Cancer Girl

United States

#1 Nov 24, 2012
I ache all over every day. Nobody knows how much my muscles and bones ache every day. The only time I am anywhere near not in pain is laying flat on my back. I was diagnosed with stage 1 breast cancer and have to take medication for this. Nobody knows when the grim reaper is going to darken their door. I have fought this for almost 2 years now. To look at me, you would never know that anything is wrong. The doctors don't know everything. All they know is to push another pill at the patient if the patient compains. Nobody knows what it feels like to be told that you have cancer. It does something to your thinking. All my friends have deserte me when this information was shared. There are only 2 people that have encouraged me. Those 2 people will remain nameless but they are part of my small family. Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what your going to get. Also some of my family have deserted me. I have been dead to them for several years, so why should I expect any difference. I am numb right now with not much joy. I try to see the humor in the cards that I have been dealt. I think I do really well with that part. Cancer is not all of my total diagnosis. It's just one of many. I've had checkups galore, and for a while, before the cancer was found, it was diagnosed with several mental illnesses. It felt so good to know I was not crazy, even though many do still look at it that way. I certainly am lonesome and would love to have friend who I could trust not to blab everything that we discuss. But I have been burned severly on that trust issue. Therefore I just keep to myself and make them wonder what's going on. I have made a lot of enemies in the past years. I have been told that I am not any fun to be around, so this is just another reason that I stay to myself. The computer is my hobby. Nothing but bad news on the TV. Yesterday, I knew 2 that were listed in the Obits, but none today. Well, so far I've not seen my name in the obits, but I keep thinking that you will soon. Just have to keep pressing forward. Of course I do not sleep very well, and when I do I have the craziest dreams. At least they are not violent dreams, but I remember them soon after awakening, but after a while i cannot recall. If you've hung in there with me this far then thank you. Am findin lots to be grateful for, cause an aquaitance just lost her husband. He died in the hospital with all those medical people to save him, yet he's gone now. It was a total shock to all of us. That's the way it is, you never know when it's the last time you get to see somebody, therefore life is very precious. Be grateful -- always.

Since: Jun 13

Location hidden

#3 Jun 25, 2013
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