Domestic violence,Custody and forced ...

Wilmington, NC

#41 Sep 25, 2009
Holly wrote:
<quoted text>
Please emial me at [email protected] The same thing is happening to my 10 year old son. He is now diagnosed with anxiety disorder and has to be on meds to sleep

Same thing is happening here--advice, for child's sake and legally is needed, thanks

Cleveland, OH

#42 Oct 5, 2009
I empathize with you all. My step-daughter (15)got very ill, missed 5 days of school. Her mother demanded we turn her over to her for visitation even though daughter told mom she didn't want to go. Now mom is going for contempt saying dad is doing this on purpose cause she filed for custody for the 4th time (months ago). It never stops. It feels like the perpetrator gets away with murder and the parent wanting to do what is "best" gets the shaft from the court.

Boron, CA

#43 Feb 8, 2010
i know that mos topics regarding child abuse comes from the father but in my case or better said my nephews and nices case is different the abuse comes from the kids because thats what i call them have been living with me and my parent as long the smallest one has been alive wich is 8 years i was only 15 yrs old and my brother and his wife separated she felt she was to young to have that much resposibility and that my brother wasn't much help but by that time they had three kids,he moved out with his kids and into my parents home we didn't hear from her until three years later my parents and my brother never thought of fileing custody paper work so she just took them police said that there was nothing we could do because she was the mother.She took my brother to court to get shared custody and the judge gave it to them, us not knowing she had a serious addiction to drugs we started to notice when she would comeover and just drop the kids off for days and didn't pick them up, they would where dirty clothes smelled because she didnt have a place to live and would spend all her child support money on drugs and alcohol we even seen her so druged up that she was dancing in the middle of the street with a huge hat on and in underwear, we called the police but they never arrested her they said if the children weren't with her at the moment then they couldn't do anything well you could imagine how that turned out the kids grew older and after being arrested many times she finally was tookin to prison and my brother had moved to nevada because of his work he had been laid off where we lived and child support was just pileing up so my parents took advantage of the situation and went to court and were granted temporary custody the children where so happy since there mom had not seen them in three months prior to her arrest.yeah that would had been great for the kids future but theire mom came out of prison and now she wants them back but the kids are old enought to talk and they do not want to go back to that life we recently found out she use to hit them ,not feed them ,not let them shower and always had guy friends over and use drugs in front of them to the point of seeing a man get killed it's distubing to think a child had to have a life like that,the only bad thing is that she says everything the children are saying is not true and that my parents told the children to say that and it seems no one belives us i understand that it is hard to belive that a mother can do something like this to her own kids that just shows you that your kids are lucky to have great mothers like all of you and yeah maybe not so great fathers but the support of a mother is what counts and my kids are lucky to have gradparents that care so much and an aunt that loves them to death.i just pray they could stay with us only if you could see how well and successful kids their turning out to be

Woburn, MA

#44 Mar 22, 2010
Lovemydaughter wrote:
I am going through this right now. My ex choose to stay away from our daughter, no attempted contact at all for years at a time and she is only 7. When we did live with him, he was abusive and controlling to everyone in the house. I have seen him be abusive to his other daughter who he has custody of (by default). My daughter was withdrawn and quiet when we were with him, she is now happy and friendly. There were many times he abused me in front of the kids. I never called the police because I didnt think anyone would believe me, there was no "proof" and I was fearful of what he would do, didnt want to make him more angry. He came by last year demanding I give him "his" daughter. I asked if she wanted to visit him, she said no over and over again and started crying. Now he has joint legal custody and visitation every other weekend. This will be his first weekend and Im sick about it! Because I tried to protect my daughter I was made to look like the bad parent, the judge said my daughter should live with HIM.... It did not matter that I have always taken care of her, and he has never even tried. Every thing my ex said was stated as a fact, everything I said was a wild accusation! I refused to force my child to go with him because he is crazy and unpredictable but more importantly because she adamantly refused. I know my daughter and know she wouldnt refuse unless there was something very wrong. Now he just sent me an email telling me his going to bring her back an hour later than what it says in the order. Its already starting..... I dont feel safe, my child cried when I told her she had to go with him. I can do nothing, because if there is something going on, I will look like I'm being vindictive.... If I try to protect my child, she will go live with him premanently, if I force her to go knowing there is something wrong her well being is in danger. How can this be the BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILD? Its so bizarre and disgusting. It has nothing to do with the child, its the wishes of the father the courts care about. He has total and complete control over my life once again. I do not want to talk to him, but have to. Something has to be done, with the courts.... and they wonder whats wrong with the world, why the United States has so much crime, what can be done to prevent children from becoming criminals???? How stupid do you have to be to see that it starts with abuse????!!! Abusers damage the children, perhaps they were abused themselves.... what matters now is preventing abuse so that our children have a chance, not put them in the hands of evil.
This is my story too. I can't believe this same exact thing happened with you! Only to top it off, my ex is a sociopath and he has a history of sexual abuse. "but he is the dad , and dad's have rights after all. " I get to collect $50 per week, and have my daughter come home completely sad. Now she is just getting disrespectful and ill mannered. I put SO MUCH work into raising her! All to have her become a sociopath too.

