Dom/Sub curious?
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Since: Jun 13

Folkestone, UK

#1 Jun 1, 2013
Ok so I'm going to put this straight out there and say as a 28 year old woman I am very shy and hence my hesitation about what I want to discuss/ get opinions on.
I have been single now for 9 years......so is this just frustration or genuine curiosity?
The last few months I have been drawn to the whole dom/sub fantasy, so much so that after reading FSOG I have moved onto books by Maya Banks and Lora Leigh to name a couple. Now from what I understand FSOG is probably not the best reference to use in relation to dom/subs but it had me curious enough to read these other books which are indeed more explicit and have a totally different angle on the subject.
The most appealing part of this relationship is the knowledge that you are cared for but the kink factor also seems to have some appeal to me.
I have no idea where to start looking etc. Maybe wanting to start by meeting someone online (I must add I have put myself on dating websites before and then took myself off again) because of my lack of confidence to go out there and meet someone. You can't go up to a stranger and say "are you a dom? I want to be your sub" now can you?
Are these relationships always based on a set time-frame? Some of these books suggest they are and end in heartbreak, others end in the two people falling in love and marrying. Its all kind of conflicting.
And after typing all of this out, I am not totally sure if I'm getting my queries across correctly or completely understand what I'm asking.
I know the relationships are real but they kind of terrify my because I do not know ANYONE who has mentioned any interest in this. I can't even talk to my mum - I am embarrassed and that's why I want advice online where no one knows me.
Anything you say would be appreciated.

Since: May 13

Location hidden

#2 Jun 1, 2013
loopyloo28 wrote:
Ok so I'm going to put this straight out there and say as a 28 year old woman I am very shy and hence my hesitation about what I want to discuss/ get opinions on.
I have been single now for 9 years......so is this just frustration or genuine curiosity?
The last few months I have been drawn to the whole dom/sub fantasy, so much so that after reading FSOG I have moved onto books by Maya Banks and Lora Leigh to name a couple. Now from what I understand FSOG is probably not the best reference to use in relation to dom/subs but it had me curious enough to read these other books which are indeed more explicit and have a totally different angle on the subject.
The most appealing part of this relationship is the knowledge that you are cared for but the kink factor also seems to have some appeal to me.
I have no idea where to start looking etc. Maybe wanting to start by meeting someone online (I must add I have put myself on dating websites before and then took myself off again) because of my lack of confidence to go out there and meet someone. You can't go up to a stranger and say "are you a dom? I want to be your sub" now can you?
Are these relationships always based on a set time-frame? Some of these books suggest they are and end in heartbreak, others end in the two people falling in love and marrying. Its all kind of conflicting.
And after typing all of this out, I am not totally sure if I'm getting my queries across correctly or completely understand what I'm asking.
I know the relationships are real but they kind of terrify my because I do not know ANYONE who has mentioned any interest in this. I can't even talk to my mum - I am embarrassed and that's why I want advice online where no one knows me.
Anything you say would be appreciated.
The only advice I can offer you is to never do anything you are not totally comfortable with. Also, you shouldn't be afraid to experiment just remember to protect yourself! Allan

Since: Jun 13

Gosport, UK

#3 Jun 2, 2013
Oh yeah I would never do anything unless I was comfortable. It's kind of mixed emotions to be honest - curious and excited about the prospect yet scared because until recently I didn't even know these relationships exsisted. I kind of had a stigma attached to a lot of men because of my ex (not healthy or fair I know).
It just seems like a fairytale that there are really men out there who take care of their women in that way -(I'm sure this makes me sound naive or whatever but this is the only way I have of exploring the subject)

Since: Jun 13

Gosport, UK

#4 Jul 8, 2013
So, further to the above post are there any done out there who would be willing to message me in regards to my thoughts and fantasies. Guide me and help me work out what I want?
Last week I chatted with one who helped but would love anymore guidance

Since: Jun 13

Gosport, UK

#5 Jul 8, 2013
That should say doms.
Treena_G

Portland, OR

#6 Jul 9, 2013
I'm also 28 and was curious about B&D luckily had a friend who was active in that kind of play and introduced me to it, I have never been sorry that I experimented to find out. I like being a 'bottom' but I learned that's pretty common for women/girls the role of 'top' is more commonly held by men although that's just a trend, not a rule. I've progressed up to I think about as far as I'm going to go, I started experimenting when I was 24 and I like to be restrained with leather straps and things made for the purpose, but not rope. I also think a blindfold can be fun but not a gag. Tried all those things, and now am where I met and comfortable with it and I look forward to playing! The list of what I like/don't like I won't get into here, but just be pretty much open to trying anything keeping in mind you DO NOT want to mess with anything extreme like burning or branding, or anything that breaks the skin. I can't stress that enough!

Since: Jun 13

Torquay, UK

#7 Jul 9, 2013
Treena_G wrote:
I'm also 28 and was curious about B&D luckily had a friend who was active in that kind of play and introduced me to it, I have never been sorry that I experimented to find out. I like being a 'bottom' but I learned that's pretty common for women/girls the role of 'top' is more commonly held by men although that's just a trend, not a rule. I've progressed up to I think about as far as I'm going to go, I started experimenting when I was 24 and I like to be restrained with leather straps and things made for the purpose, but not rope. I also think a blindfold can be fun but not a gag. Tried all those things, and now am where I met and comfortable with it and I look forward to playing! The list of what I like/don't like I won't get into here, but just be pretty much open to trying anything keeping in mind you DO NOT want to mess with anything extreme like burning or branding, or anything that breaks the skin. I can't stress that enough!
I have only really know about this for the last year or so. I glad you have had someone to talk to and experiment with. I have fantasies about scenarios involving a Dom and me as his sub.....I have no one and no where to let this all out.

