OK Health Care Freedom Amendment, Sta...

OK Health Care Freedom Amendment, State Question 756

Created by CitizenTopix on Oct 11, 2010

1,570 votes

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TAMARA

Grand Saline, TX

#37926 Apr 4, 2013
One December day we found an old straggly cat at our door. She was a sorry sight. Starving, dirty, smelled terrible, skinny, and hair all matted down. We felt sorry for her so we put her in a carrier and took her to the vet. We didn't know what to call her so we named her 'Pussycat.'
The vet decided to keep her for a day or so. He said he would l et us know when we could come and get her.
My husband (the complainer) said,'OK, but don't forget to wash her, she stinks' He reminded the vet that it was his WIFE (me) that wanted the dirty cat, not him.
My husband and my Vet don't see eye to eye. The vet calls my husband 'El-Cheap-O', and my husband calls the vet 'El-Charge-O'. They love to hate each other and constantly 'snipe' at one another, with my husband getting in the last word on this particular occasion.
The next day my husband had an appointment with his doctor, who is located in the same building, next door to the vet.
The MD's waiting room and office was full of people waiting to see the doctor. A side door opened and the vet leaned in - he had obviously seen my husband arrive.
He looked straight at my husband and in a loud voice said,'Your wife's pussy doesn't stink any more. We washed and shaved it, and now she smells like a rose. Oh, and, by the way, I think she's pregnant. God only knows who the father is!' Then he closed the door.
Now THAT, my friends, is getting even!
Misty

Grand Saline, TX

#37927 Apr 4, 2013
Giving Up Wine

I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.

I took out my wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago", the homeless woman told me.

"Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?" I asked.

"No, I don't waste time shopping," the homel ess woman said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?" I asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless woman. I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!"

"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight."

The homeless Woman was shocked. "Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty , and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

I said, "That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine."
Donnie

Grand Saline, TX

#37928 Apr 4, 2013
Jangles was working in his garden over the weekend and looking around, he realised that he couldn't find the rake. He looked up at the bedroom window and saw his wife was about to take a shower.

He yelled up to his wife, "Where is the rake?!!" She couldn't hear him, so she shouted back, "What?!!" He pointed to his eye, then to his knee and made a raking motion. When his wife wasn't sure, she called out "WHAT???!!!" He repeated the gestures, "Eye - Kneed - the Rake"

Maddy signalled with a thumbs-up that she understood and signalled back. She first pointed to her eye, then to her left breast, then she pointed to her butt, and finally to her crotch.

Well, there is no way in hell he could even come close to that one. Exasperated, Jangles went upstairs and asked her, "What the hell was that???" She replied, "Eye - Left Tit - Behind - the Bush"!!!
Packing Heat

Grand Saline, TX

#37929 Apr 4, 2013
The masochist said, "Beat me, beat me."
The sadist said, "No."
Jangles

Grand Saline, TX

#37930 Apr 4, 2013
Zane is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.

"Oh my, I am so sorry," Maddy says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you," she says.

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They have a wonderful, wonderful time.

The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed! Everything had been SO incredible!

"You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?" "'No," she replies... "You just happened to catch my eye!"
Packing Heat

Vinita, OK

#37931 Apr 4, 2013
Zane wrote:
<quoted text>
IRANIAN MUSLIM BUSTED
After repeated reports of animal abuse filed at the Sheriff's department resulted in an uncover sting on area business owner. Officers were shocked to find and area home located in a OKC suburbs, to house multiple female goats many were of the Nubian breed, a diary breed. Goats were place in small cubicles some hadn't left the cubicles for weeks. Local vets were contacted and volunteered their time free of charge to examine the animals. The animals were immediately released from cramped dirty cubicles and placed in a roomy holding area with hay and fresh water. Vets said the animals in the cages look to be young between 4 to 6 months old and all female.
What has authorities scratching their heads is a small room built inside the small barn. When officers entered the room they were astonished to find a mirror disco ball hanging from the rafters and 4 velvet padded straps with leather and Velcro double restraints bolted into the wall. Included in this room were incense holders and several speakers. A large fishing tackle box was full of adult sex toys. Officers observed a small amount of blood on the floor which forensic techs collected for testing. All animals have been transferred to a local rancher's property until a decision can be made for proper placement.
Sheriff and lead detective interviewed property owner's wife and she claimed the female goats were a hobby of her husband and she pleaded with officers not to take her husband's "babies". When asked if she ever observed improper care or inappropriate behavior toward the animals she replied she never went to the barn that was her husband's "man cave" and she respected his privacy. Detective's told her several complaints from neighbors about strange music and loudly bleating goats could be heard the property owner's wife claimed she hadn't heard anything since she was watching her favorite show Rachel Maddow.
Sheriff said after completion of investigation and lab reports on blood, a determination will be made if charges will be filed.
Updates to follow.


