Ocean56

AOL

#438 Jul 26, 2012
REALITY SUCKS FOR TEENAGE MOTHERS

http://voices.yahoo.com/reality-sucks-teenage ...

by Melody Landeros, February 1, 2011

"Many people read with disbelief the recent story of ninety teenage mothers or mothers to be at one school in Tennessee. Others walk by the checkout counters and see headlines such as one MTV mother doesn't know who exactly is the father of her baby. More people tune into MTV and watch the latest installment of Teen Mother 2. Ask a teenager and they know of at least one pregnant person in high school. With a country that has so much information and supplies about pregnancy prevention, how do we explain this atmosphere that condones, and encourages young girls to get pregnant as young as twelve.

Many people will say blame the media that projects this illusionary picture of teen motherhood as though it is tough, the pregnancy will workout some way in a positive manner for the young mother. Maybe the pregnancy will and maybe the opposite outcome will occur, but once the cameras are turned off the question becomes how did these young women end up in such life changing situations?

Does peer pressure cause young girls to become women too fast? When the mentality of everyone doing it or an acceptance that somehow being sexually active is a rite of passage at such an early age, many girls have intimate relationships long before they are mentally and emotionally ready to handle the responsibility and the consequences of these choices. Many mistaken sex for love and instead of realizing that sex is an expression of love.

Their need for acceptance and love is so great that if that relationship doesn't fill that void in them, they mistakenly believe a baby will fill that void, when the void can truly only be filled by themselves. Self-love and acceptance will fill the void, not sexual trysts or babies. These young women do not realize that a baby is a life altering event and once mothers, all the self-centeredness of teenage years, the parties, the dances, the going out, are gone and life revolves around the baby who is completely dependent on a mother.

Not only does the expectant mother have a life altering event, so do the family and friends that surround them. Friends may be excited in the beginning with their pregnant friend, eagerly anticipating the birth and the few weeks that follow, but life will again flow for their friends. These friends will continue to be teenagers and have that semi-carefree life, and not wish to be tied down with a friend with a baby. Sounds cruel, but this choice is a reality many teen mothers experience."

**********

Click on link below to read the story in its entirety.

http://voices.yahoo.com/reality-sucks-teenage ...

“suck”

Since: Apr 12

Location hidden

#439 Jul 26, 2012
Ocean56 wrote:
<quoted text>
lol Riiiiiiiiiiight, "genius," and I'm going to take your idiotic advice because YOU say I should. In your DREAMS, pal.
I'll keep on saying what I've said since I began this thread. Teen sex is a BAD IDEA, as is teen pregnancy/motherhood. Girls who end up getting pregnant often end up watching all their dreams for a higher education and good career ruined because they can't realize those dreams and care for a baby at the same time.
Yes, SOME girls can accomplish some of their dreams, usually because their parents don't mind watching the baby while the girl goes to school or to work, but that certainly isn't true for all the girls who get pregnant and become mothers much too early. Too often, these girls will have to settle for low-income or even minimum-wage jobs because they couldn't get the education or training required to have a better job.
It's wonderful how much freedom a girl has when she ISN'T pregnant, a fact that too many girls don't know until it is too late and she IS pregnant. I'd rather see more girls KEEP their freedom to be teenagers than see them lose it for a very long time.
You are a sad lunatic!

What you do is worthless, well of course what you say makes sense but i bet there a few teens that are reading your posts, no one actually cares. Go to schools and read lectures there, idiot, it will be more useful.
Ocean56

AOL

#440 Jul 27, 2012
shivawia wrote:
You are a sad lunatic!
What you do is worthless, well of course what you say makes sense but i bet there a few teens that are reading your posts, no one actually cares. Go to schools and read lectures there, idiot, it will be more useful.
Say whatever you want, junior, since you're entitled to your opinion, no matter how idiotic it may be. Furthermore, your lame insults don't make any difference to me. I'll continue to say what I've said from the beginning, and your agreement isn't needed or required. It isn't for YOU or anyone else to tell me what is useful or not. I decide that for myself, thanks.

