My Husband Wants Us To Swing

My Husband Wants Us To Swing

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Since: Feb 12

Lymm, UK

#1 Feb 8, 2012
It's our 25th anniversary next month. We chatted about what we're going to do to celebrate. We've ruled out a party because my husband's 50th was a disaster, only 8 turned up. My family don't get on with his so we don't want to do the family meal.

Out of the blue he suggested we go to a swingers club. I thought he was joking, and in really bad taste. When I realised he was actually serious my jaw hit the floor. I couldn't understand why he'd want to go to such a place, I think our sex life is really good, we have lots and it lasts ages. Since, we've discussed his idea together and I've promised to think about it. My initial reaction was to picture me stripping naked and letting some random guy I'd just met have sex with me whilst my husband screws his wife. That picture made me feel quite queasy.

Despite this my husband is beginning to convince me to at least give it a try once. It would be an experience like I've never had before and now I find myself getting quite aroused talking about it with him. Yes, I'm thinking - let's do it! But before I make a decision I want to know what all the dangers and pitfalls are. I'm afraid about what effect it may have on our relationship which I think is really strong.

Please let me know if you've had a bad experience and what happened. Please don't just tell me to go for it, I'm sure some people like swinging otherwise these clubs wouldn't exist. But before I agree to it though, I want to know what the downsides and risks are.

“First it steals your mind..”

Since: Jun 11

..and then it steals your soul

#4 Feb 8, 2012
lisafromuk wrote:
It's our 25th anniversary next month. We chatted about what we're going to do to celebrate. We've ruled out a party because my husband's 50th was a disaster, only 8 turned up. My family don't get on with his so we don't want to do the family meal.
Out of the blue he suggested we go to a swingers club. I thought he was joking, and in really bad taste. When I realised he was actually serious my jaw hit the floor. I couldn't understand why he'd want to go to such a place, I think our sex life is really good, we have lots and it lasts ages. Since, we've discussed his idea together and I've promised to think about it. My initial reaction was to picture me stripping naked and letting some random guy I'd just met have sex with me whilst my husband screws his wife. That picture made me feel quite queasy.
Despite this my husband is beginning to convince me to at least give it a try once. It would be an experience like I've never had before and now I find myself getting quite aroused talking about it with him. Yes, I'm thinking - let's do it! But before I make a decision I want to know what all the dangers and pitfalls are. I'm afraid about what effect it may have on our relationship which I think is really strong.
Please let me know if you've had a bad experience and what happened. Please don't just tell me to go for it, I'm sure some people like swinging otherwise these clubs wouldn't exist. But before I agree to it though, I want to know what the downsides and risks are.
Pitfalls - STD's, loons stalking you, and you being ridden with guilt.

STD's, I am sure I need not explain. As for the loons, you don't know these people in real life. You don't want to have had sex with some loon who suddenly 'loves' you.

As for the third con - if you are overly sensitive... Don't do it! If someone cuts in front of you in traffic and swears t you, and that night you still can't forget it, DON'T DO IT!

“Winchester Model 1894”

Since: Apr 07

Roy, Washington

#5 Feb 8, 2012
Lisa, DON'T DO IT!!!!! Sit down and talk to your husband, find out why he even considers this. Is he bored in the bedroom? does he want to try new techniques? Find out what he wants, and make it clear what your boundaries are. And, you say you've been married 25 years so I'm guessing he's in his mid to late 50s? He's most likely thinking about the "good old days" when he would bang everything including the lamp-post. It's a common "mid life crisis" for men.

Good luck

Since: Jan 12

Location hidden

#6 Feb 8, 2012
my son and I were on holiday last summer and met an Irish couple who told us they were swingers and that we should try it sometime. I never gave t much thought again until they emailed me and ask would we be interested. To make a long story shirt we decided why not give it go. It was the best thing ever.

“First it steals your mind..”

