Voyeur & Donkeys Joke Thread Free For All............

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“ON TRAIL W / DONKEY!”

Since: Oct 08

I HAVE BAD JOCK ITCH!

#1 Dec 30, 2008
A very belated Feliz Navidad to you's and yours!

I just finish helping Santa deliver presents in Mexico, but I not have reindeer, I only have Donkey and he not so fast, but I make good on promise to Santa and deliver many small packages to villages children. It take me 4 days to do job Santa does in 1 night, but it not my fault, Donkey had bad case of gas and stink up trip! I know cause I's setting right behind him, but Donkeys bad gas saved our lives when we got in between drug cartel gun fight and Donkeys bad gas knocked them all out, to the ground! Whew is what they say and pass out from high methane excretions, it also singed my sombrero!

But Donkey is fine, just tired like me and I's now having respiratory problems from Donkeys gas and me not think I can do this next year?

So Feliz Navidad!

“ON TRAIL W / DONKEY!”

Since: Oct 08

I HAVE BAD JOCK ITCH!

#2 Dec 30, 2008
Two men are out ice fishing at their favorite fishing hole, just fishing Quietly and drinking beer.

Almost silently, so as not to scare the fish, Mel says, "I think I'm going to divorce my wife - she hasn't spoken to me in over 2 months."

Earl continues slowly sipping his beer, then thoughtfully says, "You better think it over - women like that are hard to find."

“ON TRAIL W / DONKEY!”

Since: Oct 08

I HAVE BAD JOCK ITCH!

#3 Dec 30, 2008
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side... You know what?"

"What dear?" She asked gently.

"I think you bring me bad luck."

“ON TRAIL W / DONKEY!”

Since: Oct 08

I HAVE BAD JOCK ITCH!

#4 Dec 30, 2008
Oil Change Instructions for Men:

1. Go to store, spend $50.00 for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree.
2. Get home to discover that the used oil container is full.
3. Instead of taking it to local repair garage for recycling, dump in hole in back yard.
4. Open a beer and drink it.
5. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
6. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
7. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
8. Place drain pan under engine.
9. Look for 9/16th box end wrench.
10. give up and use crescent wrench.
11. Unscrew drain plug.
12. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil ; get hot oil on you in process.
13. Clean up mess.
14. Have another beer while watching oil drain.
15. Look for oil filter wrench.
16. Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist off.
17. Beer.
18. Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.
19. Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
20. Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step
21. Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
22. Walk to 7 Eleven; buy beer.
23. Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
24. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
25. Remember drain plug from step 11.
26. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
27. Discover that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard, along with drain plug.
28. Drink Beer.
29. Uncover hole and sift for drain plug.
30. Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.
31. Drink beer.
32. Slip with wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
33. Bang head on floor boards in reaction to step 31.
34. Begin cussing a fit.
35. Throw wrench.
36. Swear 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss July (1992) in her overabundant chest.
36. Beer.
37. Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
38. Beer.
39. Beer.
40. Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
41. Beer.
42. Lower car from jack stands.
43. Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.
44. Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during step 23.
45. Beer
46. Test drive car.
47. Get pulled over; arrested for driving under the influence.
48. Car gets impounded.
49. Make bail: Get car from impound yard.

Money spent:

$50.00 parts
$25.00 Beer
$75.00 replacement set of jack stands
$1,000.00 Bail
$200.00 Impound and towing fee

TOTAL:$1,350.00

“ON TRAIL W / DONKEY!”

Since: Oct 08

I HAVE BAD JOCK ITCH!

#5 Dec 30, 2008
A man woke up one morning to find a gorilla on his roof, so he looked in the yellow pages and sure enough, there was an ad for "Gorilla Removers" He called the number, and the gorilla remover said he'd be there in 30 minutes.
The gorilla remover arrived with a van containing a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean little dog.
"What are you going to do?" the homeowner asked
"I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there and knock the gorilla off the roof with this baseball bat. When the gorilla falls off, the little dog is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The gorilla will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van."
He handed the shotgun to the homeowner. Who asked, "What's the shotgun for?"
"If the gorilla knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog."

“ON TRAIL W / DONKEY!”

Since: Oct 08

I HAVE BAD JOCK ITCH!

#6 Dec 30, 2008
A drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends late one night. When they made it to the bedroom, they saw a big brass gong next to the bed.

"What's a big brass gong doing in your bedroom?" one of the guests asked. "It's not a gong. It's a talking clock," the drunk replied. "A talking clock? Seriously?" asked his astonished friend. "Yup," replied the drunk. "How's it work?" the friend asked, squinting at it. "Watch," the drunk replied. He picked up the mallet, gave it an ear-shattering pound, and stepped back. The three stood looking at one another for a moment. Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, "You a**hole, it's three o'clock in the morning!"

“ON TRAIL W / DONKEY!”

Since: Oct 08

I HAVE BAD JOCK ITCH!

#7 Dec 30, 2008
Police today warned all men who frequent clubs and parties to stay cautious when offered drinks by women. Females are using a date rape drug called "beer" to target unsuspecting men. This drug comes in liquid form and is available nearly everywhere. "Beer" is used by female predators to persuade hapless male victims to go home with them.

Women need only persuade a man to consume a few of these "beers" and then ask him home for no-strings-attached sex, a simple approach that renders most men helpless. After several "beers," men will have sex with even unattractive women. Often men awaken with only hazy memories of the night before, a horrible headache, and a vague feeling that something bad happened.

