Polyamory: The Next Sexual Revolution?

Polyamory: The Next Sexual Revolution?

There are 553 comments on the www.newsweek.com story from Aug 2, 2009, titled Polyamory: The Next Sexual Revolution?. In it, www.newsweek.com reports that:

Terisa Greenan and her boyfriend, Matt, are enjoying a rare day of Seattle sun, sharing a beet carpaccio on the patio of a local restaurant. Matt holds Terisa's hand, as his 6-year-old son squeezes in between the couple to give Terisa a kiss. His mother, Vera, looks over and smiles; she's there with her boyfriend, Larry. Suddenly it starts to rain, and the group must move inside. In the process, they rearrange themselves: Matt's hand touches Vera's leg. Terisa gives Larry a kiss. The child, seemingly unconcerned, puts his arms around his mother and digs into his meal. Terisa and Matt and Vera and Larry—along with Scott, who's also at this dinner—are not swingers, per se; they aren't pursuing casual sex. Nor are they polygamists of the sort portrayed on HBO's Big Love; they aren't religious, and they don't have multiple wives. But they do believe in "ethical nonmonogamy," or engaging in loving, intimate relationships with more than one person—based upon the knowledge and consent of everyone involved. They are polyamorous, to use the term of art applied to multiple-partner families like theirs, and they wouldn't want to live any other way.

Join the discussion below, or Read more at www.newsweek.com.

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“Understand people,”

Since: Mar 08

you must, understand people.

#545 Dec 14, 2009
ilovedesigirls wrote:
I wish I could have 2 or more GF's but I already have trouble finding one.
Goin' past 2 is a big responsibility. That is, if you actually care for each of them. But if they are polyamorphic, you've hit the jackpot.
Tell The Truth

Tokyo, Japan

#547 Dec 14, 2009
UnderstandPeople wrote:
<quoted text>Heh...
I just love the litigation of topics, don't you?
First, the messenger makes the contender an incompetent, immoral fool then the messenger follows up with wisdom.
Cool trick.
Maybe it is the stereotype that those who use sarcasm are "greedy and selfishness" egomaniacs...
LOL [Egomania ends here]
Hey, whatever keeps a relationship going is the main factor.
But if their's a polyamorphic relationship, and I'm invited, cool.
No problem in learning unselfishly.
Can extra friends be invited to the orgy also? Hope there are plenty of prophylactics available.
Polyamorous relationships are usually private and personal. You often will not know that they are in a polyamorous relationship, unless they specifically told you.

Many guys would ESTABLISH&#12288;their own polyamorous relationships, as oppose to wait for somebody to ask them to join one. There are a lot of open minded women that will try and are very interested.

I find it interesting that many guys wish for polyamorous or open sexual relationships, but are often too fearful or timid to ask. Part of it though, is them just not realizing it is possible and then not knowing how to go about doing it. A lot of sexual problems and frustration that I see guys get into later, has a lot to do with them being weak and not standing up for what they truly want.

As a single guy, it is easier or more likely to hook up with swingers or cuckolds (remember the 2 styles are different). Swingers and cuckolds often put out personal ads and do parties. Of course, it is often better to be a strong male performer, give you go that route.

It is also a good way to actually experience or learn about the different style of relationships. Speaking of things in the hypothetical or theory, and actually doing and having experience is something else.

At swinger parties and clubs, there is always plenty of condoms. Safe sex is the rule, the exception would be if it's your own girlfriend/wife.

Depending on the party or club, single women and couples (male and female type) are almost always welcomed. Guys invited by couples are usually welcomed, but it depends on the club or party rules, which might be "couples only". Newbie guys with no swinger experience are often kind of monitored or limited, because they don't know how to behave or cause problems. When people know that you know how to behave and are a good performer, then it becomes easier to interact with swingers and get invited to parties.
Tell The Truth

Tokyo, Japan

#548 Dec 14, 2009
I forgot to mention, that many guys that developed experience from meeting swingers or going to swinger parties and clubs, then later established polyamorous or open-relationships later. Myself included.

Going the swinger route is NOT the only way to setup or enter a polyamorous relationship, but it does help in understanding the thinking and dynamics of how such kind of relationships work.
DaddyDoug

Rochester, NY

#549 Dec 14, 2009
Wait til everyone gets an STD because one person strays. I've know folks in situations like this and eventually the novelty wears off and people pair up for good.

It does look like a lot of extra work for everyone to manage personalities and relationships. No Thanks!!!
Tell The Truth

Tokyo, Japan

#550 Dec 14, 2009
DaddyDoug wrote:
Wait til everyone gets an STD because one person strays. I've know folks in situations like this and eventually the novelty wears off and people pair up for good.
It does look like a lot of extra work for everyone to manage personalities and relationships. No Thanks!!!
I'm amazed when people don't think about the irrationality or illogical of what they are saying.

People in so-called monogamous relationships get STDs. So WHY is that?

1. People in monogamous relationships OFTEN CHEAT.

Their partners often have no idea about the lying, cheating, and deception.

You then get the case where the partner is having secret sex with no condoms and then infects the other partner.

2. STDs often comes from NOT using CONDOMS and NOT TESTING sexual partners.

A person in a so-called monogamous relationship could start having a relationship with a woman (say 25) that caught an STD when she was a teenager (say 17) and not knew or got tested for it.

She may PRETEND to be near virginal or actually had very few sexual partners and the guy trusts her. They may start a so-called monogamous relationship, with no condoms, and he CATCHES an STD from her.

3. SAFE SEX practice by swingers.

Is encouraged at swinger parties and clubs. People use condoms.

4. A polyamorous relationship is NOT a sexual free for all.

A lot of people that don't know or understand this type of relationship have major misconceptions.

