Why Should Jesus Love Me?

“Ditat Deus”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#606218 Nov 8, 2013
Skombolis wrote:
<quoted text>
New Words for the Workplace Vocabulary
SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.
ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.
SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.
MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.
STARTER MARRIAGE: A short-lived first marriage that ends in divorce with no kids, no property and no regrets.
PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
http://mistupid.com/jokes/page026.htm
Lol

LUNCH BREAK:
Skinny people get an hour for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 30 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal and maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch because that is all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast & take a diet pill.

DRESS CODE:
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing $350 Prada shoes & carrying a $600 Gucci bag we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.

“Ditat Deus”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#606219 Nov 8, 2013
Harleys v. Women

Arthur Davidson, of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."

Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God". St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.

Arthur then asked God, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of woman?"

God said, "Ah, yes."

"Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:
1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion.
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds.
3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much.
4. The intake is placed way to close to the exhaust.
5. The maintenance costs are outrageous."

"Hmmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "hold on." God went to his Celestial super computer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.

Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours.

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#606220 Nov 8, 2013
RiversideRedneck wrote:
<quoted text>
Lol
LUNCH BREAK:
Skinny people get an hour for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 30 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal and maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch because that is all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast & take a diet pill.
DRESS CODE:
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing $350 Prada shoes & carrying a $600 Gucci bag we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
LOL

That would be hilarious!

Probably a lot of lawsuits. But hilarious!

“ Ah see's lanlubbers Cap'n BT!”

Since: Oct 10

Location hidden

#606221 Nov 8, 2013
New Age Spiritual Leader wrote:
<quoted text>
I remember watching many times, Abbott and Costello on Sunday mornings.....since there wasn't any good toons on then - it was the only thing worth watching on my family's B/W Curtis Mathis console.
Damn I was so glad when cable came to my hometown and color TVs were dropping in price.
:o)
Cheers!
WOW!
You got color TV?

“ Ah see's lanlubbers Cap'n BT!”

Since: Oct 10

Location hidden

#606223 Nov 8, 2013
LAWEST100 wrote:
Good afternoon one and all, I see the home fires are still burning bright.
Hey Lawest100. How are?

“Ditat Deus”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#606224 Nov 8, 2013
Skombolis wrote:
<quoted text>
LOL
That would be hilarious!
Probably a lot of lawsuits. But hilarious!
No shit, huh? All the fatties would be complaining about their 5 minute lunch break. They can't even make it to the breakroom in time...

“let's do this thang!”

Since: Aug 10

Location hidden

#606225 Nov 8, 2013
BenAdam wrote:
<quoted text>
Last month you were claiming this was a Christians Only Forum.
"The Truth" changes with your mind.
i did??? lol

if i ever shared anything personal on here i'd be torn apart by you 'nice people'.

actually, i did and was and that's why i don't anymore:)
Here For Now

Lenoir City, TN

#606226 Nov 8, 2013
LAWEST100 wrote:
Good afternoon one and all, I see the home fires are still burning bright.
Hey Lawest,
Good to see you in here. How have things been going for you?

“Ditat Deus”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#606227 Nov 8, 2013
Skombolis wrote:
<quoted text>
LOL
That would be hilarious!
Probably a lot of lawsuits. But hilarious!
My girlfriend invited me to her house where I found her sister alone. So I sat their waiting for my girlfriend while her unbelievably sexy sister was sitting their with me. A few moments go by, then she comes up next to me, and whispers in my ear "we should have sex before my sister comes home".

I immediately got up and turned around to walk to my car. I found my girlfriend standing by the door, at which point she hugged me and said "you've won my trust".

Moral of the story, always keep your condoms in your car.

-Karl Clements

“What are you looking at?”

Since: Jan 08

Albuquerque, NM

#606228 Nov 8, 2013
Black Thunder 42 wrote:
<quoted text>
WOW!
You got color TV?
:o)

Not unitl about 1981 - maybe 1982. I can't remember - its' been quite some time.

And trust me, it was only on a 13" TV. Those 19" screens were way too much at the time.

“Pillars of Creation....”

Since: Jan 11

Into this world we're thrown

#606229 Nov 8, 2013
RiversideRedneck wrote:
<quoted text>
My girlfriend invited me to her house where I found her sister alone. So I sat their waiting for my girlfriend while her unbelievably sexy sister was sitting their with me. A few moments go by, then she comes up next to me, and whispers in my ear "we should have sex before my sister comes home".
I immediately got up and turned around to walk to my car. I found my girlfriend standing by the door, at which point she hugged me and said "you've won my trust".
Moral of the story, always keep your condoms in your car.
-Karl Clements
LMAO........

“Ditat Deus”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#606230 Nov 8, 2013
New Age Spiritual Leader wrote:
<quoted text>
:o)
Not unitl about 1981 - maybe 1982. I can't remember - its' been quite some time.
And trust me, it was only on a 13" TV. Those 19" screens were way too much at the time.
Remember the UHF dial? lol

Or the "Be Kind Please Rewind" on the rental videos...?