Teen sex is a BAD IDEA, as is teen motherhood. Girls who end up pregnant and then mothers after nine months will lose all their freedom to BE teenagers for a very long time. Unfortunately, they never know just HOW much of their freedom they lose until the baby arrives. By then, of course, it is too late.
Lyndi

Sarasota, FL

#441 Jul 27, 2012
shivawia wrote:
<quoted text>
You are a sad lunatic!
What you do is worthless, well of course what you say makes sense but i bet there a few teens that are reading your posts, no one actually cares. Go to schools and read lectures there, idiot, it will be more useful.
Did you write this 2 weeks ago?
====
shivawia wrote:
All of sudden i feel really low, words cannot describe this..I want to scream and cry because i feel worthless, i feel like im unwanted that i dont belong anywhere. Everyone surrounded by me is happy and smiling and this is making it even worse. Has this ever happened to any of you and how did you dealt with this feeling?
====
Since you asked, my answer is NO.
I have never felt like crying and screaming at the same time.
I never felt worthless. I never felt unwanted.

Maybe if you stopped going to threads calling other people "sad lunatics" and "idiots" and "fags" you'd feel better about yourself.
Find a therapist and stop trying so hard to be a jerk. You have that side of your personality mastered.......and if disrupting well meaning threads with your nasty comments is what you do for kicks, I sugggest you find a new hobby. It won't win you any friends and it won't make you feel better about yourself.
Lyndi

Sarasota, FL

#442 Jul 27, 2012
Strong Girls Get Protection
No matter what he promises you, learn the facts before you make a decision about having sex.
Tell us your story. Or get in touch on Facebook. If we use it, we'll keep it anonymous. And we'll send you free NoBaby.org stuff.&#65279;

Tonya on 2010-12-08
Boys will tell you anything to get what they want. They give you what you want until they get what they want. Theyíll be a whole 'nother person until they get what they want.

Shenae on 2010-12-13
Wait until youíve got your high school diploma, until you have a good job. Go to college. Do something with your life, then have a baby.

If you donít got all that, youíre gonna be screwed. And youíre gonna be crying for yourself because youíre not gonna have no money to take care of your baby.

You have the choice. You have the power. It doesn't take but one time.

Terry on 2010-12-20
Mind the company you keep.

I wouldíve tried sex, but I wouldnít have tried it that soon Ė at the age of 16. It wouldíve been later on. My friends goofed my head up. They said oooooooo girl, itís so good you should try it and I didnít know any better because I hadnít tried it before. It was a bad mistake.

Maria on 2010-12-02
Itís too late for me anyway. I ainít with my babyís daddy, but he still gave me my child and I do what I want to do. I take care of my baby on my own. Because my momma Ė she wanted me to give up my baby for adoption and I didnít want to do it, so she doesnít help me out at all. And when I get my money, I do what I gotta do for my baby. Iíve got my money set up in my bank account so I can get a car and Iím just pretty much on my own. My baby will be in college campus daycare. Iíve got a plan, Iíve just got to put it to work. But all that stressing & crying, I donít got time for that because itís too late for me.
Lyndi

Sarasota, FL

#443 Jul 27, 2012
About NoBaby
NOBABY.ORG is an initiative to help teenagers in Memphis, TN gain access to the knowledge and resources needed to prevent unplanned pregnancies. Specifically we believe that providing teenage girls with more guidance, honesty and information will enable more to achieve their own learning and health potential before becoming mothers.

National research shows that at-risk adolescents lack the knowledge and the will to manage pregnancy risk. Our approach is a multi-faceted effort that builds birth control knowledge and the enhanced esteem needed to help a girl resist the pressures of strong outside influences.

With the support of established area organizations for girls and teens, we strive to provide more than just a doctrine of abstinence or contraceptives. Our approach is to assist and raise awareness of holistic health learning environments where participation can lead to better grades, better health and less risk of teen pregnancy.

