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Calgary Alberta Canada

Devon, Canada

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#308
Nov 8, 2008
 

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My ex-wife is way beyond vindictive! There is no term or word for what I have gone thru with this person. I have to endure her own personal mental issues that she has been diagnosed with; Cognitive Distortions (not in touch with reality), Personality Disorders ranging from and starting at "Sociopath" from a professional psychologist. Over the past 3 years, I have to go thru the entire family court process because she is addicted to litigation. She has remarried but is always constantly intervening in my life. I just don't understand why her new husband accepts her nonsense to continue when she should be focusing on her new life with him?? She has the extreme form of Narcissism and loves to grand stand and show boat in the courtroom. She is obsessed with this! Funny thing is she is the one who called the divorce and it is me who accepted it. I truly believe the Judge feels sorry for her! I have experienced to the fullest, severe Parental Alienation, Malicious Mothers & Aggressive Hostile Parenting Syndromes. I have had to fight for my rights as a father and it took me 3 years to get 50/50 shared parenting in place legally. I still can't believe the family court system just doesn't get that fathers do have rights too!!! Its so bizarre! I also don't understand why the Judge doesn't see what this woman is doing to the court system, her children and even to herself. I have moved on with my life and I have a wonderful woman who has come into my life. Its like a blessing because I have been so very happy with her. She is a very kind, sincere and caring person and my sons think the world of her. As for my ex-wife, she can't stand her. She has never even met her and she tells my sons that she is bad person?? Go figure. I just don't understand why she doesn't move on with her life and why she keeps her nonsensical agenda going???? It's creepy!! I have moved on with my life..........why can't she???
Calgary Alberta Canada

Canada

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#309
Jan 25, 2009
 
Edmonton Sun Newspaper & The Canadian Press
MOM LOSES CUSTODY FOR BADMOUTHING KID’S DAD
Sunday, January 25, 2009
TORONTO, Canada -- A Toronto judge has stripped a mother of custody of her three children after the woman spent more than a decade trying to alienate them from their father. Justice Faye McWatt ruled the mother's campaign to brainwash the children into thinking that their father was a bad person was nothing short of emotional abuse. The girls, aged 9 to 14, were turned over to their father, a vascular surgeon, at a Toronto courthouse. McWatt ruled the mother can have no contact with the children except in conjunction with counseling, for which the mother must pay. The counseling is to include an intensive therapy program for children affected by "parental alienation syndrome." Harold Niman, the father's lawyer, called the decision a wake-up call for parents who try to use their children to punish former partners.
LEGAL AFFAIRS REPORTER (Tracey Tyler – January 24, 2009)
In a stunning and unusual family law decision, a Toronto judge has stripped a mother of custody of her three children after the woman spent more than a decade trying to alienate them from their father. The mother's "consistent and overwhelming" campaign to brainwash the children into thinking their father was a bad person was nothing short of emotional abuse, Justice Faye McWatt of the Superior Court of Justice wrote in her decision. The three girls, ages 9 to 14, were brought to a downtown courthouse last Friday and turned over to their father, a vascular surgeon identified only as A.L.
Calgary Alberta Canada

