created by: CitizenTopix | Oct 11, 2010

Oklahoma

1,404 votes

OK Health Care Freedom Amendment, State Question 756

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36,141 - 36,160 of 71,596 Comments Last updated 44 min ago
Zane

United States

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#36993
Mar 23, 2013
 

Judged:

1

Packing Heat,an American businessman is on a business trip in Japan and hires a hooker.

The whole night, this Japanese hooker keeps screaming: "Hoshimota! Hoshimota!" He can't quite remember what the word means, but he's sure he's pleased the hooker to best of his ability.

The next morning, he goes to play a game of golf with his Japanese business partner when he makes a hole-in-one. Everyone is congratulating him in Japanese and he can't think anything to say but "HOSHIMOTA!"

Concerned, his partner turns to him "What do you mean it's in the wrong hole?"
Donnie

United States

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#36994
Mar 23, 2013
 

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A married couple both lost their jobs at the broom factory, and were having a hard time finding new jobs.

Unfortunately, their mounting credit card debt required some immediate income.

Mandy, the wife, suggested that she could whore herself out, but her husband was a little less than thrilled about the prospect.

But financial necessities got the best of her, and she went behind her husband's back to go whoring.

She came back one night with a huge wad of cash, and fessed up to her hubby. He was upset, but asked how much she made.

"$398.10," she said.

"Who paid ten cents?" he asked.

"Everybody."
Bluebird

United States

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#36995
Mar 23, 2013
 

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1

A boy goes to the drug store with Donnie and sees the condom display.

Boy: "Dad, why do they do packs of one condom?"

Dad: "Those are for the high-schoolers for Friday nights."

Boy: "So, why do they make packs of three?"

Dad: "For the college guys for Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights."

Boy: "Then why do they make packs of 12?"

Dad: "Those are for married couples -- you know, January, February, March."
TAMARA

Edmond, OK

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#36996
Mar 23, 2013
 

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Wouldn't it be nice if the posting idiot would grow up and find something to do besides posting under every serious poster's name. Maybe they should go to work or donate their time to some worth while organization!
ElohimsOkie

Broken Bow, OK

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#36997
Mar 23, 2013
 

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Get ready for a second holacaust, how do I know? Obama said it would never happen again.
Donnie

United States

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#36998
Mar 23, 2013
 

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Read today where Obama has a lower approval rating than Bush had his last year in office with the M.E.

Ya know like with Egypt,Jordan,Palestine,Lybia,I raq,yadayada yada....blah,blah,blah....LOL, kinda hard to break Ol' Bush's record but Obama did!

15% approval rating!

*Pew Institute
Donnie

United States

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#36999
Mar 23, 2013
 

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Are all these stupid, ill-mannered, republicans and wantabee repigs in the 1% of the ultra rich or are they just surrogates for the 1%?

A mouthpiece for the rich and usually talking out their azz because their mouth knows better."""
Zane

United States

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#37000
Mar 23, 2013
 

Judged:

1

JAG took his blind date to the carnival. "What would you like to do first, TAMARA?" asked JAG.

I want to get weighed," she said. They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.

Next, the couple went on the Ferris Wheel. When the ride was over, JAG again asked TAMARA what she would like to do.

"I want to get weighed," she said.

Back to the weight guesser they went. Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and JAG lost his dollar.

The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next. "I want to get weighed," she responded.

By this time, Joe figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake.

Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How'd it go?"

TAMARA responded, "Oh, Waura, it was wousy."
Jesse

United States

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#37001
Mar 23, 2013
 

Judged:

1

A married Packing Heat goes to confessional and tells the priest, "I almost had an affair with a woman."

The priest asks, "What do you mean, almost?"

"Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped."

The priest replies, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to go near that woman again. Now, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box."

The man leaves confessional, says his prayers, and then walks over to the poor box. He pauses for a moment and then starts to leave.

The priest quickly runs over to him and says, "I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!"

"Well, Father, I rubbed up against it and you said it was the same as putting it in."
Bluebird

United States

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#37002
Mar 23, 2013
 

Judged:

1

Zane was in a bar all day and he had to use the bathroom. He was in there for a while, yelling, so the barmaid reluctantly went to the bathroom to check on him.

"Sir, what are you yelling about? You're scaring the customers."

"Every time I try to flush the toilet something keeps biting my balls!"

"Sir, please get off the mop bucket."
Donnie

United States

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#37003
Mar 23, 2013
 
You wish you could be 117 pounds, instead of 295 after you take an enormous shit in the mornings!
Mandy

United States

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#37004
Mar 23, 2013
 

Judged:

1

One Friday night in San Francisco, Elohimsokie hops a bus to go home.