Our goal is to be direct, candid and clear. Teen pregnancy is a serious problem in our community. And we believe that helping girls take control is the only solution that will make a difference.
Ocean56

AOL

#444 Jul 28, 2012
Lyndi wrote:
About NoBaby
NOBABY.ORG is an initiative to help teenagers in Memphis, TN gain access to the knowledge and resources needed to prevent unplanned pregnancies. Specifically we believe that providing teenage girls with more guidance, honesty and information will enable more to achieve their own learning and health potential before becoming mothers.
National research shows that at-risk adolescents lack the knowledge and the will to manage pregnancy risk. Our approach is a multi-faceted effort that builds birth control knowledge and the enhanced esteem needed to help a girl resist the pressures of strong outside influences.
With the support of established area organizations for girls and teens, we strive to provide more than just a doctrine of abstinence or contraceptives. Our approach is to assist and raise awareness of holistic health learning environments where participation can lead to better grades, better health and less risk of teen pregnancy.
Our goal is to be direct, candid and clear. Teen pregnancy is a serious problem in our community. And we believe that helping girls take control is the only solution that will make a difference.
Thanks so much for this information, Lyndi, it is greatly appreciated. I think teen pregnancy is a serious problem across the nation, but some states seem to have it worse than others.

In any case, your help on this thread is invaluable. Thanks for all your excellent -- and much needed -- contributions.
Ocean56

AOL

#445 Jul 28, 2012
This might help girls see the difference between the two lifestyles of being a free teenager and being a teen mom BEFORE they make the mistake of having sex and possibly ending up pregnant.

If anyone can think of more benefits of lifestyle #1 or negatives of lifestyle #2, please go ahead and add them.

**********

LIFESTYLE #1 - LIFE AS A FREE TEENAGER:
- Keeping up grades, studying, doing homework
- Participating in after-school activities
- Going to school dances and parties
- Relaxing during summer vacation
- Having fun at the junior or senior prom
- Graduating high school and attending after-graduation parties

LIFSTYLE #2 - LIFE AS A TEEN MOM:
- Missing school, falling behind in classes
- Getting up two or three times at night to feed a baby
- Endless diaper changes, including stinky ones
- Losing friends who don't want to be around crying babies
- Staying home with a crying baby while friends are out having fun
- Missing high school graduation, or even having to drop out of school

As a teenager who is happily NOT pregnant, which lifestyle do YOU want? Wouldn't you rather have the first lifestyle instead of the second?

AYou can keep Lifestyle #1 very easily, just by saying NO to any guy who pressures you to have sex. If your boyfriend says he'll break up with you if you won't have sex with him, don't cave in. Break up with HIM instead.

Keeping your freedom to BE a teenager; there's no better reason to say no.

Ocean56

AOL

#446 Jul 28, 2012
Lyndi wrote:
Terry on 2010-12-20
Mind the company you keep.
I wouldíve tried sex, but I wouldnít have tried it that soon Ė at the age of 16. It wouldíve been later on. My friends goofed my head up. They said oooooooo girl, itís so good you should try it and I didnít know any better because I hadnít tried it before. It was a bad mistake.

Maria on 2010-12-02
Itís too late for me anyway. I ainít with my babyís daddy, but he still gave me my child and I do what I want to do. I take care of my baby on my own. Because my momma Ė she wanted me to give up my baby for adoption and I didnít want to do it, so she doesnít help me out at all. And when I get my money, I do what I gotta do for my baby. Iíve got my money set up in my bank account so I can get a car and Iím just pretty much on my own. My baby will be in college campus daycare. Iíve got a plan, Iíve just got to put it to work. But all that stressing & crying, I donít got time for that because itís too late for me.
To me, these last two stories are the saddest. Any girls who would encourage their GFs to have sex and risk ending up pregnant aren't worth keeping as friends at all. Terry would have been better off dumping these so-called "friends" instead of letting them "goof her head up." I have to wonder if one or more of these "friends" were teen moms themselves and wanted one more person to join them in their troubles.