Since: Jun 11

..and then it steals your soul

#7 Feb 8, 2012
sally50 wrote:
my son and I were on holiday last summer and met an Irish couple who told us they were swingers and that we should try it sometime. I never gave t much thought again until they emailed me and ask would we be interested. To make a long story shirt we decided why not give it go. It was the best thing ever.
To each his own. I heard of people enjoy it, and some regretted it

Since: Jan 12

Location hidden

#9 Feb 8, 2012
yes, I agree and marriages can be affected. Luckily we re not married so no one can really get hurt
Double Fine wrote:
<quoted text>
To each his own. I heard of people enjoy it, and some regretted it

Since: Jan 12

Location hidden

#10 Feb 8, 2012
yes, no problem as we have different partners
amandahill wrote:
You and your son swung together????
<quoted text>

“First it steals your mind..”

Since: Jun 11

..and then it steals your soul

#11 Feb 8, 2012
sally50 wrote:
yes, I agree and marriages can be affected. Luckily we re not married so no one can really get hurt
<quoted text>
Whoa...

Your son??

“Live Laugh Love”

Since: Feb 12

Location hidden

#13 Feb 8, 2012
Isn't swinging when you swap partners? Is your son your sexual mate? I don't think it's swinging if he's not. It's more like meeting people for sex...not sure if a term was made for mother son sexcapades yet lol

“First it steals your mind..”

Since: Jun 11

..and then it steals your soul

#14 Feb 8, 2012
amandahill wrote:
wow..same room or different room?
<quoted text>
No disrespect. But I do. Not. Ever. Ever. Ever. Ever. Want to be. In the same building. As my mother. When she decides to get laid

Since: Jan 12

Location hidden

#15 Feb 8, 2012
different room of course
amandahill wrote:
wow..same room or different room?
<quoted text>

“Live Laugh Love”

Since: Feb 12

Location hidden

#16 Feb 8, 2012
Obviously, by my screen name you know my opinion. Besides Jesus there are many reasons not to do it though. I agree w Double Fine about STD's, and jealousy. I have only met one couple that was open about swinging. They were married for about 10 years before they started swinging. They remained married for 4 years after they made that choice. They divorced over jealousy. Good Luck!:)

Since: Feb 12

Lymm, UK

#17 Feb 8, 2012
Wow everyone - thanks for the advice. I'm not thinking of taking it slowly. This is going to be a once only rather than a new 'hobby.'

There's a swingers club not far from us and he's been told that you go in, jacuzzi, pool and sauna, you meet a couple, go to a room and do the deed.

I would of course insist on condoms so STIs don't bother me. I don't think my husband is bored with me, he tells me it's quite the reverse and I suppose we've been together 25 years so I'd know if he was just being kind. I think he just wants to give it a try.

“First it steals your mind..”

Since: Jun 11

..and then it steals your soul

#18 Feb 8, 2012
lisafromuk wrote:
Wow everyone - thanks for the advice. I'm not thinking of taking it slowly. This is going to be a once only rather than a new 'hobby.'
There's a swingers club not far from us and he's been told that you go in, jacuzzi, pool and sauna, you meet a couple, go to a room and do the deed.
I would of course insist on condoms so STIs don't bother me. I don't think my husband is bored with me, he tells me it's quite the reverse and I suppose we've been together 25 years so I'd know if he was just being kind. I think he just wants to give it a try.
If those 3 things I named will not be a problem, by all means.

Since: Jan 12

Lymm, UK

#19 Feb 8, 2012
Hi Lisa,

Please don't do it! I was persuaded into exactly the same by my ex about 15 yrs ago. I made the mistake of getting tanked up on Dutch courage beforehand. We went into the club, we took our clothes off which was really embarrassing in a mixed changing room. We covered up with a towel and went into the jacuzzi and started chatting to a really nice couple.

They were regulars and offered to show us round. At the end of the tour we went into the 'Couples Room' and she pulled my towel off, got me to lie down and started making out whilst the 2 guys watched, along with about 20 other people from a gallery that I didn't know about. What I didn't realise was that she was actually just preparing me for her husband. When I shut my eyes he swapped places with her, I didn't know anything about it until he entered me. There was absolutely nothing I could do about it, just wait for him to finish. What I didn't realise was he wasn't even wearing a condom. My husband just watched the whole thing, whilst masterbating!

