Domestic violence,Custody and forced visitation even if a child refuses

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“It's never too late!”

Since: Mar 08

Clinton township

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#1
Mar 29, 2008
 

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My name is Rachelle Barry, I'm the founder of rise up 4 children@yahoogroups.com.For nine years I have literally forced my son to visit his father,sometimes forcibly putting him in his fathers car so that I can not be held in contempt for visitation denial.For those same nine years my son has come home from those visits withdrawn,angry violent,My son just turned Ten,he also filed a child abuse report against his father.I never knew what was happening during visits,Ionly knew something was'nt right,yet only now do I find out my son was being forced to drink vinegarto keep him from telling anyone what went on during visits,all I was told was that I was just trying to keep my son from his father.
.The courts chose to side with my sons father no matter what any therapist,social worker or psychiatrist said.The reason,custodialparents lie.So,when a child really needs help,there wont be any because of the same 3 questions you wish to find a yes or no answer to.
The Survey Questions are listed below and you can answer them at my blog: www.familycourtviol ence.blogspot. com
1. Do you believe that Judges and Prosecutors who refuse to enforce child custody are responsible for the escalation of domestic violence by non-custodial parents?

“It's never too late!”

Since: Mar 08

Clinton township

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#2
Mar 29, 2008
 

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I'm sorry the questions were cut off but here is the full version

The Survey Questions are listed below and you can answer them at my blog: www.familycourtviol ence.blogspot. com

1. Do you believe that Judges and Prosecutors who refuse to enforce child custody are responsible for the escalation of domestic violence by non-custodial parents?
2. Do you believe that interference with custody is a willful action by the offending parent to cause significant mental & emotional distress on the victim child(ren)?
3. Do you believe that interference with custody is a willful action by the offending parent to inflict significant mental & emotional distress on the non-custodial parent?

I appreciate everyones participation in taking these important surveys and helping in this collection of data.

Kind Regards,

Bill Stoneking
Father and Author of "The Diary of a Patient Man, A Father's Struggle"
Order your copy today at www.LuLu.com/ stoneking
www.familycourtviol ence.blogspot. com
www.judicialaccount abilityproject. org

"Asserting the Might of Our First Amendment Right" Copyright, 2008 Bill Stoneking

__._,_.___

“It's never too late!”

Since: Mar 08

Clinton township

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#3
Mar 29, 2008
 

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The issue is not about the parents its about the child, a three year old can not be taught what to say or how to show fear they just do, so while the majority believe it is always the mom trying to keep the dad from the child for no reason, the only one who is punished is the child,if there is abuse from the father and we keep sending the child back to it what are we saying to the child?And the other issue is moms are being sent a message that they better be quiet or lose their child,because courts don't want to hear it anymore, so where does that leave our children and what happens to the abuser that was divorced that now has a clear path to do whatever they want because they know they have the favor of the court?
grandma again

United States

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#4
Jun 26, 2008
 
The courts need to realize that there are fathers that do not really want their kids but they just want to get out of paying child support. These fathers don't really care about the child. I say if the child is thriving leave them where they are and if the fathers are interested in their child they will make attempts to visit them all year long not just before going to court so they will look good. My ex-son-law makes no attempt to visit or stay in contact with the children until just before court dates so he needs to butt out of the children's lives.
Holly

Charlton, MA

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#5
Aug 1, 2008
 
Peacekeprmom wrote:
I'm sorry the questions were cut off but here is the full version
The Survey Questions are listed below and you can answer them at my blog: www.familycourtviol ence.blogspot. com
1. Do you believe that Judges and Prosecutors who refuse to enforce child custody are responsible for the escalation of domestic violence by non-custodial parents?
2. Do you believe that interference with custody is a willful action by the offending parent to cause significant mental & emotional distress on the victim child(ren)?
3. Do you believe that interference with custody is a willful action by the offending parent to inflict significant mental & emotional distress on the non-custodial parent?
I appreciate everyones participation in taking these important surveys and helping in this collection of data.
Kind Regards,
Bill Stoneking
Father and Author of "The Diary of a Patient Man, A Father's Struggle"
Order your copy today at www.LuLu.com/ stoneking
www.familycourtviol ence.blogspot. com
www.judicialaccount abilityproject. org
"Asserting the Might of Our First Amendment Right" Copyright, 2008 Bill Stoneking
__._,_.___
Please emial me at 4tacoma@charter.net. The same thing is happening to my 10 year old son. He is now diagnosed with anxiety disorder and has to be on meds to sleep
Holly

