Found out husband has Porn addiction

[Rachbeegle]

Me and my husband have been together 5 years and married 3. I made it clear from the start that I felt porn was like cheating. Before we got married I found on his computer where he had looked at some,(we had been together about a year at this point), we broke up at that time cause I did not want that in my life. After some time we got back togther and he promised to change. Now we have a 19 month old baby girl, and I have found out he has been looking at it for at least a year and a half. I can't live with this and he is begging for me to stay. I think he should have thought about my feelings before disrespecting me for so long. He says he will change and will do anything. He is only 25. I know that this is young but I am also 25 and would never do anything so hurtful to him. I am at a loss ,
if it wasn't for our baby I would have left already. I feel so much hate towards him. Please give me some advice!

[WrningSgn]

What kind of porn was it?

Why do you see it as cheating?

[Rachbeegle]

Sex, lesbia sex. You know porn.
How do you not see it as cheating? In his mind he is with someone else. If you have a bible pull it out and read MATTHEW 5:28

[seercirra]

contrary to all other posts from FLASH. im tempted to agree here.
if you do all you can to please him, then its his problem and he is wrong.
however, if your a slug in bed, then its hard to blame him.
sex is absolutely everywhere. and for a man, its very difficult to get home from a hard day or weekends work and be refused by his wife.
if this is the case, then ill tell you, many men would go elsewhere, and would cheat on you.
he hasnt, probably because he loves you. but men have this thing, testosterome. they make millions of sperm every day. it needs releasing.

men need sex to feel loved.
women need to feel loved to have sex.

[Beaware]

Rachbeegle wrote:

Sex, lesbia sex. You know porn.
How do you not see it as cheating? In his mind he is with someone else. If you have a bible pull it out and read MATTHEW 5:28

Most men watch and view porn. It is quite normal. It really doesn't mean he is cheating. Afterall he is just watching movies or viewing pictures. If he were watching it 24/7 and not paying attention to you AT ALL, then I'd say the problem goes deeper than that. Why not talk to him about it with an open mind. Communication is key.

[Stan]

Does he have anything good?

[Maraty]

Rachbeegle wrote:

Sex, lesbia sex. You know porn.
How do you not see it as cheating? In his mind he is with someone else. If you have a bible pull it out and read MATTHEW 5:28

No... its not like that at all..
He is probably looking at porn because it excites him.. Men a very visual...
your going to break up your family because your husban is looking at pictures..
What if he said he thinks looking at womans day is like cheating..

[OMNI]

My first piece advice for you: Don't seek advice here! This is far too serious a matter.
My second piece of advice: Seek a credible marriage counselor if you want to stay with this man.
My third piece of advice: Don't seek advice HERE!

[BMo2_E-L]

Rachbeegle wrote:

Sex, lesbia sex. You know porn.
How do you not see it as cheating? In his mind he is with someone else. If you have a bible pull it out and read MATTHEW 5:28

It isn't cheating and not worth divorcing over!! Like I said before, he doesn't WANT the women on porn, he likes what they are doing. Why are you having a hard time with that? Is he dismissing you in re: to sex, is he not paying attention to you, is he distant and preoccupied? If you have answered "no" to each, then I wouldn't worry.If you think viewing that is cheating, what do you think you are doing when you watch movies and someone happens to be in the sac, even is there are more clothes provided and less graphic images presented? Can I ask you another question? You don't appear to be mature enough to handle a serious relationship; did you get married because you got pregnant?

[BMo2_E-L]

seercirra wrote:

contrary to all other posts from FLASH. im tempted to agree here.
if you do all you can to please him, then its his problem and he is wrong.
however, if your a slug in bed, then its hard to blame him.
sex is absolutely everywhere. and for a man, its very difficult to get home from a hard day or weekends work and be refused by his wife.
if this is the case, then ill tell you, many men would go elsewhere, and would cheat on you.
he hasnt, probably because he loves you. but men have this thing, testosterome. they make millions of sperm every day. it needs releasing.
men need sex to feel loved.
women need to feel loved to have sex.

If in order to keep a man, it would require giving "it" up whenever HE wanted; that's not a man I would want to keep. Testosterone is no excuse to go out and act like a ho. Keep your assisnine advice to yourself.

[Intriguing]

IMO, porn is not cheating. One has to "act" upon another who would reciprocate to that "act" for it to be called cheating. I would seriously think twice about leaving your husband, and think about what's in the best interest of your child. Your husband sounds like he loves you very much, so give him the benefit of the doubt, and talk to him. Marriage is work sweetheart. You both need to work at it.

[Russia1513]

Making promises and breaking them is a deal-breaker in my opinion. You broke up with him for it the first time. He promised you he wouldn't do it again, and ON THAT PREMISE, you married him at his request, then had a baby with him. Then you found him out again? Game over. If his activity bothers you, and he LIED to you about his behavior, and it's this early in the marriage, get out now while you are still young enough to learn from it.