It took me a few months to get over that and even to the end when we split up there was a lot of resentment towards him.

If you do go through with it, just make sure you keep your wits about you and don't get pushed into doing it with anyone you're not 100% happy with. Even better get him to take you for a weekend away instead.
lisafromuk wrote:
It's our 25th anniversary next month. We chatted about what we're going to do to celebrate. We've ruled out a party because my husband's 50th was a disaster, only 8 turned up. My family don't get on with his so we don't want to do the family meal.
Out of the blue he suggested we go to a swingers club. I thought he was joking, and in really bad taste. When I realised he was actually serious my jaw hit the floor. I couldn't understand why he'd want to go to such a place, I think our sex life is really good, we have lots and it lasts ages. Since, we've discussed his idea together and I've promised to think about it. My initial reaction was to picture me stripping naked and letting some random guy I'd just met have sex with me whilst my husband screws his wife. That picture made me feel quite queasy.
Despite this my husband is beginning to convince me to at least give it a try once. It would be an experience like I've never had before and now I find myself getting quite aroused talking about it with him. Yes, I'm thinking - let's do it! But before I make a decision I want to know what all the dangers and pitfalls are. I'm afraid about what effect it may have on our relationship which I think is really strong.
Please let me know if you've had a bad experience and what happened. Please don't just tell me to go for it, I'm sure some people like swinging otherwise these clubs wouldn't exist. But before I agree to it though, I want to know what the downsides and risks are.

“First it steals your mind..”

Since: Jun 11

..and then it steals your soul

#20 Feb 8, 2012
louise1963 wrote:
Hi Lisa,
Please don't do it! I was persuaded into exactly the same by my ex about 15 yrs ago. I made the mistake of getting tanked up on Dutch courage beforehand. We went into the club, we took our clothes off which was really embarrassing in a mixed changing room. We covered up with a towel and went into the jacuzzi and started chatting to a really nice couple.
They were regulars and offered to show us round. At the end of the tour we went into the 'Couples Room' and she pulled my towel off, got me to lie down and started making out whilst the 2 guys watched, along with about 20 other people from a gallery that I didn't know about. What I didn't realise was that she was actually just preparing me for her husband. When I shut my eyes he swapped places with her, I didn't know anything about it until he entered me. There was absolutely nothing I could do about it, just wait for him to finish. What I didn't realise was he wasn't even wearing a condom. My husband just watched the whole thing, whilst masterbating!
It took me a few months to get over that and even to the end when we split up there was a lot of resentment towards him.
If you do go through with it, just make sure you keep your wits about you and don't get pushed into doing it with anyone you're not 100% happy with. Even better get him to take you for a weekend away instead.
<quoted text>
Hi Louise

Very sorry to hear it was unpleasant! How did you find out about the gallery?

Since: Feb 12

Lymm, UK

#21 Feb 9, 2012
Hi Louise,

U poor thing - that was awful. I bet you nearly killed him!!

If I do go through with this, I definitely won't have anything to drink first. You obviously need to keep your wits about you.

Hope your current guy is a little more considerate and looks after you better. Take care X
louise1963 wrote:
Hi Lisa,
Please don't do it! I was persuaded into exactly the same by my ex about 15 yrs ago. I made the mistake of getting tanked up on Dutch courage beforehand. We went into the club, we took our clothes off which was really embarrassing in a mixed changing room. We covered up with a towel and went into the jacuzzi and started chatting to a really nice couple.
They were regulars and offered to show us round. At the end of the tour we went into the 'Couples Room' and she pulled my towel off, got me to lie down and started making out whilst the 2 guys watched, along with about 20 other people from a gallery that I didn't know about. What I didn't realise was that she was actually just preparing me for her husband. When I shut my eyes he swapped places with her, I didn't know anything about it until he entered me. There was absolutely nothing I could do about it, just wait for him to finish. What I didn't realise was he wasn't even wearing a condom. My husband just watched the whole thing, whilst masterbating!
It took me a few months to get over that and even to the end when we split up there was a lot of resentment towards him.
If you do go through with it, just make sure you keep your wits about you and don't get pushed into doing it with anyone you're not 100% happy with. Even better get him to take you for a weekend away instead.
<quoted text>