Charlton, MA

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#6
Aug 1, 2008
 
I always thought they pu the best interest of the child first but that it is not the case in probate court. I have actually taken the initative to write to Congressmen Neil and Senator Kennedy and write a bill to make it a law to prevent this from happening to our children. To the person who wrote this previous posting please email me directly at 4tacoma@charter.net You are not alone and our children are the price. This has got to stop and now.
carrie

Sallisaw, OK

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#7
Aug 1, 2008
 

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HOGWASH !!!!!
Holly

Charlton, MA

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#8
Aug 21, 2008
 

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HOGWASH THIS! As a therapsit I have seen the after affects on these children. They have emotional disorders, on medications, institutionalized, increase in crime, alcoholics, drug addicts, self inflicted injuries such as punching the eyes to be blind (FACT), and in the long wrong when they are of age their is NO BOND! By the way forced visitations is "NOT" a law it is a backwards judicial procedure only!!!!!
Keri

Decatur, IL

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#9
Oct 14, 2008
 
I am going through this right now I am trying everything I can for my sons therapy, medication Their father won't particpate in getting help and forming a relationship that is healthy for them But I am going on trial for not forcing them to go Even though DCFS and the police were already busy with their mess The children can't be protected
fearful mother of 3

Geneseo, IL

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#10
Nov 5, 2008
 
I am not surprised at your plite, my ex is more of a mental abuser, my children come home with the same withdrawn, angry attitude; I have to keep a smile on my face, and pretend that he is
an ok Dad so they will suffer less damage from him--but at the same time I am condoning his behavior to them and....The man is 6'6" tall, and my children have seen him pick me up and literally throw me! The courts don't care....He is there biological father....he has rights--he does not work he lives with his mom. She pays his bills--he is an alcoholic, snorts cocaine, she bails him out of jail.....so he can still be a "father" to his children.....I am in contact with his other ex who has my same fears...and her child with him is younger!! My ex does not care about his children he just likes inflicting pain on the women who have left him...it is a game to him!! And needless to say...he does not pay child support(oh,$10 a month for 3 children)My oldest is 14 testified in court, does not want to see her father anymore, and they still make her. The court systems need CHANGE What can we do?
Sincerly,

Fearful mother of3 mberdman @ geneseo. net
Peacekeprmom wrote:
My name is Rachelle Barry, I'm the founder of rise up 4 children@yahoogroups.com.For nine years I have literally forced my son to visit his father,sometimes forcibly putting him in his fathers car so that I can not be held in contempt for visitation denial.For those same nine years my son has come home from those visits withdrawn,angry violent,My son just turned Ten,he also filed a child abuse report against his father.I never knew what was happening during visits,Ionly knew something was'nt right,yet only now do I find out my son was being forced to drink vinegarto keep him from telling anyone what went on during visits,all I was told was that I was just trying to keep my son from his father.
.The courts chose to side with my sons father no matter what any therapist,social worker or psychiatrist said.The reason,custodialparents lie.So,when a child really needs help,there wont be any because of the same 3 questions you wish to find a yes or no answer to.
The Survey Questions are listed below and you can answer them at my blog: www.familycourtviol ence.blogspot. com
1. Do you believe that Judges and Prosecutors who refuse to enforce child custody are responsible for the escalation of domestic violence by non-custodial parents?
Lovemydaughter

Pittsburgh, PA

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#11
Dec 17, 2008
 

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I am going through this right now. My ex choose to stay away from our daughter, no attempted contact at all for years at a time and she is only 7. When we did live with him, he was abusive and controlling to everyone in the house. I have seen him be abusive to his other daughter who he has custody of (by default). My daughter was withdrawn and quiet when we were with him, she is now happy and friendly. There were many times he abused me in front of the kids. I never called the police because I didnt think anyone would believe me, there was no "proof" and I was fearful of what he would do, didnt want to make him more angry. He came by last year demanding I give him "his" daughter. I asked if she wanted to visit him, she said no over and over again and started crying. Now he has joint legal custody and visitation every other weekend. This will be his first weekend and Im sick about it! Because I tried to protect my daughter I was made to look like the bad parent, the judge said my daughter should live with HIM.... It did not matter that I have always taken care of her, and he has never even tried. Every thing my ex said was stated as a fact, everything I said was a wild accusation! I refused to force my child to go with him because he is crazy and unpredictable but more importantly because she adamantly refused. I know my daughter and know she wouldnt refuse unless there was something very wrong. Now he just sent me an email telling me his going to bring her back an hour later than what it says in the order. Its already starting..... I dont feel safe, my child cried when I told her she had to go with him. I can do nothing, because if there is something going on, I will look like I'm being vindictive.... If I try to protect my child, she will go live with him premanently, if I force her to go knowing there is something wrong her well being is in danger. How can this be the BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILD? Its so bizarre and disgusting. It has nothing to do with the child, its the wishes of the father the courts care about. He has total and complete control over my life once again. I do not want to talk to him, but have to. Something has to be done, with the courts.... and they wonder whats wrong with the world, why the United States has so much crime, what can be done to prevent children from becoming criminals???? How stupid do you have to be to see that it starts with abuse????!!! Abusers damage the children, perhaps they were abused themselves.... what matters now is preventing abuse so that our children have a chance, not put them in the hands of evil.
Shemeka- Illinois

