Why Do Some Women Marry Abusive Men?
First Prev
of 6
Next Last
2ndtank

Emmaus, PA

#102 Feb 5, 2009
Ocean56 wrote:
<quoted text>
Thanks for the warning, "genius." @@ Do all women a big favor and stay SINGLE.
dont say you werent warned.and dont forget to bring a pizza home with you either.
Ocean56

AOL

#103 Feb 7, 2009
2ndtank wrote:
<quoted text>dont say you werent warned.and dont forget to bring a pizza home with you either.
I seldom eat pizza, "genius," so I don't bring it home for myself.

WARNING SIGNS OF AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP
http://www.belmontpd.org/Divisions/DV/dvwarns...
Ocean56

AOL

#104 Feb 7, 2009
kindlybrute wrote:
Asking why women get involved with abusive men is a question worth asking, but it's one that can't be explained simply with feminist theory;
i.e male hedgmony+female underclass=a pattern of abuse that spans generations.
Often times it's a matter of two people, who aren't able to develop healthy relationships, getting involved anyway because that's what they are expected to do. As a result you get two scared people with their vulnerbilities exposed to one another, both of which with the means to hurt one another but without the means to give the other the support he/she needs.
From there it's often just a matter of who strikes first as a means of protecting him/herself from attacks from the other. I look at as locking two venemous snakes in a room and then turning off the lights. Eventually one of them is going to strike, but most of the time it's done out of fear of the other and not a sadistic need to watch another human being suffer.
It just so happens that men are prone to lashing out physically, which is a lot easier to detect. Women, on the other hand, tend to lash out phsychologically, which often goes unoticed.
I agree that one of the solutions is for women to be educated about signs of abuse, but I don't that reading a couple of books solves the problem. Stamping out the problem completely probably requires the support of a utopian society, which we clearly don't have.
While I mentioned the titles of just two books, those are only the titles I have read so far. I hope there are other books out there that offer more helpful information, I just haven't come across them.

This is why I also post links to articles on the subject. While I would like to see the vicious cycle of domestic abuse stamped out entirely, I'm not that unrealistic. I would, however, like to see it significantly reduced, and I believe one effective way to reduce it is to keep providing information that women (and men too) can read to help them spot warning signs of abusive people and AVOID dating or marrying them.

TOP TEN SIGNS OF AN ABUSIVE MAN
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/4788...
love_spell

United States

#105 Feb 10, 2009
i am an advocate for battered women.

i was a battered spouse for 14 yrs. i was lucky i got out. and became determined to help others do the same!

this is a deep and very complicated problem.

it starts at an early age. girls who live in a home and see their mothers being abused are 10 times more likely to be a battered woman. boys who grow up watching a man beat a woman grow up to be 10 times more likely to be an abuser than boys who grow up in a home where there is no abuse.
also abusers are con men. they are good at what they do. and they can spot a woman who they can abuse a mile away. almost as good as a shark can smell blood! they pick women who have low self esteem. who are starved for attention. they start off treating the woman like she is a queen. giving her the impression this is her night in shining armor. then they isolate the woman. take her away from all her friends and family. possibly even talking her into quitting her job and letting him take care of her! because he "loves her" so now she has no friends, no family, no money, probably no car. then he starts stripping away what lil self esteem she has. telling her she is lucky someone so wonderful such as himself wants a fat slob who cant do anything right! she should be thankful he is willing to be with her! and its always the womans fault! if she didnt upset him he wouldnt hit her. or if she cleaned the house right he wouldnt have to teach her a lesson by beating her ass until she learns.
they are always sorry afterwards too. promising that it wont happen again. they even cry and tell you how much they love you.
until you dont make their dinner right or open their beer when you bring it too them. many times i see people in the community who blame the victim. even say WELL SHE LIKES IT OR SHE WOULD LEAVE.
another thing that these men do to keep the woman from leaving is threaten them. threaten their children/families. my ex told me many a times that he would take our children and leave and i would never see them again.
until you have been in this situation its very hard to understand. just as its hard for someone to understand what being blind is like if you have 20/20 vision
love_spell

United States

#106 Feb 10, 2009
Spunk Nutley wrote:
<quoted text>
Come on this list is a joke. I'll be the first to admit all men have done these things on occasion to exercise our superiority, that doesn't make us "wife beaters." Personally, I get a kick out of emotionally abusing women, and it's not really bad since it doesn't leave any scars or bruises.
It's really just a big game. If I can make her feel worse about herself than I feel about myself, then I've won.
what exactly do you win????
if this is how you view the woman you are in a relationship with, first i am sorry for your partner, second this isnt a healthy relationship for either of you!

and emtional and verbal abuse leave much deeper scars than physical scars.

to this day i cant handle a man who raises his voice. i literally go into a flashback. all color drains from my face and i start shaking and cant move. my heart races.

