I recommend two good books: "Something Other Than God" by Jennifer Fulwiler. A former atheist who was raised by atheist parents.. She later "read" her way into the Catholic Church through honest scholarly work.<quoted text>
......you live too much in the past. You need to get into the 21st century with the rest of us.
And "Proof of Heaven" by Eben Alexander. A neurosurgeon-atheist has a near death experience from a bacterial infection that attacked his brain. His expert knowledge of the brain and analysis of the data later on, made him realize the impossibilty of him imagining it all. According to him: we were created and everything God created is eternally bound to Him. Even those in hell can't escape the fact they are created beings. His trip through purgatory or the 'outer realms' of hell is interesting.