OK Health Care Freedom Amendment, Sta...

OK Health Care Freedom Amendment, State Question 756

Created by CitizenTopix on Oct 11, 2010

1,604 votes

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Zane

United States

#37827 Apr 3, 2013
Things that are difficult to say when you're drunk... Innovative; Preliminary; Proliferation; Cinnamon.

Things that are VERY difficult to say when you're drunk... Specificity; British Constitution; Passive-aggressive disorder; Transubstantiate.

Things that are ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE to say when you're drunk...

"Thanks, but I don't want to sleep with you".

"Nope, no more booze for me".

"Sorry, but you're not really my type".

"Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight?".

"I'm not interested in fighting you".

"Oh, I just couldn't - no one wants to hear me sing"

"Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no co-ordination. I'd hate to look like a fool".

"Where is the nearest toilet? I refuse to vomit in the street".

"I must be going home now as I have work in the morning".

"I'm sure your butt is firm, I'll take your word on that".
JAG

United States

#37828 Apr 3, 2013
A blood lab technician calls to give information to Mr. Zane about his recent blood test, but Mrs. Zane answers the phone.

The lab technician says, "I'm sorry, ma'am, but there has been a bit of a mix-up and we have a problem. When we sent the samples from your husband to the lab, the samples from another Mr. Zane were sent as well and we are now uncertain which one is your husband's. Frankly, it's either bad news or terrible news!"

"What do you mean?" said Mrs. Zane. "Well, one Mr. Zane tested positive for Alzheimer's, and the other tested positive for AIDS. We can't tell which your husband's test is."

"That's terrible!" said Mrs. Zane. "Can we do the test over?" "Normally, yes. But you have Blue Cross Health Care, and they won't pay for these expensive tests more than once."

"What am I supposed to do now?" said Mrs. Zane.

"Blue Cross Health Care recommends that you drop your husband off in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him."
TAMARA

United States

#37829 Apr 3, 2013
The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls". I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!"

Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home.

Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times.

Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution (even when totally smashed), in order to escape a possible conflict with him.

The next morning Zane asked me what time I got in, and I told him "Midnight". He didn't seem pissed off at all. Whew! Got away with that one!

Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock."

When I asked him why, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, "Oh. sh!t.", cuckooed 4 more times, cleared it's throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted."
Marcus

United States

#37830 Apr 3, 2013
Zane applies for a job, but the foreman won't employ him until he passes a little math test.

"Here's your first question, the foreman said. "Without using numbers, represent the number 9."

"Without numbers?" Zane says, "Dat is easy." and proceeds to draw three trees.

"What's this?" the boss asks.

"Haven't you got a brain? Tree and tree and tree makes nine," says Zane.

"Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question. Apply the same rules using the number 99, this time."

Zane stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. "Dere you go."

The boss scratches his head and asks, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"

"Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat equals 99."

The boss starts getting worried that he's actually going to have to give this Idiot the job, so he says, "All right, final question: same rules again, but represent the number 100."

Zane stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Dere you go. One hundred."

The boss looks at the illustration and bursts out: "You must be stupid if you think that represents a hundred!"

Whereby Zane leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree, saying: "A little dog came along and crapped by each tree. So now you've got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, dat makes one hundred... So, when do I be starting the job?!"
Donnie

United States

#37831 Apr 3, 2013
Once there was an Indian his given name was "Onestone," so named because he had only one testicle. He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone! After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said, "If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!" The word got around and nobody called him that any more.

Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, "Good morning, Onestone."
He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion. The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do.

Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away for many years. Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him and said, "Good to see you, Onestone."

Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day, made love to her all the next night but, Yellow Bird wouldn't die!

And what is the moral of this story? "You can't kill two birds with one stone."
Packing Heat

United States

#37832 Apr 3, 2013
It was October and the Indians on a remote reservation asked their new Chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was a Chief in a modern society he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like.

Nevertheless, to be on the safe side he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared.

But being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is the coming winter going to be cold?"

"It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold," the meteorologist at the weather service responded.

So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared.

A week later he called the National Weather Service again. "Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?"

"Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter."

The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.

Two weeks later the Chief called the National Weather Service again. "Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?"

"Absolutely," the man replied. "It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters ever."

"How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked.

Weatherman Zane replied, "The Indians are collecting firewood like crazy."
TAMARA

United States

#37833 Apr 3, 2013
Zane escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair.

While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife: "Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain... do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!"

His wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too!"
Packing Heat

United States

#37834 Apr 3, 2013
Zane wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total make over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.

Zane thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her. Then, he married the one with the biggest boobs.
Zane

United States

#37835 Apr 3, 2013
ZANE'S DATING RITUALS

WHITE WOMEN
First date: You get to kiss her goodnight. Second date: You get to grope all over and make out. Third date: You get to have sex but only in the missionary position.