I know a bondsman in Okcity, but... not sure if he will bond out the goats too, lol. Just saying.
Elohimsokie

Grand Saline, TX

#37932 Apr 4, 2013
After escaping from her overly controlling campaign manager for the evening, Mary Fallin sneaked off to visit a fortune teller of some local repute.

In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news. "There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt. Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year."

Then the soothsayer looked up and locked eyes with Mary, who was visibly shaken at this news. Mary stared back at the woman's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her shaking hands.

She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know. She looked back, deep into the fortune tellers gaze, steadied her voice, and asked her the big question: "Will I be acquitted?"
Stephen

Grand Saline, TX

#37933 Apr 4, 2013
A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. TAMARA sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanised when she hears one of the men say the following...

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."

"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted TAMARA indignantly. "In this Country, we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives..." "Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."
Justic

Grand Saline, TX

#37934 Apr 4, 2013
Republicans are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.
Packing Heat

Grand Saline, TX

#37935 Apr 4, 2013
n Jerusalem, a female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Wailing Wall to pray, twice a day, everyday, for a long, long time, so she went to check it out.

She went to the Wailing Wall and there he was. She watched him pray, and after about 45 minutes when he turned to leave, she approached him for an interview.

"I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. Sir, how long have you been coming to the wall and praying?"

"For about 60 years." "60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?" "I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims. I pray for all the

repig hatred to stop and I pray for all our children to grow up in safety and friendship."

"How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?" "Like I'm talking to a frickin' wall."
JAG

Grand Saline, TX

#37936 Apr 4, 2013
Jangles was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep and awoke at around 8 p.m. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied and he slipped into his shoes and drove home.

"Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house. "Darling," replied the man, "I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary and we've been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn't wake up until eight o'clock."

Maddy glanced down at his shoes and said, "You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!"
Donnie

Grand Saline, TX

#37937 Apr 4, 2013
Jangles excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and is going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over 2 other female friends in addition to my fiancÚ and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry".

The next day, he brings 3 beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, "Okay, Ma. Guess which one I'm going to marry."

Maddy immediately replies, the red-head in the middle." "That's amazing, Ma. You're right, how did you know?"

Ma replied, "I don't like her."
Maddy

United States

#37938 Apr 4, 2013
Packing Heat wrote:
<quoted text>
I'm still here and will start researching the facts of what is to come as things are rapidly falling apart. I am seeing the implementation running right into a brick wall and breaking down on the side of the road. Obamacare as some major defects. I'll post what I find.
My next post is a good one for those just catching up and finding out what goes on around here and has in times past.
That's good to know.
Maddy

Grand Saline, TX

#37939 Apr 4, 2013
Yesterday Packing Heat was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow, for Athena the wonder dog, at Wal-Mart and was about to check out. Misty, behind him asked if he had a dog. What did she think he had, an elephant? So since He's retarded, with little to do, on impulse, he told her that no, he didn't have a dog, and that he was starting the Purina Diet again. Although he probably shouldn't, because he'd ended up in the hospital the last time, but that he'd lost 50 pounds before he awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of his orifices and IVs in both arms.

He told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so he was going to try it again.

(He had to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with his story.)

Horrified,Misty asked if he ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned him. He told her no, He stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's azz and a car hit us both.

He thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard!

WAL-MART won't let him shop there anymore
Zane

United States

#37940 Apr 4, 2013
Zane wrote:
<quoted text>
IRANIAN MUSLIM BUSTED
After repeated reports of animal abuse filed at the Sheriff's department resulted in an uncover sting on area business owner. Officers were shocked to find and area home located in a OKC suburbs, to house multiple female goats many were of the Nubian breed, a diary breed. Goats were place in small cubicles some hadn't left the cubicles for weeks. Local vets were contacted and volunteered their time free of charge to examine the animals. The animals were immediately released from cramped dirty cubicles and placed in a roomy holding area with hay and fresh water. Vets said the animals in the cages look to be young between 4 to 6 months old and all female.
What has authorities scratching their heads is a small room built inside the small barn. When officers entered the room they were astonished to find a mirror disco ball hanging from the rafters and 4 velvet padded straps with leather and Velcro double restraints bolted into the wall. Included in this room were incense holders and several speakers. A large fishing tackle box was full of adult sex toys. Officers observed a small amount of blood on the floor which forensic techs collected for testing. All animals have been transferred to a local rancher's property until a decision can be made for proper placement.
Sheriff and lead detective interviewed property owner's wife and she claimed the female goats were a hobby of her husband and she pleaded with officers not to take her husband's "babies". When asked if she ever observed improper care or inappropriate behavior toward the animals she replied she never went to the barn that was her husband's "man cave" and she respected his privacy. Detective's told her several complaints from neighbors about strange music and loudly bleating goats could be heard the property owner's wife claimed she hadn't heard anything since she was watching her favorite show Rachel Maddow.
Sheriff said after completion of investigation and lab reports on blood, a determination will be made if charges will be filed.
Updates to follow.
I posted this
Zane

