I. .My Somali husband and the impendi...

I. .My Somali husband and the impending second wife.

Posted in the Top Stories Forum

Since: Feb 14

London, UK

#1 Feb 23, 2014
Aaahhh.... I've finally plucked up the courage to post, I'm such a shy person... I find it incredibly embarrassing to discuss this issue with anyone that knows me. The complexity and particulars of this story can not be truly understood unless I divulge the the story in it's entirety, please allow me...My reasons for this post is to read the views and opinions from a Somali concept/ prospective. Sisters please feel free to indulge me....brothers you're far from being isolated. The western part of the only English speaking south American country is my hometown. I usually tick the black carribbean box when filling a form. Now resides in the United Kingdom. Few years ago 8 to be exact I reverted/ convert to Islam from Christianity ... I have no intentions of changing not even for all the riches of this world. In 2011, I met my husband through an act of kindness....struggling with shopping bags a third of my body weight from my car to my door lol. Eversince we alway smile and greeted each other warmly. In 2012 my transition came...I conformed myself to the Hijab and Abaya. The gentleman was pleasantly surprised...Lamented he had no idea I was a muslim,ask for my number and we became friends. Two months later he ask me to marry him...I said Yes and quickly introduced him to my parents and my brother...they love him. However his family was a different story, they disapproved outright,all on prejudice grounds, except for one of his siblings who supported him. Our marriage was put on hold for months. In September 2012 we did Nikkah at a masjid far away without the knowledge of my husband's family. Beside us my husband's childhood friend and his wife....both of whom were very instrumental in helping my husband to make his decision. The lady is now my only Somali friend,she teaches me the art of Somali cuisine.

In March 2013 we had our marriage registered in a civil ceremony according to English law. After one miscarriage, we're now expecting our first baby Insha Allah. The verbal battles between my husband and his mother has never stopped. But now my husband sings a different tune it goes like this.....My mother said I am responsible for her health problems as I'm the only one of her children who has tried to shamed her by wanting to marry (a derogatory expression in somali language)....she said I should choose between her blessings and her curse, I hate to see my mum and my whole family so upset, she has choosen a wife for me....one of my cousins a Somali lady who now lives in Saudi Arabia...I will go there for Ramadan this year (2014) and marry her just to make my mum happy, but I will not bring her to Uk I will only go visit her once or twice a year. My husband told me he has no intentions of telling this lady about me and his family do not know that we are married either as I made mention of earlier.

I was thinking maybe if my husband's mother knows of our marriage and see me heavily pregnant maybe just maybe she may think it's not right to interfere. I don't know it's just a thought. Sisters.... is there an easy way to overcome the second wife issue... Do you think my husband can get away with marrying this woman and keeping her in Saudi Arabia, from my understanding her parents are heavily banking on their daughter coming to United Kingdom. Would it be possible for her to come as his spouse/wife being that I'm already married to him under British law? I should mention my husband told me if she and her parents begins to pressurised him to bring her to United Kingdom he will divorce her. I specifically ask these questions because I had ample time to search my inner self.... I can live with the situation if she remains in Saudi Arabia but if she comes here I am afraid things may go array. I have reached the penultimate phase of this episode, I would like to thank everyone who took time out from their busy lives to read and reply...last but not least thank you very much for not insulting me.


Since: Feb 14

London, UK

#2 May 16, 2014
Oh my word it's been months since....wow wow wow....maybe I need to use more simple language lol

Belgrade, Serbia

#3 May 16, 2014
He will probably request that you circumcise your vagina like all the girls must do in Somalia

Since: Feb 14

London, UK

#4 May 16, 2014
Zhiguli wrote:
He will probably request that you circumcise your vagina like all the girls must do in Somalia
If this was the case he would have ask years ago even before we got married for a circumcised vagina . Some time ago I raised the FGM conversation with my husband after watching a documentary and I was surprised to discover he's totally against it....he even said if my baby is a girl no one can never do that to her......he left me shocked because I stupidly assumed all Somalis are pro FGM. What I do not know is if these were his views from day one or if they are his views after the awareness and champagne against FGM.... I didn't want to ask him that. By the way FGM has nothing to do with Islam....if it was then I surely would have done it no questions ask.

However thanks for your reply after months of posting this you are the first to respond....that I do appreciate.

Belgrade, Serbia

#5 May 17, 2014
Why did you convert to islam, abandoning beautiful faith of Christianity? And now, you have to live with the fact that your husband will be a polygamist, living with many wives, ask yourself, will he direct his attention to you after this?