IRISH WOMEN
First Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex. Second Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex. 20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and have sex.

ITALIAN WOMEN
First Date: You take her to a play and an expensive restaurant. Second Date: You meet her parents and her Mom makes spaghetti & meatballs. Third Date: You have sex, she wants to marry you & insists on a 3-karat ring. 5th Anniversary: You already have 5 kids together & hate the thought of having sex. 6th Anniversary: You find yourself a girlfriend.

JEWISH WOMEN
First Date: You get dynamite head. Second Date: You get more great head. Third Date: You tell her you'll marry her and never get head again.

CHINESE WOMEN
First date: You get to buy her an expensive dinner but nothing happens. Second date: You buy her an even more expensive dinner. Nothing happens again. Third date: You don't even get to the third date and you already realised nothing is going to happen.

INDIAN WOMEN
First date: Meet her parents. Second date: Set the date of the wedding. Third date: Wedding night.

BLACK WOMEN
First Date: You get to buy her a real expensive dinner. Second Date: You get to buy her and her girlfriends a real expensive dinner. Third Date: You get to pay her rent. Tenth Date: She's pregnant by someone other than you.

MEXICAN WOMEN
First Date: You buy her an expensive dinner, get drunk on Tequila, and have sex in the back of her car. Second Date: She's pregnant. Third Date: She moves in. One week later: her mother, father, his girlfriend, her two sisters, her brother, all of their kids, her grandma, her father's girlfriend's mother, her two cousins, her sister's boyfriend and his three kids move in and you live on rice and beans for the rest of your life in your home that used to be nice, but now looks like a home along the Rio Grande.

The POINT: DON'T YOU JUST LOVE IRISH WOMEN!?
Zane

United States

#37836 Apr 3, 2013
Zane wrote:
<quoted text>
IRANIAN MUSLIM BUSTED
After repeated reports of animal abuse filed at the Sheriff's department resulted in an uncover sting on area business owner. Officers were shocked to find and area home located in a OKC suburbs, to house multiple female goats many were of the Nubian breed, a diary breed. Goats were place in small cubicles some hadn't left the cubicles for weeks. Local vets were contacted and volunteered their time free of charge to examine the animals. The animals were immediately released from cramped dirty cubicles and placed in a roomy holding area with hay and fresh water. Vets said the animals in the cages look to be young between 4 to 6 months old and all female.
What has authorities scratching their heads is a small room built inside the small barn. When officers entered the room they were astonished to find a mirror disco ball hanging from the rafters and 4 velvet padded straps with leather and Velcro double restraints bolted into the wall. Included in this room were incense holders and several speakers. A large fishing tackle box was full of adult sex toys. Officers observed a small amount of blood on the floor which forensic techs collected for testing. All animals have been transferred to a local rancher's property until a decision can be made for proper placement.
Sheriff and lead detective interviewed property owner's wife and she claimed the female goats were a hobby of her husband and she pleaded with officers not to take her husband's "babies". When asked if she ever observed improper care or inappropriate behavior toward the animals she replied she never went to the barn that was her husband's "man cave" and she respected his privacy. Detective's told her several complaints from neighbors about strange music and loudly bleating goats could be heard the property owner's wife claimed she hadn't heard anything since she was watching her favorite show Rachel Maddow.
Sheriff said after completion of investigation and lab reports on blood, a determination will be made if charges will be filed.
Updates to follow.
OKC NewsWatch Update....
4/3/2013 9:33 CDT

Illegal Iranian alien is in custody after OKCPD determined reasonable cause arrest warrant was issued after prior report of loud music and bleating goats including, bizarre sexual perversion being performed on 15 goats ranging in age from 6 months to approximately 4 years old, a pickup truck load of evidence was catalogued. In a previous confiscation of livestock, investigating officers discovered a enclosed room in a small barn where the animals were housed. This room contained items of what detectives are describing as a "sex room". Gay pornographic pictures were hung on the walls and gay male literature was found inside the room. One particular issue was opened to a centerfold of a gay male performing what appeared to be sexual intercourse with a male Angora Goat. The photo was title "Animal Instinct". The photograph is a collector's item in the gay community as the model has since died from a undisclosed medical disorder. Blood found on the floor was tested and came back as human. Police are concerned a unknown victim may be the source of the blood. Investigators questioned the suspect and the Iranian male crying and rocking back and forth repeatedly told officers it was his blood. Detectives asked him for proof where upon the man took his jeans off and revealed his genitals badly bruised and lacerations on his penis and scrotum. The man said he had an accident while caring for one of his pet goats. The man complained of urinating blood for a week after his "accident". Officer asked if he would like to be taken to the hospital where the man grew agitated and begged officers to allow him to cure himself since in his religion herbs and meditation is used.