thankfully i found a wonderful man, who knows about my past abuse and doesnt raise his voice. he loves me for who i am, baggage and all. and because he is so loving i thank the stars everyday i have him. never would i think of "one upping" him in order to make me feel superior to him!

how sad you are!
love_spell

United States

#107 Feb 10, 2009
Spunk Nutley wrote:
I'll do this survey from my male perspective,,.
1. What do you really know about the man you wish to marry or are currently living with?
N/A
2. What attracted you to him?
My giant cock.
3. Does he insist on making all the decisions about what you will do or where you will go?
Of course I do, I'm the man,
4. How does he typically react to your going anywhere by yourself?
I get angry and violent.
5. Has he always been attracted to a certain "type" of woman? What are his physical "preferences?"
Not fat,
6. Has he insisted that you change any part of your appearance, such as hair color, facial features or breast size?
Yes, why would I not. That's the least she can do.
7. Do his moods shift suddenly; calm one minute, in a violent rage the next?
What's wrong with that?
8. Has he pressured you to move with him, far from your family and friends?
I don't want family and friends influencing her.
9. Does he insist that he always drive?
Women are shitty drivers.
10. Is he jealous of the time you spend with family members?
Yes. That time should be spent giving me head.
11. Does he make insulting comments about your family and friends?
Of course. Who doesn't insult her family and friends.
12. How often does he hit you? What excuses does he give for his behavior? Does he blame you for his outbursts?
Hit her all the time. Who needs excuses?
13. Does he often accuse you of "flirting" if you so much as talk to a male friend, co-worker, or politeness to a total stranger? Do you see his uncontrollable jealousy as a sign of how much he loves you?
Yes, because she, like all women, are sluts.
14. Are members of his own family uneasy around him, or even afraid of him?
Why does that matter?
15. Does he make promises he never keeps?
Yeah, like that time I promised never to hit her again. hahahaha
16. Has he ever threatened to harm you or family members if you leave him?
It's effective.
17. Has he repeatedly been arrested for assault on other women or men?
None of your business.
18. Does he often leave you without money or a car?
Why would she need either.
19. Does he insist you be extremely thin, and keep to a specific weight?
Overweight women are ugly and worthless. They aren't even human beings.
20. Are you constantly worried about setting him off?
Who isn't.
21. Has he convinced you that you cannot survive without him?
If she's dumb enough to believe it.
22. Does he treat you as a person or a possession?
Women are possessions.
23. Does he humiliate and insult you in front of friends and family?
Yes, because its funny.
24. Does he control all the money in your relationship?
I make the money.
25. Does he blame you for everything that goes wrong in his life or yours?
Women are to blame for 99.999% of things that go wrong.
26. Is he addicted to alcohol or drugs?
Irrelevant.
27. Has he asked you more than once to quit your job so he can "take care of you?"
No, why would I want to take care of anyone.
28. Does he control visits to and from your family?
The man should control who she contacts.
29. Has he pushed you into taking drugs, and if so, did you take them just to avoid getting hit?
Painkillers and alcohol will shut her stupid fucking mouth,
30. Does he call family and friends to check where you are?
No, because I always keep her around me so she doesn't cheat.
Answering these questions could be the hardest thing you ever do, but it could also mean the very real difference between life and death. If you think being murdered by a boyfriend or spouse could never happen to you, think again. Read one or all of the books by true crime writer Ann Rule. In each case, the victim believed the same.
A Rose For Her Grave
Dead By Sunset
Empty Promises
LOL Who cares?
2. What attracted you to him?
My giant cock.
using a magnifying glass doesnt count!
love_spell

United States

#108 Feb 10, 2009
Jake wrote:
<quoted text>
I know this is not a politically correct opinion, but some of them do it because they thrive on the drama and attention.
its not so much that they thrive on it, its all they know. and its familiar.

some women who get out go back because they dont know how NOT to be abused. the hardest thing i had to learn when i became an advocate, was that no matter how much i wanted to help battered women, they had to want my help before i could help them.
Captain

Minneapolis, MN

#109 Feb 10, 2009
Ask my wife. She takes a great shot.
love_spell

United States

#110 Feb 10, 2009
Captain wrote:
Ask my wife. She takes a great shot.
another man that compensates his small penis size with his fists!
Tracie

Brighton, CO

#111 Feb 10, 2009
love_spell wrote:
<quoted text>
2. What attracted you to him?
My giant cock.
using a magnifying glass doesnt count!
I think he meant to say the fact that I am a big dick. Don't you know some women are attracted to pricks, and I'm not talking about the swinging ones either. I myself had 2 relationships with abusers because I was beaten by my father as a child and it was all I knew. Both of these men thought they were bad to the bone. Well, now I am married to a nice guy, and I don't know what took me so long to figure it out. And guess what, nice guys have big cocks.
Captain

Minneapolis, MN

#112 Feb 10, 2009
love_spell wrote:
<quoted text>
another man that compensates his small penis size with his fists!
Did you ever hear of a woman who used "false abuse" stories in order to abuse others?

