Let me give you a piece of my mind!

Let me give you a piece of my mind!

Posted in the So Weird Forum

Phyllo Lipshitts

Granite City, IL

#1 Oct 14, 2009
WARNING:[Content Highly Confusing. Wear a helmet when reading at all times!]
This article is very ugly, and needs the one that sung to growl to be born framework luggage of the pregnant hope, rotating to the poor ash for the to strike to kick buttocks, and tip counts is not hungry or thirsty to the east time! Cake of caught, man of iron. Yesterday, I heard the tin plating siren. I fallen down the hill, and eaten a tire, and I done not be able to awaken in the winter! Wanting to greet for stone-crazy moss facing the forth-west wind, it can neither be fervently doped-down, nor turned-up. Why feed the animal crackers when you can saddle-out this foolish evolutionism. Donít try to encrypt this message, because pigs never fly in the RŪo Grande on Fridays. Also, pigs only fly if they contradict the movement of extraterrestrial frontal systems. The smell of a shrunken calculator is kin to the smell that makes dogs want to speak Chinese. This, and the sentence 491 characters after is the only sentence in this article that makes sense. I suggest that you avoid reading any other cough syrup-covered pancakes, or else you will wake up on a bus in Australia in the down-under, outback wilderness. Crikey mate! You ripper! Driving the bus will be a drunk crocodile smoking crack. A Kung-Fu alligator will accompany you and slap the taste out of your South of the Border Mexican dish, replacing it with a gourmet Asian Kung-Pao noodle dish, extra lobster, and a few chocolate candies sprinkling from the sky, as a result of fluctuating stupidity, making less sense as eyes pass. Can the smartest of pundits be stupid fool trying to prove evolution, true retardation comes when you willingly denounce the possibility of a divine creator, or is a willing ignoramus against Christianity; the deceased heathen is instantly feasted inward by hungry serpents in Hell for eternity, unless it repents and receive divine mercy. If you don't repent, you will pass up the most important decision of your life. Most of the rest of this crap is hocus pocus. Why don't you keep reading?
Phyllo Lipshitts

Granite City, IL

#2 Oct 14, 2009
There is no use in shaving your head, because leaving a few dollars on the ankle bracelet won't keep the crack-head bed bugs away. Why don't people realize that Broken English isn't the primary language, Heartlessnish is, unless you're broken-hearted. If you come across a bullfrog, pick up a twig and read the fine print. Thatís the #1 golden Yule log of tree-loss. I suggest you apply the ointment of hors d'oeuvre, filet mignon, cordon bleu, etc. before snacking on a Russian midget. Just run away from home. No one cares about being tied to a virtual massage table by a computer virus thatís not out of control, itís in control. Why waste your energy on understanding the metaphysics of microeconomic boil-under. Don't try to wrap your brain around this puny, senile, one-cell crap. It'll never have the mental capacity to be contained in a saran wrap from la-la land. You'll have to kill off some time to make the best of yesterday's today. Or is it the day before today's tomorrow? If you dare ride the largest roller coaster, you will fly from oblivion, and end up in paradoxical bliss. When you ignore signs, then black, ghetto, gangsta hood-rat aliens will rob your liquor store and want mo' money in the bag than they can ever desire, but they won't be holdin' up gats or glocks homey, they'll have gas monkeys with cosmic rays of home-grown tomato-sauce and delicious gold coins made especially for the King of Martians. THIS - IS - MARTAAAAAAAAA! Not Sparta. Don't get the name confused, cause we've never dragged a guilt-meter full of piss down the yellow brick load of gold-plated laughing gas. Russian midgets love blue grass and hates peacefully violent situations. Don't go figure, THEY MUST BRAKE YOU. The pride of a suicidal person will cause eccentrically-vague behavior in that person. In other words, don't think too hard about their actions, because used paper plates are not a gift from Santa Claus. Migraines are so painful unless you are confused about your future. The only thing sexy about a leaf is that soft feathers will cut through butter on holidays. You can't decipher the charisma of an aardvark, because your charisma will never be the same. That's probably why we all need to check our clocks and clean the surface of the sea with a cherry flavored soldering iron. It's the only way we'll make sense of senselessness. Fear of the quickening of mildew won't erase the torrential arches that's glued to construction paper in Africa. You'll have to learn Swahili and live in a house of cards for the rest of your life! Oh no muthafuka! Let's just consider green bread as a balanced diet with frozen maraschino olives. After you've eaten the junk, you won't end up in an emergency room, but you'll jet to an airport with cranky airplanes and bad attitudes. How will this happen? Well, if you eat something so Germanic and cumbersome, your attractive doom is to pass on the 13th of Friday. Don't eat old dirty saltless crackers. Weevils will crawl inside the cracker like a park full of bad-acting bay-bay kids. And your self-condemnation will haunt you for the rest of your death, but you must hope for the best of God. Learn to forgive yourself and don't forget the wages of burden in psychological psychosis, or frozen pizza pans for instance.
Phyllo Lipshitts

Granite City, IL

#3 Oct 14, 2009
Charming a clock causes the power to be released from a wicker basket full of grandfather snakes. Sunny skies can cheer up the saddest soul when a Hawaiian summer blizzard dumps heavy snow over Honolulu. Gnarly dude! Burr! C-C-C-Cold! Let's get right to brass tacks. Picture this, you walk into your room, and a Saint Louis gazelle is walking all over your bed and eating IMO'S pizza with calamari and aged anchovies. You carefully walk over to it to try to understand why it's so superficial. Then the gazelle slaps the snot from your face and waves it's index finger at you as if to say no-no-no. You were slapped all the way from Missouri! You try to get your footing along with your shotgun, but you're just too dizzied from the gazelle-style pimp slap. The gazelle then gets up, morphs into the boxer Bernard Hawkins, and gives you a classic haymaker with enough cosmic force to emit static and shocking noise. The "shocking noise" eases the torrential smell of the testosterones and androgen. You think of all those tall bullies in your past that gave you slugs and want to curl up into a ball and suck your thumb. Don't worry. That was the future, this is the present, and the past is yet to come. The pity of the fool who wrote part of this is substantially thwarted by the success of getting over with the last essay in English 3000. That's the reason why hatred for foolish things are founded on the brink of brainwash and backwash in Martian society today. That's why so many smart-mouth, back-talking, disrespectful teenagers are getting raped by babies in their unsafe households and city streets. Some are bullying their parents, but are too afraid to stand within a few feet of a crib, stroller or cradle. They wouldn't babysit or work at a daycare for $1,000,000 an hour! Despicable! And if you leave your homies in a suitcase without air holes and forget about them, you'll come back and open the suitcase, and they'll only be an orange residue. You'll be VERY SORRY you forgot them!

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