OK Health Care Freedom Amendment, Sta...

OK Health Care Freedom Amendment, State Question 756

Created by CitizenTopix on Oct 11, 2010

1,569 votes

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United States

#38058 Apr 6, 2013
Donnie is a black man who will not sleep with a black woman.

United States

#38059 Apr 6, 2013
Three women escaped from prison.

One was a Misty, one a TAMARA, and one a Maddy.

They ran for miles until they came upon an old barn where they decided to hide in the hayloft and rest.

When they climbed up, they found three large gunny sacks and decided to climb into them for camouflage.

About an hour later the sheriff and his deputy came into the barn.

The sheriff told his deputy to go up and check out the hayloft.

When he got up there the sheriff asked him what he saw and the deputy yelled back, "Just three gunny sacks."

The sheriff told him to find out what was in them, so the deputy kicked the first sack, which had Misty in it.

She went, "Bow-wow", so the deputy told the sheriff there was a dog in it.

Then he kicked the sack with TAMARA in it. She went, "Meow", so the deputy told the sheriff there was a cat in it.

Then he kicked the one with Maddy in it, and there was no sound at all. So he kicked it again, and finally Maddy said, "Potatoes."

United States

#38060 Apr 6, 2013
Donnie and his wife are stranded on a desert island.

The wife begins to lose interest in her husband and wishes on a star that she would find another man.

The next day a man is washed on shore.

He is very nice looking and finds immediate interest in the wife.

The husband was very pleased that there was another man to help work. So they started on building a watchtower.

The stranger and wife wanted to have mad passionate sex on the beach. So he tried to think of a plan.

So then the stranger offered to watch first from the watchtower.

While Donnie and wife worked, the stranger yelled,''Hey! No screwing! Get back to work!'' At this, the couple yelled back, we're not screwing!''

A little while later the man again yelled out to them. And again the couple denied it.

This happened several times during his shift up in the watchtower, and when his turn was over, Donnie took over.

With that, the stranger made love to the wife on the beach.

Donnie, watching, exclaimed, Wow, it really does look like they're screwing from up here.

United States

#38061 Apr 6, 2013
In heaven, the angels asked god where he would spend his next holiday.

God said: Not on earth.

The last time I went there, I left a girl pregnant and those people haven't stopped talking about it since!

United States

#38062 Apr 6, 2013
Fake Zane aka Karen Janbaz wrote:
Donnie is a black man who will not sleep with a black woman.
Another racist comment from justaminute

United States

#38063 Apr 6, 2013
Zane comes home from school with a writing assignment, and asks his father for help.

"Dad, can you tell me the difference between potentially and reality?"

His father, Packing Heat, looks up, thoughtfully, and then says, "I`ll display it to you. Go ask your mother, sister, and brother if they would sleep with Marcus for a million dollars. Then come back and tell me what you`ve learned."

Zane is puzzled, but he decides to see if he can figure out what his father means.

He asks his mother, Maddy, "Mom, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Marcus?"

Maddy looks around slyly, and then with a little smile on her face says, "Don`t tell Packing Heat, but yes, I would."

Then he goes to his sister's room and asks her, "TAMARA, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Marcus?"

TAMARA looks up and says, "Definitely!"

Then he goes into his brother's room and asks him, "Hey Donnie, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Marcus?"

His brother goes "For a million? What the hell. Why not?"

Zane goes back to Packing heat and says, "Dad, I think I`ve figured it out.

Potentially, we are sitting on three millions bucks, but in reality, we are living with two whores and a homo."

United States

#38064 Apr 6, 2013
Packing Heat came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk, as he often did, and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep. He gave a peck on the cheek and fell asleep. When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe.

"Who the hell are you?" demanded Packing Heat, "and what are you doing in my bedroom?". The mysterious Man answered "This isn't your bedroom and I'm St Peter". Packing Heat was stunned "You mean I'm dead!!! That can't be, I have so much to live for, I haven't said goodbye to my family... you've got to send me back straight away".

St Peter replied "Yes you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog or a hen." Packing heat was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen.

A flash of light later, he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground. "This ain't so bad" he thought until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him. The farmyard rooster strolled over and said "So you're the new hen, how are you enjoying your first day here?" "It's not so bad" replies Packing Heat, "but I have this strange feeling inside like I'm about to explode". "You're ovulating" explained the rooster, "don't tell me you've never laid an egg before". "Never" replies Packing Heat

The Rooster said, "Well just relax and let it happen."

And so Packing Heat did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time. When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that ever happened to him... ever!!!

The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg he felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife shouting "Packing Heat, wake up you drunken bas*tard, you're sh!tting the bed!"

United States

#38065 Apr 6, 2013
A wealthy Repigman, named Zane, had been having an affair with an Italian woman for several years.

One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant.

Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he said he would give her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy and secretly have the child.

If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.

She agreed, but asked, "How will you know when the baby is born?"

To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write 'Spaghetti' on the back. He would then arrange for child support payments to begin.

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife. "Honey, you received a very strange post card today," she said.

"Oh, just give it to me and I will explain it later," he said.

The wife obeyed, and watched as Zane read the card, turned white, and fainted.

On the card was written: "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without."

United States

#38066 Apr 6, 2013
An older couple, Packing Heat and Maddy, decide to go to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember. Later that night while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.

His wife asks, "Where are you going?" "To the kitchen" he replies. "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?" "Sure." "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she asks. "No, I can remember it." "Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. You'd better write it down because you know you'll forget it."

He says, "I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries." "I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, so you'd better write it down" she retorts.

Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it. Leave me alone. Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream I got it, for goodness sake." Then he grumbles into the kitchen.

After about 20 minutes the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment and says - "Where's my toast?"

United States

#38067 Apr 6, 2013
Karen Lea Janbaz aka justaminute picked her laptop up from the repair shop.

Ya, right.....justaliar strikes again.

United States

#38068 Apr 6, 2013
One day, Misty who lived on the 12th floor of a high-rise apartment building was out on her balcony, flapping the bed sheets to air them out, when suddenly a great gust of wind caught the sheets and sent her over the edge, plummeting to her death.

"Oh, sh!t!" Misty thought, "what a stupid way to die."

Without warning, Marcus on the 10th floor balcony stuck his arms out into the air, catching the woman.

Delirious from shock, Misty shouted, "Oh, thank you! You saved my life, thank you!"

Marcus replied, "Do you suck?"

Stunned at this, Misty said, "No, I don't suck!"

And with that, Marcus let go of her.

"Sh!t!" Misty thought as she began to plummet again.

Suddenly, another set of arms grabbed her at the 9th floor.

"Thank God!" she screamed. "I would have died if it weren't for you!"

Zane asked, "Do you put out?"

Absolutely aghast, Misty answered, "No, I don't put out!"

Once again, the arms that held her safe were no longer there.

Falling again, Misty thought that she would surely die.

Just then, a set of arms stretched out from the 7th floor.

Not believing her luck, Misty shouted, "I suck! I put out!"

"Slut!" Donnie said, and dropped her.
Packing Heat

United States

#38069 Apr 6, 2013
An old man, a boy and a donkey were going to town. The boy rode on the donkey and the old man walked beside them. As they went along they passed some people who remarked it was a shame the old man was walking and the boy was riding. The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions.

Later, they passed some people that remarked, "What a shame, he makes that little boy walk." They then decided they both would walk! Soon they passed some more people who thought they were stupid to walk when they had a decent donkey to ride. So, they both rode the donkey.

Now they passed some people that shamed them by saying how awful to put such a load on a poor donkey.

The boy and man said they were probably right, so they decide to carry the donkey. As they crossed the bridge, they lost their grip on the animal and he fell into the river and drowned.

The moral of the story? If you try to please Republicans, you might as well kiss your azz goodbye.

United States

#38070 Apr 6, 2013
Why Republicans are so fu***ked up!!!!!!!!:

There is no egg in eggplant or ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England nor french fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So, one moose, 2 meese? One index, two indices? Is cheese the plural of choose? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?!

In what language do people recite at a play, and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another? When a house burns up, it burns down. You fill in a form by filling it out and an alarm clock goes off by going on. When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this answer, I end it? Now you see why it takes 3-7 times as long to learn English as it does to learn Spanish and why English is harder to learn.

United States

#38071 Apr 6, 2013
Maddy in her sixties is at home, unclothed, happily jumping on her bed and squealing with delight. Her husband watches her for a while and asks,'Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look? What's the matter with you?'

The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says,'I don't care what you think. I just came from having a mammogram, and the doctor says that not only am I healthy, but I have the breasts of a 28 year-old.'

Packing Heat replies,'What did he say about your 65-year old azz?'

'Your name never came up,' she replied.

United States

#38072 Apr 6, 2013
At the end of a tiny deserted bar in downtown Oklahoma City sat a huge man. He was having a few beers, when a short, well dressed, and obviously gay man walked in and sat beside him. After three or four beers, the gay man got the courage to say a few words to the big man. Leaning over towards him, he whispered, "Donnie, Do you want a blow job?"

At this, the massive man leaped up with fire in his eyes, and smacked the sh!t out of the gay Marcus, knocking him swiftly off his stool. He proceeded to beat him all the way out of the bar, before leaving him bruised and battered in the parking lot, and returning to his seat.

Amazed, the bartender quickly brought over another beer to the man, and said, "I've never seen you react like that. What did he say to you?"

"I don't know," Donnie replied. "Something about a job!"