Canada

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#310
Jan 25, 2009
 
Part 2
Their mother, a chiropodist identified as K.D., was ordered to stay away from the building during the transfer and to have her daughters' clothing and possessions sent to their father's house. McWatt stipulated that K.D. is to have no access to the children except in conjunction with counseling, including a special intensive therapy program for children affected by "parental alienation syndrome." The mother must bear the costs. Harold Niman, the father's lawyer, said the decision serves as a wake-up call to parents who, "for bitterness, anger or whatever reason," decide to use their children to punish their former partners. "Maybe if they realize the courts will actually step in and do something and there is a risk of not only losing custody, but having no contact with their children, they'll think twice about it," Niman said in an interview. McWatt's judgment was released Jan. 16 and published on legal databases this week. By yesterday, it was a hot topic within the family law bar. The judge said awarding A.L. sole custody was the children's only hope for having a relationship with their father, given their mother's long-running transgressions. These include ignoring court orders, shutting the door in A.L.'s face when he came to collect the children and refusing to answer the phone when he called to say goodnight.(He was granted telephone access to say good night on Monday, Wednesday and Friday). At times, she also arranged for police to show up when her daughters had overnight visits with their father. Eventually, K.D. cut off contact altogether, refusing to allow A.L. to see or speak with his daughters. He was reduced to shouting goodnight to them through the door of their home, often not knowing whether they were there. "It is remarkable that A.L. has not given in to the respondent's persistence in keeping his children from him over the last fourteen years and simply gone on with his life without the children as, no doubt many other parents in the same situation would have and, indeed, have done," McWatt said. The mother squandered several chances to change her behavior and is unable to accept it is in her children's best interests to have a relationship with their father, the judge said. Nicholas Bala, a Queen's University law professor who specializes in family law, said "badmouthing" or negative attitudes by one parent toward another is quite common among separated couples. But in recent years, the justice system has begun to understand the harmful effects of the worst form of this behavior. In most cases, the problem is resolved through counseling, where parents are encouraged to accept they'll both always be in their children's lives, said Bala. "I tell them,`... if you're the survivor, you'll be going to the other's funeral, not because you love that person, but to support your children.' "Having said that, there are some people – and I think some of them are suffering from personality disorders – who will not respond to therapy and will not respond to directions from judges." Transferring custody is a last resort, because "it can be quite dramatic and traumatic" – yet sometimes better than the alternative, said Bala. "We often talk about the best interests of the child, but often it's the least detrimental alternative, really." Bala said courts are unlikely to take such a drastic step without hearing expert testimony about what's happening in the family.
Calgary Alberta Canada

Canada

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#311
Jan 25, 2009
 
Part 3

A child may be avoiding a parent for legitimate reasons such as physical or emotional abuse. McWatt heard testimony from Barbara Fidler, a Toronto mediator and clinical psychologist who predicted eight years ago the three girls were at risk of becoming alienated from their father. The Office of the Children's Lawyer argued the family dynamics could not continue. Fidler said research points to long-term damage in people alienated from a parent in childhood. Children are more susceptible at about age 10 or 11, after their brains have developed to the point where they can hold positive and negative information about a parent. If what one parent is saying about the other doesn't accord with their own perceptions, they can become confused. In some cases, the only way out of the emotional conflict is to take one parent's side. The child can even begin inventing his or her own reasons for hating the other parent, the court was told. Early intervention is best, Niman said."Really, parental alienation is a process. If you can nip it in the bud, that's the best advice I can give to clients. "Because the longer it goes on, the more difficult it can be to undo."

“Often imitated”

Since: Jul 07

never duplicated

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#312
Jan 25, 2009
 
Calgary Alberta Canada wrote:
Edmonton Sun Newspaper & The Canadian Press
MOM LOSES CUSTODY FOR BADMOUTHING KID’S DAD
Sunday, January 25, 2009
TORONTO, Canada -- A Toronto judge has stripped a mother of custody of her three children after the woman spent more than a decade trying to alienate them from their father. Justice Faye McWatt ruled the mother's campaign to brainwash the children into thinking that their father was a bad person was nothing short of emotional abuse. The girls, aged 9 to 14, were turned over to their father, a vascular surgeon, at a Toronto courthouse. McWatt ruled the mother can have no contact with the children except in conjunction with counseling, for which the mother must pay. The counseling is to include an intensive therapy program for children affected by "parental alienation syndrome." Harold Niman, the father's lawyer, called the decision a wake-up call for parents who try to use their children to punish former partners.
LEGAL AFFAIRS REPORTER (Tracey Tyler – January 24, 2009)
In a stunning and unusual family law decision, a Toronto judge has stripped a mother of custody of her three children after the woman spent more than a decade trying to alienate them from their father. The mother's "consistent and overwhelming" campaign to brainwash the children into thinking their father was a bad person was nothing short of emotional abuse, Justice Faye McWatt of the Superior Court of Justice wrote in her decision. The three girls, ages 9 to 14, were brought to a downtown courthouse last Friday and turned over to their father, a vascular surgeon identified only as A.L.
It took a freakin decade!!! Now these kids are forced to live with a man that their mom has badmouthed for 10 years. The courts failed those children big time in this case. The courts need to quit being so damn sexists. the abuse these kids endured for 10 years will not be undone easily. And the father has a lot of work ahead of him.
seadooman

