Since: Jul 12

Houston, TX

#480 Apr 5, 2014
One day a genie appeared to a California man and offered to grant him one wish.

The man said, "I wish you'd build a bridge from here to Hawaii,so I could drive there anytime"

The genie frowned, "I don't know. It sounds like quite an undertaking! Just think of the logistics! The supports required, in reaching the bottom of the ocean, the concrete, and the steel! Why don't you pick something else?"

The man thought for a while and then said, "Okay, I wish for a complete understanding of women- what they are thinking, why they cry. I wish I knew how to make a woman truly happy."

The genie was silent for a minute, then said "So, how many lanes did you want on that bridge?"

Since: Jul 12

Houston, TX

#481 Apr 6, 2014
A cannibal went to the meat market to buy something nice for dinner. The owner greeted him, and told him to look around. The cannibal began to inspect the meat case, and noticed the market specialized in brains.

Upon further inspection, he noticed a marked disparity, between the costs of brain meats. A carpenter's brain sells for $1.50 per pound. A plumber's brain sells for $2.25 per pound. He noticed with alarm that a politician's brain sells for $375.00 a pound. With not a little curiosity he asked the owner why the huge difference in price between, the similar meats.

The owner responded with a deadpan look on his face, "Do you realize how many politicians it takes to get a pound of brains?"

Since: Jul 12

Houston, TX

#484 Apr 8, 2014
An Accident Report:

I am writing in response to your request for “additional information.” In block number 30 of the accident report form, I put “poor planning” as the cause for my accident. You said in your last letter that I should explain more fully. I trust that the following detail will be sufficient.

I am an amateur radio operator. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the top section of my new 80-foot antenna tower. When I completed my work, I discovered that I had, over the course of several trips up the tower, brought about 300 lbs. of tools and spare hardware. Rather than carry the now unneeded tools and materials down by hand, I decided to lower the items in a small barrel by using a pulley, which fortunately was attached to the pole at the tip of the tower. Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the top of the tower and loaded the tools and materials into the barrel. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tightly to insure a slow descent of the 300 lbs. of tools.

You will note in block number 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 155 lbs. Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the tower. In the vicinity of the 40-foot level, I met the barrel coming down. This explains my fractured skull and broken clavicle.

Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly on the rope in spite of the pain. At about the same time however, the barrel hit the ground. The bottom fell out of the barrel. Devoid of the weight of the tools, the barrel now weighed 20 pounds.

I refer you again to my weight in block number 11. As you might guess, I began a rapid descent down the side of the tower. In the vicinity of the 40-foot level, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles and the lacerations or my legs and lower body.

The encounter with the barrel slowed me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of tools, and fortunately only three vertebras were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay there on the tools in pain, unable to stand, and watching the empty barrel 80 feet above me, I again lost my presence of mind.

I let go of the rope…

Since: Jul 12

Houston, TX

#485 Apr 9, 2014
God created the donkey & said to him,“You will work unceasingly from sunrise to sunset carrying burdens on your back. You will eat grass, you will have no intelligence, & you will live 50 years. You will be a donkey."

“The donkey answered:“I will be a donkey, but to live 50 years is too much. Give me only 20 years."

God granted his wish.

Next, God created the dog and said to him, "You will be a dog. You will guard the house of man, you will be his best friend, you will eat the scraps that he gives you, and you will live 25 years. You will be a dog."

“The dog answered,“Master, to live 25 years is too much, you give me only 10 years."

God granted his wish.

God created the Monkey and said to him,“You will be a monkey. You will swing from branch to branch doing tricks, you will be amusing, and you will live 20 years. You will be a monkey."

The monkey answered:“Master to live 20 years is too much, you give me only 10 years."

God granted his wish.

Finally God created man and said to him,“You will be a man, the only rational creature on the face of the earth. You will use your intelligence to become master over all animals, you will dominate the world, and you will live 20 years. You will be a man."

Man responded, "I will be a man, but to live only 20 years is very little! Give me the 30 years, that the donkey refused, the 15 years that the dog did not want, and the 10 years the monkey refused."

