds fan and a sperm?
A: At least a sperm has one chance in 5 million of becoming a human being.
There's a rumour going about that if you buy a season ticket at Elland Road then you get a free space suit. Apparently it's due to the lack of atmosphere...
Q: How do you save a Leeds fan from drowning?
A: Take yer foot off his head.
Q: What's the difference between a busload of Leeds fans and a hedgehog?
A: On a hedgehog, the pricks are on the outside.
Billy Bremner walks into a pub.
The landlord says 'A pint of your usual, Billy?'
Bremner replies 'No, just a half, then I'm off'
Q: How many Leeds fans can you get in a police car?
A: One in the front, one in the back, and one on top going "nee naw neee naww neee naw"
Q: Why did the Leeds fan climb the glass window?
A: To see what was on the other side.
Q: What's the difference between a Leeds fan and a chimp?
A: Ones hairy, stupid and smells, and the other is a chimpanzee.
An anxious woman goes to her doctor. "Doctor," she asks nervously, "I'm a bit worried - can you get pregnant from anal intercourse?"
"Of course," replies the doctor, "Where do you think Leeds fans come from?"
Q: How do you kill a Leeds fan when he's been drinking?
A: Slam the toilet seat on his head.
Q: How many Leeds fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Yeah, as if they have electricity in Leeds...
Q: What's is the difference between Pamela Anderson and the Leeds goalkeeper?
A: Pam's only got two tits in front of her
Q: Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an intelligent Leeds supporter and an old drunk are walking down the street together when simultaneously they each spot a fifty quid note. Who gets it?
A: The old drunk, of course - the other 3 are mythical creatures.
Q: How can you tell a level headed Leeds supporter?
A: He dribbles from both sides of his mouth at the same time.
Q: What do you get if you cross a Leeds fan with a pig?
A: Thick bacon.
#3 Sep 2, 2012
i think tht if ur a leeds fan then u shud be talking about other teams
Q what do u call a leeds fans who takes tht piss out of his team
A. a knob head tht has his head screwed loose
#4 Jan 2, 2013
you missed the biggest joke of all
#5 Jan 18, 2013
Funny ha ha ha some good jokes here.
#6 Sep 21, 2013
What do you call a gay Leeds fan?
Kenneth Gregory.(My dad add him on Facebook)
Since: Nov 11
#7 Oct 17, 2013
#8 Jan 8, 2014
Leeds are shocking
#9 Mar 28, 2014
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