La Conception, Canada

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#313
Jul 17, 2009
 
Red Queen wrote:
<quoted text>
Shes your daughter you're the parent its up to you to over the olive branch.
If a child is being alienated how can she or he pick up a phone ! before you go around asking what came before the olive or the olive tree you schould pick a few olives. Women like you are the reason there are so many dissapointed fathers .
seadooman

La Conception, Canada

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#314
Jul 17, 2009
 
I have a similar alienation problem i have almost the same time as my ex wife when it comes to my daughter custodial time we keep going back to the mediator for stupid things such as one day out of the week i would like to get evey other monday as my ex does but she refuses and keeps telling me she is going to have my parental rights taken from me, i usualy laugh since i make 5 times more then she does and have a very loving woman in my life whom she hates . What ills me is a woman who alawys uses there child a barganing chip. she too is with another man who she suckered in to buying her a house as i did and the funny part about all this is i paid the morgage by myself for 8 months not living in the house where she dwelled and he was living there as well free of charge on me . imagine this . i schould be on jerry springer show for how much a fool i feal.

“Get er done”

Since: Jan 08

Woodland Hills, Ca.

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#315
Jul 27, 2009
 
I would like to thank all of you who responded to the beginning article I started.
I quess I'll never see the day when the courts grow some "Balls" and rule for the good parent...
I have been able to see the effects that a vindictive spouse has on a child and the confusion that an ex can cause due to selfishness.
I pray each day for my kids and their mental health...
Ex Wives Ruin Lives

Calgary, Canada

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#316
Aug 20, 2009
 
It is unbelievable how women who are mothers of children can think it is OK to use their kids as pawns to try and “get back” at their ex-husband as well as numerous other aggravating, harassing and intervening tactics to destroy his life. Simply because he has the audacity to be happy without her. Their are numerous cases where the ex-husband has done nothing wrong but bizarre as it seems, as soon as he finds a new woman - the ex-wife rears her vindictiveness and decides to wreak havoc on his life and that of his new partner. Sad, jealous and living in the past, these individuals will not and in some cases never let go. Although people realize that not all women are like this and not all men treat their ex-wives properly, in most cases the ex-husband tries to be an adult, be responsible and maintain the situation only to find out it is to his detriment. Meanwhile, the ex-wife has done nothing constructive only her agenda is to cause as much pain and aggravation to her ex-husband as much as she can. She whinges and is constantly disruptive at every opportunity and has never once been grateful that her ex-husband works hard to keep a roof over the kids' heads and be responsible to ensure they have a healthy and enjoyable environment when they are with him.
This type of behavior occurs:
1.Lies at every opportunity but accuses him of doing so.
2.Makes every excuse to not work full time when there is no good reason why she can't
3.Refuses to be adult or co-operate about the divorce or arrangements for the kids
4.Threatens court at every opportunity, which is totally unwarranted
5.Causes as much grief as possible towards her ex-husband
Why can't these these individuals get on with their lives? Its just very sad that they don’t realize how much they are disrupting the lives of others and ultimately impacting their children’s just to make them feel better. Using their children in this manner is abusive!
Ex Wives Ruin Lives