In both cases, REALITY SUCKS for these girls, who probably thought it "wouldn't be so hard" to be a teen mom. Now they know -- too late -- that teen motherhood is much harder than they had ever imagined.
Ocean56

AOL

#447 Jul 28, 2012
TEEN MOTHERHOOD NEGATIVES:
- Missing school days
- Falling behind in school work
- Losing sleep at night...for many nights
- Worrying about how to pay for formula and diapers
- Staying home with a crying baby instead of going out and having fun
- Constantly changing wet and stinky diapers
- Giving up favorite sports, activities, and hobbies
- Missing out on prom
- Losing friends who donít want to be around babies
- Losing out on the college or vocational school of choice
- Dropping out of high school
- Having to settle for low-income or minimum-wage jobs
- Always being short of money
- Giving up all dreams of education and career for a long time, perhaps forever
- Feeling trapped and unhappy all the time

TEEN MOTHER POSITIVES:
NONE

The way I see it, there are no positives of teen motherhood at all. The only people who
insist itís a either a ďgood thingĒ or it ďisnít that hardĒ fall into one of two categories; 1. those who never wanted girls to have a higher education and career in the first place, and 2. girls who are already teen mothers and have to make the best of it. Girls who arenít pregnant now cannot afford to let themselves believe that being a teen mom is better for them than higher education and career. The best way to escape the trap of poverty, or to avoid falling into it, is education. Without that education, girls risk being trapped into near or actual poverty for
a very long time, maybe for life. Poverty is NOT fun, for mothers or their children.

So, girls, the next time a boyfriend pressures you for sex, ask yourself ó and your
boyfriend too ó this question: is that 20 or 30 minutes of fun worth the possibility of
me ending up pregnant and losing all my chances of getting a good education and career? Hint: the only sensible answer is NO.
Ocean56

AOL

#448 Jul 29, 2012
Lyndi wrote:
About NoBaby
NOBABY.ORG is an initiative to help teenagers in Memphis, TN gain access to the knowledge and resources needed to prevent unplanned pregnancies. Specifically we believe that providing teenage girls with more guidance, honesty and information will enable more to achieve their own learning and health potential before becoming mothers.
National research shows that at-risk adolescents lack the knowledge and the will to manage pregnancy risk. Our approach is a multi-faceted effort that builds birth control knowledge and the enhanced esteem needed to help a girl resist the pressures of strong outside influences.
With the support of established area organizations for girls and teens, we strive to provide more than just a doctrine of abstinence or contraceptives. Our approach is to assist and raise awareness of holistic health learning environments where participation can lead to better grades, better health and less risk of teen pregnancy.
Our goal is to be direct, candid and clear. Teen pregnancy is a serious problem in our community. And we believe that helping girls take control is the only solution that will make a difference.
This site is off to a great start. I love the "Keep Walking, Romeo" t-shirt that the girl in the middle was wearing. lol

“suck”

Since: Apr 12

Location hidden

#450 Jul 29, 2012
Ocean56 wrote:
<quoted text>
Say whatever you want, junior, since you're entitled to your opinion, no matter how idiotic it may be. Furthermore, your lame insults don't make any difference to me. I'll continue to say what I've said from the beginning, and your agreement isn't needed or required. It isn't for YOU or anyone else to tell me what is useful or not. I decide that for myself, thanks.
Teen sex is a BAD IDEA, as is teen motherhood. Girls who end up pregnant and then mothers after nine months will lose all their freedom to BE teenagers for a very long time. Unfortunately, they never know just HOW much of their freedom they lose until the baby arrives. By then, of course, it is too late.
Sure, sure, i admire your ability for standing up for your beliefs but i also feel sorry for you cause this is the only place where you can express yourself and your opinions. Trust me they don't matter that much.