United States

#38073 Apr 6, 2013
Marcus goes into the public restroom and sees this Zane standing next to the urinal. The guy has no arms. As Marcus's standing there, taking care of business, he wonders to himself how the poor wretch is going to take a leak.

Marcus finishes and starts to leave when the Zane asks Marcus to help him out.

Being a kind soul, Marcus says, "Ah, OK, sure, I'll help you."

Zane asks, "Can you unzip my zipper?"

Marcus says, "OK."

Then the Zane says, "Can you pull it out for me?"

Marcus replies, "Uh, yeah, OK."

Marcus pulls it out and it has all kinds of mold and red bumps, with hair clumps, rashes, moles, scabs, scars, and wreaks something awful.

Then the Zane asks Marcus to point it for him, and Marcus points for him. Marcus then shakes it, puts it back in and zips it up.

The Zane tells Marcus, "Thanks, man, I really appreciate it."

Marcus says, "No problem, but what the hell's wrong with your penis?"

The Zane pulls his arms out of his shirt and says, "I don't know, but I ain't touching it."

United States

#38074 Apr 6, 2013
A little old Maddy is walking down the street, dragging two plastic garbage bags with her, one in each hand. There's a hole in one of the bags, and every once in a while a $20 bill is flying out of it onto the pavement.

Noticing this, a policeman stops her...."Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag..."

"Damn!" says the little old Maddy. "I'd better go back and see if I can still find some. Thanks for the warning!"

"Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get all that money?" "Did you steal it?"

"Oh, no", says the little old Maddy. "You see, my back yard backs up to the parking lot of the OU football stadium. Each time there's a game, a lot of fans come and pee in the bushes, right into my flower beds!"

"So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and each time someone sticks
his little thingy through the bushes, I say:$20 or off it comes!"

"Hey, not a bad idea!" laughs the cop. "OK, good luck! By the way, what's in the other bag?"

"Well", says the little old Maddy, "not all of them pay up"...

United States

#38075 Apr 6, 2013
I think she came from a disadvantaged childhood with an abusive male figure probably her father. The underlying obsession with sexual dysfunctions dominates her expressed opinions and even with attempts of humor she still gravitates toward sexual perversions.

Psychologist journal entry for justaminute aka justaliar and all her alias's. Karen Lea Janbaz is a 55 year old over weight female. She has never felt personal confidence in herself so she attaches herself to those who can accept her sometimes bizarre behaviors. In her younger years she found acceptance with a foreign exchange student from Iran who was taking classes at a local university. He seemed shy but didn't reject her out of hand which had been her experiences in High School. Gholavez wanted to stay in America he didn't want to return to Iran. He had a visa to stay here as long as he was in college he was certain his visa could be renewed. Money would be an issue, everything depended on money. Karen was already smitten he knew that but he wasn't attracted to her. Days went by and he would see her from time to time in the library or if he was going to class sometimes she would be on the bench. She always would look up and smile and wave. It wasn't until the third day in a roll he realized she was stalking him. Her desperation was clear. Sad creature. He didn't burn any bridges he was still friendly to her. Weeks passed his money and ability to stay in a college program to further his education was getting harder. He ate only one meal a day to save money. Karen would sometimes sneak him cookies she had made. She was always snacking on something. Then the letter came in the mail. U.S. State Department had reviewed his application for an extension to his visa and it was being denied unless he could show probable cause. He could either show enrollment for the next year of studies in the college he had attended or a transfer to another college in the continental United States, or he would have to return to Iran and apply for another visa or his last choice was to marry a U.S. Citizen and the U.S. State Department would grant him additional time to become a naturalized citizen.

Gholavez was married to Karen shortly afterward. To keep the charade of a happy American Family they had 2 children a boy and a girl. Gholavez started a restaurant. At first Karen helped but soon her personality and attitude rubbed employees and customers the wrong way. Gholavez's only peace was to find a way to get her away from work. Allah answered his prayers when she was diagnosed with MS. You have to accept these little gifts Allah hands you and be grateful. Gholavez was grateful. He had his business he didn't have to return to the hellhole that was his native country. He had his son Ryan and his daughter Lauren. His wife, well she was still there and she did have her purposes. She knew how to cook a few things he had learned to eat over the years. Plus he had to admit her idea of using the name Ray really helped people to accept him.
Dr Jones

United States

#38076 Apr 6, 2013
Fake Zane aka Karen Janbaz wrote:
Donnie is a black man who will not sleep with a black woman.
Why do you continue this unhealthy behavior? You need to call your therapist and get this back under control. Your acting out will be harmful to you and your family.

Grand Saline, TX

#38077 Apr 7, 2013
Are all these stupid, ill-mannered, republicans and wantabee repigs in the 1% of the ultra rich or are they just surrogates for the 1%?

A mouthpiece for the rich and usually talking out their azz because their mouth knows better."""

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