Updated as further information is gathered....
Zane

United States

#37837 Apr 3, 2013
Zane wrote:
<quoted text>
IRANIAN MUSLIM BUSTED
After repeated reports of animal abuse filed at the Sheriff's department resulted in an uncover sting on area business owner. Officers were shocked to find and area home located in a OKC suburbs, to house multiple female goats many were of the Nubian breed, a diary breed. Goats were place in small cubicles some hadn't left the cubicles for weeks. Local vets were contacted and volunteered their time free of charge to examine the animals. The animals were immediately released from cramped dirty cubicles and placed in a roomy holding area with hay and fresh water. Vets said the animals in the cages look to be young between 4 to 6 months old and all female.
What has authorities scratching their heads is a small room built inside the small barn. When officers entered the room they were astonished to find a mirror disco ball hanging from the rafters and 4 velvet padded straps with leather and Velcro double restraints bolted into the wall. Included in this room were incense holders and several speakers. A large fishing tackle box was full of adult sex toys. Officers observed a small amount of blood on the floor which forensic techs collected for testing. All animals have been transferred to a local rancher's property until a decision can be made for proper placement.
Sheriff and lead detective interviewed property owner's wife and she claimed the female goats were a hobby of her husband and she pleaded with officers not to take her husband's "babies". When asked if she ever observed improper care or inappropriate behavior toward the animals she replied she never went to the barn that was her husband's "man cave" and she respected his privacy. Detective's told her several complaints from neighbors about strange music and loudly bleating goats could be heard the property owner's wife claimed she hadn't heard anything since she was watching her favorite show Rachel Maddow.
Sheriff said after completion of investigation and lab reports on blood, a determination will be made if charges will be filed.
Updates to follow.
OKC NewWatch
4/3/2013 10:03 CDT

OKCPD spokesperson has confirmed they have one illegal Iranian Alien male being held at a area hospital after they were called by hospital staff. The man suffering deep bruising and lacerations covering his entire genitals and upper thighs will be treated for infection and possible bloodclots lodged in his testicles. Hospital staff said the man was suffering from a fever and apparent delirium mumbling incoherent phrases about his "lovely nanny". Floor nurse explain patients with fevers and serious infections often will say bizarre statements.

OKCPD spokesperson would not confirm if ICE had been notified.

NewWatch will be updating...
Justaminute

Oklahoma City, OK

#37839 Apr 3, 2013
Zane wrote:
<quoted text>
Spokesperson for OKCGays chapter 666 issued public statement regarding recent arrest of area businessman. Justa Gay Banger, president of the local 666 chapter of OKCGays, read from a written statement to the press.
"Recent arrest of my husband Ray Janbaz, owner of Perry's Restaurant located at 7432 S. May Ave., OKC 73459, is unfounded and without merit. OKCPD has always been anti-gay homophobic, republican old white men voters, who cheat on their wives and belong to churches which believe in a fairy tale god. They have made up all kinds of false stories against my innocent husband because he is a immigrant of a muslim country. All Oklahomans hate Iranians and liberal democrats. I have retained an attorney who will defend my husband free of charge since I work closely with a George Soros funded group of young socialist media outlets". Mrs. Janbaz expresses confidence her husband will be released and any charges dropped.
OKC NewsWatch
10:48 CDT
4/3/2013
I have reported you to Topix. I told them the whole story of story of the 'other' and those posts and your stalker posts. I could sue. Don't worry, I won't be back you sicko
Zane

United States

#37840 Apr 3, 2013
Justaminute wrote:
<quoted text>
I have reported you to Topix. I told them the whole story of story of the 'other' and those posts and your stalker posts. I could sue. Don't worry, I won't be back you sicko
Good deal. Then everyone on this post can testify to what your actions have been for over two years. It will be fun to have this issue come to a head finally.
Jangles

United States

#37841 Apr 3, 2013
Justaminute wrote:
<quoted text>
I have reported you to Topix. I told them the whole story of story of the 'other' and those posts and your stalker posts. I could sue. Don't worry, I won't be back you sicko
I really doubt you would tell the whole story but if Zane or any of the other posters have any issue I will be glad to give them my services as evidence against you.
Jesse

United States

#37842 Apr 3, 2013
Justaminute wrote:
<quoted text>
I have reported you to Topix. I told them the whole story of story of the 'other' and those posts and your stalker posts. I could sue. Don't worry, I won't be back you sicko
Another example of you attacking people and using their usernames then when they attack back you cry foul!