Since: Jan 12

Lymm, UK

#22 Feb 9, 2012
When I was looking up whilst he was 'doing it' I could see all these people looking down at me. Because of the way the lighting was I hadn't seen it until then.
Devious Dude

Brookfield, CT

#23 Feb 9, 2012
If you are seriously considering swinging, try one of the better websites out there.

We've tried it a few times and have had good experiences.

We email the other couple first, then meet somewhere public for dinner, agreeing before hand that it is just a "Get to know you event". Then when we get home we discuss them and if both her and I agree then we contact the other couple and see what they think about us. If one person from either couple says no, then the deal is off, no questions asked.

There are some couples that jump into the sack with anyone, but most are what's called "Friends first" couples. We became friends with one particular couple and we would frequently meet at our home or theirs for dinner and drinks, then strip down for "Dessert".

There are different levels of swinging as well. Some couples only have sex with their spouses, but do it in the same room as another couple so they can watch each other. Some are "Soft swap" or oral only. Some are full on swap either same room or some like it in different rooms. Both couples communicate their likes and dislikes before hand and the golden rule is "No means NO!" Period.

If you can separate the act from the emotion, it's fun. It's kind of like sharing your favorite thing with someone else and they are doing the same thing.

Condoms are a must of course.

Try these websites:(Just put .com on the end of them.)

SLS
C4P
Adultfriendfinder

We found more local people and friendlier people on C4P.

Decide if your ethics and morals will let you do this. Also make sure you are not jealous. Know that your spouse loves you and that the two of you are just playing with another couple, not falling in love.

Find a couple that you can relate to, someone you wouldn't mind having a beer or two with, then go for it!

We have an agreement that if either one of us decides to quit, all we have to do is say "No" and we're done, no questions asked.

My advice is to try it at least three times, because the first time will definitely be awkward and the second may be as well. If you don't like it after that, then quit.

Good luck!

“First it steals your mind..”

Since: Jun 11

..and then it steals your soul

#24 Feb 9, 2012
Devious Dude wrote:
If you are seriously considering swinging, try one of the better websites out there.
We've tried it a few times and have had good experiences.
We email the other couple first, then meet somewhere public for dinner, agreeing before hand that it is just a "Get to know you event". Then when we get home we discuss them and if both her and I agree then we contact the other couple and see what they think about us. If one person from either couple says no, then the deal is off, no questions asked.
There are some couples that jump into the sack with anyone, but most are what's called "Friends first" couples. We became friends with one particular couple and we would frequently meet at our home or theirs for dinner and drinks, then strip down for "Dessert".
There are different levels of swinging as well. Some couples only have sex with their spouses, but do it in the same room as another couple so they can watch each other. Some are "Soft swap" or oral only. Some are full on swap either same room or some like it in different rooms. Both couples communicate their likes and dislikes before hand and the golden rule is "No means NO!" Period.
If you can separate the act from the emotion, it's fun. It's kind of like sharing your favorite thing with someone else and they are doing the same thing.
Condoms are a must of course.
Try these websites:(Just put .com on the end of them.)
SLS
C4P
Adultfriendfinder
We found more local people and friendlier people on C4P.
Decide if your ethics and morals will let you do this. Also make sure you are not jealous. Know that your spouse loves you and that the two of you are just playing with another couple, not falling in love.
Find a couple that you can relate to, someone you wouldn't mind having a beer or two with, then go for it!
We have an agreement that if either one of us decides to quit, all we have to do is say "No" and we're done, no questions asked.
My advice is to try it at least three times, because the first time will definitely be awkward and the second may be as well. If you don't like it after that, then quit.
Good luck!
Very good advice, mate.

The one problem with this is this: What if someone in the swopout cannot keep emotions from the deed?

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