Washington, DC

#45 May 20, 2010
I diviorce my wife in 2002 and fought for custody and won because my ex-wife was an addict and alcoholic. I felt like a horible person. On one had I had to turn my two boys over to her every other weekend and the end of the visitation would usually end with me taking them to the ER due to respiratory problems related to asthma and her and her families heavy smoking around them. I called DCFS on her no less then seven times due to the unbelievable things she was doing to the boys. DCFS indicated on her twice and on her father once. Eventually I was able to get the visitation modified so that she had court ordered supervised visitation. She screwed that up and lost her visitation rights. Then she dropped out of the boys' lifes for about 5 years. She recently filed for resumption of her visitation rights. She found someone to pay for a fancy attorney and got her visitation rights back. This was last June. My children are not differnt people. They are angry and filled with fear. They are suffering from PTSD symptons due to the emotional abuse they experience during vistations. I have had my kids in and out of pshcholigical care for 9 years and had two differnt therapyst write letters to the Judge. I have a differnt therapyst seeing them now and she can see from the state of mind and answers to her questions that they are being abused. My 15 year old talks about suicide just to get away from his mother. The court never believes a thing I say and my ex-wife's attorney has tried to paint me as a bad guy. I can not afford an attorney and my kids are suffering badly. I have had bad results in the Madison CO. Ill courts due to a deffinate gender bias against men. I am so frustrated because the boys are constantly missing activities at school and in their interests because my ex wants her visitation days. When she get them she leave them alone all day and goes shopping wiht friends or goes to work! What can I do?
Concerned mother

Sioux Falls, SD

#46 Nov 1, 2011
I totally agree with you. My ex and I got divorced several years ago. Right after the divorce, I got a restraining order against him because he broke into my house, hurt me, and threatened to hurt the kids. This placed him under "supervised" visitation, which he never exercised. After the order was exhausted, the kids "occasionally" went to see him. I sent them to see his family, but he was hardly there. He would say he wanted to see them, but would never show up to pick them up. Said he was "busy". This went on for several years. A few years ago, I got engaged and got married. Two months after I got married, he filed for visitation and joint legal custody.(He lost custody after the restraining order because he never showed up to fight it, so, for 7 years, I have had full custody. He took me to court and won back joint custody with full-blown visitation. No easing into it, full blown. My son, who is younger, went and came back angry, disrespectful, and, on 4 occasions now, has come back with bruises to his face, butt, and shoulders. The kids filed a police report, which was taken by "his" cousin. There were pictures of right after the incident and a week later, both still showing bruises. I sent my kids to counseling and the doctor advised I NOT send them anymore. I got taken back to court for contempt for not sending them and the other police officer, which finally took the report, was not allowed to testify. Judge called it "hearsay", and it was "irrelevent" to the case. I got contempt. I sent them again, the same thing. He came home bruised. I just went back for the 4th time a few weeks ago and got 120 days jailtime for contempt. The judge would not listen to the doctor, the teachers, or friends who had seen this. The kids were called liars and are now forced to go see their father almost every weekend now until this coming summer. NO CHOICE. I am now targeted as a bad parent, even though a doctor, who sees the kids without me present and tell him everything, states it is extremely harmful to keep sending them. Tell me the courts don't have anything to do with this. It is on their hands if something happens to a child. YES........parents do lie. Even call their children liars, but look where it gets the other parent. They are forced to send their children into danger, but no one cares!!!!!!!!!!
Peacekeprmom wrote:
My name is Rachelle Barry, I'm the founder of rise up 4 [email protected] nine years I have literally forced my son to visit his father,sometimes forcibly putting him in his fathers car so that I can not be held in contempt for visitation denial.For those same nine years my son has come home from those visits withdrawn,angry violent,My son just turned Ten,he also filed a child abuse report against his father.I never knew what was happening during visits,Ionly knew something was'nt right,yet only now do I find out my son was being forced to drink vinegarto keep him from telling anyone what went on during visits,all I was told was that I was just trying to keep my son from his father.
.The courts chose to side with my sons father no matter what any therapist,social worker or psychiatrist said.The reason,custodialparents lie.So,when a child really needs help,there wont be any because of the same 3 questions you wish to find a yes or no answer to.
The Survey Questions are listed below and you can answer them at my blog: www.familycourtviol ence.blogspot. com
1. Do you believe that Judges and Prosecutors who refuse to enforce child custody are responsible for the escalation of domestic violence by non-custodial parents?