More common than you think; and effective, given the axioms embedded in the social services hierarchy.
Tracie

Brighton, CO

#113 Feb 10, 2009
love_spell wrote:
<quoted text>
what exactly do you win????
if this is how you view the woman you are in a relationship with, first i am sorry for your partner, second this isnt a healthy relationship for either of you!
and emtional and verbal abuse leave much deeper scars than physical scars.
to this day i cant handle a man who raises his voice. i literally go into a flashback. all color drains from my face and i start shaking and cant move. my heart races.
thankfully i found a wonderful man, who knows about my past abuse and doesnt raise his voice. he loves me for who i am, baggage and all. and because he is so loving i thank the stars everyday i have him. never would i think of "one upping" him in order to make me feel superior to him!
how sad you are!
Do you really think it is healthy for the abused women that you are acting as an advocate for that you can't even take it when a man raise his voice? I have been in therapy for 15 years, and I couldn't be an advocate. Actually, the opposite is true for me. When a man raises his voice now, I want to stick up to him because I am not going to be scared anymore. My husband and I argue and sometimes he does raise his voice, but that doesn't make me ready to run for the hills. But when I do know someone who is in an abusive situation,I try to talk to them and let them know the signs of the cycle. Abusive relationships are just like any addiction. Your not gonna quit until you are absolutely ready to. Abuse is a form of insecurity for the abuser too. Signs like you are ready to hang them all up by their balls.
2ndtank

Emmaus, PA

#114 Feb 10, 2009
you didnt marry an abusive man.He married a woman that needed abuse.
Tracie

Brighton, CO

#115 Feb 10, 2009
Well,if you are tank to me, in a sense you are right.
Tracie

Brighton, CO

#116 Feb 10, 2009
oops,talking
love_spell

United States

#117 Feb 11, 2009
Captain wrote:
<quoted text>
Did you ever hear of a woman who used "false abuse" stories in order to abuse others?
More common than you think; and effective, given the axioms embedded in the social services hierarchy.
yes i have heard of women who make false abuse claims. and as an advocate for battered women, these women [that make false claims] piss me off just as much as an abusive man or a man that thinks hitting a woman for any reason is ok!

these women make it harder for the ones that really are abused to be taken seriously!
love_spell

United States

#118 Feb 11, 2009
Tracie wrote:
<quoted text> Do you really think it is healthy for the abused women that you are acting as an advocate for that you can't even take it when a man raise his voice? I have been in therapy for 15 years, and I couldn't be an advocate. Actually, the opposite is true for me. When a man raises his voice now, I want to stick up to him because I am not going to be scared anymore. My husband and I argue and sometimes he does raise his voice, but that doesn't make me ready to run for the hills. But when I do know someone who is in an abusive situation,I try to talk to them and let them know the signs of the cycle. Abusive relationships are just like any addiction. Your not gonna quit until you are absolutely ready to. Abuse is a form of insecurity for the abuser too. Signs like you are ready to hang them all up by their balls.
hmmmmm do i think its healthy??? well let me ask the hundreds of women i have helped get out of abusive situations and see what they think! i am pretty sure each of them would say yes!
I NEVER LIE SAYS

Toms River, NJ

#119 Oct 5, 2012
very confusing.
Hopeful Dreamer

Toronto, Canada

#120 Sep 29, 2013
paintedquote wrote:
<quoted text>
Its too bad, too because its women like that who make it harder for women who really are abused to be taken seriously.
Its like people who lie about being raped. Having been a rape victim, myself, I have a really f*cking big issue with that.
I'm so sorry to hear that and it is rudefor people to lie about serious issues, I seriously wish you the best.

Tell me when this thread is updated:

Subscribe Now Add to my Tracker
First Prev
of 6
Next Last

Add your comments below

Characters left: 4000

Please note by submitting this form you acknowledge that you have read the Terms of Service and the comment you are posting is in compliance with such terms. Be polite. Inappropriate posts may be removed by the moderator. Send us your feedback.

Top Stories Discussions

Title Updated Last By Comments
News Plurality of Americans think Trump is failing 3 min Trump your President 2,479
News Roman Catholic church only true church, says Va... (Jul '07) 9 min kent 678,926
The Christian Atheist debate (Jun '15) 12 min ROCCO 118,964
Canned pet food contains parasites 29 min Purina Is Evil 1
Poll White Men, Would You Have A BABY by a Black Woman (Apr '10) 1 hr _KENTUCKY 545
Prove there's a god. (Mar '08) 1 hr _KENTUCKY 982,135
______ *ANTICHRIST in plain view / (*News) ______ 1 hr _KENTUCKY 2
More from around the web