Ok, im a 19 year old college student thats african american that was born in newark new jersey and i now currently live in greenville south carolina. ever since i moved here from NJ ive seen a brighter side to life. now all my friends are white so ive grown attached to more positive things in life and have developed a fantasy to have a white family. NOT for the sake of financial reasons because im stable. its just a emotional and psychological reason. i feel happy when im around white people, i feel as if i belong. yes i sound stupid and corrupted and ungrateful, however my mother has admitted to ruining my life and ive grown tired of her failure effecting me. soon i shall be able to live in my own house but i just wanna have the family feeling where your surrounded by people that make you happy for no reason at all. a feeling that ive longed for my entire life, and i only get that feeling when im around white parents. yes im too old to be wanting parents, but its not in adoption terms. more of acceptance and fulfilling my last desires before i take on the world on my own. this is all based on my perspective so of course im expecting harsh answers. i just need to know if my perspective is wrong and i should accept the family i have now, which by the way hates me. i would love a reasonable honest answer based on facts and not what your disgusted thoughts towards me as an individual. thanks for taking the time to read this and happy new years!!!!