To his surprise, he sees a very good-looking nun in the back of the bus. He goes to the back of the bus and sits right in front of her.

After about 5 minutes pass before he turns around and starts flirting with her.

After about 10 minutes, he suggests that they get a drink and then maybe go to his place.

The nun is scandalized and orders the man to leave her alone.

The man's stop finally came and he got up furiously and started walking away.

On his way out, the bus driver asks him in a high-pitched voice what his problem is.

He tells the bus driver about the nun and how she won't go out with him.

The bus driver tells him that he could dress up as Jesus and tell her that, for the sake of her religion, she has to have sex with him.

The bus driver says he can even tell her where she lives and that she usually prays late into the night.

The man thanks the bus driver, but got off the bus wondering why a gay bus driver would care so much about his problems.

Later that night, the man goes to her house dressed up as Jesus.

He walks in and sees her praying on a tiny little pew. She sees him and looks shocked.

The man, as Jesus, tells her if she wants to go to heaven, she must have sex with him first.

The nun says okay, but she'll only do it up the rear because of her religous beliefs. The guy does so.

After he's done, the guy pulls of his Jesus mask and says “HA! I am the guy from the bus!”

The nun then pulls off her mask and says,“HA! I am the bus driver.”
Donnie

United States

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#37005
Mar 23, 2013
 

Judged:

1

What a woman says:
This place is a mess! C'mon, you and I need to clean up. Your stuff is lying on the floor and you'll have no clothes to wear if we don't do laundry right now!

What a man hears:
Blah, blah, blah, blah, C'MON, blah, blah, YOU AND I, blah, blah, blah, blah, ON THE FLOOR, blah, blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES, blah, blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW.
Zane

United States

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#37006
Mar 23, 2013
 

Judged:

1

A redneck teacher named TAMARA decides to give her class a small pop quiz around Halloween.

"Okay, how many of you have seen a ghost?" About 30% of the class puts their hand up.

"Okay, how many of you have actually touched a ghost?" About 10% of the class puts their hand up.

"Okay, how many of you have had sex with a ghost?"

Dead silence, until a little redneck Donnie in the back row puts up his hand.

"You've actually had sex with a ghost?"

"Ghost? Oh. I thought you said goat!"
Donnie

United States

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#37007
Mar 23, 2013
 

Judged:

1

1

A man calls the Packing Heat Animal Control in his town, because there is a crazed gorilla on his roof, and he can't figure out how to get it down safely.

Soon, a van pulls up, and an old man gets out, carrying a small dog, a baseball bat, and a gun. He hands the man the gun.

Packing Heat says, "Okay, here's what we do. I'm going to go up onto your roof, and threaten the gorilla with this baseball bat until he falls down. When he falls down, this little dog will bite him in the balls until he's incapacitated."

"Great," says the man. "But what's the gun for?"

"In case I fall down instead of the gorilla -- shoot the dog."
Donnie

United States

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#37009
Mar 23, 2013
 

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TAMARA standing nude in front of a mirror asks her husband, "I look horrible, I feel fat and ugly - pay me a compliment!"

He replies, "You have perfect eyesight!"
Zane

United States

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#37010
Mar 23, 2013
 

Judged:

1

1

A woman walked into the kitchen to find Packing Heat stalking around with a fly swatter "What are you doing?" She asked.

"Hunting Flies" He responded. "Oh! Killing any?" She asked.

"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.

Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell them apart?"

He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."
jesse

United States

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#37011
Mar 23, 2013
 

Judged:

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Packing heat and wife were delighted when their long wait to adopt a baby came to an end. The adoption center called and told them that they had a wonderful Russian baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation.

On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses. After they filled out the forms, the registration clerk inquired, "What ever possessed you to study Russian?"

The couple said proudly, "We just adopted a Russian baby, and in a year or so he'll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him."
Mandy

United States

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#37012
Mar 23, 2013
 

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Dear TAMARA, My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning, and, when I confront him, he denies everything. What's worse, everyone knows that he cheats on me. It is so humiliating. Also, since he lost his job twelve years ago, he hasn't even looked for a new one. All he does all day is smoke cigars, cruise around and BS with his buddies while I have to work to pay the bills. Since our daughter went away to college he doesn't even pretend to like me and hints that I may be a lesbian. What should I do? Signed, Clueless

Dear Clueless, Grow up and dump him. Good grief, woman - you don't need him anymore! You're a former United States Senator from New York and a former Secretary of State running for President of the United States. Act like one!
Donnie

United States

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#37013
Mar 24, 2013
 
Dear Shit for Brains, Chelsea graduated long ago and is a married woman with a successful career started. As far as Bill goes any woman married to the dog would consider being a lesbian a better option....

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