“suck”

Since: Apr 12

Location hidden

#451 Jul 29, 2012
Lyndi wrote:
<quoted text>
Did you write this 2 weeks ago?
====
<quoted text>
====
Since you asked, my answer is NO.
I have never felt like crying and screaming at the same time.
I never felt worthless. I never felt unwanted.
Maybe if you stopped going to threads calling other people "sad lunatics" and "idiots" and "fags" you'd feel better about yourself.
Find a therapist and stop trying so hard to be a jerk. You have that side of your personality mastered.......and if disrupting well meaning threads with your nasty comments is what you do for kicks, I sugggest you find a new hobby. It won't win you any friends and it won't make you feel better about yourself.
I share this account with few more people, therefore i am not responsible for every single rude comment or remark, nevertheless i do not care that much as you do. Also that post was made by a person who suffers from depression, how dare you post it here? Maybe you have nothing else to add, right? Then please don't bother talking.

I have plenty of hobbies, thank you very much.

“goodbye topix”

Since: Jun 12

Im not here

#452 Jul 29, 2012
In today's westen world how many teen girls havent been giving the facts about sex really? Most of the ones that get pregnant know they might and choose the risk, some even do intentionaly. It isent everybody who goes on to University or has major careers anyhow. Whats so wrong with being a mom? My mom was a teen mom and her life never stopped, I guess it woulda been different but doesent mean it woulda been better. Some friends of hers she's met, because of having us, have gone on to study & jobs later. A lotta women have childeren late after their careers so why shouldent it be the other way around?
Ocean56

AOL

#453 Jul 30, 2012
_Absinthe_ wrote:
In today's western world how many teen girls havent been giving the facts about sex really? Most of the ones that get pregnant know they might and choose the risk, some even do intentionaly. It isent everybody who goes on to University or has major careers anyhow. Whats so wrong with being a mom? My mom was a teen mom and her life never stopped, I guess it woulda been different but doesent mean it woulda been better. Some friends of hers she's met, because of having us, have gone on to study & jobs later. A lotta women have childeren late after their careers so why shouldent it be the other way around?
When a girl is a TEENAGER, before she has even had the chance to graduate high school then get some vocational training for better employment, I think everything is wrong with teen motherhood. Teen girls are much better off waiting to become mothers after they have at least graduated high school and gotten some job experience before taking on such a load of responsibility. That means WAITING for a few years. As teens, I don't think girls are ready for the tremendous amount of HARD WORK that motherhood represents.

Without the minimums of a high school diploma and some vocational training to get better than low-income or minimum-wage jobs, a girl who becomes a mother may slide into POVERTY, which is a miserable situation for mothers and their children.
Ocean56

AOL

#454 Jul 30, 2012
To a teenage girl who hasn't graduated high school, having her life turned upside down by getting pregnant and having a baby is NOT good news.

Getting pregnant and becoming a teen mother will take away most of a teen girl's freedoms, if not all of them. A teen mom has to put the care of her baby first, which means putting her education second. If she has to study for an important test and the baby is sick, the studying may not get done because she has to care for the baby. That may result in her doing poorly on the exam instead of doing well.

If a teen mom wants to attend her junior or senior prom but has no one to watch the baby for her, she canít go to the dance and has to stay home. If a teen mom is going to college, she may fail one or more classes because caring for her baby or child took priority over completing all her course requirements. A teen mom may even have to drop out of high school or college because she could not take care of her baby and do all her school work at the same time.

By contrast, a teen girl who realizes that avoiding all forms of sexual activity with partners in high school is a clear winning advantage will avoid sex with partners during those years. She will keep her freedom to enjoy all the advantages that avoiding sex offers. She is free to do well academically, get all her class and homework assignments done, attend any dances she wishes, and take part in school activities like working on the school newspaper or yearbook.

Best of all, she will graduate with her class and go on to college or vocational school afterward. If she avoids sexual activity with partners during her college or vocational school years as well, she will continue to enjoy the advantages indefinitely. She may even decide at some point that she prefers the career world over marriage and children, which is a perfectly valid choice. Not all women wish to be wives and mothers.

