Sure, extensively question away, if you don't play games I won't either.<quoted text>
Can you explain it to me and hold up under my extensive questioning?
Let's start with the idea of faithful.
Understand that traditional gender roles play no part in this. I only date girls and if I marry, I will only marry a girl.
Traditional gender roles have zero to do with loyalty and commitment.
Ok. We get married, make promises and VOW to one another, you know what that means right? I'm guessing from your posts that you do.
I left my siblings, a promising career and everything I knew to marry this man and move to a strange place where I knew no one, fair enough, I loved him and would have followed him anywhere and done anything for him, I wasn't religious at the time but I meant my vows, with all my heart and I was not the marrying kind either. To me, marriage meant forever, no matter what.
He's a Soldier.
Year 1 of marriage, I get pregnant. He cheats whilst away on an 'Exercise', which I find out later on was no Exercise, just a nice getaway for two, for a month, with our savings.
I'm shattered, I forgive him and choose to just believe his lies and we have a son.
Year 2 of marriage. We decide I should not return to work and be a SAHM. He didn't like me working and I'm too protective of my kids to let strangers spend more time with them than me. I go to work for my last week as he gets a few weeks leave and can care for our son. My last day turns out to be on the 3rd day instead of the 5th. I get home and find him on the couch with one of his mate's wives.[Insert graphic 'pornea' here]. Our son was asleep.
There's some drama, the woman ends up on her bare butt in front of my house and has to go find a phone, he follows her with her things, gets her home safe and comes back to some more of my fury.
I'm angry, then shattered then a little numb. I forgive him and again decide to believe his promises and his lies. Six months later he confesses that woman he was seeing is pregnant. I accepted and loved his little daughter when he had access, not her fault.
Year 3. We have another son and when the baby is 6 months old, my 'husband' decides that he doesn't love me anymore and I should move out of his army house so the other woman he loves can move in. By this stage we had moved twice and are in WA, on the other side of the country. All this follows me hardly ever seeing him because he was 'working' long hours and had his new woman on his lap, in front of me and many others, the day before, at an Anzac day BBQ.
That separation lasted 1 year, I moved back to be close to his family, studied, became a bit less shattered and went on with life. Did not even so much as flirt with another man. His affair breaks down, he comes back and wins me over (I still loved him). I choose to believe him and forgive him.
Year 4. We have our third son. I put on more weight than usual and have some complications throughout the pregnancy. He starts to go out again, coming back drunk, hardly ever around. One of his sisters starts to spend time with me and helps me when she can. By the time my baby son is 10 months old, I've become a Christian which brought me peace, which is a good thing as otherwise I might have killed him that time. The affair had been going on for a year. I found out and had to move out with my three boys. My boys had to stay with their Grandparents for 11 weeks because I had a miscarriage, found out about the affair a week later and was moved out by a week after that. Then, a few days later I found out his mistress was pregnant. I had a complete nervous breakdown.
That was in April 2009. I have been alone and celibate this whole time and have just been enjoying my boys and studying again. His relationship with his mistress is over and he's had 2 others since and moved himself to a different state, barely even calls his sons. He has not tried to divorce me nor I him but I am numb.