Since: Feb 14

London, UK

#6 May 17, 2014
Zhiguli wrote:
Why did you convert to islam, abandoning beautiful faith of Christianity? And now, you have to live with the fact that your husband will be a polygamist, living with many wives, ask yourself, will he direct his attention to you after this?
While I do appreciate that you took your precious time to respond, I really don't think you've read and understand the questions I've ask. If you read the last paragraph careful you'll see I ask an immigration question among others....I also mentioned in the same paragraph that I had ample time to search myself including my faith in islam and I CAN live with the situation of my husband having a second wife. The issue is a geographical one when it comes to the second wife. I think it's better for her to stay where she is at the moment it will be more economical. But like I said in my initial post her parents are refusing all other local men who ask for her hand in marriage because they are banking heavily on their daughter coming to United Kingdom. My husband told me so. It is not cheap to live in England she does not speak a word of English that could enhance her potential to work. But before we even go there I ask whether or not she would be able to come to United Kingdom due to the fact that we are already legally married....can he still apply for a visa for her as his spouse or second wife. Then I ask a few questions around the force issue with my mother in law....should we tell her we are married now and expecting a baby in weeks ? Would it cause her to back off. I would like responses from a Somali prospective as everyone involved is Somali excluding myself. Last but not least I do not regret accepting Islam..... as a Christian I was praying to a man (Jesus p.b.u.h) not God. As a muslim I pray only to God I believe in the oneness of God not 3 Gods..3 spirits but still one God. Islam is beautiful for me.

Belgrade, Serbia

#7 May 17, 2014
Yeah I was reading quickly and between the lines. I hate long texts :)

I don't think UK has legalized polygamy so I think she's gonna have to stay in Arabia. But I wonder what's gonna happen then because of that, guess you will have to go with him to S. Arabia then and live there if you wanna be by his side. Don't know, you two work it out

And you messed big time for not telling the ol' folks about the marriage. They might get angry. I won't talk about this Somalians know better

Holy Trinity arent three Gods it's one God, God works through Holy Spirit and Jesus is His Son (God Himself saying "This is my good Son, listen to Him). Still we credit everything to Yahweh The Heavenly Father and The Creator. Hey what about Allah, there is a statue of him with a Crescent Moon on his chest, that symbol is on the flag of almost every Muslim country.. Allah was a pagan moon god worshipped by Arabs. And as far as I know even Quran says that Jesus will come in End Times to sort out the wicked from the good. And what about Mohammad receiving Divine Messages from an Angel not from God personally? And this polygamy stuff it all seems like a sin to me.

Anyways, you seem like a decent person, you will be a good wife to someone.

Eskilstuna, Sweden

#8 Aug 7, 2016
My dear sister how did it go for you?? Did he marry the woman? In case if he didnt and the situation is the same let me tell you this! Im a somali woman and marriage with a second wife comlicates ones relationship ! I would recommend you to stand your ground and dont let him marry a second wife! You are already dealing with a complicated relatioship! Besides u will feel outsider when he marries his own ppl!
Sir didi


#9 Dec 2, 2016
Sorry for the late reply, gotta say you're very calm person judging on how you handled this situation, your relationship is bit complicated to me, in my opinion your husband should tell his family he is married to you period.

As for your question, judging on your last paragraph I think the reason they want him to get married his cousin is because they want her to enter UK, this is not something new, in fact Somalis fake marriages and did this for ages.

I don't think she can come to UK easily, specially when he is legally married to you because she will probably be interviewed several times.

To Sofi, not every second marriage complicates anything. in fact, there is many women who are very happy to share one husband and still very happy. I think it depends on the husband and how he treats all of them, if he treats them same I think there will not be any problems.
Abdikadir abukar

Avondale, AZ

#13 Jun 13, 2017
Sofi are you really Muslim doesn't matter if your muslim but still you need to know the meaning of muslim. A Muslim man can marry more the two wife let me say for but must be reason. First reason is if a wife is doctrine or putting the second is to understand each other your wife must except to get second wife!... But what I really ask my self is this. Why you guys don't wanna talk his mom true? Because your not somali!.. approximately if you guys told her what reality is she will understand and except.i know the reason why his mom wanna him to marry is just that lady to brought united kingdom.i could say let him marry and stay were she is but you have told him the truth nothing more.

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