United States

#47 Dec 7, 2011
I have read all these posts about not forcing children to visit with the non-custodial parent. But, if the child or children visited with the non-custodial parent and told the custodial parent that he or she no longer wanted to live with them, I wonder would the custodial parent force the children to come home?

Walnut Creek, CA

#48 Dec 31, 2011
I would love to help any way I can I agree totally that are children are being ignored and something or someone needs to help them. Please contact me at [email protected] my name is Julie I am in California.
Holly wrote:
I always thought they pu the best interest of the child first but that it is not the case in probate court. I have actually taken the initative to write to Congressmen Neil and Senator Kennedy and write a bill to make it a law to prevent this from happening to our children. To the person who wrote this previous posting please email me directly at [email protected] You are not alone and our children are the price. This has got to stop and now.

Pretoria, South Africa

#49 Aug 1, 2012
HI.Please email me on [email protected] family advocates do not care about the best interest of our children.Our children are being traumatised n no one cares.

Sumter, SC

#51 Apr 7, 2013
My husband always had visitation with his daughter before we got married. He would have her for days at a time including during the week. We moved to be closer to me (an hour away) and he got her every other weekend since she was in school. When we got married she stopped letting her come up here. For two years we didn't get her, saw her maybe 4 times and talked to her maybe twice. Since I was having a baby she finally let her start coming but it was once a month so we took her to court for visiation. Every other weekend, Christmas and Easter even years, thanksgiving on odd, 4 weeks over the summer. Well before it was court ordered his daughter would leave notes like I don't want go home and such. Well court order and they say oh she doesn't want to come, she cries and fusses not to come. Had her see the school therapist and she told the thereapist she loves coming here and loves everyone its just at night she doesn't like because we don't let her watch tv to fall asleep. We have rules here. She doesn't have rules at her mom's house and she does whatever she wants to there, she doesn't make her wash or brush her teeth or pick up her clothes or anything. Well twice (on her mom's birthday weekend and now my husband's birthday weekend) when I went to pick up my step daughter (its in the court order, my husband doesn't get off work until 10 pm) she was throwing a royal fit and screaming and saying she didn't want to go and we asked why and she said she didn't know. WE personally think it's her mother and her mother's family filling her head full of crap. My step daughter's mother takes her around people drinking and going out. When she doesn't have my step daughter she is out partying and drinking. Even when it is her weekend, the majority of times she is left at her grandmother's house. She doesn't spend time with her hardly any at all but tries to turn her against my husband. She just wants to keep her because of getting child support. That's the only thing she ever complains about. This last time my step daughter through a fit not to come she ended up not coming. His ex called the cops and they said they couldn't make her go even though it was court ordered and we needed to talk to the court house. So we filed a violation of visiation and have court in 3 days. Hoping the judge does go in our favor and puts her in the wrong. My husband is going to request that his daughter talk to a therapist and have things straighten out. My step daughter has been told by her mother's family before that my husband doesn't love her, thats why he didn't get her for so long and that he doesn't care about her. They're horrible vendictive people.


“I just hate stupid people”

Since: Apr 07


#52 Apr 7, 2013
The sad thing about all of this is the children are caught in the middle and are the only true victims.
I have been married to the same woman for 18 years, we are both compatible and share many of the same views and morals and we have 2 kids.

I think alot of people get together for the wrong reasons, end up having kids together then want to push the other parent out of the picture altogether once the marriage or relationship falls apart, which is wrong.

I don't advocate any child being around a parent who is dangerous, whether that parent is male or female and sometimes legal action has to be taken to insure this doesn't happen. or at the least try to prevent it from happening.

I can tell you many of the problems i have seen when it comes to men and women who end up in these messes because i have seen friends and family go through them.

Here are a few suggestions for women first then a few for some men, these are based on just some observations i have seen first hand.

For women.

Don't be shocked when you marry or engage yourself to someone who likes to party, get in fights and doesn't seem to want to get a job, then once you have a few children together and it all goes south, be enraged he has beaten you to a pulp, mistreated the children and refuses to pay any child support, he would much rather spend it on a new girlfriends dope habit.

The writing was on the wall, you just ignored it or refused to see it to begin with.

For men.

Don't be surprised that the little hot number you decided to fall in love with doesn't want to take care of the kids you made together.
Don't be surprised that she ran off with somebody else taking the kids along with her to live with her new boy friend who then likes to mistreat your children. It's sad, but reality is many boyfriends or new husbands end up severely hurting or killing someone else's kids and in many cases the mother knew it was happening and just didn't give a sh*t.

The same applies for you, the writing was on the wall, you either ignored it, or refused to see it to begin with.