Calgary, Canada

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#317
Aug 20, 2009
 

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1

FEMALE NARCISSISTS; Men and women are both victims. It fully acknowledges the female narcissist and the chaos they cause to the men, women, children, friends and others in their lives.
No one can reform a narcissist. When you are the target, you must be aware and extremely careful. You would not stand in front of a rifle aimed at you, and you must not stand in front of your abuser….the narcissistic woman!
Strategies for dealing with narcissistic women, leaving them, self-esteem, rebuilding a life, divorce and custody.
Maybe you've tried setting boundaries, making compromises, thinking, "If I act with diplomacy and fairness, things will get better." Maybe you vow to be a survivor, not a victim, but it hasn't happened yet. The emotional abuse wears you down. It's time to take control and take back your life. Narcissistic typically have narcissistic parents and you may still be dealing with the anger and shame from long ago during their upbringing. Finding ways to take control is the beginning of the end of this nasty emotional abuse. Changing the way you think is the beginning of changing your life. Many people have been hurt by someone with narcissistic personality disorder. It is painful to be deceived and in chaos from their manipulations. Waiting for them to get better is futile. Those who have been married to a narcissist didn't know it until they got divorced. That's the kind called stealth narcissists. They are in stealth mode until challenged. Other narcissists may show themselves in other ways. Finalizing a divorce from a narcissistic woman takes strength because they align themselves with abusive divorce attorneys, family and as well as with current partners/spouses who are just like them. But you and others don't have to go through this.
Narcissism, Narcissists, NARCISSISTIC Emotional, Verbal Abuse and Divorce
CUSTODY and The Narcissistic Mother
Few go into divorce understanding how often fathers lose custody, access, visitation, etc., especially in todays changing legal climate. This presents huge problems: legal, financial and emotional problems for fathers. Judges often grant custody to these narcissistic mothers who intentionally abuse. There are many therapists who assist them in doing so because the narcissistic mother always claims she is the victim and is extremely manipulative. Most attorneys are woefully inadequate in knowing how to deal with these situations and these individuals begin to control and manipulate them as well. Educate yourself. There are only a handful of attorneys in the legal profession who know and understand the dynamics of complex custody cases and these types of narcissistic mothers. Fathers are losing custody at a rapidly increasing pace. Find out what you can do to stop a custody battle before it begins. Custody battles are expensive and heartbreaking. Find out what Parental Alienation Syndrome is and why it is being so widely used against fathers. A narcissist has certain characteristics similar to other emotional abusers. Narcissistic Personality Disorder should only be diagnosed by a psychiatrist familiar with the disorder.
Ex Wives Ruin Lives

Calgary, Canada

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#318
Aug 20, 2009
 
continued.......Misery doesn't need company, misery needs help. You do not have to be taken advantage of by a narcissistic x-wife. You don't have to lose your confidence, hope and passion for life because you were once married to a narcissistic woman who is unable to deal with themselves. CONTROL of the child or the children is “THE PRIMARY GOAL” of the narcissistic x-wife in a divorce. They don’t care about what is in the child's or the children’s best interest. Custody battles are vicious, emotionally draining, and the hallmark of the personality disordered who knows how to control the emotions of the father/child bond.
The system is broken and out of control teaching mothers how to use the legal system as a battering ram to overcome unsuspecting, naive fathers. Men are reluctant to take a proactive stance and are constantly on the defensive. This is a perfect avenue for the narcissist mother to take control and bully.
Divorce And The Narcissistic Woman
Be prepared. There is nothing more compelling and controlling than a narcissistic x-wife in a divorce. She loves the power of the legal system. A narcissist x-wife has a need to destroy to feel better. Many threaten: "I will grind you into the ground until you are gone." The narcissist cannot understand there is anything abnormal and evil in their actions. The narcissist is aware only of her universe and their sense of entitlement overrides any pain she inflicts. Stealing doesn't matter as long as she doesn't get caught. When caught, she does not apologize. Only by blaming and belittling can they ever feel good.
johnny7

Boulder, CO

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#319
Sep 15, 2009
 
I recently found out that my ex was sleeping with some dude after we have been seperated for 18 months. She met a guy online and 2 months down the road she wants to go meet his parents in another state. I felt like she shouldnt have brought another guy in my children's life so soon. Now she wants me to watch the kids while she goes with the boyfriend to a different state for 3 days. I love my kids but think she is fucked up to try and put a boyfriend she just met above everything.What should i do?

Since: Dec 07

Cohoes, NY

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#320
Nov 12, 2009
 
johnny7 wrote:
I recently found out that my ex was sleeping with some dude after we have been seperated for 18 months. She met a guy online and 2 months down the road she wants to go meet his parents in another state. I felt like she shouldnt have brought another guy in my children's life so soon. Now she wants me to watch the kids while she goes with the boyfriend to a different state for 3 days. I love my kids but think she is fucked up to try and put a boyfriend she just met above everything.What should i do?
Wow, Johnny. That sounds like a tough situation. I guess there's nothing you could do about the relationship but you do have the ability to set an appropriate time for that 3 day getaway. Is it affecting their school or disrupting other important events? If so, then you may need to let her know that the childrens' needs come first. If not, then, I don't know what you can do. Custody and visitation issues are soooo horrible. I hate to think about them. I don't know how people handle it. I have a kid and don't know if I could handle all that tension or watching my kid get stressed out by our decisions. I wish you the best and since you posted in Sept., you probably solved the problem.
leroy hornsickle