Chicago, IL

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#12
Jan 25, 2009
 
I am a social worker and I am having the same issues listed above with my ex husband. My youngest daughter (3yrs) at times refuses to visit with him; she kicks, screams and cries uncontrollably and says, "I don't want to go with Daddy, I don't like Daddy." As a mother, I am torn, I have sent her many times when she was younger and she would just cry...now she is older and it is much more complicated. Recently, my ex called the police and they told me to send her kicking and screaming or get written up for refusing to follow the court order. Well, I tried and just could not bear it, it was so hard. I sent my 4 year old, but it makes her cry and the police scared her. In addition, my 4 year old comes home from her overnight visit being distant, mean and disrespectful. She says things like I do not take good care of her and that she is going to live with Daddy and his girlfriend. I am going to fight this, I see the emotional distress that is being inflicted upon my girls. My ex refuses to pay child support and everytime, I take him to court, he pulls a stunt with the police regarding visitation. My concerns are with my girls, I wish his were too, but any advice or direction in this matter is appreciated.
Amc

United States

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#13
Feb 2, 2009
 

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And what about those who are on the receiving end of the "lies" of the mother? I'm on both sides here. It seems that we have both issues....fathers who are NOT good fathers...but fathers who try to be and have mothers who are so bitter and angry still....that they will do anything to prevent a relationship. My husband doesn't want to deal with "confrontation" and so many times gave in and dropped out of his kids lives....only to have her call and berate him...so while he attempted to start seeing them again...then she won't let him.

Too many people get married for the WRONG reasons and ignore the signs of trouble...and then...when all this goes wrong because most people are selfish and self centered....no one can figure out what happened to our kids.

Although not popular I'm sure....this just goes to the basics of God in your live. All of this is predicted in the Bible. He spells it out extremely nicely....and this was written how many thousand of years ago? And all of it comes true when His word is not followed.

I'm exhausted and weary and frankly...I can see why some men just walk out of their kids lives never to see them again. Sad...but the cost sometimes is just not worth it.
susan

United States

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#14
Mar 24, 2009
 
can a child who has not seen his biological fathere since he was 8 months old, and whom was ordered to pay support and given visitation. all of a sudden now after 12 yrs be forced to see or spend time with his father. when child age 13 refuses to be a part of his life? the father never paid any support and never visited knowing where he lived all along.
DCA

Santa Cruz, CA

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#15
Mar 24, 2009
 

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Hi all,

I know exactly what you are talking about. When I was a kid I had cops at my house threatening to arrest my mom if I didn't come out from under the bed and go with my father. I was screaming and crying and clawing for my mother.

My dad was/is a deadbeat - he never was willing to pay child support - a lot of times he would job-hop just to avoid wage garnishment. He was physically and mentally abusive to me and my 3 other siblings (not to mention he used to beat and cheat on my mom when they were still together)- I have 2 half sisters that lived with him -along with the - now ex - step mother.

And to this day - he cannot seem to wrap his sick head around the reasons WHY I never wanted to be around him...in his mind - he has done NO wrong...oh and the best part - he accuses ME of just being an "evil child" who never loved. He accused my mother of "brainwashing" me - which is a lie - actions speak louder than words.

Needless to say I have some mental damage from his actions.
I am 26 now with 3 kids of my own - and he DOES NOT get to see them...I don't want my kids exposed to someone like him.
DCA

Santa Cruz, CA

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#16
Mar 24, 2009
 
Oh and also - my father was going to give up his parental rights to me and my brother - until my step mother convinced him otherwise.
Holly