Why don't you sue? You are the one who posted and had your personal information put on this thread remember? Then WMCOL confirmed it when you lied and attacked him. Once that is public domain and you are the one who put it there well tough you let the cat out of the bag. I remember other posters telling you it would be better not to put that out even Tamara told you that. Now after all the stuff you have done you aren't happy because someone is doing to you exactly what you've done to everyone on this post?

Cry me a River, indeed!
Maddy

United States

#37843 Apr 3, 2013
Whew, well maybe we can actually have a discussion instead of justaminute posting gibberish in everyone else's usernames. It makes it where you can't even have an exchange on a serious level. I guess that's why she did it in the first place.

Anyway, I thought you guys might be interested in this article.

The White House announces that 10th concert in it's "In Performance At The White House" series would go on as scheduled April 16th. Set to perform are Al Green, Ben Harper, Queen Latifah, Cyndi Harper, Justin Timberlake, to name a few.

First lady Michelle Obama plans to welcome 120 school children for the events workshop that afternoon.

While I know events like this aren't unusual for high ranking politicals it's seems so visually against what President Obama statements of the negative effects of sequestration. We have closed the White House Tours for our citizens and children but the president has funding for concerts where his wife "selects" her choices who are allowed to visit the White House?

Doesn't seem right to me.
Jesse

United States

#37844 Apr 3, 2013
Jesse wrote:
<quoted text>
Another example of you attacking people and using their usernames then when they attack back you cry foul!
Why don't you sue? You are the one who posted and had your personal information put on this thread remember? Then WMCOL confirmed it when you lied and attacked him. Once that is public domain and you are the one who put it there well tough you let the cat out of the bag. I remember other posters telling you it would be better not to put that out even Tamara told you that. Now after all the stuff you have done you aren't happy because someone is doing to you exactly what you've done to everyone on this post?
Cry me a River, indeed!
correction: should read "what you've done to everyone on this thread?"
Jesse

United States

#37845 Apr 3, 2013
Maddy wrote:
Whew, well maybe we can actually have a discussion instead of justaminute posting gibberish in everyone else's usernames. It makes it where you can't even have an exchange on a serious level. I guess that's why she did it in the first place.
Anyway, I thought you guys might be interested in this article.
The White House announces that 10th concert in it's "In Performance At The White House" series would go on as scheduled April 16th. Set to perform are Al Green, Ben Harper, Queen Latifah, Cyndi Harper, Justin Timberlake, to name a few.
First lady Michelle Obama plans to welcome 120 school children for the events workshop that afternoon.
While I know events like this aren't unusual for high ranking politicals it's seems so visually against what President Obama statements of the negative effects of sequestration. We have closed the White House Tours for our citizens and children but the president has funding for concerts where his wife "selects" her choices who are allowed to visit the White House?
Doesn't seem right to me.
I think Obama does whatever he wants and the media let's him have a free ride. I don't understand it either.
Justice

United States

#37846 Apr 3, 2013
FBI documents connect Aryan Brotherhood to Mexican cartel. Evidence suggest that Aryan Brotherhood has morphed into what is primarily a drug trafficking gang. Plus, there is a more frightening possibility that the Aryan Brotherhood is acting as a conduit doing the dirty work for a Mexican drug cartel criminal insurgency into the U.S. If you remember the D.E.A. also stated Mexican Drug Cartel deputies has infiltrated our towns and cities and set up what appears to be normal household with wife and kids included that are nothing more than "stage props" for their real activities of crime. Whole neighborhoods in Chicago are overwhelmed by this new phenomenon.

*I thought you guys would be interested in this since this subject was posted before justaminute went crazy posting perverted jokes in all our names. You can read the rest of the article on breitbart.com .
Maddy

United States

#37847 Apr 3, 2013
Justice wrote:
FBI documents connect Aryan Brotherhood to Mexican cartel. Evidence suggest that Aryan Brotherhood has morphed into what is primarily a drug trafficking gang. Plus, there is a more frightening possibility that the Aryan Brotherhood is acting as a conduit doing the dirty work for a Mexican drug cartel criminal insurgency into the U.S. If you remember the D.E.A. also stated Mexican Drug Cartel deputies has infiltrated our towns and cities and set up what appears to be normal household with wife and kids included that are nothing more than "stage props" for their real activities of crime. Whole neighborhoods in Chicago are overwhelmed by this new phenomenon.
*I thought you guys would be interested in this since this subject was posted before justaminute went crazy posting perverted jokes in all our names. You can read the rest of the article on breitbart.com .
Thanks for the link. This is a scary article. Why don't they secure our borders? Border patrol says the breaches of illegal aliens has increased sharply, I wonder how many of them are operatives with these drug cartels?

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