Would You Forgive Somone Who Cheated On You?

[1authentic1]

I post this to say this has happened to me and by me....
You can read about it here:
http://1authentic1.blogspot.com/

I am currently going through a divorce filed by my wife, who has recently admitted to being unfaithful and has done a lot of cruel things for the past 5 months but she has turned a corner and said she is sorry and she was in an addiction and she didn't know what she was doing...now I am not stranger to addiction but well I am just curious to see what you guys say... Read my blog then tell me what you think...
http://1authentic1.blogspot.com/

[Luv]

Hello, I just came across your post.What i didn't understand is that If she filed for a divorce, then whats your point?
I think it is hard to forgive someone who cheated on you with another person.
You can only divorce a person if that person adultery on you.

But other things if she does... i think you should forgive her.

[Saranacotter]

1authentic1 wrote:

I post this to say this has happened to me and by me....
You can read about it here:
http://1authentic1.blogspot.com/
I am currently going through a divorce filed by my wife, who has recently admitted to being unfaithful and has done a lot of cruel things for the past 5 months but she has turned a corner and said she is sorry and she was in an addiction and she didn't know what she was doing...now I am not stranger to addiction but well I am just curious to see what you guys say... Read my blog then tell me what you think...
http://1authentic1.blogspot.com/

Well, first I am not sure what CR is however I am in a 12 step fellowship and know about 4th steps. I would say that it is way too short, and doesn't have a solution. that is just me and how I do them. You did address some good points, but you did not explore them. While I read it I could hear my Sponsor saying "where's the soul searching?". You have to feel the pain all over again to get it out...bust open that scab - rip it off and then let the bad feeling flow free like blood. Get that poison out. Explore who you were during that marriage and who she was. Don't just list the points - WRITE about it. Tell me ho you Felt in graphic detail. You do that so you do not have to work that issue again. Do it like you mean it. Work a sweat. Grab your emotions by the balls and get it all out. I hated that b*tch - she screwed me emotionally and now she is trying to screw me financially. I was an @ss who thought only about sex but she ... Tell us(actually tell your sponsor a true 4th step should be between your higher power, your Sponsor and you). Try again and blast it all out(I wouldn't blog it though). If you write it right you will feel drained and it won't bother you anymore. Just my opinion and how I was taught how to write a 4th.

[Dawnette]

I honestly believe, once a cheater, always a cheater.

[1authentic1]

Ahh Anger Letters, Yes, I have plenty of those, my 4th step is a summary of my anger letters. Those do help, they help put my anger/feelings/emotions on paper a 4th step for me helps me see my part clearly.
And yes, I have many others, I have to 4th step each situation that has a lot of my anger and feelings but I don't think my blog would hold all those words ;) lol.

I guess I gotta do another one for the more recent stuff that has happened, I haven't done that in a couple of months, thanks for your advice...

[1authentic1]

Anyone else believe people can't change?

[Other Side]

Dawnette wrote:

I honestly believe, once a cheater, always a cheater.

No! That's not true! Any human can be swayed by the looks of another. One can immediately swoon or fall in love with another at first sight. In a remote area, far from your beloved, if a temptation comes upon you and overwhelms you, you must be forgiven for this adulterous affair. After all, we are ONLY human beings!

[PAUL SHYKORA]

...MAYBE....

[310 Warrior Mom]

Have to think about this one....

[johnny c]

would i forgive a cheater? well, is that before or after i get out of the Pen? theres a difference, cus if i was locked up then i had time to reflect but if she just told me that she cheated- then you'll have a homicide....

[Saranacotter]

1authentic1 wrote:

Ahh Anger Letters, Yes, I have plenty of those, my 4th step is a summary of my anger letters. Those do help, they help put my anger/feelings/emotions on paper a 4th step for me helps me see my part clearly.
And yes, I have many others, I have to 4th step each situation that has a lot of my anger and feelings but I don't think my blog would hold all those words ;) lol.
I guess I gotta do another one for the more recent stuff that has happened, I haven't done that in a couple of months, thanks for your advice...

np

[Tamara24]

Dawnette wrote:

I honestly believe, once a cheater, always a cheater.

Not necessarily. I cheated once, when I was dating my now husband, he obviously forgave me, and we got married and have been together and faithful for over 17 years. People can learn form their mistakes, it's the ones that chose not to that cause so many problems. We are all, unfortunaly imperfect. It is definitely a tough and tragic dilemma to be in.

[pmck]

Tamara24 wrote:

<quoted text>Not necessarily. I cheated once, when I was dating my now husband, he obviously forgave me, and we got married and have been together and faithful for over 17 years. People can learn form their mistakes, it's the ones that chose not to that cause so many problems. We are all, unfortunaly imperfect. It is definitely a tough and tragic dilemma to be in.

Hi Tamara. haven't seen you in awhile.

[310 Warrior Mom]

1authentic1 wrote:

I post this to say this has happened to me and by me....
You can read about it here:
http://1authentic1.blogspot.com/
I am currently going through a divorce filed by my wife, who has recently admitted to being unfaithful and has done a lot of cruel things for the past 5 months but she has turned a corner and said she is sorry and she was in an addiction and she didn't know what she was doing...now I am not stranger to addiction but well I am just curious to see what you guys say... Read my blog then tell me what you think...
http://1authentic1.blogspot.com/

Wow, after reading your blog, i am speechless...i have to think about this and massage this before i post.

[Tamara24]

pmck wrote:

<quoted text>Hi Tamara. haven't seen you in awhile.

Hey, wassup? I just got back from Florida late Tuesday night. We were there for a week in Daytona for speed weeks and the big race. It was fabulous weather, nice to get away and have some time together, away form the kiddos. How have you been? BTW/ I am a little embarrassed now that you know my dirty little secret. lol J/K! I was a teenager then. I have grown into a somewhat respectful woman, monogamous to say the least.
Have a great weekend, hope your weather is getting better. Spring cant come fast enough.
See ya!

[Harrison Freebird]

A relationship can withstand a lot of things. Cheating is not one of them. I know.

[No name]

I had to log out before posting on this thread. I would never post this with my registered name.

I was a habitual cheater, but for different reasons. Mine had to do with the fact that I was raised to think that I was stupid, unattractive, fat, etc etc. Basically a low self-esteem issue. Well, that feeling of seducing another human being really gave me a boost. I just didn't want to give it up after getting married.

I think what changed me was maturity. What if one of these other guys got me pregnant? I could never bring myself to have an abortion, what would I do? What if my kids found out? They adore me, that would disappear. It just wasn't worth it anymore. I had a good thing and I didn't want to mess it up.

[310 Warrior Mom]

310 Warrior Mom wrote:

<quoted text>
Wow, after reading your blog, i am speechless...i have to think about this and massage this before i post.

Still speechless....

[pmck]

Tamara24 wrote:

<quoted text>Hey, wassup? I just got back from Florida late Tuesday night. We were there for a week in Daytona for speed weeks and the big race. It was fabulous weather, nice to get away and have some time together, away form the kiddos. How have you been? BTW/ I am a little embarrassed now that you know my dirty little secret. lol J/K! I was a teenager then. I have grown into a somewhat respectful woman, monogamous to say the least.
Have a great weekend, hope your weather is getting better. Spring cant come fast enough.
See ya!

We were all young and foolish once!!

[Moncie]

1authentic1 wrote:

Anyone else believe people can't change?

I believe people can change. But they have to want to change...for the right reason.