Webster, MA

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#17
Mar 29, 2009
 
I would check into the laws in your state. I think most states have something about 2 years being absent in their lives. Something like that. They also look at the best interest of the child and would it be in the best interest in the child for a father who was absent all her life stroll back in or would it be emotionally damaging to that child?
DCA wrote:
Hi all,
I know exactly what you are talking about. When I was a kid I had cops at my house threatening to arrest my mom if I didn't come out from under the bed and go with my father. I was screaming and crying and clawing for my mother.
My dad was/is a deadbeat - he never was willing to pay child support - a lot of times he would job-hop just to avoid wage garnishment. He was physically and mentally abusive to me and my 3 other siblings (not to mention he used to beat and cheat on my mom when they were still together)- I have 2 half sisters that lived with him -along with the - now ex - step mother.
And to this day - he cannot seem to wrap his sick head around the reasons WHY I never wanted to be around him...in his mind - he has done NO wrong...oh and the best part - he accuses ME of just being an "evil child" who never loved. He accused my mother of "brainwashing" me - which is a lie - actions speak louder than words.
Needless to say I have some mental damage from his actions.
I am 26 now with 3 kids of my own - and he DOES NOT get to see them...I don't want my kids exposed to someone like him.
Worried Mom

Berkeley Heights, NJ

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#18
Apr 2, 2009
 

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All I can say is WOW! All of these posts sound so similar to my situation. I have two girls ages 9 and 7. I divorced their father almost 5 years ago because of severe emotional abuse and, at times, physical abuse towards me and the children. Right after I left him, He called me over and over threatening to kill me. I pressed criminal charges against him but was told I still had to let him see the children. I was having to force the children to go with him crying and screaming, it was horrible. He was telling them horrible things about me, using disgusting, profane language. He threw my oldest daughter on a sofa because she didn't like the dinner his mother made. He left them in a locked car in a parking lot while he was in a store talking with friends, until a good semaritan saw the girls crying and went in to make him come out. About a year after our separation, my youngest daughter (3 yrs old at the time) was crying and didn't want to go with him. He started screaming at her to get in the car, she was holding on to me screaming begging me to "help her" he grabbed her arm trying to rip her off of me leaving bruses all over her arm while he was pushing me backwards. I filed a PFA "protection from abuse" order and he was ordered to have visitation and the visitation center. After 8 months he was terminated from the center for violating their rules (using profane language to the staff, talking horribly about me to the children, etc.) 6 months later he took me back to court for visitation. He was ordered (by recommendation of the court appointed psychologist) to have a psychiatric evaluation to determine if he needed medication and to enroll in counseling recommended by the evaluator and go back to the visitation center. He never showed up (3weeks in a row) to the visitation center and never followed through with the court appointed evaluator. That was Dec.'06. The children were discharged from their counselor because all of their problems stopped when they no longer had to see him. Now, two years later,(after another girlfriend has dumped him) he is taking me back to court for visitation again. He states that he has been in counseling and had the pshychiatric eval (however it was not done through the court appointed evaluator like the court order states). He was granted a hearing which will take place in a few months. The day he was granted a hearing, he had his mother go down and file a motion for "grandparent visitation"- now this is a woman who has not seen the children in 4 years, nor has she ever asked to see them. My question all along has been..... why are there so many resources out there for abused woman, yet they force the children to go be with the person that you left to protect the children?? Had I known then what I know now, I would have stayed in the relationship until the children were old enough to make their own decisions so that, at least I would have been there to protect them. How is any of this in the "best interest of the children"????
marie grandmother

Radstock, UK

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#19
Apr 17, 2009
 
My daughter is about to go through the same issues (again). Is there a law out there to protefct the children! Children become adults and judges need to understand that biological is not always the best way to go. If the situation were reveresed and the mother behaved in such a bad manner, social services would step in and place the children into care. I once heard of a case in USA where a child was permitted to divorce from his parents and was heard, does this not apply here. How come the childrens feelings are not considered. The judges are not prtecting the children in any way, they are not interested in the children's wellbeing, just a paycheck, because that is the name of the game for them. At no time have i put a price on my children's head, other than to provide for them. If they are not up to scratch, which they are not, then I feel in the circumstances like this it should be decided by jury (NEUTRAL) not by their fat paychecks. They sleep well because it's another case, but the repucatuions are fatal. Wake up judges and provide our children with a voice and respect their decisions. This biological person handles my grandchildren like a handbag, they do not want to meet with this man, he does not have their best interests at heart. He is just keen to find out what their mother is doing. I want him out of their lives.
Marcy Dillon

Caddo Mills, TX

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#20
Apr 21, 2009
 
I am in a terrible dilemma. My 13 year old daughter is refusing to go to my ex-husband's for teh summer even thoough the divorce decree says she has to. He is not her biodad, but he adopted her. He and his mother constantly put her down and emotionally abuse her. SHe hates them both but they won't leave her alone. It's heartbreaking as her mother. I have been told that if I don't force her to go then I am in contempt of court, but what about her right to her own self preservation???? They are verbally beating her to death telling her she is worthless, just like Mom, etc! There are not her bio family..I made the mistake of letting him adopt her and now she's in a living hell!!! What do I do to help her????

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