Some really unfortunate men are even separated from their life's savings in a scam called "a relationship." In extreme cases, females have entrapped unsuspecting males into long-term servitude through a punishment called "marriage." Apparently, men are much more sus! ceptible to this scam once "beer" is administered. Forward this warning to every male you know. And if you, or some man you know, have fallen victim to this insidious "beer" and the predatory women who administer it, rest assured: male support groups exist in every major city where you can discuss the ugly details of your encounter in an open and frank manner with similarly affected, like-minded guys. For the support group nearest you, look in the Yellow Pages under "Golf Courses."

“ON TRAIL W / DONKEY!”

Since: Oct 08

I HAVE BAD JOCK ITCH!

#8 Dec 30, 2008
Women's Lingo

DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:

40-ish = 49

Adventurous = Slept with everyone

Athletic = No tits

Average looking = Ugly

Beautiful = Pathological liar

Contagious Smile = Does a lot of pills

Emotionally Secure = On medication

Feminist = Fat

Free spirit = Junkie

Friendship first = Former slut

Fun = Annoying

New-Age = Body hair in the wrong places

Old-fashioned = No BJs

Open-minded = Desperate

Outgoing = Loud and Embarrassing

Passionate = Sloppy drunk

Professional = Bitch

Voluptuous = Very Fat

Large frame = Hugely Fat

Wants Soul mate = Stalker

WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

1. Yes = No

2. No = Yes

3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want..

5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry

6. We need to talk = You're in trouble

7. Sure, go ahead = You better not

8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later

9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!

10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

MEN'S ENGLISH:

1. I am hungry = I am hungry

2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy

3. I am tired = I am tired

4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!

5. I love you = Let's have sex now

6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?

7. May I have this dance?= I'd like to have sex with you

8. Can I call you sometime?= I'd like to have sex with you

9. Do you want to go to a movie?= I'd like to have sex with you

10. Can I take you out to dinner?= I'd like to have sex with you

11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay

“ON TRAIL W / DONKEY!”

Since: Oct 08

I HAVE BAD JOCK ITCH!

#9 Dec 30, 2008
Has anyone seen my Ass? lol

“Text OR drive...can't do both!”

Since: Oct 07

Location hidden

#10 Dec 30, 2008
Hysterical...all of them!

“ON TRAIL W / DONKEY!”

Since: Oct 08

I HAVE BAD JOCK ITCH!

#11 Dec 30, 2008
Moncie wrote:
Hysterical...all of them!
Thank you's very much and welcome!

Feel free to do as you please on this thread!
its me Ortho

Sanford, FL

#12 Dec 30, 2008
Voyeur wrote:
<quoted text>
Thank you's very much and welcome!
Feel free to do as you please on this thread!
Someone has way too much time on their hands.

“Incorrupta fides, nudaque veri”

Since: May 07

Vincit qui se vincit

#13 Dec 30, 2008
This a crappy thread! lol

“Intolerant of Asshattery...”

Since: Apr 08

Location hidden

#14 Dec 30, 2008
Ricky F wrote:
This a crappy thread! lol
So are you saying Voyeur found his ass? LOL

Since: Feb 08

Location hidden

#15 Dec 30, 2008
Voyeur wrote:
Has anyone seen my Ass? lol
I don't think so, can you post a pic for us to use as identification?
Love the thread!
Is that you or the Baby New Year in the icon?

Since: Jan 08

Location hidden

#16 Dec 30, 2008
Excellence and brilliance!

“Incorrupta fides, nudaque veri”

Since: May 07

Vincit qui se vincit

#17 Dec 30, 2008
Beaware wrote:
<quoted text>
So are you saying Voyeur found his ass? LOL
I don't know about that? The last I heard, Voyeurs Ass was full of it! Gas that is when they fumbled around Mexico with kids presents, drinking heavily and his Donkey was giving him the ass gas blast! lol

What the hell does he feed that varmit anyway? Beens and cabbage? lol

Ugh!

“ON TRAIL W / DONKEY!”

Since: Oct 08

I HAVE BAD JOCK ITCH!

#18 Dec 31, 2008
NWmoon wrote:
<quoted text> I don't think so, can you post a pic for us to use as identification?
Love the thread!
Is that you or the Baby New Year in the icon?
Thank You's very much!

Donkey is much camera shy and I has no pictures, except when he doing dirty deeds, he then has camera fetish for all voyeur's out there! Here's latest video from last trip through Mexico. You's like? No
youtube.com/watch...

“ON TRAIL W / DONKEY!”

Since: Oct 08

I HAVE BAD JOCK ITCH!

#19 Dec 31, 2008
Beaware wrote:
<quoted text>
So are you saying Voyeur found his ass? LOL
Sort of, my ass now out round in field, harrassing sheep! I kill that damn Donkey if he not quit! lol

“ON TRAIL W / DONKEY!”

Since: Oct 08

I HAVE BAD JOCK ITCH!

#20 Dec 31, 2008
You are a giant. A freak of nature. An abnormal person of immense proportions.

This game is called Ant City - this is where your freakish giantness comes handy... you steal the world's largest magnifying glass and stand over people, cars, trucks and highrise buildings. Use your magnifying glass to fry the little people. Beware the tankers that will blow up and break the magnifying glass.

robrob8.com/games/ant-city.htm

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