It is my firm belief that there is NOTHING good about getting pregnant as a teenager. Teen pregnancy and teen motherhood can impair or even destroy a girlís ability to get a good education, which is the foundation for good employment. If a girl cannot get a good job because she doesnít have a high school diploma, poverty may become inevitable. Sadly, many teen girls donít know how very hard teen motherhood is until it is too late. They donít know because no one ever told them, either at home or at school. It is about time that changed.
Lyndi

Sarasota, FL

#455 Jul 30, 2012
_Absinthe_ wrote:
In today's westen world how many teen girls havent been giving the facts about sex really? Most of the ones that get pregnant know they might and choose the risk, some even do intentionaly. It isent everybody who goes on to University or has major careers anyhow. Whats so wrong with being a mom? My mom was a teen mom and her life never stopped, I guess it woulda been different but doesent mean it woulda been better. Some friends of hers she's met, because of having us, have gone on to study & jobs later. A lotta women have childeren late after their careers so why shouldent it be the other way around?
Teen girls may have the facts but they often don't grasp the realities. I'm pleased it worked out well for you and and your mother but it can't have escaped you how often it doesn't end well.
How often it ends really, really badly.

In this day and age, there is no good reason to begin childbearing at 13, 14, 15, 16, 17 years old. Simply "wanting" to be a mother as a teenager isn't enough of a reason and even entertaining the idea in most cases, is a clear indicator of immaturity.
As I said, I'm glad it worked out well in your circumstance but that doesn't help the millions of teens with enormous regrets and the untold numbers of children who haven't fared well because they were born and raised by unprepared teenagers.
Ocean56

AOL

#456 Jul 30, 2012
Lyndi wrote:
As I said, I'm glad it worked out well in your circumstance but that doesn't help the millions of teens with enormous regrets and the untold numbers of children who haven't fared well because they were born and raised by unprepared teenagers.
Nope, it definitely doesn't. There are many stories of girls and women who deeply regret becoming mothers in their teens, and some regret being a mother at any age, even if it was in her twenties or thirties.

Even in the 21st century, I think there is still a lot of pressure on girls and women to reproduce for various reasons, in many cases by conservative religions or ideologies whose collective minds are stuck in the 19th century or earlier. They don't like it when some girls and women refuse to conform to these restrictive expectations for women. Fear of being shunned by family or community for being different in any way can make it harder for some girls in these environments to resist that pressure.
Ocean56

AOL

#457 Jul 31, 2012
shivawia wrote:
Sure, sure, i admire your ability for standing up for your beliefs but i also feel sorry for you cause this is the only place where you can express yourself and your opinions. Trust me they don't matter that much.
lol Sorry, junior, I'm not in the habit of trusting total strangers, and that includes you.

You're free to believe whatever you like, of course. Thankfully, I know that belief and fact aren't the same thing.
Ocean56

AOL

#458 Jul 31, 2012
_Absinthe_ wrote:
In today's westen world how many teen girls havent been giving the facts about sex really? Most of the ones that get pregnant know they might and choose the risk, some even do intentionaly.
IMO many teenage girls "get pregnant intentionally" because they have NO idea whatsoever how truly HARD being a mother is...until it is too late. Then they are stuck with a baby in either middle or high school, and they can't turn back the clock.

I strongly suggest you and any other teenage girls you know check out websites of girls and women who deeply REGRET becoming mother, either as teens or as young women over 21. Maybe, just maybe, reading such stories of the REALITIES of motherhood will make you and them think twice before making such a life-altering decision.

http://www.secrettalk.com/secrets/hate-being-...

Quote from first post:

"I got pregnant three times in 6 months with my bf of 4 years.I had two abortions but couldn't go through with the third.The father refused to consider adoption and now I have a three year old that I can't stand.

It wasn't so bad when I was working, but I got laid off in January and still can't find work, so I'm a stay at home mom and I hate every minute of my day from the time I wake up until my daughter goes to bed.I try not to take it out on her, because it's not her fault, but I can barely stand it anymore when she just wants a simple kiss.

Her father is supportive but would never forgive me if I walked out on them, even though we broke up last summer and she spends almost half her time with him.

I cried for six hours straight the other day when I got back from an out of town retreat and I can't stop thinking of packing all my stuff, selling my car and joining the circus."

**********

Being a mother is HARD WORK, which too many teen girls just don't realize, and almost no one tells them exactly HOW hard it really is.

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