The polyamorous group usually only has sex WITH EACH OTHER. If they are free of STDs to begin with than the are NO MORE likely to catch an STD than a monogamous couple.

5. People in polyamorous/swinger/open relationships are NOT cheating. They are open and HONEST with each other about what they are doing.

If anything, it is often people in so-called monogamous relationships that are LYING and CHEATING on each other and thus their other partner does not know what is going on.

For many people, they have a break down in logic where they think lots of sex, in and of itself, is somehow dangerous. That is not the case.

It is often a lack of SAFE SEX practices, lack of TESTING, and CHEATING that results in the spread of infections.

“Walking Attitude”

Since: Aug 07

The Q continuum

#551 Dec 14, 2009
Whatever floats your boat.............

“safe, sane, consensual...”

Since: Jul 08

perpetual arousal

#552 Dec 16, 2009
Wow, the misconceptions about polyamory abound....

First of all, in my experience, most people who are in the poly lifestyle don't consider one lover "better" than the other lover....they are both different, and the differences are celebrated, not rubbed in the other partner's face!

Second of all, if you really want to know about polyamory, try asking someone who IS involved in the lifestyle, rather than depending on research alone.

And when it comes to research, it seems that the posters from the last week are researching what monogamous people have to say about polyamory....this is like turning to a woman for an explanation of what it feels like to ride a bike with a penis. She won't know the answer - she can take some educated guesses, but if you want the answer, you need to talk to someone who HAS a penis. And in this situation, if you want the right kind if information from your research, you need to get that info from other poly people.

I would recommend listening to Polyamory Weekly, a wonderful weekly podcast by Cunning Minx. She has lived the lifestyle and talks frankly and openly about both the benefits and the downfalls of poly relationships.
PolyOly

Edmond, OK

#556 Jul 17, 2012
I wonder what happened to this wonderful thread? My first wife and I were poly, but that had nothing to do with our decision to divorce. We were each at the point of a Vee. I had a girlfriend who wanted closeness but without the one on one commitment of a monogamous relationship. My wife had a boyfriend who was married and who was himself part of a polyamorous marriage. This was stable for several years.

One misconception that people have is that being polyamorous is all about having more sex. Not true. In fact, it can be about precisely the opposite, as was the case with my wife's boyfriend's wife. Although she had a friend herself, he was impotent from prostate surgery, and having him as a friend while her husband had my wife meant that she could avoid having sex just because her husband had a stronger libido than she.

Initially with my wife and me, my concern was that she would have less for me. Just the opposite happened. She was a person who needed her space,or as Virginia Woolf said, "a room of her own," but in getting that space from me that way, she had less need to fight for it as it were and we became closer.

For those who are curious, we divorced after 32 years of marriage because in the end we had few interests in common. We decided that we would release each other to find partners who shared more interests. We still remain close friends.

My current relationship is monogamous. My current wife and I talked long about this issue. I am quite content with monogamy with her as we share so many common interets I would have no time for another relationship.

“Play with your food”

Since: Mar 12

Location hidden

#557 Jun 23, 2013
What an interesting thread, with every angle discussed. Patricialynn is quite articulate. Thanks for the insights... Is anyone else able to contribute?

“safe, sane, consensual...”

Since: Jul 08

perpetual arousal

#558 Nov 17, 2013
Nice to see that some people still read the good threads. Spectacles, thanks for the compliment!

Left this forum because everything degenerated, or so it seemed. Hoping there are still some reasonable people left here.
jessy james

Australia

#559 Nov 24, 2013
patricialynn wrote:
Wow, the misconceptions about polyamory abound....
First of all, in my experience, most people who are in the poly lifestyle don't consider one lover "better" than the other lover....they are both different, and the differences are celebrated, not rubbed in the other partner's face!
Second of all, if you really want to know about polyamory, try asking someone who IS involved in the lifestyle, rather than depending on research alone.
And when it comes to research, it seems that the posters from the last week are researching what monogamous people have to say about polyamory....this is like turning to a woman for an explanation of what it feels like to ride a bike with a penis. She won't know the answer - she can take some educated guesses, but if you want the answer, you need to talk to someone who HAS a penis. And in this situation, if you want the right kind if information from your research, you need to get that info from other poly people.
I would recommend listening to Polyamory Weekly, a wonderful weekly podcast by Cunning Minx. She has lived the lifestyle and talks frankly and openly about both the benefits and the downfalls of poly relationships.
Just found this site after looking for another post I used to write on last year, by couldn't find it. My wife & been married for 11 yes & had her other partner Paul for 7& half yrs. She has children with both of us, & now after good talks, we agreed for her to seek a 3rd husband. Its been hard at times, but neither of us will change a thing. It takes a very special lady to love & share her self unconditionally to men. The best times are at Christmas & birthdays when her face lights up with her whole family in joy. But the most beautiful time for me is when Paul & I bring her flowers at the same time, & to see her face is priceless. She knows she is loved, adored & cherished. & for all the sceptics, any romance is strictly between her & the scheduled partner, absolutely no sharing in this. Paul & I kiss her on leaving & coming home, but that's it.
randy andy

Eastwood, Australia

#560 Nov 24, 2013
Damn wrote:
Why are people so sick today?
Don,t ask me dude! It takes all kinds to make this twisted world we live in
spin around 24/7 365 days / year. It could be some form of BRAIN WASHING! SCIENTOLOGY?

“guess who Lois?”

Since: Dec 06

A little hole in the wall.

#562 Dec 5, 2013
patricialynn wrote:
Nice to see that some people still read the good threads. Spectacles, thanks for the compliment!
Left this forum because everything degenerated, or so it seemed. Hoping there are still some reasonable people left here.
Hey Patricia ... yes, we thought you were long gone .... nice to see yuo drop by.
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