Can a Cheating Spouse Be Forgiven?

Can a Cheating Spouse Be Forgiven?

Created by Max Cady on Aug 13, 2008

538 votes

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No

Yes

yes but never the same

yes for revenge

yes for a life of hell

yes for revenge sex w/ friends

The King Is Coming

AOL

#24 Aug 15, 2008

“EVOLUTION IS EXTINCTION”

Since: Aug 07

MARIETTA, GA

#25 Aug 15, 2008
The worst form of human behavior is pedophilia. The second worst form of human behavior is unfaithfulness. Unfaithfulness is the very worst possible thing one adult human can do to another adult human.

No, there is no forgiveness. The breach of faith remains forever. Forever.

Since: Aug 08

Long Beach, CA

#26 Aug 15, 2008
I personally couldn't forgive a cheating spouse. My mind would probably go into over-drive every time he left the house. Yikes!
Princeton Grad

Seymour, IN

#27 Aug 16, 2008
deer three pink wrote:
The worst form of human behavior is pedophilia. The second worst form of human behavior is unfaithfulness. Unfaithfulness is the very worst possible thing one adult human can do to another adult human.
No, there is no forgiveness. The breach of faith remains forever. Forever.
That pain you speak of......does it ever go away?
Carol

Ashburn, VA

#28 Aug 16, 2008
deer three pink wrote:
The worst form of human behavior is pedophilia. The second worst form of human behavior is unfaithfulness. Unfaithfulness is the very worst possible thing one adult human can do to another adult human.
No, there is no forgiveness. The breach of faith remains forever. Forever.
I agree with this.Once a trust is lost,it is never returned.
MeToo

UK

#29 Aug 16, 2008
Trust is a BIG one ..

I am going through it at the moment, still with the guy and still wondering .. constantly distrustful ... constantly wondering if the other one is still around ...

She is not even close by ... 3000 miles away in russia, on the internet - he did however visit her last year .. but how do you "compete" with an internet woman ... easy peasy ... no nagging, no bother .. you just turn her off ...

We have had HUGE arguments ... we have a business together, a house together ... totally financially intertwined, so very hard to just say "get him out" ... "just end it" ..

And when a man or indeed a woman have an affair .. is it not also a question of asking ... "where was that relationship/marriage prior to the affair" .. what was the reason for it? Are there not far worse things than an affair? Gambling, drinking, violence ...

I am not so "conditioned" that I think it is my fault .. but hey, I am old enough to know that it could be .. we all go through "staleness" after 10, 15, 20 yrs ... where another person could seem to be exciting and interesting ...

Anyway, confused here ... and I dont think there is anything simple .. such as "oh, just throw him out" ... This is what I thought prior to the affair, but now ... no ready answers.

Since: Aug 08

Magnetic Springs, OH

#30 Aug 16, 2008
Xcntrik InVidor wrote:
<quoted text>
This only affects you.
You can do whatever you want, you can trust him if you decide to, you apparently just don't want to.
You have your choices in life, I have mine.

“Rocker Chicks Are Hot!”

Since: Jul 08

Sacramento, Ca

#31 Aug 16, 2008
Ofcourse. You have to remember that Monogomy isnt biologically normal. Therefore, many people act upon those "Natural" behaviors. Love and Lust are two different things. Now with all the STDs going around, not cheating is a smarter move.

“You betcha!”

Since: Aug 07

United States

#32 Aug 16, 2008
Isavali wrote:
I personally couldn't forgive a cheating spouse. My mind would probably go into over-drive every time he left the house. Yikes!
Love and trust are both, choices.
May not be the easiest choice but nothing worth having EVER is.
Whether or not you stay with the person who cheated is not as important as whether or not you forgive them.
My husband cheated, I knew it but just didn't care. Eventually I did too. We were BOTH responsible for the break down of our marriage.
I forgive him, and I also forgive myself.
As many have said, we are all human and are easily tempted at weak moments...
But the thing is you've got to make a CHOICE to forgive. Otherwise you will carry that unforgivness with you in the form of resentment, doubt, fear and it will color everything you do as well as cause you to repeat the same mistakes that you've made in the past, into new relationships.
What is the old saying, it's like pouring your enemy a cup of poison and drinking it yourself.
In other words, unforgiveness only harms YOU.

“It's not my fault, im an Aries”

Since: Mar 08

Plantation, FL

#33 Aug 16, 2008
wrestlingwithangels wrote:
<quoted text>Love and trust are both, choices.
May not be the easiest choice but nothing worth having EVER is.
Whether or not you stay with the person who cheated is not as important as whether or not you forgive them.
My husband cheated, I knew it but just didn't care. Eventually I did too. We were BOTH responsible for the break down of our marriage.
I forgive him, and I also forgive myself.
As many have said, we are all human and are easily tempted at weak moments...
But the thing is you've got to make a CHOICE to forgive. Otherwise you will carry that unforgivness with you in the form of resentment, doubt, fear and it will color everything you do as well as cause you to repeat the same mistakes that you've made in the past, into new relationships.
What is the old saying, it's like pouring your enemy a cup of poison and drinking it yourself.
In other words, unforgiveness only harms YOU.
I don't think 'unforgiveness' only harms you, it harms the other person in the relationship as well, I just don't see the point in forgiving someone that betrayed you. When you're in a serious relationship trust is essential you give yourself almost in everyway to the one you love and you think they love you so you give them freedom of the benefit of the doubt only to have it thrown in your face.