Ah, the good ole days.

When kids played outside, dad mowed his own yard instead of some illegal and the woman stayed naked in the kitchen...

Since: Sep 10

San Francisco, CA

#606231 Nov 8, 2013
RiversideRedneck wrote:
<quoted text>
My girlfriend invited me to her house where I found her sister alone. So I sat their waiting for my girlfriend while her unbelievably sexy sister was sitting their with me. A few moments go by, then she comes up next to me, and whispers in my ear "we should have sex before my sister comes home".
I immediately got up and turned around to walk to my car. I found my girlfriend standing by the door, at which point she hugged me and said "you've won my trust".
Moral of the story, always keep your condoms in your car.
-Karl Clements
Are you familiar with the rodeo position for sex?

You start doggie style.

Next, you lower your head, and whisper in her ear, "This is how your sister likes it."

Then you try to stay on for eight seconds.

“What are you looking at?”

Since: Jan 08

Albuquerque, NM

#606232 Nov 8, 2013
RiversideRedneck wrote:
<quoted text>
Remember the UHF dial? lol
UHF -*smiles*

Yeah - and then it was only a couple of channels and we had to actually turn the dial to get to the station. I think we had two maybe three channels, and FOX wasn't even a station yet.
RiversideRedneck wrote:
<quoted text>
Or the "Be Kind Please Rewind" on the rental videos...?
Oh yeah - and then they would charge you if you hadn't!!

;o)
RiversideRedneck wrote:
<quoted text>
Ah, the good ole days.
When kids played outside, dad mowed his own yard instead of some illegal and the woman stayed naked in the kitchen...
Hmmmm... i don't recall my Mom ever being always naked in the kitchen......but I'm glad I don't, that would be a bit wierd, huh?

:o)

“Pillars of Creation....”

Since: Jan 11

Into this world we're thrown

#606233 Nov 8, 2013
I guess this is what you'd call being stuck between a rock and a hard place.........

http://www.grindtv.com/outdoor/nature/post/am...

“Pillars of Creation....”

Since: Jan 11

Into this world we're thrown

#606234 Nov 8, 2013
or maybe I should have said a Croc and a hard place.......

“Ditat Deus”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#606235 Nov 8, 2013
Catcher1 wrote:
<quoted text>
Are you familiar with the rodeo position for sex?
You start doggie style.
Next, you lower your head, and whisper in her ear, "This is how your sister likes it."
Then you try to stay on for eight seconds.
Woah.

HAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!!

Ima keepin that one!

“Ditat Deus”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#606236 Nov 8, 2013
New Age Spiritual Leader wrote:
UHF -*smiles*
Yeah - and then it was only a couple of channels and we had to actually turn the dial to get to the station. I think we had two maybe three channels, and FOX wasn't even a station yet.
Yup. And Saturday morning cartoons ended at 11, then we went outside and played til the sammiches were ready.
Oh yeah - and then they would charge you if you hadn't!!
;o)
Oh yeah. Capitalist crooks :)

Remember the tracking function on the VCR? That was always a pain.
Hmmmm... i don't recall my Mom ever being always naked in the kitchen......but I'm glad I don't, that would be a bit wierd, huh?
:o)
Oh, well ya. There's that....

“Ditat Deus”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#606237 Nov 8, 2013
Rider on the Storm wrote:
I guess this is what you'd call being stuck between a rock and a hard place.........
http://www.grindtv.com/outdoor/nature/post/am...
They left that part out in Lion King...

Since: Oct 10

Location hidden

#606238 Nov 8, 2013
RiversideRedneck wrote:
<quoted text>
Remember the UHF dial? lol
Or the "Be Kind Please Rewind" on the rental videos...?
Ah, the good ole days.
When kids played outside, dad mowed his own yard instead of some illegal and the woman stayed naked in the kitchen...
I don't remember any of that except playing outside. Although I have been naked in the kitchen before.

Tell me when this thread is updated:

Subscribe Now Add to my Tracker

Add your comments below

Characters left: 4000

Please note by submitting this form you acknowledge that you have read the Terms of Service and the comment you are posting is in compliance with such terms. Be polite. Inappropriate posts may be removed by the moderator. Send us your feedback.

Top Stories Discussions

Title Updated Last By Comments
News Roman Catholic church only true church, says Va... (Jul '07) 2 min June VanDerMark 603,319
Prove there's a god. (Mar '08) 2 min nanoanomaly 878,781
Jehovah's Witnesses are true disciple of Jesus ... (Mar '07) 56 min curtjester1 41,139
I....LOVE....DR. J. Vernon McGee!!!! 1 hr Doctor REALITY 1
Poll If you're Christain what kind are you? (Oct '07) 1 hr BenAdam 8,040
Ruthlessly GREEDY New Yorkers earned 9-11 2 hr Critical Eye 15
Poll Was 9/11 a conspiracy?? (Oct '07) 3 hr Pegasus 272,879
The Christian Atheist debate 6 hr MrAnderson9 3,845
More from around the web