My husband is a peeping tom in a horrible way

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devastated

United States

#1 Aug 29, 2009
Please help me i dont know what to do. I caught my husband looking through a vent to look at somebody in my family undress to take a shower. Im heartbroken, ashamed, guilty, confused. i dont know what to do. i confronted him and got him to admit that this was not the only time. Ive had a gut feeling for a while but nothing concrete until now. and the worse part is that i checked his phone and there was a video he attempted to record just before i walked in on him. he said hes sorry and if he loses me he loses everything.... but i feel so disgusted and violated. shes like a sister to me and its breaking my heart that he could do this and much more to somebody that i love so much. we have a baby and thats the only reason that im thinking about this so much other wise id be out the door. My husband was molested as a child but i just dont care about that anymore .... theres no excuse hes an animal how could he do this?

Since: Sep 07

Location hidden

#2 Aug 29, 2009
devastated wrote:
Please help me i dont know what to do. I caught my husband looking through a vent to look at somebody in my family undress to take a shower. Im heartbroken, ashamed, guilty, confused. i dont know what to do. i confronted him and got him to admit that this was not the only time. Ive had a gut feeling for a while but nothing concrete until now. and the worse part is that i checked his phone and there was a video he attempted to record just before i walked in on him. he said hes sorry and if he loses me he loses everything.... but i feel so disgusted and violated. shes like a sister to me and its breaking my heart that he could do this and much more to somebody that i love so much. we have a baby and thats the only reason that im thinking about this so much other wise id be out the door. My husband was molested as a child but i just dont care about that anymore .... theres no excuse hes an animal how could he do this?
Does he admit what he did was wrong? And would he go to counseling? So many use molestation as children as an excuse to do whatever. IMO Is he sorry for what he did?

“Text OR drive...can't do both!”

Since: Oct 07

Location hidden

#3 Aug 29, 2009
devastated wrote:
Please help me i dont know what to do. I caught my husband looking through a vent to look at somebody in my family undress to take a shower. Im heartbroken, ashamed, guilty, confused. i dont know what to do. i confronted him and got him to admit that this was not the only time. Ive had a gut feeling for a while but nothing concrete until now. and the worse part is that i checked his phone and there was a video he attempted to record just before i walked in on him. he said hes sorry and if he loses me he loses everything.... but i feel so disgusted and violated. shes like a sister to me and its breaking my heart that he could do this and much more to somebody that i love so much. we have a baby and thats the only reason that im thinking about this so much other wise id be out the door. My husband was molested as a child but i just dont care about that anymore .... theres no excuse hes an animal how could he do this?
Rough situation. Sounds like he needs some serious counseling. Maybe on his own first and then both of you? People who were abused as kids tend to repeat the cycle if they don't get help.

I hope it works out for you.
andet1987

Schaumburg, IL

#5 Aug 29, 2009
my boyfriend told me recently that he went to an Asian massage parlor. i did not ask him, but he just told me, probably to brag. he said he paid $60 for one hour. the female Asian masseuse is very young. she gave him a hand job. i got a little jealous. but i never lost a minute of sleep. he said this massage parlor is illegal. he said it is located in Irving Park and Cicero, Chicago.

i still love my boyfriend despite what happened. i know he cares for me. he feels insecure if i don't go home early (i usually watch movies). he thinks i am trying to stop our relationship. he got worried. yes, i was planning to leave him. but i still love him, despite the hand job. so i went home early one day and bought him italian beef with fries, diet cola.

when i was young, i used to scream, get mad, when i got jealous. now, it is different. i have broadened my mind. i am more understanding now. that's how men are.

if he ever tells me again about having sex with women, well, i will keep watching movies and go home late.

Andet1987
T Pup

United States

#6 Aug 29, 2009
andet1987 wrote:
my boyfriend told me recently that he went to an Asian massage parlor. i did not ask him, but he just told me, probably to brag. he said he paid $60 for one hour. the female Asian masseuse is very young. she gave him a hand job. i got a little jealous. but i never lost a minute of sleep. he said this massage parlor is illegal. he said it is located in Irving Park and Cicero, Chicago.
i still love my boyfriend despite what happened. i know he cares for me. he feels insecure if i don't go home early (i usually watch movies). he thinks i am trying to stop our relationship. he got worried. yes, i was planning to leave him. but i still love him, despite the hand job. so i went home early one day and bought him italian beef with fries, diet cola.
when i was young, i used to scream, get mad, when i got jealous. now, it is different. i have broadened my mind. i am more understanding now. that's how men are.
if he ever tells me again about having sex with women, well, i will keep watching movies and go home late.
Andet1987
Just to make sure I got this straight. Your boyfriend paid for sex, so to reward him and to make sure he felt comfortable about the whole situation you bought him dinner.
Is that about right?
devestated

Pasadena, TX

#7 Aug 29, 2009
Life is Precious wrote:
<quoted text>Does he admit what he did was wrong? And would he go to counseling? So many use molestation as children as an excuse to do whatever. IMO Is he sorry for what he did?
He said he is very sorry....he was in tears begging for forgiveness. But I just feel so responsible because I brought this person into my family and he's betrayed us all.