Coming from a family where my father cheated on my mother and she took him back only to have him do it again, get another woman knocked up and leave us four children with a single mother that can barely pay bills, I think once a cheater always a cheater.

I sound like a harsh bitch but I don't really care, why should a woman who already had to suffer the pain and humiliation of being cheated on that spurs all questions of self doubt and loathing that makes her think she has something wrong with her, what does the other woman have that her husband wants and whatnot...why should that woman put herself at risk for that pain again because chances are it will happen again?

I'm not the forgiving type, forgetting is much easier for me.

“You betcha!”

Since: Aug 07

United States

#34 Aug 16, 2008
JordanWhite wrote:
<quoted text>
I don't think 'unforgiveness' only harms you, it harms the other person in the relationship as well, I just don't see the point in forgiving someone that betrayed you. When you're in a serious relationship trust is essential you give yourself almost in everyway to the one you love and you think they love you so you give them freedom of the benefit of the doubt only to have it thrown in your face.
Coming from a family where my father cheated on my mother and she took him back only to have him do it again, get another woman knocked up and leave us four children with a single mother that can barely pay bills, I think once a cheater always a cheater.
I sound like a harsh bitch but I don't really care, why should a woman who already had to suffer the pain and humiliation of being cheated on that spurs all questions of self doubt and loathing that makes her think she has something wrong with her, what does the other woman have that her husband wants and whatnot...why should that woman put herself at risk for that pain again because chances are it will happen again?
I'm not the forgiving type, forgetting is much easier for me.
Nobody said anything about laying down and being a doormat...
The choice of forgiveness is an "inner" choice. As I said whether or not you choose to stay in the relationship is a whole different subject.
But "unforgiveness" causes resentment, fear, guilt, and veritable host of negative emotions which can also lead you to high blood pressure, heart disease and cancer. IOW-it DOES only hurt you.
Do you REALLY want to give someone else THAT kind of power over you??? Your choice, your life!

“It's not my fault, im an Aries”

Since: Mar 08

Plantation, FL

#35 Aug 16, 2008
wrestlingwithangels wrote:
<quoted text>Nobody said anything about laying down and being a doormat...
The choice of forgiveness is an "inner" choice. As I said whether or not you choose to stay in the relationship is a whole different subject.
But "unforgiveness" causes resentment, fear, guilt, and veritable host of negative emotions which can also lead you to high blood pressure, heart disease and cancer. IOW-it DOES only hurt you.
Do you REALLY want to give someone else THAT kind of power over you??? Your choice, your life!
"unforgiveness doesn't always cause those things, those things can be brought about by the cheating act itself.

A person has power over themselves, if they want to wallow they want to wallow, they should have sense enough to see what a problem their mood is creating and get over it. Not neccessarily through forgiveness but out of a love for themselves and their future.

“You betcha!”

Since: Aug 07

United States

#36 Aug 16, 2008
JordanWhite wrote:
<quoted text>
"unforgiveness doesn't always cause those things, those things can be brought about by the cheating act itself.
A person has power over themselves, if they want to wallow they want to wallow, they should have sense enough to see what a problem their mood is creating and get over it. Not neccessarily through forgiveness but out of a love for themselves and their future.
You're right, it doesn't ALWAYS cause those things...but I believe that more and more research points to negative emotions being major contributors to most disease.
And here is where the line gets drawn in the sand, not everybody has the propensity to cheat, but for those who do, why? I would suspect after digging through many layers via a great counselor they would find some type of unresolved childhood issues. Maybe a neglectful mother or a father figure who wasn't there.
I'm certainly not a psychologist but I do know that MOST of us have some type of issue or another.
So when you break that down into the area of whether or not another person is worthy of your forgiveness, then surely you can understand that being human, being fallible, being short sighted, means that we all hurt other people on a daily basis sometimes without even knowing it.
Have you ever lied?
Have you ever said something hurtful to someone else?
Ever taken anything that wasn't yours? That includes such things as pens from work...
Do you rationalize and think it's OK because of all your own inner beliefs? But condemn someone else for the same? That's pride and ego my friend, if you think you're not guilty of the same...
Being human means we're all "capable" of the worst acts known to men, and if you don't think so then you're lying to yourself.
So again, who is the forgiveness really for?