God granted his wish. And since then, man lives 20 years as a man, he marries and spends 30 years like a donkey, working and carrying all the burdens on his back. Then when his children are gone, he lives 15 years like a dog, taking care of the house and eating whatever is given to him, so that when he is old, he can retire and live 10 years like a monkey, going from house to house, from one son or daughter to another, doing tricks to amuse his grandchildren.
BenRound

Benton, KY

#486 Apr 9, 2014
Clear em out
Ditch Mitch Campaign

Murray, KY

#507 Apr 21, 2014
Calling all Republicans in Logan County, KY. Let's tell Mitch McConnell no more back room deals and compromises with KY taxpayer money. MATT BEVIN is a conservative running against Mitch McConnell in the KY Primary on May 20th. Let's join together to vote for Matt Bevin as our next US Kentucky Senator. Meet & Greet Matt Bevin on Tuesday, April 22 - 5:30 PM at the GOP Headquarters on the square, 195 S Main St; Russellville, KY.
Wondering

Indianapolis, IN

#508 Apr 22, 2014
This shows how stupid some people in KY are. Matt is a good guy, but why would anyone consider giving up the position of leadership Mitch holds at this point?
politicians

Bowling Green, KY

#515 Apr 26, 2014
They're all crooks.

Since: Jul 12

Houston, TX

#538 May 15, 2014
A guy traveling through Mexico on vacation lost his wallet and all of his identification. Cutting his trip short, he attempted to make his way home but was stopped by the U.S. Customs Agent at the border.

"May I see your identification, please?" asked the agent.

"I'm sorry, but I lost my wallet," replied the guy.

"Sure buddy, I hear that every day. No ID, no entry," said the agent.

"But I can prove I'm an American!" he exclaimed.

"I have a picture of Ronald Reagan tattooed on one side of my butt and George Bush on the other."

"This I gotta see," replied the agent.

With that, the guy dropped his pants and showed the agent his behind.

"By golly, you're right!" exclaimed the agent. "Have a safe trip back to Chicago!"

Thanks!" he said. "But how did you know I was from Chicago?"

The agent replied, "I recognized Obama in the middle."
Blah Blah

Central City, KY

#540 May 16, 2014
Not a soul
Day spring lover

Central City, KY

#542 May 16, 2014
The incumbent
Day spring lover

Central City, KY

#543 May 16, 2014
Zero
vote

Bowling Green, KY

#544 May 16, 2014
vote for me
noone

Bowling Green, KY

#546 May 17, 2014
no one

Since: Jul 12

Houston, TX

#549 May 19, 2014
An elderly man and his wife came into McDonalds one day and ordered one hamburger and one soda. They proceeded to sit at a table where the husband cut the hamburger in half and placed one half in front of his wife and then began to eat his half.

Several people became concerned, and offered to buy them another hamburger and soda, but they politely said no, saying they were use to sharing everything.

As the man continued eating, the wife just sat there looking at her hamburger. Finally someone asked why she did not eat her half too. With this she replied, "I'm waiting for the teeth."
Boo

Hopkinsville, KY

#550 May 20, 2014
Vote Republicans Only wrote:
We must vote REPUBLICANS ONLY! Independents, please vote only for Republicans!!
I am registered republican and I think that it is lazy and irresponsible to vote straight party lines. We need to vote incumbents out and remove the fascist establishment out. To vote 'republicans only' will only perpetuate the downward spiral of this once great nation .
Republican

Bowling Green, KY

#552 May 21, 2014
Vote republican. Keep the good ones!
Lundergran

Murray, KY

#554 May 21, 2014
Republican wrote:
Vote republican. Keep the good ones!
shes awesome will get things done

Since: Jul 12

Houston, TX

#555 May 22, 2014
A rich millionaire throws a massive party for his 50th birthday. During this party, he grabs the microphone and announces to his guests that down in the garden of his mansion he has a swimming pool with two great white sharks in it.

"I will give anything of mine to the man who swims across that pool."

So, the party continues with no events in the pool until SUDDENLY, there is a great splash and all the guests of the party run to the pool to see what has happened.

In the pool, a man is swimming as hard as he can, and fins come out of the water and jaws are snapping, and this guy just keeps on going. The sharks are gaining on him, and this guy reaches the end and gets out of the pool, tired and soaked.

The millionaire grabs the microphone and says, "I am a man of my word! Anything of mine I will give to you, my friend, my Ferraris, my house, absolutely anything, for you are the bravest man I have ever seen! So, sir what will it be?"

The guy grabs the microphone and says, "Why don't we start with the name of the son of a bitch who pushed me in?!"
Jeff

Saugus, MA

#556 May 22, 2014
o I assure m frieds that its better to b e your natural self than freshly waxed and to be gentle when talking about weight whit fat women because they lost their libido and testosterone won't fi them, because they will start liking women.

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