Since: Sep 07

Location hidden

#8 Aug 29, 2009
devestated wrote:
<quoted text>
He said he is very sorry....he was in tears begging for forgiveness. But I just feel so responsible because I brought this person into my family and he's betrayed us all.
I believe everyone deserves a second chance. if he's willing to go to counseling then I would forgive him. But you are no way to be blamed for this. He's an adult and able to make decisions for himself. Give him a second chance and let him knop he will have to reearn your trust. Good luck.

Since: Aug 09

Tucson, AZ

#9 Aug 29, 2009
devastated wrote:
Please help me i dont know what to do. I caught my husband looking through a vent to look at somebody in my family undress to take a shower. Im heartbroken, ashamed, guilty, confused. i dont know what to do. i confronted him and got him to admit that this was not the only time. Ive had a gut feeling for a while but nothing concrete until now. and the worse part is that i checked his phone and there was a video he attempted to record just before i walked in on him. he said hes sorry and if he loses me he loses everything.... but i feel so disgusted and violated. shes like a sister to me and its breaking my heart that he could do this and much more to somebody that i love so much. we have a baby and thats the only reason that im thinking about this so much other wise id be out the door. My husband was molested as a child but i just dont care about that anymore .... theres no excuse hes an animal how could he do this?
You have to understand that when someone is molested they consider it ok to have behaviors like this. If you really love him you would have him go to therapy. When men are molested it is much worse because in a man's mind it shouldn't happen. Not saying that women deserve it. What I clearly mean is in his mind, he figured he could defend himself but yet wasn't able to.

“No time like the present”

Since: Jul 08

to make it happen!

#10 Aug 29, 2009
Unfortunately, therapy rarely works for sexual disorders.

You don't say how old the person was he was peeping on. If she was a minor, you have a moral and legal responsibility to immediately call the authorities.

If the person wasn't a minor, then at the very least, you have a moral responsibility to tell that person and let her decide how she wants to handle it.

If you do not respond in this manner and it comes out later that you knew about it but told no one, then you will be legally held liable as well.

Child molesters have an almost 100% recidivism rate. Therapy does not work. Not matter what anyone tells you. The stats are on the web and easy to find.

You must act now or you will be complicit to the crime. And yes, this was a crime.
andet1987

Chicago, IL

#11 Aug 29, 2009
T Pup wrote:
<quoted text>
Just to make sure I got this straight. Your boyfriend paid for sex, so to reward him and to make sure he felt comfortable about the whole situation you bought him dinner.
Is that about right?
we live one apartment apart. everyday he keeps knocking at my door or calling me by phone. after he told me about the hand job, i go straight to movies after my 9 to 5 job, and come home very late already. he was wondering why i was not home. he kept leaving a message or knocking at my door. then one day, i came home early and brought him italian beef, fries, and pop. he hugged me, as if feeling sorry for what happened. he said he thought i was trying to end our relationship. i did not tell him the truth. i just told him i wanted to watch movies. but the truth is, i wanted to forget him. but it is not easy, i still love him. so i brought him some food.:)
devestated

Elmwood Park, IL

#12 Aug 30, 2009
shes 25 years old....this is definitely the hardest thing ive ever had to do in my life but im leaving this man and i hope for the sake of our baby that he finds help... as for my family member i am going to tell her even though i know its going to crush her. Thank you all for your advise and support.
lily

Norfolk, NE

#13 Feb 18, 2012
well my husband did the exact same thing and also with a family member. I am with him but my trust in him has ended it will be a long time before i forget this but i will definitaly don't trust him.and i believe thet those who say its because they were molested when they were young is just an excuse.he says he is not going to do it anymore but i know he will.. I believe that my husband did it because he is not satisfied with me anymore . he says he is satisfied with me and that he is sorry but i tell him why would i do something like that to him if i care and love him.i strongly believe that he is looking for something else because i dont appetise him anymore.
Ticked Off