Bottom line, most people do not just suddenly turn into this monster, they were already a monster that you became attracted too but you blindly thought you could change them or you just refused to see a rat for what it was.
Daniel Loos

Centreville, VA

#53 Sep 10, 2013
I am 11 years old. My father has been abusive to me and my mother. I am afraid of being forced to see him- he knocked out my tooth once!
Knock off purse seller

Denver, CO

#54 Sep 10, 2013
WHY dig up this old dead thread? Got nothing better to do?
besidehimselfDAD A

Gilbert, AZ

#56 Aug 21, 2014
Ive been through a teeth pulling custody battle im a father who just wants both his daughters parents supportive in her life and ive faught hard to make sure im apart of it, hired a lawyer not to represent me but educate me and did everything hands on. I have recently been experiencing a beside myself heartbreaking experience. My 2 yr old daughter has gone from being overly excited and screaming DADA! Upon my arrival everytime, to where the last 3pick ups she has been kicking screaming and running from me. I am beside myself but I believe I know why, just dont know how to reverse it. Last visit before drop off she was bit by my bird, no big deal dad was there to save her and kiss the owie. However im not primary caregiver and was in the process of taking her home. Her mother excessively pointed out her owie and dramatized it. The very next pick up my daughter started this behavior. Ive had my daughter 1-8 sun, wed and fri consistently for over a year and she has always been fine around me I was about to start getting over nights but now I dont know if its best or how to resolve this behavior. After we leave moms 10 minutes later she is fine all smiles and DADA! do I just tough through it and force her to leave with me I dont want to traumatise her this is breaking my heart when the initial pick up and seperation is this difficult?
Mommyof 6

Decatur, IL

#58 Oct 17, 2015
My kids ages 2,4&5 have told they nolonger want to go over to there fathers because he is mean and eats in front of them all the time my 2 year old has real bad night mairs after she comes home to the point that she screams and crys so loud that it wakes the whole house up and when I go to pick her up she screams ever louder saying no no no I just don't know what to do anymore I am court ordered to make them go over to his house I don't like that u have to tell them they have to go because I can't go to jail for them not going can anyone help me

Fairfield, CA

#59 Dec 15, 2015
Holly wrote:
<quoted text>
Please emial me at [email protected] The same thing is happening to my 10 year old son. He is now diagnosed with anxiety disorder and has to be on meds to sleep
My 3 children are going through the same thing with their father and his girlfriend, is there any help out there? Please advise I'm desprate to save my children.

Fayetteville, NY

#60 Apr 15, 2016
Marcy Dillon wrote:
I am in a terrible dilemma. My 13 year old daughter is refusing to go to my ex-husband's for teh summer even thoough the divorce decree says she has to. He is not her biodad, but he adopted her. He and his mother constantly put her down and emotionally abuse her. SHe hates them both but they won't leave her alone. It's heartbreaking as her mother. I have been told that if I don't force her to go then I am in contempt of court, but what about her right to her own self preservation???? They are verbally beating her to death telling her she is worthless, just like Mom, etc! There are not her bio family..I made the mistake of letting him adopt her and now she's in a living hell!!! What do I do to help her????
Depending on the state she is old enough to say no and you can not legally force her at this age look up the children s bill of rights in your state. Also get her in counseling looks like she needs someone to talk to.

United States

#61 Apr 29, 2016
my 13 yrs son was kicked out of his grandmas house where hes dad lives and his girlfriend . the father has history of dimestic violence towards me used to have a protective order . no he kicked out my son from the hous3 what happens if he comes and wants to pick up my son again and my son doesnt wants to go . the father told my son to get out of his ff. ........ house and dont want to see him again and was not gonna pick him up ever. my son is scared . me too for his family violence . what happens if he comes and wants my son to go . if he calls the police on me. i m afraid of him . and im arraid for my son. but i dont want to get in trouble . im so afraid help me plz. and thank you

United States

#62 Apr 29, 2016
sorry i forgot we lived in texas. .. i already call cps andd they wont do nothing . since my son hide so many things hes father did to him when he was little . i berely confesed to me . police wont do nothi g either . im so scared for my son.

Baton Rouge, LA

#63 Jul 19, 2016
A judge in another state is forcing a child I have raised for 7 years (she is 9 now) to meet, visit, and now sleep over at the home of her birth mom. The child does not know her, has no memory of her. Birth mom got pregnant again and has temporarily been able to pass a drug screen. Her boyfriend has left her and she is looking for love from this child.
Trust me, if you can think of it... I have tried every legal remedy for years and after 7 supervised visits, another 6 month absence from the birth mom she is now enforcing her "God given / backwoods mississippi judge given" rights to overnight visitation 4 hours from the child's home.
What can I do to help give my child a voice? She tells this woman that she doesn't mind knowing her, but that she does not want this. This child has no memory of a broken home, she only knows her biological dad and myself as her mom.
Please, desperately.... any words of wisdom? I'm heartbroken, my daughter is heartbroken, and my husband is taking it worse than any of us.

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