The Bible means exactly what it says.
If what the Bible literally says contradicts your church's doctrine then it is figurative and must be interpreted to fit the church's doctrine.
If there are two contradictory statements in the Bible only the one that agrees with your church's doctrine is literal, the other is figurative and must be interpreted to match the church's doctrine.
If you can't find support for a particular church doctrine then search for a passage that can be interpreted to match church doctrine.
Always invoke the Holy Spirit's guidance to back your interpretation, the Holy Spirit is never wrong and to argue against it is irrevocable damnation to eternal torment in Hell.
How to tell if your interpretation is of the Holy Spirit: The interpretation will match church doctrine.
Really? I found his post to be quite entertaining, and accurate and of course amusing. Isn't what he wrote exactly what the fundies do? Sure seems so to me. Of course, I enjoy most anything that exposes Christ-insanity. I just re-read it and I give it a thumbs up.<quoted text>
Not to put you down or anything, but you just posted nonsensical garbage.