I like the idea of alot of the BDSM scene and need somewhere to not only maybe have a Dom chat online about what he likes in a way he would talk to his sub but also talk about some of my kinks etc.
I have always wanted to please people and love the idea of being protected. These are the two biggest things attracting me to this whole thing
Amintoanything no limit

Wolverhampton, UK

#8 Aug 15, 2013
loopyloo28 wrote:
<quoted text>
I have only really know about this for the last year or so. I glad you have had someone to talk to and experiment with. I have fantasies about scenarios involving a Dom and me as his sub.....I have no one and no where to let this all out.
I like the idea of alot of the BDSM scene and need somewhere to not only maybe have a Dom chat online about what he likes in a way he would talk to his sub but also talk about some of my kinks etc.
I have always wanted to please people and love the idea of being protected. These are the two biggest things attracting me to this whole thing
am into it also!
UK dom

London, UK

#9 Oct 22, 2013
Hi Loopy loo . I am an experienced dom and happy to chat you through anything you need to know .
Nelly

Guelph, Canada

#10 Jan 23, 2014
UK dom wrote:
Hi Loopy loo . I am an experienced dom and happy to chat you through anything you need to know .
I'm a new sub and I'd like advice on how to please my dom. He wants me to come up with fantasies and I'm brand new. Any help is appreciated
UK dom

Windsor, UK

#11 Jan 24, 2014
Hi Nelly , Happy to help . What would you like to know ?
Charlie

Hove, UK

#12 Jan 28, 2014
UK dom wrote:
Hi Nelly , Happy to help . What would you like to know ?
hello uk Dom, iv actually a question about my sub, i would like advise if possibly
UK dom

Windsor, UK

#13 Jan 28, 2014
Only too happy to help charlie
Charlie

Hove, UK

#14 Jan 28, 2014
UK dom wrote:
Only too happy to help charlie
Hello again and thank you,

My sub and I have been in a long term relationship of 8yrs, iv finally told her what I am, and she has agreed to become my sub.

I love her dearly, and want her to enjoy this experience, we have made hard limits, so I know what not to push, I'm not looking for a slave but a sub.

I asked her, her wants and needs, this was met with an answer of you already fulfil my wants and needs, so I thought ill demand to know her wants and needs during play, I was met with "I wish to do anything to please you sir", these are the answers many would like, but I'm looking for an experience we can share, she follows orders without hesitation, and always does as she's told, most doms would like this I understand, but I don't want her to become a fortress in her mind, I want her to open up to me and enjoy, and submit because she has that desire.

Iv never met or heard of a sub being so willing, I can't not break her, to gain what she wants from me, but if is can't break her ill never know, wants she wants.

She's aims to please, and that she does but I want to give her something back as well, and experience with me.

So my question is:- how do you break a willing sub without making them become a fortress in mind, to only please me?
UK Dom

London, UK

#15 Feb 19, 2014
I think that you ask a question that alot of people that have a willing sub ask. I guess what you are driving at, is how do I get more from my sub? how do I push them into even more submission but only for me?

Please be a little clearer about what you want to know. I have had many subs and I find that pushing boundaries hard and moving far out of comfort zones is the best way to really tie a sub in to you. That may not be what you want to know though. Let me know
Sprinklesoncake

Winter Garden, FL

#16 Mar 20, 2014
I am very much excited by serving my husband. We are looking for a twist. Another woman to be sub for him. Part of those duties would be to dom me. Does anyone else play that way? We thought perhaps starting with kik or cyber play would be a good way to see if it worked.
I would love advise as to how to proceed. How do I find "her"? Can't very well walk up to someone at a bar and ask!

Since: Mar 14

Winter Garden, FL

#18 Mar 20, 2014
Thanks! We have the "Equipment". Swing and everything! We are looking for someone else to play with though. There are clubs in the area but we are both professionals that are quite recognizable and can't afford to be discovered in those circles. So it even makes "testing the waters" in social circles impossible. That why we thought that maybe just starting with virtual play may be a way to atleast feed the fantasy a bit. I am also the bottom typically but love the idea of being a top on occasion and have the toys waiting for that too just in case! ;)
Oonakitten

UK

#19 Apr 15, 2014
Im very new to Dom/sub world and find that i need to talk about my thoughts but for the same reasons stated above its difficult to find an outlet. Thank goodness i just came across this site !! Like loopyloo i love the idea of being cared for protected and i tend to want to please people too and dont like being centre if attention, being in the background suits me but knowing im adorded or treasured, is very thrilling !
new sub

London, UK

#20 Jul 19, 2014
hi I'm new and have always been a sub - in my head and fantasies now looking for an online and in time real life dom or couple ... I'm in London ... and not sure where to start. Look forward to hearing from you .. would love to start with talking online and taking it from there. Can hardly breathe with having just even posted this ...!
new sub

London, UK

#21 Jul 19, 2014
Sprinklesoncake wrote:
Thanks! We have the "Equipment". Swing and everything! We are looking for someone else to play with though. There are clubs in the area but we are both professionals that are quite recognizable and can't afford to be discovered in those circles. So it even makes "testing the waters" in social circles impossible. That why we thought that maybe just starting with virtual play may be a way to atleast feed the fantasy a bit. I am also the bottom typically but love the idea of being a top on occasion and have the toys waiting for that too just in case! ;)
I'm with you that virtual play would be a good start. Let me know if you want to talk more ...

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