[Russia1513]

The Chelmsford Flash wrote:

<quoted text>
My advice for you: If you learn to please your man, he will not need to find his pleasure elsewhere.

Did she mention any sexual problems? I didn't see any. A man who turns to porn because his woman isn't 'giving it up' needs to reassess his needs and leave if she isn't providing. Otherwise, he's using her as a blow up doll once his arousal is at it's peak from looking at porn. And that's dirty.

[Bleeding Hearts]

Hell there's nothing wrong with porn as long as it's not child porn. He's not looking at other women he's visualizing you in those sexual images. If he wanted another woman there's plenty out there. Enjoy sex while you're alive I hear there isn't any after you die.

[BMo2_E-L]

Russia1513 wrote:

Making promises and breaking them is a deal-breaker in my opinion. You broke up with him for it the first time. He promised you he wouldn't do it again, and ON THAT PREMISE, you married him at his request, then had a baby with him. Then you found him out again? Game over. If his activity bothers you, and he LIED to you about his behavior, and it's this early in the marriage, get out now while you are still young enough to learn from it.

What?! Yeah, he lied, but he didn't cheat. He may have lied about looking at porn but can you understand why? His wife clearly has some self-esteem issues, why wouldn't she, she just had a baby, but I really don't think divorcing and breaking up a family over it is the solution. Instead of being one-sided, try to look at both points. Geez......

[Ricky F]

Rachbeegle wrote:

Me and my husband have been together 5 years and married 3. I made it clear from the start that I felt porn was like cheating. Before we got married I found on his computer where he had looked at some,(we had been together about a year at this point), we broke up at that time cause I did not want that in my life. After some time we got back togther and he promised to change. Now we have a 19 month old baby girl, and I have found out he has been looking at it for at least a year and a half. I can't live with this and he is begging for me to stay. I think he should have thought about my feelings before disrespecting me for so long. He says he will change and will do anything. He is only 25. I know that this is young but I am also 25 and would never do anything so hurtful to him. I am at a loss ,
if it wasn't for our baby I would have left already. I feel so much hate towards him. Please give me some advice!

WoW, you just said a MOUTHFULL! lol

[ColleenWhtlr]

Why are women so damned against porn? Honestly...why? there really is not anything wrong with it and in fact I love it!
I can see if that is all your husband is into and ignores you then yes that is a problem. But instead of getting all upset over it hell join him in watching it...trust me it helps! You can learn alot and it will help make your sex life more enjoyable!!!

[Every Race is Beautiful]

Rachbeegle wrote:

Me and my husband have been together 5 years and married 3. I made it clear from the start that I felt porn was like cheating. Before we got married I found on his computer where he had looked at some,(we had been together about a year at this point), we broke up at that time cause I did not want that in my life. After some time we got back togther and he promised to change. Now we have a 19 month old baby girl, and I have found out he has been looking at it for at least a year and a half. I can't live with this and he is begging for me to stay. I think he should have thought about my feelings before disrespecting me for so long. He says he will change and will do anything. He is only 25. I know that this is young but I am also 25 and would never do anything so hurtful to him. I am at a loss ,
if it wasn't for our baby I would have left already. I feel so much hate towards him. Please give me some advice!

You have to really think about that before you make a decision that will effect the rest of your life. Ask yourself, does he treat you good, help you with the kid, provide for you and respect you. if so then I don't think you should leave him over porn. My husband and I have been together for 9 years, so I had to deal with this problem to, but we compromised. It wasn't fair for me to say he cannot watch porn, so i watched it with him. Every since then our relationship is better, b/c i don't feel like he is going behind my back to watch porn. Please be considerate, this is a small issue that i think you 2 can work out without leaving him. he obviously doesn't want anyone else b/c he is still there. Just b/c he watches porn it does not mean that he isn't satified with you.

[Russia1513]

BMo2_E-L wrote:

<quoted text>
What?! Yeah, he lied, but he didn't cheat. He may have lied about looking at porn but can you understand why? His wife clearly has some self-esteem issues, why wouldn't she, she just had a baby, but I really don't think divorcing and breaking up a family over it is the solution. Instead of being one-sided, try to look at both points. Geez......

Nope. Nope, I cannot understand WHY he lied. Why did he lie? Did he lie because he got the bait he was after, and the baby to boot, and still wants to lather over women in pictures? This after he got caught the first time and LIED about that. And are you a psychiatrist enough to determine she's having self-esteem issues? Seems to me a 25 year old oughta just about do it for most men (regardless of age), and at a time when a woman needs the most support and adoration for bringing forth life, the last thing she needs to know is that her condition turns her man to porn for fun. Fun? If he wants FUN he oughta try an amusement park, not his poor wifes feelings. If the interior of a man's mind is insufficient for producing the needed 'imagery' for his boner, he's got problems she probably doesn't need anyhow, and should move past that. JMHO.

[Russia1513]

But no, if he's bringing home $100,000 a year, let him watch porn. She can go shopping, I suppose...