The Red states get the KKK and Neo-Nazis.
The Blue States get scientists and educators.
I certainly agree with that. Have you ever seen this? It came out in the middle of last decade.
Dear Red States
We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, Nouveau California. We're taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware, that includes the Pacific states except Alaska (California, Oregon, Washington and Hawaii), the Great Lakes states except Indiana (Minnesota, Wisconsin, Illinois, Michigan and yes, were taking Ohio back), New England (Maine, Vermont, New Hampshire, Massachusetts, Connecticut and Rhode Island), the Mid-Atlantic states (New York, New Jersey, and Pennsylvania), and Maryland and Delaware.[based on 2004 election]
We believe this split will be beneficial to both nations. For example, the residents of Nuevo California will be leaving Iraq at once. Youre real Americans in uniform from the Heartlands wont have to fight beside elitists and intellectuals. If you need more people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have plenty of spare kids (they practice abstinence only and have no Planned Parenthood clinics). Oh, and good luck with those WMDs.
With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech, and MIT.
With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh.
Since your Christian Coalitions aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent higher than ours, you get a bunch of deadbeat dads, single moms and latch key kids. You can hire our big city lawyers, however.
Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 53 percent believe that Saddam was involved in 9/11.
Well take Old Glory since you already have enough Stars and Bars to go around. Will you be calling your country the Cunfederucy or Jeebusland? By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. Youll still have your meth labs.
We get the coasts You get the fly over states We get California and the nude beaches
You get Texas, Oklahoma and the rest of cowboy America
We get Manhattan and Chesapeake Bay
You get the Dukes of Hazards states like Alabama and Mississipi
We get Hollywood, Yosemite and the best beaches
You get Dollywood, incest and swamps.
We get the resorts and golf courses
You get Graceland and Nascar.
We get the Statue of Liberty and the Golden Gate Bridge.
You get the Creationism Theme Park, the Appalachians and the Ozarks.
We get Stanford, Columbia, Princeton and Harvard.
You get Ole' Miss, Bob Jones University, and Columbine High School.
We get entrepreneurs, Intel and Microsoft, 85 percent of America's venture capital and two-thirds of the tax revenue
You get the churches and people that that dont believe in paying taxes.