United States

#37941 Apr 4, 2013
Zane wrote:
<quoted text>
OKC NewsWatch Update....
4/3/2013 9:33 CDT
Illegal Iranian alien is in custody after OKCPD determined reasonable cause arrest warrant was issued after prior report of loud music and bleating goats including, bizarre sexual perversion being performed on 15 goats ranging in age from 6 months to approximately 4 years old, a pickup truck load of evidence was catalogued. In a previous confiscation of livestock, investigating officers discovered a enclosed room in a small barn where the animals were housed. This room contained items of what detectives are describing as a "sex room". Gay pornographic pictures were hung on the walls and gay male literature was found inside the room. One particular issue was opened to a centerfold of a gay male performing what appeared to be sexual intercourse with a male Angora Goat. The photo was title "Animal Instinct". The photograph is a collector's item in the gay community as the model has since died from a undisclosed medical disorder. Blood found on the floor was tested and came back as human. Police are concerned a unknown victim may be the source of the blood. Investigators questioned the suspect and the Iranian male crying and rocking back and forth repeatedly told officers it was his blood. Detectives asked him for proof where upon the man took his jeans off and revealed his genitals badly bruised and lacerations on his penis and scrotum. The man said he had an accident while caring for one of his pet goats. The man complained of urinating blood for a week after his "accident". Officer asked if he would like to be taken to the hospital where the man grew agitated and begged officers to allow him to cure himself since in his religion herbs and meditation is used.
Updated as further information is gathered....
and this one
Zane

United States

#37942 Apr 4, 2013
Zane wrote:
<quoted text>
OKC NewWatch
4/3/2013 10:03 CDT
OKCPD spokesperson has confirmed they have one illegal Iranian Alien male being held at a area hospital after they were called by hospital staff. The man suffering deep bruising and lacerations covering his entire genitals and upper thighs will be treated for infection and possible bloodclots lodged in his testicles. Hospital staff said the man was suffering from a fever and apparent delirium mumbling incoherent phrases about his "lovely nanny". Floor nurse explain patients with fevers and serious infections often will say bizarre statements.
OKCPD spokesperson would not confirm if ICE had been notified.
NewWatch will be updating...
and this one too
Maddy

Grand Saline, TX

#37943 Apr 4, 2013
Marcus was riding with Zane once, and every time he would come to a red light, he'd shoot right through. Marcus said, "Man, you're gonna get us killed!
Zane said, "Heck, my brother doe's it all the time."
They came to another red light and he, again, shot through it. Marcus said, "Dang man, you're gonna kill us yet." Zane said, "Hey Dude, my brother doe's it all the time." Finally, they come to a green light, and Zane comes to a screeching halt. Marcus asked how come he stopped at a green light. He replied, "My brother might be coming."
Jangles

Grand Saline, TX

#37944 Apr 4, 2013
Did you hear about the suicidal twin?
He shot his brother by mistake.
Zane

United States

#37945 Apr 4, 2013
Zane wrote:
<quoted text>
Spokesperson for OKCGays chapter 666 issued public statement regarding recent arrest of area businessman. Justa Gay Banger, president of the local 666 chapter of OKCGays, read from a written statement to the press.
"Recent arrest of my husband Ray Janbaz, owner of Perry's Restaurant located at 7432 S. May Ave., OKC 73459, is unfounded and without merit. OKCPD has always been anti-gay homophobic, republican old white men voters, who cheat on their wives and belong to churches which believe in a fairy tale god. They have made up all kinds of false stories against my innocent husband because he is a immigrant of a muslim country. All Oklahomans hate Iranians and liberal democrats. I have retained an attorney who will defend my husband free of charge since I work closely with a George Soros funded group of young socialist media outlets". Mrs. Janbaz expresses confidence her husband will be released and any charges dropped.
OKC NewsWatch
10:48 CDT
4/3/2013
and this one also

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