Family feud

Caringbah, Australia

#1 Feb 28, 2012
I'm a married mother of two small children. Five months ago my brother and his partner lost a child at 6mths gestation. The baby did not survive, she was named Charli Jane and was buried in September 2011.

A week leading up to this tradgedy, we were celebrating my sons 4th birthday with my side of the family and my husbands side of the family together. Both of our extended families know each other quite well and we all come together a few times a year to celebrate my kids, my husband and my birthdays.

My husbands brother and wife were also expecting a child in the same week as my brother and his partner. The two expectant mothers talked baby talk at my sons party the week before the tradgedy unfolded and everyone was excited at the prospect of 2 new babies on their way.

12 Weeks after the death of my neice, my husbands brother and his wife had a baby girl (in the same week that my brothers baby was due) and we were happy for them...... until we heard that they were thinking of naming her Charli as well. I asked my husband to call his brother and just remind him that we just buried our other neice Charli 12 weeks ago, as I thought that the only reason they would do such a thing is because they had forgotten what my neices name was.

Unfortunately, they went ahead with the name anyway. I feel like this is a slap in the face, as my husbands brother and his wife new how deply involved I was with the death of this baby and how I was grieving her loss. My husband said something to his brother about it and all his brother did was yell at him and tell him that we don't have to see them if we have a problem with it. The conversation did not end well and we have not seen the new baby.

My husband and I told his parents of our feelings about the situation and how we didn't want our strained relationship with his siblings to affect our relationship with his parents. However, they were not supportive at all and showed no understanding or compassion about our feelings. In fact, they were quite cold and hard and said to us that it's their baby and they can call it whatever they want. We were hurt by their response and have not really spoken since.(this was 2 months ago).

I'm not sure how to get over this. I feel so hurt that my brother in-law and his wife would show no compassion for me as their sister in law, and no respect for my husband as his brother. At this point in time i don't feel like i want anything to do with my husbands family.... how can we have both families together for our kids birthdays now when there is a Charli running around in front of my brother and his partner? How can I show support to my husband who feels isolated from his family? How do i explain to my children that their grandparents have walked out of their lives?

Please help.

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