Pretoria, South Africa

#14 Apr 10, 2013
lily wrote:
well my husband did the exact same thing and also with a family member. I am with him but my trust in him has ended it will be a long time before i forget this but i will definitaly don't trust him.and i believe thet those who say its because they were molested when they were young is just an excuse.he says he is not going to do it anymore but i know he will.. I believe that my husband did it because he is not satisfied with me anymore . he says he is satisfied with me and that he is sorry but i tell him why would i do something like that to him if i care and love him.i strongly believe that he is looking for something else because i dont appetise him anymore.
It is not your fault. Your husband is a dick. He is the only one to blame for his actions. A decent man wouldn't peep on someone else, especially not a family member. Even if he wasn't interested anymore. I'm sitting with the same problem. I caught my husband last night peeping at my sister while she was in the bath. And the coward still has the cheek to lie about it. He actually told me he was looking for a bottle of Elizabeth Anne's Baby Conditioner to put on my sons toe because he stubbed it earlier last night and the nail had turned purple. Really? Like I'm blind and stupid? I've had my suspicions for a long time but no proof. Don't you dare blame yourself! You are worth more than that! If he can't see that, send him packing. There are plenty of fish in the sea.
LonelyCowGirl

United States

#15 May 9, 2013
If you are willing to live with this, then stay. But if you have better things to do with your life and would rather have a meaningful life, leave him. I suspect my husband does malicious things as well, he peeps at me when I'm sleeping as if I wouldn't know. He lifts up the blankets and stares at my body, it makes me uneasy especially since I was molested as a child. My best advice is play it cool, save some cash, then hit the road. Material items mean nothing when its your life they are playing with.
confused

Navotas, Philippines

#16 Jan 7, 2014
devastated wrote:
Please help me i dont know what to do. I caught my husband looking through a vent to look at somebody in my family undress to take a shower. Im heartbroken, ashamed, guilty, confused. i dont know what to do. i confronted him and got him to admit that this was not the only time. Ive had a gut feeling for a while but nothing concrete until now. and the worse part is that i checked his phone and there was a video he attempted to record just before i walked in on him. he said hes sorry and if he loses me he loses everything.... but i feel so disgusted and violated. shes like a sister to me and its breaking my heart that he could do this and much more to somebody that i love so much. we have a baby and thats the only reason that im thinking about this so much other wise id be out the door. My husband was molested as a child but i just dont care about that anymore .... theres no excuse hes an animal how could he do this?
I would like to know what happened to you? Im in a same situation
PDX Dave

Portland, OR

#17 Jan 8, 2014
Wow, I think you are WAY over reacting! I mean so the guy enjoys voyeurism, so what. What you call "peeping" on other people, family members or otherwise, again so what? I guess I don't see why it's a big deal, my wife and I both like to watch surreptitiously. Although I have to admit 'peeking through event' is pretty old-school, if true. In this day of inexpensive pinhole cameras, I mean really!

Since: Nov 13

Location hidden

#18 Jan 10, 2014
PDX Dave wrote:
Wow, I think you are WAY over reacting! I mean so the guy enjoys voyeurism, so what. What you call "peeping" on other people, family members or otherwise, again so what? I guess I don't see why it's a big deal, my wife and I both like to watch surreptitiously. Although I have to admit 'peeking through event' is pretty old-school, if true. In this day of inexpensive pinhole cameras, I mean really!
Aree wih you, but emotions are hard to rationalize sometimes.
Betrayed

Dublin, CA

#19 Feb 3, 2014
confused wrote:
<quoted text>
I would like to know what happened to you? Im in a same situation
I'm in the same situation and don't know what to do! Disgusted:-/
andet1987

Chicago, IL

#20 Feb 3, 2014
is watching R rated movie a peeping tom ?

I think yes.

when I go to a movie, I pay $10 more or less. I am a peeping tom in a legal manner. I paid $10 to peep, it is legal. I paid it. I was allowed.

the usual peeping tom is sneaky, invades privacy, does not pay, and it is very illegal.
Zany

Salt Lake City, UT

#21 Mar 25, 2014
devastated wrote:
Please help me i dont know what to do. I caught my husband looking through a vent to look at somebody in my family undress to take a shower. Im heartbroken, ashamed, guilty, confused. i dont know what to do. i confronted him and got him to admit that this was not the only time. Ive had a gut feeling for a while but nothing concrete until now. and the worse part is that i checked his phone and there was a video he attempted to record just before i walked in on him. he said hes sorry and if he loses me he loses everything.... but i feel so disgusted and violated. shes like a sister to me and its breaking my heart that he could do this and much more to somebody that i love so much. we have a baby and thats the only reason that im thinking about this so much other wise id be out the door. My husband was molested as a child but i just dont care about that anymore .... theres no excuse hes an animal how could he do this?
just so you know he will do that to your daughter next get out now! Men like that don't stop he needs help

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