i think that my husband is a pervert

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“i am stressed out”

Since: Jan 09

kenton

#1 Jan 2, 2009
tell me what you think

he is addicted to porn on the net...he talks to other women and he thinks that is ok....i think that he needs to go to porn-anonymous..if there is such a thing...he gets all of these ideas and for the last 4 years has wanted to join swing clubs, have threesomes and foursomes, outrageous things that i will not do...wants to look in neighbors windows, it goes on and on. i hate him
lwsciencejunkie

Lakebay, WA

#2 Jan 2, 2009
dizzyblonde wrote:
tell me what you think
he is addicted to porn on the net...he talks to other women and he thinks that is ok....i think that he needs to go to porn-anonymous..if there is such a thing...he gets all of these ideas and for the last 4 years has wanted to join swing clubs, have threesomes and foursomes, outrageous things that i will not do...wants to look in neighbors windows, it goes on and on. i hate him
Get out. Yesterday.
Nothing is worth staying in the situation you're in. He is probably dangerous, not just a "pervert". Looking through windows is "voyeurism", and is a sex offense. If he is caught, you will be both humiliated and the legal costs will burden you.
You also run the risk of STDs, and any minor girls that live in your household are at risk.

Everything you describe could be a part of the case histories of men who are finally caught and prosecuted as sex offenders.

Get out.
Spanky

Carson, CA

#3 Jan 2, 2009
Get out!

Chances are he's doing things and not telling you. He needs help!

Since: May 07

<<<<--the right to bare

#5 Jan 2, 2009
lwsciencejunkie wrote:
<quoted text>
Get out. Yesterday.
Nothing is worth staying in the situation you're in. He is probably dangerous, not just a "pervert". Looking through windows is "voyeurism", and is a sex offense. If he is caught, you will be both humiliated and the legal costs will burden you.
You also run the risk of STDs, and any minor girls that live in your household are at risk.
Everything you describe could be a part of the case histories of men who are finally caught and prosecuted as sex offenders.
Get out.
Come to think of it, you are probably right.

Happy New Year, beautiful rock hound. ;)

Since: Feb 07

Bristol, VA

#6 Jan 2, 2009
run for your life and dont look back

“WOOH!!”

Since: May 08

Vallejo, CA

#7 Jan 2, 2009
Is he willing to go to counseling?? If not, my suggestion would be to get the hell out of there.

Experimenting with one's sexuality isn't necessarily a bad thing, but there's some disturbing elements about what you're describing, such as the desire to look in the neighbor's windows, and it sounds like he's pressuring you to participate in things you don't want to do.

The other thing to consider is that if he hasn't already, at some point he's likely to have sex with others, which puts you at risk of STD's.

Good luck, hun.
Chipmunk

Anchorage, AK

#8 Jan 2, 2009
dizzyblonde wrote:
tell me what you think
he is addicted to porn on the net...he talks to other women and he thinks that is ok....i think that he needs to go to porn-anonymous..if there is such a thing...he gets all of these ideas and for the last 4 years has wanted to join swing clubs, have threesomes and foursomes, outrageous things that i will not do...wants to look in neighbors windows, it goes on and on. i hate him
Can you afford to take him to a shrink? You loved him before the problem started. You are still the closest person in his life, you need to tell him, how you feel.
Obama 08

Ewa Beach, HI

#10 Jan 2, 2009
dizzyblonde wrote:
tell me what you think
he is addicted to porn on the net...he talks to other women and he thinks that is ok....i think that he needs to go to porn-anonymous..if there is such a thing...he gets all of these ideas and for the last 4 years has wanted to join swing clubs, have threesomes and foursomes, outrageous things that i will not do...wants to look in neighbors windows, it goes on and on. i hate him
You both have issues. He wants out of monogamy, and you want to control him.

“WOOH!!”

Since: May 08

Vallejo, CA

#11 Jan 2, 2009
Obama 08 wrote:
<quoted text>
You both have issues. He wants out of monogamy, and you want to control him.
How do you make the leap of logic that she's trying to be controlling??

Since: May 07

<<<<--the right to bare

#13 Jan 2, 2009
Obama 08 wrote:
<quoted text>
You both have issues. He wants out of monogamy, and you want to control him.
"for the last 4 years has wanted to join swing clubs, have threesomes and foursomes, outrageous things that i will not do...wants to look in neighbors windows"

lol

You aren't much of a psychiatrist.

Wants out of monogamy..lol

I bet he is on meth or coke.
lwsciencejunkie

Lakebay, WA

#14 Jan 2, 2009
Gods warrior wrote:
<quoted text>
Come to think of it, you are probably right.
Happy New Year, beautiful rock hound. ;)
And to you- with (((HUGS)))!

Since: Jul 07

Mission Viejo, CA

#15 Jan 2, 2009
If this is a new development it's probably because he's watching too much porn and is having problems separating fantasy from reality.

There is a pattern to the behavior that slips further into more deviancy and more perversion. If it's voyeurism now it'll be group sex later. If it's S&M now it'll be rape later. If it's costumes now it'll be furry later.