Fitzgerald, GA

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#321
Nov 13, 2009
 
johnny7 wrote:
I recently found out that my ex was sleeping with some dude after we have been seperated for 18 months. She met a guy online and 2 months down the road she wants to go meet his parents in another state. I felt like she shouldnt have brought another guy in my children's life so soon. Now she wants me to watch the kids while she goes with the boyfriend to a different state for 3 days. I love my kids but think she is fucked up to try and put a boyfriend she just met above everything.What should i do?
let me take her off your hands sounds like shes a hot woman,i can really bang her hard,give me her telphone number,hey i even get you full custody,they are more than one way to skin this woman
BITTER EX-WIFE SYNDROME

Calgary, Canada

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#322
Jan 26, 2010
 
THE TEXT BOOK “BITTER EX-WIFE”
It is recognized and accepted that divorce is an emotional process, and health professions agree it can take approximately six to twelve months for parties to get over the divorce and focus on their new lives. However, sometimes several years after the divorce, the ex-wife still has unresolved issues, and refuses to get on with her life, unable to accept that the children have a right to a happy relationship with their father. The “Bitter Ex-Wife Syndrome" consumes her whole being, becoming the main focus of her life. It affects her mental health by overpowering her thoughts. The condition manifests itself in clearly identifiable common patterns of the following behaviors:
* Alleges everything is and was her ex-husbands fault and that she was totally blameless throughout the relationship.
* Seeks to control ex-husband's time with their children.
* Previously never questioned her ex-husband's ability to be a good father and to care for the children by himself until they separated and divorced, when he suddenly couldn't be trusted with them.
* Claims her ex-husband is a bad father because he doesn't give her the money she thinks she is entitled to.
* Cannot hide her resentment when her ex-husband gets on with a new and better life without her.
* Becomes obsessed with ex-husband's new life and his new partner, trying everything she can to meddle and impede.
* Quizzes the children on their return from contact for details of his new life.
* Seeks to have ultimate control of her ex-husband's time with the children, if and when she feels like letting him have any.
* Regularly threatens her ex-husband that he will never see the children again.
* Makes young children aware in full detail of court proceedings and statements.
* Makes fictitious claims that ex-husband was violent.
* Makes accusations about her ex-husband harassing/intimidating her.
BITTER EX-WIFE SYNDROME

Calgary, Canada

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#323
Jan 26, 2010
 
* Attempts to block ex-husband's contact with schools, doctors, etc, and does not believe he has a right to obtain medical treatment for the children.
* Doesn't think ex-husband should play any part in the children's education or school activities.
* Tells teachers/doctors/etc that her ex-husband is a nasty piece of work who should be excluded.
* Throws away/returns presents and clothes given to the children by their father and his new partner (then moans to others that he doesn't buy anything for them).
* Consistently portrays ex-husband and his new partner in a bad light to the children
* Ridicules and demeans ex-husband in front of the children.
* Makes the children fully aware that she detests their father.
* So warped and insecure that she emotionally blackmails the children in an attempt to make them loyal to her.
* Just to be sure, she coerces the young children to write down that they hate their father, and uses this in court to disrupt his contact with them.
BITTER EX-WIFE SYNDROME