As to your last statement, what about a person who is manically depressed? How do you tell them that they should have enough SENSE to get over it?
How do you suppose they will find enough love for their life and for their future to pick themselves up and dust themselves off, ever been depressed or been around someone else who was?
There's so much more to us than what we know, more than most care to know, I guess.

“It's not my fault, im an Aries”

Since: Mar 08

Plantation, FL

#37 Aug 16, 2008
wrestlingwithangels wrote:
<quoted text>You're right, it doesn't ALWAYS cause those things...but I believe that more and more research points to negative emotions being major contributors to most disease.
And here is where the line gets drawn in the sand, not everybody has the propensity to cheat, but for those who do, why? I would suspect after digging through many layers via a great counselor they would find some type of unresolved childhood issues. Maybe a neglectful mother or a father figure who wasn't there.
I'm certainly not a psychologist but I do know that MOST of us have some type of issue or another.
So when you break that down into the area of whether or not another person is worthy of your forgiveness, then surely you can understand that being human, being fallible, being short sighted, means that we all hurt other people on a daily basis sometimes without even knowing it.
Have you ever lied?
Have you ever said something hurtful to someone else?
Ever taken anything that wasn't yours? That includes such things as pens from work...
Do you rationalize and think it's OK because of all your own inner beliefs? But condemn someone else for the same? That's pride and ego my friend, if you think you're not guilty of the same...
Being human means we're all "capable" of the worst acts known to men, and if you don't think so then you're lying to yourself.
So again, who is the forgiveness really for?
As to your last statement, what about a person who is manically depressed? How do you tell them that they should have enough SENSE to get over it?
How do you suppose they will find enough love for their life and for their future to pick themselves up and dust themselves off, ever been depressed or been around someone else who was?
There's so much more to us than what we know, more than most care to know, I guess.
But why is that person manically depressed??

I don't know, generally I think that people can overcome any mental state no matter what they've been through, it just will take time and alot of effort.

But then again, that's just my belief based on how I react to things, and like you I am not a psychologist, so I don't know, that's just my opinion.

“You betcha!”

Since: Aug 07

United States

#38 Aug 16, 2008
JordanWhite wrote:
<quoted text>
But why is that person manically depressed??
I don't know, generally I think that people can overcome any mental state no matter what they've been through, it just will take time and alot of effort.
But then again, that's just my belief based on how I react to things, and like you I am not a psychologist, so I don't know, that's just my opinion.
Cool, nice chatting with you Jordan!

“xcntrik.wordpres s.com”

Since: Mar 07

Location hidden

#39 Aug 16, 2008
deer three pink wrote:
The worst form of human behavior is pedophilia. The second worst form of human behavior is unfaithfulness. Unfaithfulness is the very worst possible thing one adult human can do to another adult human.
No, there is no forgiveness. The breach of faith remains forever. Forever.
Yet every human is unfaithful at one time or another in their life.

Forgive, as you would like to be forgiven.

I still can't remember where I read that.

“xcntrik.wordpres s.com”

Since: Mar 07

Location hidden

#40 Aug 16, 2008
Autumskye wrote:
<quoted text>You have your choices in life, I have mine.
I think I was pretty clear on that very point in my post, as I said that you can do whatever you like.

My point is that it's a choice, you choose to not trust again, even though you will trust again, and you will be let down again. It's part of life.

Some concentrate of the failures of others, some concentrate on the successes.

What you do is your choice. I wish you the best.

“xcntrik.wordpres s.com”

Since: Mar 07

Location hidden

#41 Aug 16, 2008
wrestlingwithangels wrote:
<quoted text>Love and trust are both, choices.
May not be the easiest choice but nothing worth having EVER is.
Whether or not you stay with the person who cheated is not as important as whether or not you forgive them.
My husband cheated, I knew it but just didn't care. Eventually I did too. We were BOTH responsible for the break down of our marriage.
I forgive him, and I also forgive myself.
As many have said, we are all human and are easily tempted at weak moments...
But the thing is you've got to make a CHOICE to forgive. Otherwise you will carry that unforgivness with you in the form of resentment, doubt, fear and it will color everything you do as well as cause you to repeat the same mistakes that you've made in the past, into new relationships.
What is the old saying, it's like pouring your enemy a cup of poison and drinking it yourself.
In other words, unforgiveness only harms YOU.
ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL !!

“It's not my fault, im an Aries”

Since: Mar 08

Plantation, FL

#42 Aug 16, 2008
wrestlingwithangels wrote:
<quoted text>Cool, nice chatting with you Jordan!
Nice chatting with you too. lol.
Jack Hammer

AOL

#43 Aug 16, 2008
Xcntrik InVidor wrote:
Forgiveness only holds importance to the one doing the forgiving.
If it only holds importance to the one doing the forgiving, there is absolutely no sense to forgiving the wayward partner. Instead, the forgiver should end the unfortunate relationship, and find someone worthwhile.

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