So I see two options, either you can give him the ultimatum and be ready to go through with it. Or you can climb on board the depravity express, don't forget your video camera.
Mike

Dunn, NC

#16 Jan 2, 2009
dizzyblonde wrote:
tell me what you think
he is addicted to porn on the net...he talks to other women and he thinks that is ok....i think that he needs to go to porn-anonymous..if there is such a thing...he gets all of these ideas and for the last 4 years has wanted to join swing clubs, have threesomes and foursomes, outrageous things that i will not do...wants to look in neighbors windows, it goes on and on. i hate him
He sounds kinda horny.
lwsciencejunkie

Lakebay, WA

#17 Jan 2, 2009
Mike wrote:
<quoted text>
He sounds kinda horny.
Horny is fine and dandy. Her husband has gone waaaayyy beyond horny and into dysfunction.

One thing that the poster probably lost along the way was her own sexuality. These relationships will kill the desire of a "normal" partner.
lwsciencejunkie

Lakebay, WA

#18 Jan 2, 2009
Obama 08 wrote:
<quoted text>
You both have issues. He wants out of monogamy, and you want to control him.
Seems to me the pressure she has been under from his demands that she submits to his bizarre sexual ideas reveals her husband to be the one who wants to control HER.

She cannot control him, and the sooner she accepts that fact and gets the hell away from this toxic creep the better it will be.
raerae

Trenton, NJ

#19 Jan 2, 2009
He sounds like my step dad. My mom finally left him after 12 years. She is very glad she did.

Some times I wonder though if it isn't some type of sickness. Definitely try some counseling if he is willing.

If he doesn't see anything wrong with his behavior you have to ask yourself if that is something you can live with for the rest of your life.... be honest with yourself.
lwsciencejunkie

Lakebay, WA

#20 Jan 2, 2009
dizzyblonde wrote:
tell me what you think
he is addicted to porn on the net...he talks to other women and he thinks that is ok....i think that he needs to go to porn-anonymous..if there is such a thing...he gets all of these ideas and for the last 4 years has wanted to join swing clubs, have threesomes and foursomes, outrageous things that i will not do...wants to look in neighbors windows, it goes on and on. i hate him
Please, PLEASE find a counselor. The fact that you are not sure that this man is dysfunctional and potentially dangerous leads me to believe that your self-esteem and confidence has been trashed in this relationship.

It isn't even the sexual extremes. Some couples DO go in for that kind of thing, but not many. What the real issue here is that he does NOT care about your feelings and is imposing his "ideas" upon you fully knowing your distress. That is incredibly selfish and self-serving. It is cruel.

In these situations the creep usually is putting you down as "frigid" or a "prude", making it clear that you are boring/unattractive to him because you won't comply. Don't succumb to this kind of emotional abuse.

Get out. Get the HELL out. See a therapist and a lawyer and do NOT tell him about it. Seeing a therapist will immediately be attacked by him. And a lawyer will be able to prepare you and advise you on any evidence you can collect from his computer or his behavior that may be useful in divorce/family court.
Mike

Dunn, NC

#21 Jan 2, 2009
lwsciencejunkie wrote:
<quoted text>
Horny is fine and dandy. Her husband has gone waaaayyy beyond horny and into dysfunction.
One thing that the poster probably lost along the way was her own sexuality. These relationships will kill the desire of a "normal" partner.
I'm thinking that she lost her common sense along the way. What good is offering some elaborate advice? Maybe when she catches him humping the family dog she'll reevaluate the pros and cons of their relationship.
lwsciencejunkie

Lakebay, WA

#22 Jan 2, 2009
Labrat28 wrote:
If this is a new development it's probably because he's watching too much porn and is having problems separating fantasy from reality.
There is a pattern to the behavior that slips further into more deviancy and more perversion. If it's voyeurism now it'll be group sex later. If it's S&M now it'll be rape later. If it's costumes now it'll be furry later.
So I see two options, either you can give him the ultimatum and be ready to go through with it. Or you can climb on board the depravity express, don't forget your video camera.
You have it backwards. FIRST comes the deviancy and THEN comes the porn.
What "sexual addiction" actually is, if there even is such a thing, let alone how to treat it is a huge mystery to the psychiatric community.

I don't think ANYONE should be obliged to live under such conditions in the hope that the deviant partner has a "problem" and needs "help".
The husband is, for whatever reason, a cruel, selfish, controlling individual that is not likely to change, or even see any need for change.

The husband is dangerous, and not worth wasting another tear over. She needs to take what legal control she can of finances and kids (if any) so that she can get the hell away from him as soon as possible.
Bob

Colorado Springs, CO

#24 Jan 2, 2009
dizzyblonde wrote:
tell me what you think
he is addicted to porn on the net...he talks to other women and he thinks that is ok....i think that he needs to go to porn-anonymous..if there is such a thing...he gets all of these ideas and for the last 4 years has wanted to join swing clubs, have threesomes and foursomes, outrageous things that i will not do...wants to look in neighbors windows, it goes on and on. i hate him
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