Calgary, Canada

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#324
Jan 26, 2010
 
* Disrupts and minimizes the children's contact with their father, aiming ultimately to sever it, regardless of the children's feelings.
* Self-centered and wholly consumed with her own feelings and not those of the children.
* Unable to cope maturely with her own emotions, she is unable to protect those of the vulnerable children when they need her most.
* Insists children are busy even when minimal extra contact is requested, even if it means they miss out.
* Insists she will not do any of the driving on contact days, even if the children have requested this.
* Makes change-over of contact as difficult as possible by being obstructive and verbally abusive.
* Takes pleasure in causing a scene, involving as many people as she can muster.
* Disrespects court orders, refuses to abide by the court order and considers herself above it all, doesn’t matter how it affects the children.
* Refuses to give children privacy when their father calls to speak to them.
* Punishes her ex-husband in the only way she can - through the children!
* Uses the children to send incessant pointless notes and pathetic messages to her ex-husband.
* Frequently unable to verbally communicate calmly and effectively with ex- husband; more commonly found to speak in fluent "rant".
* Unprepared to discuss and agree on the children's contact with their father, preferring to use mediation meetings to affront him, jabber on about herself, cry and threaten to leave.
* Feigns tearful breakdowns in an attempt to gain the sympathy vote.
* Has "playing the victim" down to such a fine art that she's almost convinced herself, too.
* Writes protracted, waffling letters using solicitor's terminology believing she has legal training due to the fact she has spent so much time in their company.
* Bores anyone who will listen about the whole situation (including her long-suffering solicitor).
* Insists that she is always reasonable and encouraging regarding the children's contact with their father, and that all the problems are caused by her ex-husband.
* Dictates who should/shouldn't be around the children, ex- wife may seek to have 2nd wife, girlfriend, grandparents excluded.
* Bad mouth ex-husband/wife/girlfriend/fam ily and make children repeat it.
* Tells the children they don't have to listen to their father.
* Ridiculing ex-husband in front of the children and encouraging them to do the same.
* Enrolls anyone who will listen to her into her hate ex-husband campaign.
* Ex-wife had affairs during the marriage yet acts like a woman scorned when ex-husband gets on with his life without her.
* Ex-wife never questioned ex-husband's ability to be a good father and to care for the children by himself until they were divorced when he became totally unreliable and couldn't be trusted with the children.
* Ex-wife refuses to acknowledge she has a problem and seek professional treatment for her problems.
********* Ex-wife claims she is always reasonable and all the problems are caused by her ex-husband!
Although cringingly transparent to everyone else, the ex-wife refuses to acknowledge she has "Bitter Ex-Wife Syndrome". It is easier for her to blame her ex-husband for the rest of her life, rather than get over it and deal with her feelings of low self-esteem, insecurity, paranoia, self-victimization, jealousy, obsession, anger, failure, bitterness and resentment. Sadly, her HATE CAMPAIGN is vindictive and relentless at the ultimate ruthless cost of the children's emotional wellbeing.
Masters n mechanical

Knoxville, TN

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#325
Jan 26, 2010
 
Im in the same boat as joe but it has only been three years. my ex has tried every thing from jail to calling my business contacts and having me lose alot of money and i mean alot.protection orders and telling the courts and schools that i was going to kill the kids and blow up the school.Now I live 400 miles from her and dont call just send reg. letters to inform her of when I want the kids.I live in Va. and Her in Nc.the hell she has put me through.And courts dont care but rake me through the coals if child support is late.I wanted to from a group called men have voices too. just for this consisting of lawyers and support groups but no money stopped this venture.Us me get screwed and the women get away with murder at our childrens expense.Every one tells me that they will come to me when they are older but thats not right that I have to wait when My ex sells drugs and stays drunk all the time and messing my kids up in the head.14 yr old already has a record with the police for a sex crime .when do it become about the kids and not who your lawyer is!!!!
jason

Oklahoma City, OK

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#326
Jan 26, 2010
 
fkthex wrote:
I truly hope that someday the ca. court system will grow some BALLS to protect the wonderful fathers that have great kids that have been alienated from him, due to vindictive ex-wives.
The fathers and children lose out big time. The vindictive ex's should be punished big time by the courts, and hopefully soon. The Fathers are nothing more than Wallets to the ex-wives and children.
There are countless, exellent supporting fathers in our system that have gone without a relationship with their kids.
how about stoning
jason

Oklahoma City, OK

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#327
Jan 26, 2010
 
In oklahoma we have judges who favor the women if a woman say's anything about a man true or false the man will lose...I have a vpo on me that last for three and a half years..wtf...my court date was @9:00 pm...the paper work was wrong it should of read 9:00 am...well now i can not carry a gun i live in the country...i need my gun's well shhhhhh i still do.but face a fine of 20'000 dollars and or 20 years in jail if caught...all my ex did was lie lie lie...

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