You seem to think I experienced some sort of confusion or underwent a bad experience.Sorry to hear about the many indoctrinations you went through as a child. But keep in mind, you're no longer a child. And to view Chirstianity as an adult by what you percieved it to be as an indoctrinated child is the reason you're way of thinking about Christianity now is totally askew.
The reason I pushed you for an answer is because you gave the answer I suspected you would. Sadly that's what led you to where you are now. Because if you had truely studied God's Word (the Bible) as you claim you have then you missed the following that would have shown you that the indoctrination you went through as a child clearly didn't walk hand in hand with what God's Word teaches.
And sadly as an adult you've closed your mind to the truth as it is and not as you were indoctrinated to believe it was as a child.
Such a clear few verses that you've not seen clearly because your eyes are still blinded by the indoctrination that still controls you.
1 O foolish Galatians, who hath bewitched you, that ye should not obey the truth, before whose eyes Jesus Christ hath been evidently set forth, crucified among you?
2 This only would I learn of you, Received ye the Spirit by the works of the law, or by the hearing of faith?
3 Are ye so foolish? having begun in the Spirit, are ye now made perfect by the flesh?
4 Have ye suffered so many things in vain? if it be yet in vain.
5 He therefore that ministereth to you the Spirit, and worketh miracles among you, doeth he it by the works of the law, or by the hearing of faith?
6 Even as Abraham believed God, and it was accounted to him for righteousness.
7 Know ye therefore that they which are of faith, the same are the children of Abraham.
8 And the scripture, foreseeing that God would justify the heathen through faith, preached before the gospel unto Abraham, saying, In thee shall all nations be blessed.
9 So then they which be of faith are blessed with faithful Abraham.
10 For as many as are of the works of the law are under the curse: for it is written, Cursed is every one that continueth not in all things which are written in the book of the law to do them.
11 But that no man is justified by the law in the sight of God, it is evident: for, The just shall live by faith.
12 And the law is not of faith: but, The man that doeth them shall live in them.
13 Christ hath redeemed us from the curse of the law, being made a curse for us: for it is written, Cursed is every one that hangeth on a tree:
14 That the blessing of Abraham might come on the Gentiles through Jesus Christ; that we might receive the promise of the Spirit through faith.
I didn't and it wasn't. As a matter of fact, I garnered an extreme amount of clarity and insight from my upbringing. Those "many indoctrinations" as you put it, were very illuminating.
Eye opening, you might say.
Here's the thing, your response is pretty much the standard Christian response when I post that(that wasn't the first time, nor the last). That response appears to be that if I'd been raised in only one singular Christian denomination or belief, or a particular "way", then I'd be "fine".
Nothing could be further from the truth.
This is exactly how and where I'm supposed to be.
Climb into the Chaos with a friend or two, And follow the Way it carries you, Adrift like a Lunatic Lifeboat Crew, Over the Waves in whatever you do. The Book of Advice, Chapter 1
The Hell! Law says that Hell! is reserved exclusively for them that believe in it. Further, the lowest Rung in Hell! is reserved for them that believe in it on the supposition that they'll go there if they don't. HBT; The Gospel According to Fred, 3:1
A jug of wine, A leg of lamb And thou! Beside me, Whistling in the darkness. Be Ye Not Lost Among Precepts of Order. The Book of Uteronomy 1:5